anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第15章

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〃And　now；〃　said　he；　as　I　was　writing　them　down；　〃you　may　see　what　it　is　to　come　for　poetry　to　a　dictionary…maker；　you　may　observe　that　the　rhymes　run　in　alphabetical　order　exactly。〃　　And　so　they　do。

Mr。　Johnson　did　indeed　possess　an　almost　Tuscan　power　of　improvisation。　When　he　called　to　my　daughter；　who　was　consulting　with　a　friend　about　a　new　gown　and　dressed　hat　she　thought　of　wearing　to　an　assembly；　thus　suddenly；　while　she　hoped　he　was　not　listening　to　their　conversation

　　　　　〃Wear　the　gown　and　wear　the　hat；　　　　　　　　　Snatch　thy　pleasures　while　they　last；　　　　　　　Hadst　thou　nine　lives　like　a　cat；　　　　　　　　　Soon　those　nine　lives　would　be　past。〃

It　is　impossible　to　deny　to　such　little　sallies　the　power　of　the　Florentines；　who　do　not　permit　their　verses　to　be　ever　written　down；　though　they　often　deserve　it；　because；　as　they　express　it；　Cosi　se　perde…rebbe　la　poca　gloria。

As　for　translations；　we　used　to　make　him　sometimes　run　off　with　one　or　two　in　a　good　humour。　　He　was　praising　this　song　of　Metastasio：

　　　　　〃Deh；　se　piacermi　vuoi；　　　　　　　Lascia　i　sospetti　tuoi；　　　　　　　Non　mi　turbar　conquesto　　　　　　　Molesto　dubitar：　　　　　　　Chi　ciecamente　crede；　　　　　　　Impegna　a　serbar　fede：　　　　　　　Chi　sempre　inganno　aspetta；　　　　　　　Alletta　ad　ingannar。〃

〃Should　you　like　it　in　English；〃　said　he；　〃thus？〃

　　　　　〃Would　you　hope　to　gain　my　heart；　　　　　　　Bid　your　teasing　doubts　depart；　　　　　　　He　who　blindly　trusts；　will　find　　　　　　　Faith　from　every　generous　mind：　　　　　　　He　who　still　expects　deceit；　　　　　　　Only　teaches　how　to　cheat。〃

Mr。　Baretti　coaxed　him　likewise　one　day　at　Streatham　out　of　a　translation　of　Emirena's　speech　to　the　false　courtier　Aquileius；　and　it　is　probably　printed　before　now；　as　I　think　two　or　three　people　took　copies；　but　perhaps　it　has　slipped　their　memories。

　　　　　〃Ah！　tu　in　corte　invecchiasti；　e　giurerei　　　　　　　Che　fra　i　pochi　non　sei　tenace　ancora　　　　　　　Dell'　antica　onesta：　　quando　bisogna；　　　　　　　Saprai　sereno　in　volto　　　　　　　Vezzeggiare　un　nemico：　　accio　vi　cada；　　　　　　　Aprirgli　innanzi　un　precipizio；　e　poi　　　　　　　Piangerne　la　caduta。　　Offrirti　a　tutti　　　　　　　E　non　esser　che　tuo；　di　false　lodi　　　　　　　Vestir　le　accuse；　ed　aggravar　le　colpe　　　　　　　Nel　farne　la　difesa；　ognor　dal　trono　　　　　　　I　buoni　allontanar；　d'ogni　castigo　　　　　　　Lasciar　Vodio　allo　seettro；　c　d'ogni　dono　　　　　　　Il　merito　usurpar：　　tener　nascosto　　　　　　　Sotto　un　zelo　apparente　un　empio　fine；　　　　　　　Ne　fabbricar　che　sulle　altrui　rouine。〃

〃Grown　old　in　courts；　thou　art　not　surely　one　Who　keeps　the　rigid　rules　of　ancient　honour；　Well　skilled　to　soothe　a　foe　with　looks　of　kindness；　To　sink　the　fatal　precipice　before　him；　And　then　lament　his　fall　with　seeming　friendship：　Open　to　all；　true　only　to　thyself；　Thou　know'st　those　arts　which　blast　with　envious　praise；　Which　aggravate　a　fault　with　feigned　excuses；　And　drive　discountenanced　virtue　from　the　throne；　That　leave　blame　of　rigour　to　the　prince；　And　of　his　every　gift　usurp　the　merit；　That　hide　in　seeming　zeal　a　wicked　purpose；　And　only　build　upon　another's　ruin。〃

These　characters　Dr。　Johnson；　however；　did　not　delight　in　reading；　or　in　hearing　of：　　he　always　maintained　that　the　world　was　not　half　so　wicked　as　it　was　represented；　and　he　might　very　well　continue　in　that　opinion；　as　he　resolutely　drove　from　him　every　story　that　could　make　him　change　it；　and　when　Mr。　Bickerstaff's　flight　confirmed　the　report　of　his　guilt；　and　my　husband　said；　in　answer　to　Johnson's　astonishment；　that　he　had　long　been　a　suspected　man：　　〃By　those　who　look　close　to　the　ground；　dirt　will　be　seen；　sir；〃　was　the　lofty　reply。　　〃I　hope　I　see　things　from　a　greater　distance。〃

