anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第19章

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But　it　was　never　against　people　of　coarse　life　that　his　contempt　was　expressed；　while　poverty　of　sentiment　in　men　who　considered　themselves　to　be　company　for　THE　PARLOUR；　as　he　called　it；　was　what　he　could　not　bear。　　A　very　ignorant　young　fellow；　who　had　plagued　us　all　for　nine　or　ten　months；　died　at　last　consumptive。　　〃I　think；〃　said　Mr。　Johnson；　when　he　heard　the　news；　〃I　am　afraid　I　should　have　been　more　concerned　for　the　death　of　the　DOG；　but〃　（hesitating　a　while）　〃I　am　not　wrong　now　in　all　this；　for　the　dog　acted　up　to　his　character　on　every　occasion　that　we　know；　but　that　dunce　of　a　fellow　helped　forward　the　general　disgrace　of　humanity。〃　　〃Why；　dear　sir；〃　said　I；　〃how　odd　you　are！　you　have　often　said　the　lad　was　not　capable　of　receiving　further　instruction。〃　　〃　He　was；〃　replied　the　Doctor；　〃like　a　corked　bottle；　with　a　drop　of　dirty　water　in　it；　to　be　sure；　one　might　pump　upon　it　for　ever　without　the　smallest　effect；　but　when　every　method　to　open　and　clean　it　had　been　tried；　you　would　not　have　me　grieve　that　the　bottle　was　broke　at　last。〃

This　was　the　same　youth　who　told　us　he　had　been　reading　〃Lucius　Florus；〃　Florus　Delphini　was　the　phrase。　　〃And　my　mother；〃　said　he；　〃thought　it　had　something　to　do　with　Delphos；　but　of　that　I　know　nothing。〃　　〃　Who　founded　Rome；　then　？〃　inquired　Mr。　Thrale。　　The　lad　replied；　〃Romulus。〃　　〃And　who　succeeded　Romulus？〃　said　I。　　A　long　pause；　and　apparently　distressful　hesitation；　followed　the　difficult　question。　　〃Why　will　you　ask　him　in　terms　that　he　does　not　comprehend？〃　said　Mr。　Johnson；　enraged。　　〃You　might　as　well　bid　him　tell　you　who　phlebotomised　Romulus。　　This　fellow's　dulness　is　elastic；〃　continued　he；　〃and　all　we　do　is　but　like　kicking　at　a　woolsack。〃

The　pains　he　took；　however；　to　obtain　the　young　man　more　patient　instructors　were　many；　and　oftentimes　repeated。　　He　was　put　under　the　care　of　a　clergyman　in　a　distant　province；　and　Mr。　Johnson　used　both　to　write　and　talk　to　his　friends　concerning　his　education。　　It　was　on　that　occasion　that　I　remember　his　saying；　〃A　boy　should　never　be　sent　to　Eton　or　Westminster　School　before　he　is　twelve　years　old　at　least；　for　if　in　his　years　of　babyhood　he　escapes　that　general　and　transcendent　knowledge　without　which　life　is　perpetually　put　to　a　stand；　he　will　never　get　it　at　a　public　school；　where；　if　he　does　not　learn　Latin　and　Greek；　he　learns　nothing。〃　　Mr。　Johnson　often　said；　〃that　there　was　too　much　stress　laid　upon　literature　as　indispensably　necessary：　　there　is　surely　no　need　that　everybody　should　be　a　scholar；　no　call　that　every　one　should　square　the　circle。　　Our　manner　of　teaching；〃　said　he；　〃cramps　and　warps　many　a　mind；　which　if　left　more　at　liberty　would　have　been　respectable　in　some　way；　though　perhaps　not　in　that。　　We　lop　our　trees；　and　prune　them；　and　pinch　them　about；〃　he　would　say；　〃and　nail　them　tight　up　to　the　wall；　while　a　good　standard　is　at　last　the　only　thing　for　bearing　healthy　fruit；　though　it　commonly　begins　later。　　Let　the　people　learn　necessary　knowledge；　let　them　learn　to　count　their　fingers；　and　to　count　their　money；　before　they　are　caring　for　the　classics；　for；〃　says　Mr。　Johnson；　〃though　I　do　not　quite　agree　with　the　proverb；　that　Nullum　numen　abest　si　sit　prudentia；　yet　we　may　very　well　say；　that　Nullum　numen　adestni　sit　prudentia。〃

We　had　been　visiting　at　a　lady's　house；　whom　as　we　returned　some　of　the　company　ridiculed　for　her　ignorance。　　〃She　is　not　ignorant；〃　said　he；　〃I　believe；　of　anything　she　has　been　taught；　or　of　anything　she　is　desirous　to

know：　　and　I　suppose　if　one　wanted　a　little　RUN　TEA；　she　might　be　a　proper　person　enough　to　apply　to。〃

