the dust-第38章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


investigate　all　the　circumstances；　look　thoroughly　into　all　the　causes　of　his　or　her　conduct；　before　you　condemn　him　or　her　as　inhuman；　unworthy　of　your　kinship　and　your　sympathy。

In　her　brief　letter　the　girl　showed　that；　young　though　she　was　and　not　widely　experienced　in　life；　she　yet　had　seen　the　horrors　of　city　poverty；　how　it　poisons　and　kills　all　the　fine　emotions。　　She　had　seen　many　a　loving　young　couple　start　out　confidently；　with　a　few　hundred　dollars　of　debt　for　furniturehad　seen　the　love　fade　and　wither；　shrivel；　diehad　seen　appear　peevishness　and　hatred　and　unfaithfulness　and　all　the　huge；　foul　weeds　that　choke　the　flowers　of　married　life。　　She　knew　what　her　lover's　salary　would　buyand　what　it　would　not　buyfor　two。　　She　could　imagine　their　fate　if　there　should　be　three　or　more。　　She　showed　frankly　her　selfishness　of　renunciation。　　But　there　could　be　read　between　the　linesconcealed　instead　of　vauntedperhaps　unsuspectedher　unselfishness　of　renunciation　for　the　sake　of　her　lover　and　for　the　sake　of　the　child　or　the　children　that　might　be。　　In　our　love　of　moral　sham　and　glitter；　we　overlook　the　real　beauties　of　human　morality；　we　even　are　so　dim　or　vulgar　sighted　that　we　do　not　see　them　when　they　are　shown　to　us。

As　Norman　awakened；　he　reached　for　the　telephone；　said　to　the　boy　in　charge　of　the　club　exchange：　　〃Look　in　the　book；　find　the　number　of　a　lawyer　named　Branscombe；　and　connect　me　with　his　office。〃　　After　some　confusion　and　delay　he　got　the　right　office；　but　Dorothy　was　out　at　lunch。　　He　left　a　message　that　she　was　to　call　him　up　at　the　club　as　soon　as　she　came　in。　　He　was　shaving　when　the　bell　rang。

He　was　at　the　receiver　in　a　bound。　　〃Is　it　you？〃　he　said。

〃Yes；〃　came　in　her　quiet；　small　voice。

〃Will　you　resign　down　there　to…day？　　Will　you　marry　me　this　afternoon？〃

A　brief　silence；　then〃Yes。〃

Thus　it　came　about　that　they　met　at　the　City　Hall　license　bureau；　got　their　license；　and　half　an　hour　later　were　married　at　the　house　of　a　minister　in　East　Thirty…　third　Street；　within　a　block　of　the　Subway　station。　　He　was　feverish；　gay；　looked　years　younger　than　his　thirty…　seven。　　She　was　quiet；　dim；　passive；　neither　grave　nor　gay；　but　going　through　her　part　without　hesitation；　with　much　the　same　patient；　plodding　expression　she　habitually　bore　as　she　sat　working　at　her　machineas　if　she　did　not　quite　understand；　but　was　doing　her　best　and　hoped　to　get　through　not　so　badly。

〃I've　had　nothing　to　eat；〃　said　he　as　they　came　out　of　the　parsonage。

〃Nor　I；〃　said　she。

〃We'll　go　to　Delmonico's；〃　said　he；　and　hailed　a　passing　taxi。

On　the　way；　he　sitting　in　one　corner　explained　to　her；　shrunk　into　the　other　corner：　　〃I　can　confess　now　that　I　married　you　under　false　pretenses。　　I　am　not　prosperous；　as　I　used　to　be。　　To　be　brief　and　plain；　I'm　down　and　out；　professionally。〃

She　did　not　move。　　Apparently　she　did　not　change　expression。　　Yet　he；　speaking　half　banteringly；　felt　some　frightful　catastrophe　within　her。　　〃You　are　poor？〃　she　said　in　her　usual　quiet　way。

〃WE　are　poor；〃　corrected　he。　　〃I　have　at　present　only　a　thousand　dollars　a　montha　little　more；　but　not　enough　to　talk　about。〃

She　did　not　move　or　change　expression。　　Yet　he　felt　that　her　heart；　her　blood　were　going　on　again。

〃Are　youangry？〃　he　asked。

〃A　thousand　dollars　a　month　seems　an　awful　lot　of　money　to　me；〃　she　said。

〃It's　nothingnothing　to　what　we'll　soon　have。　Trust　me。〃　　And　back　into　his　eyes　flashed　their　former　look。　　〃I've　been　sick。　　I'm　well　again。　　I　shall　get　what　I　want。　　If　you　want　anything；　you've　only　to　ask　for　it。　　I'll　get　it。　　I　know　how。　。　。　。　　I　don't　prey；　myselfI've　no　fancy　for　the　brutal　sports。　　But　I　teach　lions　how　to　prey；　and　I　make　them　pay　for　the　lessons。〃　　He　laughed　with　an　effervescing　of　young　vitality　and　self…confidence　that　made　him　look　handsome　and　powerful。　　〃In　the　future　they'll　have　to　pay　still　higher　prices。〃

