the dust-第17章

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icetears　and　the　most　touching　tenderness。　〃He　has　some　great　secret　that　he　wants　to　discover；　and　he　is　afraid　he　will　die　without　having　had　the　chance。〃

〃You　will　love　me　if　I　make　your　father　happy？〃

He　knew　it　was　the　question　of　a　fool；　but　he　so　longed　to　hear　from　her　lips　some　word　to　give　him　hope　that　he　could　not　help　asking　it。　　She　said：

〃Love　you　asas　you　seem　to　love　me？　　Not　that　same　way。　　I　don't　feel　that　way　toward　you。　　But　I　will　love　you　in　my　own　way。〃

He　observed　her　with　penetrating　eyes。　　Was　this　speech　of　hers　innocence　or　calculation？　　He　could　get　no　clue　to　the　truth。　　He　saw　nothing　but　innocence；　the　teaching　of　experience　warned　him　to　believe　in　nothing　but　guile。　　He　hid　his　doubt　and　chagrin　behind　a　mocking　smile。　　〃As　you　please；〃　said　he。　　〃I　will　do　my　part。　　Thenwe'll　see。　。　。　。　　Do　you　care　about　anyone　elsein　MY　way　of　loving；　I　mean？〃

It　was　again　the　question　of　an　infatuated　fool；　and　put　in　an　infatuated　fool's　way。　　For；　if　she　were　a　〃deep　one；〃　how　could　he　hope　to　get　the　truth？　　But　her　answer　reassured　him。　　〃No；〃　she　saidher　simple；　direct　negation　that　had　a　convincing　power　he　had　never　seen　equaled。

〃If　I　ever　knew　of　another　man's　touching　you；〃　he　said；　〃I'd　feel　like　strangling　him。〃　　He　laughed　at　himself。　　〃Not　that　I　should　strangle　him。　　That　sort　of　thing　isn't　done　any　more。　　But　I'd　do　something　devilish。〃

〃But　I　haven't　promised　not　to　kiss　anyone　else；〃　she　said。　　〃Why　should　I？　　I　don't　love　you。〃

He　looked　at　her　strangely。　　〃But　you're　going　to　love　me；〃　he　said。

She　shrank　within　herself　again。　　She　looked　at　him　with　uneasy　eyes。　　〃You　won't　kiss　me　any　more　until　I　tell　you　that　I　do　love　you？〃　she　asked　with　the　gravity　and　pathos　and　helplessness　of　a　child。

〃Don't　you　want　to　learn　to　love　me？to　learn　to　love？〃

She　was　silenta　silence　that　maddened　him。

〃Don't　be　afraid　to　speak；〃　he　said　irritably。　〃What　are　you　thinking？〃

〃That　I　don't　want　you　to　kiss　meand　that　I　do　want　father　to　be　happy。〃

Was　this　guile？　　Was　it　innocence？　　He　put　his　arms　round　her。　　〃Look　at　me；〃　he　said。

She　gazed　at　him　frankly。

〃You　like　me？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Why　don't　you　want　me　to　kiss　you？〃

〃I　don't　know。　　It　makes　medislike　you。〃

He　released　her。　　She　laid　her　hand　on　his　arm　eagerly。　　〃Please〃　she　implored。　　〃I　don't　mean　to　hurt　you。　　I　wouldn't　offend　you　for　anything。　　Only　when　you　ask　me　a　questionmustn't　I　tell　you　the　truth？〃

〃Always；〃　he　said；　believing　in　her；　in　spite　of　the　warnings　of　cynical　worldliness。　　〃I　don't　know　whether　you　are　sincere　or　notas　yet。　　So　for　the　present　I'll　give　you　the　benefit　of　the　doubt。〃　　He　stood　back　and　looked　at　her　from　head　to　foot。　　〃You　are　beautiful！　perfect；〃　he　said　in　a　low　voice。　　He　laughed。　〃I'll　resist　the　temptation　to　kiss　you　again。　　I　must　go　now。　　About　your　fatherI'll　see　what　can　be　done。〃

