anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第11章

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o　be　either　serious　or　displeased。〃

One　may　gather　from　this　how　he　felt　when　his　Irish　friend　Grierson；　hearing　him　enumerate　the　qualities　necessary　to　the　formation　of　a　poet；　began　a　comical　parody　upon　his　ornamented　harangue　in　praise　of　a　cook；　concluding　with　this　observation；　that　he　who　dressed　a　good　dinner　was　a　more　excellent　and　a　more　useful　member　of　society　than　he　who　wrote　a　good　poem。　　〃And　in　this　opinion；〃　said　Mr。　Johnson　in　reply；　〃all　the　dogs　in　the　town　will　join　you。〃

Of　this　Mr。　Grierson　I　have　heard　him　relate　many　droll　stories；　much　to　his　advantage　as　a　wit；　together　with　some　facts　more　difficult　to　be　accounted　for；　as　avarice　never　was　reckoned　among　the　vices　of　the　laughing　world。　　But　Johnson's　various　life；　and　spirit　of　vigilance　to　learn　and　treasure　up　every　peculiarity　of　manner；　sentiment；　or　general　conduct；　made　his　company；　when　he　chose　to　relate　anecdotes　of　people　he　had　formerly　known；　exquisitely　amusing　and　comical。　　It　is　indeed　inconceivable　what　strange　occurrences　he　had　seen；　and　what　surprising　things　he　could　tell　when　in　a　communicative　humour。　　It　is　by　no　means　my　business　to　relate　memoirs　of　his　acquaintance；　but　it　will　serve　to　show　the　character　of　Johnson　himself；　when　I　inform　those　who　never　knew　him　that　no　man　told　a　story　with　so　good　a　grace；　or　knew　so　well　what　would　make　an　effect　upon　his　auditors。　　When　he　raised　contributions　for　some　distressed　author；　or　wit　in　want；　he　often　made　us　all　more　than　amends　by　diverting　descriptions　of　the　lives　they　were　then　passing　in　corners　unseen　by　anybody　but　himself；　and　that　odd　old　surgeon　whom　he　kept　in　his　house　to　tend　the　out…pensioners；　and　of　whom　he　said　most　truly　and　sublimely　that

　　　　　〃In　misery's　darkest　caverns　known；　　　　　　　　　His　useful　care　was　ever　nigh；　　　　　　　Where　hopeless　anguish　pours　her　groan；　　　　　　　　　And　lonely　want　retires　to　die。〃

I　have　forgotten　the　year；　but　it　could　scarcely　I　think　be　later　than　1765　or　1766；　that　he　was　called　abruptly　from　our　house　after　dinner；　and　returning　in　about　three　hours；　said　he　had　been　with　an　enraged　author；　whose　landlady　pressed　him　for　payment　within　doors；　while　the　bailiffs　beset　him　without；　that　he　was　drinking　himself　drunk　with　Madeira　to　drown　care；　and　fretting　over　a　novel　which；　when　finished；　was　to　be　his　whole　fortune；　but　he　could　not　get　it　done　for　distraction；　nor　could　he　step　out　of　doors　to　offer　it　to　sale。　　Mr。　Johnson　therefore　set　away　the　bottle；　and　went　to　the　bookseller；　recommending　the　performance；　and　desiring　some　immediate　relief；　which　when　he　brought　back　to　the　writer；　he　called　the　woman　of　the　house　directly　to　partake　of　punch；　and　pass　their　time　in　merriment。

It　was　not　till　ten　years　after；　I　dare　say；　that　something　in　Dr。　Goldsmith's　behaviour　struck　me　with　an　idea　that　he　was　the　very　man；　and　then　Johnson　confessed　it　was　so；　the　novel　was　the　charming　〃Vicar　of　Wakefield。〃

There　was　a　Mr。　Boyce；　too；　who　wrote　some　very　elegant　verses　printed　in　the　magazines　of　five…and…twenty　years　ago；　of　whose　ingenuity　and　distress　I　have　heard　Dr。　Johnson　tell　some　curious　anecdotes；　particularly　that　when　he　was　almost　perishing　with　hunger；　and　some　money　was　produced　to　purchase　him　a　dinner；　he　got　a　piece　of　roast　beef；　but　could　not　eat　it　without　ketchup；　and　laid　out　the　last　half…guinea　he　possessed　in　truffles　and　mushrooms；　eating　them　in　bed；　too；　for　want　of　clothes；　or　even　a　shirt　to　sit　up　in。

