letters of two brides-第21章

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Not　to　make　this　letter　inordinately　large；　I　send　you　as　specimens
only　the　first　and　last　of　these　sonnets；　which　I　have　translated　for
your　benefit；　word　for　word；　and　line　for　line：

FIRST　SONNET

　　Many　a　time　I've　stood；　clad　in　thin　silken　vest；
　　Drawn　sword　in　hand；　with　steady　pulse；
　　Waiting　the　charge　of　a　raging　bull；
　　And　the　thrust　of　his　horn；　sharper…pointed　than　Phoebe's　crescent。

　　I've　scaled；　on　my　lips　the　lilt　of　an　Andalusian　dance；
　　The　steep　redoubt　under　a　rain　of　fire；
　　I've　staked　my　life　upon　a　hazard　of　the　dice
　　Careless；　as　though　it　were　a　gold　doubloon。

　　My　hand　would　seek　the　ball　out　of　the　cannon's　mouth；
　　But　now　meseems　I　grow　more　timid　than　a　crouching　hair；
　　Or　a　child　spying　some　ghost　in　the　curtain's　folds。

　　For　when　your　sweet　eye　rests　on　me；
　　Any　icy　sweat　covers　my　brow；　my　knees　give　way；
　　I　tremble；　shrink；　my　courage　gone。

SECOND　SONNET

　　Last　night　I　fain　would　sleep　to　dream　of　thee；
　　But　jealous　sleep　fled　my　eyelids；
　　I　sought　the　balcony　and　looked　towards　heaven；
　　Always　my　glance　flies　upward　when　I　think　of　thee。

　　Strange　sight！　whose　meaning　love　alone　can　tell；
　　The　sky　had　lost　its　sapphire　hue；
　　The　stars；　dulled　diamonds　in　their　golden　mount；
　　Twinkled　no　more　nor　shed　their　warmth。

　　The　moon；　washed　of　her　silver　radiance　lily…white；
　　Hung　mourning　over　the　gloomy　plain；　for　thou　hast　robbed
　　The　heavens　of　all　that　made　them　bright。

　　The　snowy　sparkle　of　the　moon　is　on　thy　lovely　brow；
　　Heaven's　azure　centres　in　thine　eyes；
　　Thy　lashes　fall　like　starry　rays。

What　more　gracious　way　of　saying　to　a　young　girl　that　she　fills　your
life？　Tell　me　what　you　think　of　this　love；　which　expends　itself　in
lavishing　the　treasures　alike　of　the　earth　and　of　the　soul。　Only
within　the　last　ten　days　have　I　grasped　the　meaning　of　that　Spanish
gallantry；　so　famous　in　old　days。

Ah　me！　dear；　what　is　going　on　now　at　La　Crampade？　How　often　do　I　take
a　stroll　there；　inspecting　the　growth　of　our　crops！　Have　you　no　news
to　give　of　our　mulberry　trees；　our　last　winter's　plantations？　Does
everything　prosper　as　you　wish？　And　while　the　buds　are　opening　on　our
shrubsI　will　not　venture　to　speak　of　the　bedding…out　plantshave
they　also　blossomed　in　the　bosom　of　the　wife？　Does　Louis　continue　his
policy　of　madrigals？　Do　you　enter　into　each　other's　thoughts？　I　wonder
whether　your　little　runlet　of　wedding　peace　is　better　than　the　raging
torrent　of　my　love！　Has　my　sweet　lady　professor　taken　offence？　I
cannot　believe　it；　and　if　it　were　so；　I　should　send　Felipe　off　at
once；　post…haste；　to　fling　himself　at　her　knees　and　bring　back　to　me
my　pardon　or　her　head。　Sweet　love；　my　life　here　is　a　splendid　success；
and　I　want　to　know　how　it　fares　with　life　in　Provence。　We　have　just
increased　our　family　by　the　addition　of　a　Spaniard　with　the　complexion
of　a　Havana　cigar；　and　your　congratulations　still　tarry。

Seriously；　my　sweet　Renee；　I　am　anxious。　I　am　afraid　lest　you　should
be　eating　your　heart　out　in　silence；　for　fear　of　casting　a　gloom　over
my　sunshine。　Write　to　me　at　once；　naughty　child！　and　tell　me　your　life
in　its　every　minutest　detail；　tell　me　whether　you　still　hold　back；
whether　your　〃independence〃　still　stands　erect；　or　has　fallen　on　its
knees；　or　is　sitting　down　comfortably；　which　would　indeed　be　serious。
Can　you　suppose　that　the　incidents　of　your　married　life　are　without
interest　for　me？　I　muse　at　times　over　all　that　you　have　said　to　me。
Often　when；　at　the　Opera；　I　seem　absorbed　in　watching　the　pirouetting
dancers；　I　am　saying　to　myself；　〃It　is　half…past　nine；　perhaps　she　is
in　bed。　What　is　she　about？　Is　she　happy？　Is　she　alone　with　her
independence？　or　has　her　independence　gone　the　way　of　other　dead　and
castoff　independences？〃