She　stood　with　her　hands　behind　her　back；　looking　up　at　him　with　an　expression　he　could　not　fathom。　　Suddenly　she　advanced；　put　up　her　lips　and　said　gravely；

〃Won't　you　kiss　me？〃

He　eyed　her　quizzically。　　〃Ohyou've　changed　your　mind？　〃

She　shook　her　head。

〃Then　why　do　you　ask　me　to　kiss　you？　〃

〃Because　of　what　you　said　about　father。〃

He　laughed　and　kissed　her。　　And　then　she；　too；　laughed。　　He　said；　〃Not　for　my　own　sakenot　a　little　bit？〃

〃Oh；　yes；〃　she　cried；　〃when　you　kiss　me　that　way。　I　like　to　be　kissed。　　I　am　very　affectionate。〃

He　laughed　again。　　〃You　ARE　a　queer　one。　　If　it's　a　game；　it's　a　good　one。　　Is　it　a　game？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　she　gayly。　　〃Good　night。　This　is　dreadfully　late　for　me。〃

〃Good　night；〃　he　said；　and　they　shook　hands。　　〃Do　you　like　me　betteror　less？〃

〃Better；〃　was　her　prompt；　apparently　honest　reply。

〃Curiously　enough；　I'm　beginning　to　LIKE　you；〃　said　he。　　〃Now　don't　ask　me　what　I　mean　by　that。　If　you　don't　know　already；　you'll　not　find　out　from　me。〃

〃Oh；　but　I　do　know；〃　cried　she。　　〃The　way　you　kissed　methat　was　one　thing。　　The　way　you　feel　toward　me　nowthat's　a　different　thing。　　Isn't　it　so？〃

〃Exactly。　　I　see　we　are　going　to　get　on。〃

〃Yes；　indeed。〃

They　shook　hands　again　in　friendliest　fashion；　and　she　opened　the　front　door　for　him。　　And　her　farewell　smile　was　bright　and　happy。



VII


IN　the　cold　clear　open　he　proceeded　to　take　the　usual　account　of　stockwith　dismal　results。　　She　had　wound　him　round　her　fingers；　had　made　him　say　only　the　things　he　should　not　have　said；　and　leave　unsaid　the　things　that　might　have　furthered　his　purposes。　　He　had　conducted　the　affair　ridiculously〃just　what　is　to　be　expected　of　an　infatuated　fool。〃　　However；　there　was　no　consolation　in　the　discovery　that　he　was　reduced；　after　all　these　years　of　experience；　to　the　common　level　man　weak　and　credulous　in　his　dealings　with　woman。　He　hoped　that　his　disgust　with　himself　would　lead　on　to　disgust；　or；　rather；　distaste　for　her。　　It　is　the　primal　instinct　of　vanity　to　dislike　and　to　shun　those　who　have　witnessed　its　humiliation。

〃I　believe　I　am　coming　to　my　senses；〃　he　said。　　And　he　ventured　to　call　her　up　before　him　for　examination　and　criticism。　　This　as　he　stood　upon　the　forward　deck　of　the　ferry　with　the　magnificent　panorama　of　New　York　before　him。　　New　York！　　And　he；　of　its　strong　men；　of　the　few　in　all　that　multitude　who　had　rank　and　powerhe　who　had　won　as　his　promised　wife　the　daughter　of　one　of　the　dozen　mighty　ones　of　the　nation！　What　an　ill…timed；　what　an　absurd；　what　a　crazy　step…　down　this　excursion　of　his！　　And　for　what？　　There　he　summoned　her　before　him。　　And　at　the　first　glance　of　his　fancy　at　her　fair　sweet　face　and　lovely　figure；　he　quailed。　He　was　hearing　her　voice　again。　　He　was　feeling　the　yield　of　her　smooth；　round　form　to　his　embrace；　the　yield　of　her　smooth　white　cheek　to　his　caress。　　In　his　nostrils　was　the　fragrance　of　her　youth；　the　matchless　perfume　of　nature；　beyond　any　of　the　distillations　of　art　in　its　appeal　to　his　normal　and　healthy　nerves。　　And　he　burned　with　the　fire　only　she　could　quench。　　〃I　must　I　must。My　God；　I　MUST！〃　he　muttered。