When　I　relate　these　various　instances　of　contemptuous　behaviour　shown　to　a　variety　of　people；　I　am　aware　that　those　who　till　now　have　heard　little　of　Mr。　Johnson　will　here　cry　out　against　his　pride　and　his　severity；　yet　I　have　been　as　careful　as　I　could　to　tell　them　that　all　he　did　was　gentle；　if　all　he　said　was　rough。　　Had　I　given　anecdotes　of　his　actions　instead　of　his　words；　we　should；　I　am　sure；　have　had　nothing　on　record　but　acts　of　virtue　differently　modified；　as　different　occasions　called　that　virtue　forth：　　and　among　all　the　nine　biographical　essays　or　performances　which　I　have　heard　will　at　last　be　written　about　dear　Dr。　Johnson；　no　mean　or　wretched；　no　wicked　or　even　slightly　culpable　action　will；　I　trust；　be　found；　to　produce　and　put　in　the　scale　against　a　life　of　seventy　years；　spent　in　the　uniform　practice　of　every　moral　excellence　and　every　Christian　perfection；　save　humility　alone；　says　a　critic；　but　that　I　think　MUST　be　excepted。　　He　was　not；　however；　wanting　even　in　that　to　a　degree　seldom　attained　by　man；　when　the　duties　of　piety　or　charity　called　it　forth。

Lowly　towards　God；　and　docile　towards　the　Church；　implicit　in　his　belief　of　the　Gospel；　and　ever　respectful　towards　the　people　appointed　to　preach　it；　tender　of　the　unhappy；　and　affectionate　to　the　poor；　let　no　one　hastily　condemn　as　proud　a　character　which　may　perhaps　somewhat　justly　be　censured　as　arrogant。　　It　must；　however；　be　remembered　again；　that　even　this　arrogance　was　never　shown　without　some　intention；　immediate　or　remote；　of　mending　some　fault　or　conveying　some　instruction。　　Had　I　meant　to　make　a　panegyric　on　Mr。　Johnson's　well…known　excellences；　I　should　have　told　his　deeds　only；　not　his　wordssincerely　protesting；　that　as　I　never　saw　him　once　do　a　wrong　thing；　so　we　had　accustomed　ourselves　to　look　upon　him　almost　as　an　excepted　being：　　and　I　should　as　much　have　expected　injustice　from　Socrates；　or　impiety　from　Paschal；　as　the　slightest　deviation　from　truth　and　goodness　in　any　transaction　one　might　be　engaged　in　with　Samuel　Johnson。　　His　attention　to　veracity　was　without　equal　or　example：　　and　when　I　mentioned　Clarissa　as　a　perfect　character；　〃On　the　contrary；〃　said　he；　〃you　may　observe　there　is　always　something　which　she　prefers　to　truth。　Fielding's　Amelia　was　the　most　pleasing　heroine　of　all　the　romances；〃　he　said；　〃but　that　vile　broken　nose；　never　cured；　ruined　the　sale　of　perhaps　the　only　book；　which　being　printed　off　betimes　one　morning；　a　new　edition　was　called　for　before　night。〃

Mr。　Johnson's　knowledge　of　literary　history　was　extensive　and　surprising。　He　knew　every　adventure　of　every　book　you　could　name　almost；　and　was　exceedingly　pleased　with　the　opportunity　which　writing　the　〃Poets'　Lives〃　gave　him　to　display　it。　　He　loved　to　be　set　at　work；　and　was　sorry　when　he　came　to　the　end　of　the　business　he　was　about。　　I　do　not　feel　so　myself　with　regard　to　these　sheets：　　a　fever　which　has　preyed　on　me　while　I　wrote　them　over　for　the　press；　will　perhaps　lessen　my　power　of　doing　well　the　first；　and　probably　the　last　work　I　should　ever　have　thought　of　presenting　to　the　public。　　I　could　doubtless　wish　so　to　conclude　it；　as　at　least　to　show　my　zeal　for　my　friend；　whose　life；　as　I　once　had　the　honour　and　happiness　of　being　useful　to；　I　should　wish　to　record　a　few　particular　traits　of；　that　those　who　read　should　emulate　his　goodness；　but　feeling　the　necessity　of　making　even　virtue　and　learning　such　as　HIS　agreeable；　that　all　should　be　warned　against　such　coarseness　of　manners；　as　drove　even　from　HIM　those　who　loved；　honoured；　and　esteemed　him。　　His　wife's　daughter；　Mrs。　Lucy　Porter；　of　Lichfield；　whose　veneration　for　his　person　and　character　has　ever　been　the　greatest　possible；　being　opposed　one　day　in　conversation　by　a　clergyman　who　came　often　to　her　house；　and　feeling　somewhat　offended；　cried　out　sudden；　〃Why；　Mr。　Pearson；〃　said　she；　〃you　are　just　like　Dr。　Johnson；　I　think：　　I　do　not　mean　that　you　are　a　man　of　the　greatest　capacity　in　all　the　world　like　Dr。　Johnson；　but　that　you　contradict　one　every　word　one　speaks；　just　like　him。〃