His　desire　to　go　abroad；　particularly　to　see　Italy；　was　very　great；　and　he　had　a　longing　wish；　too；　to　leave　some　Latin　verses　at　the　Grand　Chartreux。　He　loved；　indeed；　the　very　act　of　travelling；　and　I　cannot　tell　how　far　one　might　have　taken　him　in　a　carriage　before　he　would　have　wished　for　refreshment。　　He　was　therefore　in　some　respects　an　admirable　companion　on　the　road；　as　he　piqued　himself　upon　feeling　no　inconvenience；　and　on　despising　no　accommodations。　　On　the　other　hand；　however；　he　expected　no　one　else　to　feel　any；　and　felt　exceedingly　inflamed　with　anger　if　any　one　complained　of　the　rain；　the　sun；　or　the　dust。　　〃How；〃　said　he；　〃do　other　people　bear　them？〃　　As　for　general　uneasiness；　or　complaints　of　lone　confinement　in　a　carriage；　he　considered　all　lamentations　on　their　account　as　proofs　of　an　empty　head；　and　a　tongue　desirous　to　talk　without　materials　of　conversation。　　〃A　mill　that　goes　without　grist；〃　said　he；　〃is　as　good　a　companion　as　such　creatures。〃

I　pitied　a　friend　before　him；　who　had　a　whining　wife　that　found　everything　painful　to　her；　and　nothing　pleasing。　　〃He　does　not　know　that　she　whimpers；〃　says　Johnson；　〃when　a　door　has　creaked　for　a　fortnight　together；　you　may　observethe　master　will　scarcely　give　sixpence　to　get　it　oiled。〃

Of　another　lady；　more　insipid　than　offensive；　I　once　heard　him　say；　〃She　has　some　softness　indeed；　but　so　has　a　pillow。〃　　And　when　one　observed；　in　reply；　that　her　husband's　fidelity　and　attachment　were　exemplary；　notwithstanding　this　low　account　at　which　her　perfections　were　rated〃Why；　sir；〃　cries　the　Doctor；　〃being　married　to　those　sleepy…souled　women　is　just　like　playing　at　cards　for　nothing：　　no　passion　is　excited；　and　the　time　is　filled　up。　　I　do　not；　however；　envy　a　fellow　one　of　those　honeysuckle　wives　for　my　part；　as　they　are　but　CREEPERS　at　best；　and　commonly　destroy　the　tree　they　so　tenderly　cling　about。〃

For　a　lady　of　quality；　since　dead；　who　received　us　at　her　husband's　seat　in　Wales　with　less　attention　than　he　had　long　been　accustomed　to；　he　had　a　rougher　denunciation。　　〃That　woman；〃　cries　Johnson；　〃is　like　sour　small…beer；　the　beverage　of　her　table；　and　produce　of　the　wretched　country　she　lives　in：　　like　that；　she　could　never　have　been　a　good　thing；　and　even　that　bad　thing　is　spoiled。〃　　This　was　in　the　same　vein　of　asperity；　and　I　believe　with　something　like　the　same　provocation；　that　he　observed　of　a　Scotch　lady；　〃that　she　resembled　a　dead　nettle；　were　she　alive；〃　said　he；　〃she　would　sting。〃

Mr。　Johnson's　hatred　of　the　Scotch　is　so　well　known；　and　so　many　of　his　bons　mots　expressive　of　that　hatred　have　been　already　repeated　in　so　many　books　and　pamphlets；　that　'tis　perhaps　scarcely　worth　while　to　write　down　the　conversation　between　him　and　a　friend　of　that　nation　who　always　resides　in　London；　and　who　at　his　return　from　the　Hebrides　asked　him；　with　a　firm　tone　of　voice；　〃What　he　thought　of　his　country？〃　　〃That　it　is　a　very　vile　country；　to　be　sure；　sir；〃　returned　for　answer　Dr。　Johnson。　　〃Well；　sir！〃　replies　the　other；　somewhat　mortified；　〃God　made　it。〃　　〃Certainly　He　did；〃　answers　Mr。　Johnson　again；　〃but　we　must　always　remember　that　He　made　it　for　Scotchmen；　and　comparisons　are　odious；　Mr。　S；　but　God　made　hell。〃

Dr。　Johnson　did　not；　I　think；　much　delight　in　that　kind　of　conversation　which　consists　in　telling　stories。　　〃Everybody；〃　said　he；　〃tells　stories　of　me；　and　I　tell　stories　of　nobody。　　I　do　not　recollect；〃　added　he；　〃that　I　have　ever　told　YOU；　that　have　been　always　favourites；　above　three　stories；　but　I　hope　I　do　not　play　the　Old　Fool；　and　force　people　to　hear　uninteresting　narratives；　only　because　I　once　was　diverted　with　them　myself。〃　　He　was；　however；　no　enemy　to　that　sort　of　talk　from　the　famous　Mr。　Foote；　〃whose　happiness　of　manner　in　relating　was　such；〃　he　said；　〃as　subdued　arrogance　and　roused　stupidity。　　HIS　stories　were　truly　like　those　of　Biron　in　Love's　Labour's　Lost；　so　VERY　attractive