She　was　looking　at　him　with　weary；　wondering；　pathetic　eyes　that　gazed　from　the　pallor　of　her　dead…　white　face　mysteriously。

〃What　are　you　thinking？〃　he　asked。

〃I　was　listening；〃　replied　she。

〃Doesn't　it　make　you　happywhat　you　are　going　to　have？〃

〃No；〃　replied　she。　　〃But　it　makes　me　content。〃

With　eyes　suddenly　suffused；　he　took　her　handso　gently。　　〃Dorothy；〃　he　said；　〃you　will　try　to　love　me？〃

〃I'll　try；〃　said　she。　　〃You'll　be　kind　to　me？〃

〃I　couldn't　be　anything　else；〃　he　cried。　　And　in　a　gust　of　passion　he　caught　her　to　his　breast　and　kissed　her　triumphantly。　　〃I　love　youand　you're　minemine！〃

She　released　herself　with　the　faint　insistent　push　that　seemed　weak；　but　always　accomplished　its　purpose。　Her　lip　was　trembling。　　〃You　said　you'd　be　kind；〃　she　murmured。

He　gazed　at　her　with　a　baffled　expression。　　〃OhI　understand；〃　he　said。　　〃And　I　shall　be　kind。　　But　I　must　teach　you　to　love　me。〃

Her　trembling　lip　steadied。　　〃You　must　be　careful　or　you　may　teach　me　to　hate　you；〃　said　she。

He　studied　her　in　a　puzzled　way；　laughed。　　〃What　a　mystery　you　are！〃　he　cried　with　raillery。　　〃Are　you　child　or　are　you　woman？　　No　matter。　　We　shall　be　happy。〃

The　taxicab　was　swinging　to　the　curb。　　In　the　restaurant　he　ordered　an　enormous　meal。　　And　he　ate　enormously；　and　drank　in　due　proportion。　　She　ate　and　drank　a　good　deal　herselfa　good　deal　for　her。　　And　the　results　were　soon　apparent　in　a　return　of　the　spirits　that　are　normal　to　twenty…one　years；　regardless　of　what　may　be　lurking　in　the　heart；　in　a　dark　corner；　to　come　forth　and　torment　when　there　is　nothing　to　distract　the　attention。

〃We　shall　have　to　live　quietly　for　a　while；〃　said　he。　〃Of　course　you　must　have　clothes…at　once。　　I'll　take　you　shopping　to…morrow。〃　　He　laughed　grimly。　〃Just　at　present　we　can　get　only　what　we　pay　cash　for。　Still；　you　won't　need　much。　　Later　on　I'll　take　you　over　to　Paris。　　Does　that　attract　you？〃

Her　eyes　shone。　　〃How　soon？〃　she　asked。

〃I　can　tell　you　in　a　week　or　ten　days。〃　　He　became　abstracted　for　a　moment。　　〃I　can't　understand　how　I　let　them　get　me　down　so　easilythat　is；　I　can't　understand　it　now。　　I　suppose　it's　just　the　difference　between　being　weak　with　illness　and　strong　with　health。〃　　His　eyes　concentrated　on　her。　　〃Is　it　really　you？〃　he　cried　gaily。　　〃And　are　you　really　mine？　　No　wonder　I　feel　strong！　　It　was　always　that　way　with　me。　　I　never　could　leave　a　thing　until　I　had　conquered　it。〃

She　gave　him　a　sweet　smile。　　〃I'm　not　worth　all　the　trouble　you　seem　to　have　taken　about　me；〃　said　she。

He　laughed；　for　he　knew　the　intense　vanity　so　pleasantly　hidden　beneath　her　shy　and　modest　exterior。　〃On　the　contrary；〃　said　he　good…humoredly；　〃you　in　your　heart　think　yourself　worth　any　amount　of　trouble。　It's　a　habit　we　men　have　got　you　women　into。　　And　you　　One　of　the　many　things　that　fascinate　me　in　you　is　your　supreme　self…control。　　If　the　king　were　to　come　down　from　his　throne　and　fall　at　your　feet；　you'd　take　it　as　a　matter　of　course。〃

She　gazed　away　dreamily。　　And　he　understood　that　her　indifference　to　matters　of　rank　and　wealth　and　power　was　not　wholly　vanity　but　was；　in　part　at　least；　due　to　a　feeling　that　love　was　the　only　essential。　　Nor　did　he　wonder　how　she　was　reconciling　this　belief　of　high　and　pure　sentiment　with　what　she　was　doing　in　marrying　him。　　He　knew　that　human　beings　are　not　consistent；　cannot　be　so　in　a　universe　that　compels　them　to　face　directly　opposite　conditions　often　in　the　same　moment。　　But　just　as　all　lines　are　parallel　in　infinity；　so　all　actions　are　profoundly　consistent　when　referred　to　the　infinitely　broad　standard　of　the　necessity　that　every　living　thing　shall　look　primarily　to　its　own　well　being。　Disobedience　to　this　fundamental　carries　with　it　inevitable　punishment　of　disintegration　and　death；　and　those　catastrophes　are　serious　matters　when　one　has　but　the　single　chance　at　life；　that　will　be　repeated　never　again　in　all　the　eternities。