Mr。　Johnson　told　me　the　story：　　he　was　present　at　the　giving　of　the　reproof。　　It　was；　however；　observable；　that　with　all　his　odd　severity；　he　could　not　keep　even　indifferent　people　from　teasing　him　with　unaccountable　confessions　of　silly　conduct；　which　one　would　think　they　would　scarcely　have　had　inclination　to　reveal　even　to　their　tenderest　and　most　intimate　companions；　and　it　was　from　these　unaccountable　volunteers　in　sincerity　that　he　learned　to　warn　the　world　against　follies　little　known；　and　seldom　thought　on　by　other　moralists。

Much　of　his　eloquence；　and　much　of　his　logic；　have　I　heard　him　use　to　prevent　men　from　making　vows　on　trivial　occasions；　and　when　he　saw　a　person　oddly　perplexed　about　a　slight　difficulty；　〃Let　the　man　alone；〃　he　would　say；　〃and　torment　him　no　more　about　it；　there　is　a　vow　in　the　case；　I　am　convinced；　but　is　it　not　very　strange　that　people　should　be　neither　afraid　nor　ashamed　of　bringing　in　God　Almighty　thus　at　every　turn　between　themselves　and　their　dinner？〃　　When　I　asked　what　ground　he　had　for　such　imaginations；　he　informed　me；　〃That　a　young　lady　once　told　him　in　confidence　that　she　could　never　persuade　herself　to　be　dressed　against　the　bell　rung　for　dinner；　till　she　had　made　a　vow　to　heaven　that　she　would　never　more　be　absent　from　the　family　meals。〃

The　strangest　applications　in　the　world　were　certainly　made　from　time　to　time　towards　Mr。　Johnson；　who　by　that　means　had　an　inexhaustible　fund　of　ancecdote；　and　could；　if　he　pleased；　tell　the　most　astonishing　stories　of　human　folly　and　human　weakness　that　ever　were　confided　to　any　man　not　a　confessor　by　profession。

One　day；　when　he　was　in　a　humour　to　record　some　of　them；　he　told　us　the　following　tale：〃A　person；〃　said　he；　〃had　for　these　last　five　weeks　often　called　at　my　door；　but　would　not　leave　his　name　or　other　message；　but　that　he　wished　to　speak　with　me。　　At　last　we　met；　and　he　told　me　that　he　was　oppressed　by　scruples　of　conscience。　　I　blamed　him　gently　for　not　applying；　as　the　rules　of　our　Church　direct；　to　his　parish　priest　or　other　discreet　clergyman；　when；　after　some　compliments　on　his　part；　he　told　me　that　he　was　clerk　to　a　very　eminent　trader；　at　whose　warehouses　much　business　consisted　in　packing　goods　in　order　to　go　abroad；　that　he　was　often　tempted　to　take　paper　and　packthread　enough　for　his　own　use；　and　that　he　had　indeed　done　so　so　often；　that　he　could　recollect　no　time　when　he　ever　had　bought　any　for　himself。　　'But　probably；'　said　I；　'your　master　was　wholly　indifferent　with　regard　to　such　trivial　emoluments。　　You　had　better　ask　for　it　at　once；　and　so　take　your　trifles　with　content。'　　'Oh；　sir！'　replies　the　visitor；　'my　master　bid　me　have　as　much　as　I　pleased；　and　was　half　angry　when　I　talked　to　him　about　it。'　　'Then　pray；　sir；'　said　I；　'tease　me　no　more　about　such　airy　nothings；'　and　was　going　on　to　be　very　angry；　when　I　recollected　that　the　fellow　might　be　mad；　perhaps；　so　I　asked　him；　'When　he　left　the　counting…house　of　an　evening？'　　'At　seven　o'clock；　sir。'　　'And　when　do　you　go　to　bed；　sir？'　　'At　twelve　o'clock。'　　'Then；'　replied　I；　'I　have　at　least　learnt　thus　much　by　my　new　acquaintancethat　five　hours　of　the　four…and…twenty　unemployed　are　enough　for　a　man　to　go　mad　in；　so　I　would　advise　you；　sir；　to　study　algebra；　if　you　are　not　an　adept　already　in　it。　Your　head　would　get　less　MUDDY；　and　you　will　leave　off　tormenting　your　neighbours　about　paper　and　packthread；　while　we　all　live　together　in　a　world　that　is　bursting　with　sin　and　sorrow。'　　It　is　perhaps　needless　to　add　that　this　visitor　came　no　more。〃

Mr。　Johnson　had；　indeed；　a　real　abhorrence