　　　　　'That　aged　ears　played　truant　with　his　tales；　　　　　　　And　younger　hearings　were　quite　ravished；　　　　　　　So　sweet　and　voluble　was　his　discourse。'

Of　all　conversers；　however；〃　added　he；　〃the　late　Hawkins　Browne　was　the　most　delightful　with　whom　I　ever　was　in　company：　　his　talk　was　at　once　so　elegant；　so　apparently　artless；　so　pure；　so　pleasing；　it　seemed　a　perpetual　stream　of　sentiment；　enlivened　by　gaiety；　and　sparkling　with　images。〃　　When　I　asked　Dr。　　Johnson　who　was　the　best　man　he　had　ever　known？　〃Psalmanazar；〃　was　the　unexpected　reply。　　He　said；　likewise；　〃that　though　a　native　of　France；　as　his　friend　imagined；　he　possessed　more　of　the　English　language　than　any　one　of　the　other　foreigners　who　had　separately　fallen　in　his　way。〃　Though　there　was　much　esteem；　however；　there　was；　I　believe；　but　little　confidence　between　them；　they　conversed　merely　about　general　topics；　religion　and　learning；　of　which　both　were　undoubtedly　stupendous　examples；　and；　with　regard　to　true　Christian　perfection；　I　have　heard　Johnson　say；　〃That　George　Psalmanazar's　piety；　penitence；　and　virtue　exceeded　almost　what　we　read　as　wonderful　even　in　the　lives　of　saints。〃

I　forget　in　what　year　it　was　this　extraordinary　person　lived　and　died　at　a　house　in　Old　Street；　where　Mr。　Johnson　was　witness　to　his　talents　and　virtues；　and　to　his　final　preference　of　the　Church　of　England；　after　having　studied；　disgraced；　and　adorned　so　many　modes　of　worship。　　The　name　he　went　by　was　not　supposed　by　his　friend　to　be　that　of　his　family；　but　all　inquiries　were　vain。　　His　reasons　for　concealing　his　original　were　penitentiary；　he　deserved　no　other　name　than　that　of　the　impostor；　he　said。　That　portion　of　the　Universal　History　which　was　written　by　him　does　not　seem　to　me　to　be　composed　with　peculiar　spirit；　but　all　traces　of　the　wit　and　the　wanderer　were　probably　worn　out　before　he　undertook　the　work。　　His　pious　and　patient　endurance　of　a　tedious　illness；　ending　in　an　exemplary　death；　confirmed　the　strong　impression　his　merit　had　made　upon　the　mind　of　Mr。　Johnson。　　〃It　is　so　VERY　difficult；〃　said　he；　always；　〃for　a　sick　man　not　to　be　a　scoundrel。　　Oh！　set　the　pillows　soft；　here　is　Mr。　Grumbler　a…coming。　　Ah！　let　no　air　in　for　the　world；　Mr。　Grumbler　will　be　here　presently。〃

This　perpetual　preference　is　so　offensive；　where　the　privileges　of　sickness　are；　besides；　supported　by　wealth；　and　nourished　by　dependence；　that　one　cannot　much　wonder　that　a　rough　mind　is　revolted　by　them。　　It　was；　however；　at　once　comical　and　touchant　（as　the　French　call　it）；　to　observe　Mr。　Johnson　so　habitually　watchful　against　this　sort　of　behaviour；　that　he　was　often　ready　to　suspect　himself　of　it；　and　when　one　asked　him　gently；　how　he　did？〃Ready　to　become　a　scoundrel；　madam；〃　would　commonly　be　the　answer；　〃with　a　little　more　spoiling　you　will；　I　think；　make　me　a　complete　rascal！〃

His　desire　of　doing　good　was　not；　however；　lessened　by　his　aversion　to　a　sick　chamber。　　He　would　have　made　an　ill　man　well　by　any　expense　or　fatigue　of　his　own；　sooner　than　any　of　the　canters。　　Canter；　indeed；　was　he　none：　he　would　forget　to　ask　people　after　the　health　of　their　nearest　relations；　and　say　in　excuse；　〃That　he　knew　they　did　not　care：　　why　should　they？〃　says　he；　〃every　one　in　this　world　has　as　much　as　they　can　do　in　caring　for　themselves；　and　few　have　leisure　really　to　THINK　of　their　neighbours'　distresses；　however　they　may　delight　their　tongues　with　TALKING　of　them。〃

The　natural　depravity　of　mankind　and　remains　of　original　sin　were　so　fixed　in　Mr。　Johnson's　opinion；　that　he　was　indeed　a　most　acute　observer　of　their　effects；　and　used　to　say　sometimes；　half　in　jest；　half　in　earnest；　that　they　were　the　remains　of　his　old　tutor　Mandeville's　instructions。　　As　a　book；　however；　he　took