A　thousand　loves。



XXV

RENEE　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　LOUISE　DE　CHAULIEU

Saucy　girl！　Why　should　I　write？　What　could　I　say？　Whilst　your　life　is
varied　by　social　festivities；　as　well　as　by　the　anguish；　the　tempers；
and　the　flowers　of　loveall　of　which　you　describe　so　graphically；
that　I　might　be　watching　some　first…rate　acting　at　the　theatremine
is　as　monotonous　and　regular　as　though　it　were　passed　in　a　convent。

We　always　go　to　bed　at　nine　and　get　up　with　daybreak。　Our　meals　are
served　with　a　maddening　punctuality。　Nothing　ever　happens。　I　have
accustomed　myself　without　much　difficulty　to　this　mapping　out　of　the
day；　which　perhaps　is；　after　all；　in　the　nature　of　things。　Where　would
the　life　of　the　universe　be　but　for　that　subjection　to　fixed　laws
which；　according　to　the　astronomers；　so　Louis　tells　me；　rule　the
spheres！　It　is　not　order　of　which　we　weary。

Then　I　have　laid　upon　myself　certain　rules　of　dress；　and　these　occupy
my　time　in　the　mornings。　I　hold　it　part　of　my　duty　as　a　wife　to　look
as　charming　as　possible。　I　feel　a　certain　satisfaction　in　it；　and　it
causes　lively　pleasure　to　the　good　old　man　and　to　Louis。　After　lunch；
we　walk。　When　the　newspapers　arrive；　I　disappear　to　look　after　my
household　affairs　or　to　readfor　I　read　a　great　dealor　to　write　to
you。　I　come　back　to　the　others　an　hour　before　dinner；　and　after　dinner
we　play　cards；　or　receive　visits；　or　pay　them。　Thus　my　days　pass
between　a　contented　old　man；　who　has　done　with　passions；　and　the　man
who　owes　his　happiness　to　me。　Louis'　happiness　is　so　radiant　that　it
has　at　last　warmed　my　heart。

For　women；　happiness　no　doubt　cannot　consist　in　the　mere　satisfaction
of　desire。　Sometimes；　in　the　evening；　when　I　am　not　required　to　take　a
hand　in　the　game；　and　can　sink　back　in　my　armchair；　imagination　bears
me　on　its　strong　wings　into　the　very　heart　of　your　life。　Then；　its
riches；　its　changeful　tints；　its　surging　passions　become　my　own；　and　I
ask　myself　to　what　end　such　a　stormy　preface　can　lead。　May　I　not
swallow　up　the　book　itself？　For　you；　my　darling；　the　illusions　of　love
are　possible；　for　me；　only　the　facts　of　homely　life　remain。　Yes；　your
love　seems　to　me　a　dream！

Therefore　I　find　it　hard　to　understand　why　you　are　determined　to　throw
so　much　romance　over　it。　Your　ideal　man　must　have　more　soul　than　fire；
more　nobility　and　self…command　than　passion。　You　persist　in　trying　to
clothe　in　living　form　the　dream　ideal　of　a　girl　on　the　threshold　of
life；　you　demand　sacrifices　for　the　pleasure　of　rewarding　them；　you
submit　your　Felipe　to　tests　in　order　to　ascertain　whether　desire；
hope；　and　curiosity　are　enduring　in　their　nature。　But；　child；　behind
all　your　fantastic　stage　scenery　rises　the　altar；　where　everlasting
bonds　are　forged。　The　very　morrow　of　your　marriage　the　graceful
structure　raised　by　your　subtle　strategy　may　fall　before　that　terrible
reality　which　makes　of　a　girl　a　woman；　of　a　gallant　a　husband。
Remember　that　there　is　not　exemption　for　lovers。　For　them；　as　for
ordinary　folk　like　Louis　and　me；　there　lurks　beneath　the　wedding
rejoicings　the　great　〃Perhaps〃　of　Rabelais。

I　do　not　blame　you；　though；　of　course；　it　was　rash；　for　talking　with
Felipe　in　the　garden；　or　for　spending　a　night　with　him；　you　on　your
balcony；　he　on　his　wall；　but　you　make　a　plaything　of　life；　and　I　am
afraid　that　life　may　some　day　turn　the　tables。　I　dare　not　give　you　the
counsel　which　my　own　experience　would　suggest；　but　let　me　repeat　once
more　from　the　seclusion　of　my　valley　that　the　viaticum　of　married　life
lies　in　these　wordsresignation　and　self…sacrifice。　For；　spite　of　all
your　tests；　your　coyness；　and　your　vigilance；　I　can　see　that　marriage
will　mean　to　you　what　it　has　been　to　me。　The　greater　the　passion；　the
steeper　the　precipice　we　have　hewn　for　our　fallthat　is　the　only
difference。