Another　man；　for　whom　he　often　begged；　made　as　wild　use　of　his　friend's　beneficence　as　these；　spending　in　punch　the　solitary　guinea　which　had　been　brought　him　one　morning；　when　resolving　to　add　another　claimant　to　a　share　of　the　bowl；　besides　a　woman　who　always　lived　with　him；　and　a　footman　who　used　to　carry　out　petitions　for　charity；　he　borrowed　a　chairman's　watch；　and　pawning　it　for　half…a…crown；　paid　a　clergyman　to　marry　him　to　a　fellow…lodger　in　the　wretched　house　they　all　inhabited；　and　got　so　drunk　over　the　guinea　bowl　of　punch　the　evening　of　his　wedding…day；　that　having　many　years　lost　the　use　of　one　leg；　he　now　contrived　to　fall　from　the　top　of　the　stairs　to　the　bottom；　and　break　his　arm；　in　which　condition　his　companions　left　him　to　call　Mr。　Johnson；　who；　relating　the　series　of　his　tragi…comical　distresses　obtained　from　the　Literary　Club　a　seasonable　relief。

Of　that　respectable　society　I　have　heard　him　speak　in　the　highest　terms；　and　with　a　magnificent　panegyric　on　each　member；　when　it　consisted　only　of　a　dozen　or　fourteen　friends；　but　as　soon　as　the　necessity　of　enlarging　it　brought　in　new　faces；　and　took　off　from　his　confidence　in　the　company；　he　grew　less　fond　of　the　meeting；　and　loudly　proclaimed　his　carelessness　WHO　might　be　admitted；　when　it　was　become　a　mere　dinner　club。　　I　THINK　the　original　names；　when　I　first　heard　him　talk　with　fervour　of　every　member's　peculiar　powers　of　instructing　or　delighting　mankind；　were　Sir　John　Hawkins；　Mr。　Burke；　Mr。　Langton；　Mr。　Beauclerc；　Dr。　Percy；　Dr。　Nugent；　Dr。　Goldsmith；　Sir　Robert　Chambers；　Mr。　Dyer；　and　Sir　Joshua　Reynolds；　whom　he　called　their　Romulus；　or　said　somebody　else　of　the　company　called　him　so；　which　was　more　likely：　　but　this　was；　I　believe；　in　the　year　1775　or　1776。　It　was　a　supper　meeting　then；　and　I　fancy　Dr。　Nugent　ordered　an　omelet　sometimes　on　a　Friday　or　Saturday　night；　for　I　remember　Mr。　Johnson　felt　very　painful　sensations　at　the　sight　of　that　dish　soon　after　his　death；　and　cried；　〃Ah；　my　poor　dear　friend！　　I　shall　never　eat　omelet　with　THEE　again！〃　quite　in　an　agony。　　The　truth　is；　nobody　suffered　more　from　pungent　sorrow　at　a　friend's　death　than　Johnson；　though　he　would　suffer　no　one　else　to　complain　of　their　losses　in　the　same　way；　〃for；〃　says　he；　〃we　must　either　outlive　our　friends；　you　know；　or　our　friends　must　outlive　us；　and　I　see　no　man　that　would　hesitate　about　the　choice。〃

Mr。　Johnson　loved　late　hours　extremely；　or　more　properly　hated　early　ones。　Nothing　was　more　terrifying　to　him　than　the　idea　of　retiring　to　bed；　which　he　never　would　call　going　to　rest；　or　suffer　another　to　call　so。　　〃I　lie　down；〃　said　he；　〃that　my　acquaintance　may　sleep；　but　I　lie　down　to　endure　oppressive　misery；　and　soon　rise　again　to　pass　the　night　in　anxiety　and　pain。〃　　By　this　pathetic　manner；　which　no　one　ever　possessed　in　so　eminent　a　degree；　he　used　to　shock　me　from　quitting　his　company；　till　I　hurt　my　own　health　not　a　little　by　sitting　up　with　him　when　I　was　myself　far　from　well；　nor　was　it　an　easy　matter　to　oblige　him　even　by　compliance；　for　he　always　maintained　that　no　one　forbore　their　own　gratifications　for　the　sake　of　pleasing　another；　and　if　one　DID　sit　up　it　was　probably　to　amuse　oneself。　Some　right；　however；　he　certainly　had　to　say　so；　as　he　made　his　company　exceedingly　entertaining　when　he　had　once　forced　one；　by　his　vehement　lamentations　and　piercing　reproofs；　not　to　quit　the　room；　but　to　sit　quietly　and　make　tea　for　him；　as　I　often　did　in　London　till　four　o'clock　in　the　morning。　　At　Streatham；　indeed；　I　managed　better；　having　always　some　friend　who　was　kind　enough　to　engage　him　in　talk；　and　favour　my　retreat。