After　their　late　lunch　or　early　dinner；　they　drove　to　her　lodgings。　　He　went　up　with　her　and　helped　her　to　packnot　a　long　process；　as　she　had　few　belongings。　He　noted　that　the　stockings　and　underclothes　she　took　from　the　bureau　drawers　were　in　anything　but　good　condition；　that　the　half　dozen　dresses　she　took　from　the　closet　and　folded　on　the　couch　were　about　done　for。　Presently　she　said；　cheerfully　and　with　no　trace　of　false　shame：

〃You　see；　I'm　pretty　nearly　in　rags。〃

〃Oh；　that's　soon　arranged；〃　replied　he。　　〃Why　bother　to　take　these　things？　　Why　not　give　them　to　the　maid？〃

She　debated　with　herself。　　〃I　think　you're　right；〃　she　decided。　　〃Yes；　I'll　give　them　to　Jennie。〃

〃The　underclothes；　too；〃　he　urged。　　〃And　the　hats。〃

It　ended　in　her　having　left　barely　enough　loosely　to　fill　the　bottom　of　a　small　trunk　with　two　trays。

They　drove　to　the　Knickerbocker　Hotel；　and　he　took　a　small　suite；　one　of　the　smallest　and　least　luxurious　in　the　house；　for　with　all　his　desire　to　make　her　feel　the　contrast　of　her　change　of　circumstances　sharply；　he　could　not　forget　how　limited　his　income　was；　and　how　unwise　it　would　be　to　have　to　move　in　a　few　days　to　humbler　quarters。　　He　hoped　that　the　rooms；　englamoured　by　the　hotel's　general　air　of　costly　luxury；　would　sufficiently　impress　her。　　And　while　she　gave　no　strong　indication　but　accepted　everything　in　her　wonted　quiet；　passive　manner；　he　was　shrewd　enough　to　see　that　she　was　content。　　〃To…morrow；〃　he　said　to　himself；　〃after　she　has　done　some　shopping；　the　last　regret　will　leave　her；　and　her　memory　of　that　clerk　will　begin　to　fade　fast。　　I'll　give　her　too　much　else　to　think　about。〃


The　following　morning；　when　they　faced　each　other　at　breakfast　in　their　sitting　room；　he　glanced　at　her　from　time　to　time　in　wonder　and　terror。　　She　looked　not　merely　insignificant；　but　positively　homely。　　Her　skin　had　a　sickly　pallor；　her　hair　seemed　to　be　of　many　different　and　disagreeable　shades　of　uninteresting　dead　yellow。　　Her　eyes　suggested　faded　blue　china　dishes；　with　colorless　lashes　and　reddened　edges　of　the　lids。　Her　lips　had　lost　their　rosy　freshness；　her　teeth　their　sparkling　whiteness。

His　heavy　heart　seemed　to　be　resting　nauseously　upon　the　pit　of　his　stomach。　　Was　his　infatuation　sheer　delusion；　with　no　basis　of　charm　in　her　at　all？　　Was　she；　indeed；　nothing　but　this　unattractive；　faded　little　commonplaceness？a　poor　specimen　of　an　inferior　order　of　working　girl？　　What　an　awakening！　　And　she　was　his　WIFE！was　his　companion　for　the　yet　more　brilliant　career　he　had　resolved　and　was　planning！　　He　must　introduce　her　everywhere；　must　see　the　not　to　be　concealed　amazement　in　the　faces　of　his　acquaintances；　must　feel　the　cruel　covert　laughter　and　jeering　at　his　weak　folly！　　Was　there　ever　in　history　or　romance　a　parallel　to　such　fatuity　as　his？　　Why；　people　would　be　right　in　thinking　him　a　sham；　a　mere　bluffer　at　the　high　and　strong　qualities　he　was　reputed　to　have。

Had　Norman　been；　in　fact；　the　man　of　ice　and　iron　the　compulsions　of　a　career　under　the　social　system　made　him　seem；　the　homely　girl　opposite　him　that　morning　would　speedily　have　had　something　to　think　about　other　than　her　unhappiness　of　the　woman　who　has　given　her　person　to　one　man　and　her　heart　to　another。　　Instead；　the　few　words　he　addressed　to　her　were　all　gentleness　and　forbearance。　　Stronger　than　his　chagrin　was　his　pity　for　herthe　poor；　unconscious　victim　of　his　mad　hallu…　cinatio