When　he　reached　home；　he　asked　whether　his　sister　was　in。　　The　butler　said　that　Mrs。　Fitzhugh　had　just　come　from　the　theater。　　In　search　of　her；　he　went　to　the　library；　found　her　seated　there　with　a　book　and　a　cigarette；　her　wrap　thrown　back　upon　her　chair。　〃Come　out　to　supper　with　me；　Ursula；〃　he　said。　　〃I'm　starved　and　bored。〃

〃Why；　you're　not　dressed！〃　exclaimed　his　sister。　〃I　thought　you　were　at　the　Cameron　dance　with　Josephine。〃

〃Had　to　cut　it　out；〃　replied　he　curtly。　　〃Will　you　come？〃

〃I　can't　eat；　but　I'll　drink。　　Yes；　let's　have　a　spree。　It's　been　years　since　we　had　onenot　since　we　were　poor。　　Let's　not　go　to　a　DEADLY　respectable　place。　　Let's　go　where　there　are　some　of　the　other　kind；　too。〃

〃But　I　must　have　food。　　Why　not　the　Martin？〃

〃That'll　dothough　I'd　prefer　something　a　little　farther　up　Broadway。〃

〃The　Martin　is　gay　enough。　　The　truth　is；　there's　nothing　really　gay　any　more。　　There's　too　much　money。　Money　suffocates　gayety。〃

To　the　Martin　they　went；　and　he　ordered　an　enormous　supperone　of　those　incredible　meals　for　which　he　was　famous。　　They　dispatched　a　quart　of　champagne　before　the　supper　began　to　come；　he　drinking　at　least　two　thirds　of　it。　　He　drank　as　much　while　he　was　eating　and　called　for　a　third　bottle　when　the　coffee　was　served。　　He　had　eaten　half　a　dozen　big　oysters；　a　whole　guinea　hen；　a　whole　portion　of　salad；　another　of　Boniface　cheese；　with　innumerable　crackers。

〃If　I　could　eat　as　you　do！〃　sighed　Ursula　enviously。　　〃Yet　it's　only　one　of　your　accomplishments。〃

〃I'm　not　eating　much　nowadays；〃　said　he　gloomily。　〃I'm　losing　my　appetite。〃　　And　he　lit　a　long　black　cigar　and　swallowed　half　a　large　glass　of　the　champagne。　〃Nothing　tastes　goodnot　even　champagne。〃

〃There　IS　something　wrong　with　you；〃　said　Ursula。　〃Did　you　ask　me　out　for　confidences；　or　for　advice　or　for　both？〃

〃None　of　them；〃　replied　he。　　〃Only　for　company。　I　knew　I'd　not　be　able　to　sleep　for　hours；　and　I　wanted　to　put　off　the　time　when　I'd　be　alone。〃

〃I　wish　I　had　as　much　influence　with　you　as　you　have　with　me；〃　said　Ursula；　by　way　of　preparation　for　confidences。

〃Influence？　　Don't　I　do　whatever　you　say？〃

She　laughed。　　〃Nobody　has　influence　over　you；〃　she　said。

〃Not　even　myself；〃　replied　he　morosely。

〃Wellthat　talking…to　you　gave　me　has　had　its　effect；〃　proceeded　Mrs。　Fitzhugh。　　〃It　set　me　to　thinking。　　There　are　other　things　besides　loveman　and　woman　love。　　I've　decided　toto　behave　myself　and　give　poor　Clayton　a　chance　to　rest。〃　　She　smiled；　a　little　maliciously。　　〃He's　had　a　horrible　fright。　　But　it's　over　now。　　What　a　fine　thing　it　is　for　a　woman　to　have　a　sensible　brother！〃