Oh！　what　I　would　give　to　see　the　Baron　de　Macumer　and　talk　with　him
for　an　hour　or　two！　Your　happiness　lies　so　near　my　heart。



XXVI

LOUISE　DE　MACUMER　TO　RENEE　DE　L'ESTORADE
March。

As　Felipe　has　carried　out；　with　a　truly　Saracenic　generosity；　the
wishes　of　my　father　and　mother　in　acknowledging　the　fortune　he　has　not
received　from　me；　the　Duchess　has　become　even　more　friendly　to　me　than
before。　She　calls　me　little　sly…boots；　little　woman　of　the　world；　and
says　I　know　how　to　use　my　tongue。

〃But；　dear　mamma；〃　I　said　to　her　the　evening　before　the　contract　was
signed；　〃you　attribute　to　cunning　and　smartness　on　my　part　what　is
really　the　outcome　of　the　truest；　simplest；　most　unselfish；　most
devoted　love　that　ever　was！　I　assure　you　that　I　am　not　at　all　the
'woman　of　the　world'　you　do　me　the　honor　of　believing　me　to　be。〃

〃Come；　come；　Armande；〃　she　said；　putting　her　arm　on　my　neck　and
drawing　me　to　her；　in　order　to　kiss　my　forehead；　〃you　did　not　want　to
go　back　to　the　convent；　you　did　not　want　to　die　an　old　maid；　and；　like
a　fine；　noble…hearted　Chaulieu；　as　you　are；　you　recognized　the
necessity　of　building　up　your　father's　family。　（The　Duke　was
listening。　If　you　knew；　Renee；　what　flattery　lies　for　him　in　these
words。）　I　have　watched　you　during　the　whole　winter；　poking　your　little
nose　into　all　that　goes　on；　forming　very　sensible　opinions　about　men
and　the　present　state　of　society　in　France。　And　you　have　picked　out
the　one　Spaniard　capable　of　giving　you　the　splendid　position　of　a
woman　who　reigns　supreme　in　her　own　house。　My　little　girl；　you　treated
him　exactly　as　Tullia　treats　your　brother。〃

〃What　lessons　they　give　in　my　sister's　convent！〃　exclaimed　my　father。

A　glance　at　my　father　cut　him　short　at　once；　then；　turning　to　the
Duchess；　I　said：

〃Madame；　I　love　my　future　husband；　Felipe　de　Soria；　with　all　the
strength　of　my　soul。　Although　this　love　sprang　up　without　my
knowledge；　and　though　I　fought　it　stoutly　when　it　first　made　itself
felt；　I　swear　to　you　that　I　never　gave　way　to　it　till　I　had　recognized
in　the　Baron　de　Macumer　a　character　worthy　of　mine；　a　heart　of　which
the　delicacy；　the　generosity；　the　devotion；　and　the　temper　are　suited
to　my　own。〃

〃But；　my　dear；〃　she　began；　interrupting　me；　〃he　is　as　ugly　as　。　。　。〃

〃As　anything　you　like；〃　I　retorted　quickly；　〃but　I　love　his　ugliness。〃

〃If　you　love　him；　Armande；〃　said　my　father；　〃and　have　the　strength　to
master　your　love；　you　must　not　risk　your　happiness。　Now；　happiness　in
marriage　depends　largely　on　the　first　days〃

〃Days　only？〃　interrupted　my　mother。　Then；　with　a　glance　at　my　father；
she　continued；　〃You　had　better　leave　us；　my　dear；　to　have　our　talk
together。〃

〃You　are　to　be　married；　dear　child；〃　the　Duchess　then　began　in　a　low
voice；　〃in　three　days。　It　becomes　my　duty；　therefore；　without　silly
whimpering；　which　would　be　unfitting　our　rank　in　life；　to　give　you　the
serious　advice　which　every　mother　owes　to　her　daughter。　You　are
marrying　a　man　whom　you　love；　and　there　is　no　reason　why　I　should　pity
you　or　myself。　I　have　only　known　you　for　a　year；　and　if　this　period
has　been　long　enough　for　me　to　learn　to　love　you；　it　is　hardly
sufficient　to　justify　floods　of　tears　at　the　idea　of　losing　you。　Your
mental　gifts　are　even　more　remarkable　than　those　of　your　person；　you
have　gratified　maternal　pride；　and　have　shown　yourself　a　sweet　and
loving　daughter。　I；　in　my　turn；　can　promise　you　that　you　will　always
find　a　staunch　friend　in　your　mother。　You　smile？　Alas！　it　too　often
happens　that　a　mother　who　has　lived　on　excellent　terms　with　her
daughter；　as　long　as　the　daughter　is　a　mere　girl；　co