The　first　time　I　ever　saw　this　extraordinary　man　was　in　the　year　1764；　when　Mr。　Murphy；　who　had　been　long　the　friend　and　confidential　intimate　of　Mr。　Thrale；　persuaded　him　to　wish　for　Johnson's　conversation；　extolling　it　in　terms　which　that　of　no　other　person　could　have　deserved；　till　we　were　only　in　doubt　how　to　obtain　his　company；　and　find　an　excuse　for　the　invitation。　The　celebrity　of　Mr。　Woodhouse；　a　shoemaker；　whose　verses　were　at　that　time　the　subject　of　common　discourse；　soon　afforded　a　pretence；　and　Mr。　Murphy　brought　Johnson　to　meet　him；　giving　me　general　cautions　not　to　be　surprised　at　his　figure；　dress；　or　behaviour。　　What　I　recollect　best　of　the　day's　talk　was　his　earnestly　recommending　Addison's　works　to　Mr。　Woodhouse　as　a　model　for　imitation。　　〃Give　nights　and　days；　sir；〃　said　he；　〃to　the　study　of　Addison；　if　you　mean　either　to　be　a　good　writer；　or　what　is　more　worth；　an　honest　man。〃　　When　I　saw　something　like　the　same　expression　in　his　criticism　on　that　author；　lately　published；　I　put　him　in　mind　of　his　past　injunctions　to　the　young　poet；　to　which　he　replied；　〃that　he　wished　the　shoemaker　might　have　remembered　them　as　well。〃　　Mr。　Johnson　liked　his　new　acquaintance　so　much；　however；　that；　from　that　time　he　dined　with　us　every　Thursday　through　the　winter；　and　in　the　autumn　of　the　next　year　he　followed　us　to　Brighthelmstone；　whence　we　were　gone　before　his　arrival；　so　he　was　disappointed　and　enraged；　and　wrote　us　a　letter　expressive　of　anger；　which　we　were　very　desirous　to　pacify；　and　to　obtain　his　company　again；　if　possible。　　Mr。　Murphy　brought　him　back　to　us　again　very　kindly；　and　from　that　time　his　visits　grew　more　frequent；　till　in　the　year　1766　his　health；　which　he　had　always　complained　of；　grew　so　exceedingly　bad；　that　he　could　not　stir　out　of　his　room　in　the　court　he　inhabited　for　many　WEEKS　together…　…I　think　MONTHS。

Mr。　Thrale's　attentions　and　my　own　now　became　so　acceptable　to　him；　that　he　often　lamented　to　us　the　horrible　condition　of　his　mind；　which　he　said　was　nearly　distracted；　and　though　he　charged　US　to　make　him　odd　solemn　promises　of　secrecy　on　so　strange　a　subject；　yet　when　we　waited　on　him　one　morning；　and　heard　him；　in　the　most　pathetic　terms；　beg　the　prayers　of　Dr。　Delap；　who　had　left　him　as　we　came　in；　I　felt　excessively　affected　with　grief；　and　well　remember　my　husband　involuntarily　lifted　up　one　hand　to　shut　his　mouth；　from　provocation　at　hearing　a　man　so　wildly　proclaim　what　he　could　at　last　persuade　no　one　to　believe；　and　what；　if　true；　would　have　been　so　very　unfit　to　reveal。

Mr。　Thrale　went　away　soon　after；　leaving　me　with　him；　and　bidding　me　prevail　on　him　to　quit　his　close　habitation　in　the　court　and　come　with　us　to　Streatham；　where　I　undertook　the　care　of　his　health；　and　had　the　honour　and　happiness　of　contributing　to　its　restoration。　　This　task；　though　distressing　enough　sometimes；　would　have　been　less　so　had　not　my　mother　and　he　disliked　one　another　extremely；　and　teased　me　often　with　perverse　opposition；　petty　contentions；　and　mutual　complaints。　　Her　superfluous　attention　to　such　accounts　of　the　foreign　politics　as　are　transmitted　to　us　by　the　daily　prints；　and　her　willingness　to　talk　on　subjects　he　could　not　endure；　began　the　aversion；　and　when；　by　the　peculiarity　of　his　style；　she　found　out　that　he　teased　her　by　writing　in　the　newspapers　concerning　battles　and　plots　which　had　no　existence；　only　to　feed　her　with　new　accounts　of　the　division　of　Poland；　perhaps；　or　the　disputes　between　the　States　of　Russia　and　Turkey；　she　was　exceedingly　angry；　to　be　sure；　and　scarcely；　I　think；　forgave　the　offence　till　the　domestic　distresses　of　the　year　1772　reconciled　them　to　and　taught　them　the　true　value　of　each　other；　excellent　as　THEY　BOTH　were；　far　beyond　the　excellence　of　any　other　man　and　woman　I　ever　yet　saw。　　As　her　conduct；　too；　extorted　his　truest　esteem；　her　cruel　illness　excited　all　his　tenderness；　nor　was　the　sight　of　beauty；　scarce　to　be　subdued　by　disease；　and　wit；　flashing　through　the　apprehension　of　evil；　a　scene　which　Dr。　Johnson　could　see　without　sensibility。　　He　acknowledged　himself　improved　by　her　piety；　and　astonished　at　her　fortitude；　and　hung　over　he