Norman　grunted；　took　another　liberal　draught　of　the　champagne。

〃If　I　had　a　mind　like　yours！〃　pursued　Ursula。　〃Now；　you　simply　couldn't　make　a　fool　of　yourself。〃

He　looked　at　her　sharply。　　He　felt　as　if　she　had　somehow　got　wind　of　his　eccentric　doings。

〃I've　always　resented　your　rather　contemptuous　attitude　toward　women；〃　she　went　on。　　〃But　you　are　rightreally　you　are。　　We're　none　of　us　worth　the　excitement　men　make　about　us。〃

〃It　isn't　the　woman　who　makes　a　fool　of　the　man；〃　said　Norman。　　〃It's　the　man　who　makes　a　fool　of　himself。　A　match　can　cause　a　terrific　explosion　if　it's　in　the　right　placebut　not　if　it　isn't。〃

She　nodded。　　〃That's　it。　　We're　simply　matches　and　most　of　us　of　the　poor　sputtering　kind　that　burns　with　a　bad　odor　and　goes　out　right　away。　　A　very　inferior　quality　of　matches。〃

〃Yes；〃　repeated　Norman；　〃it's　the　man　who　does　the　whole　business。〃

A　mocking　smile　curled　her　lips。　　〃I　knew　you　weren't　in　love　with　Josephine。〃

He　stared　gloomily　at　his　cigar。

〃But　you're　going　to　marry　her？〃

〃I'm　in　love　with　her；〃　he　said　angrily。　　〃And　I'm　going　to　marry　her。〃

She　eyed　him　shrewdly。　　〃Fredare　you　in　love　with　some　one　else？〃

He　did　not　answer　immediately。　　When　he　did　it　was　with　a　〃No〃　that　seemed　the　more　emphatic　for　the　delay。

〃Oh；　just　one　of　your　little　affairs。〃　　And　she　began　to　poke　fun　at　him。　　〃I　thought　you　had　dropped　that　sort　of　thing　for　good　and　all。　　I　hope　Josie　won't　hear　of　it。　　She'd　not　understand。　　Women　never　dounless　they　don't　care　a　rap　about　the　man。　。　。　。　Is　she　on　the　stage？　　I　know　you'll　not　tell　me；　but　I　like　to　ask。〃

Her　brother　looked　at　her　rather　wildly。　　〃Let's　go　home；〃　he　said。　　He　was　astounded　and　alarmed　by　the　discovery　that　his　infatuation　had　whirled　him　to　the　lunacy　of　longing　to　confideand　he　feared　lest；　if　he　should　stay　on；　he　would　blurt　out　his　disgraceful　secret。　　〃Waiter；　the　bill。〃

〃Don't　let's　go　yet；〃　urged　his　sister。　　〃The　most　interesting　people　are　beginning　to　come。　　Besides；　I　want　more　champagne。〃

He　yielded。　　While　she　gazed　round　with　the　air　of　a　visitor　to　a　Zoo　that　is　affected　by　fashionable　people；　and　commented　on　the　faces；　figures；　and　clothes　of　the　women；　he　stared　at　his　plate　and　smoked　and　drank。　　Finally　she　said；　〃I'd　give　anything　to　see　you　make　a　fool　of　yourself；　just　once。〃

He　grinned。　　〃Things　are　in　the　way　to　having　your　wish　gratified；〃　he　said。　　〃It　looks　to　me　as　if　my　time　had　come。〃

She　tried　to　conceal　her　anxiety。　　〃Are　you　serious？〃　she　asked。　　Then　added：　　〃Of　course　not。　　You　simp