the dust-第12章

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he　had　disentangled　him　from　the　plight　into　which　his　impulsive　offer　had　flung　him；　he　was　piquedangeredand　his　curiosity　was　inflamed　as　never　before　about　any　woman。

The　relations　of　the　sexes　are　for　the　most　part　governed　by　traditions　of　sex　allurements　and　sex　tricks　so　ancient　that　they　have　ceased　to　be　conscious　and　have　become　instinctive。　　One　of　these　venerable　first　principles　is　that　mystery　is　the　arch　provoker。　　Norman；　an　old　and　expert　student　of　the　great　gamethe　only　game　for　which　the　staidest　and　most　serious　will　abandon　all　else　to　follow　its　merry　callNorman　knew　this　trick　of　mystery。　　The　woman　veils　herself　and　makes　believe　to　flyan　excellent　trick；　as　good　to…day　as　ever　after　five　thousand　years　of　service。　　And　he　knew　that　in　it　lay　the　explanation　for　the　sudden　and　high　upflaming　of　his　interest　in　this　girl。　　〃What　an　ass　I'm　making　of　myself！〃　reflected　he。　　〃When　I　care　nothing　about　the　girl；　why　should　I　care　about　the　mystery　of　her？　　Of　course；　it's　some　poor　little　affair；　a　puzzle　not　worth　puzzling　out。〃

All　true　and　clear　enough。　　Yet　seeing　it　did　not　abate　his　interest　a　particle。　　She　had　veiled　herself；　she　was　pretendingperhaps　honestlyto　fly。　　He　rose　and　went　to　the　window；　stood　with　his　back　to　her；　resumed　dictating。　　But　the　sentences　would　not　come。　　He　whirled　abruptly。　　〃I'm　not　ready　to　do　the　thing　yet；〃　he　said。　　〃I'll　send　for　you　later。〃

Without　a　word　or　a　glance　she　stood；　took　her　book　and　went　toward　the　door。　　He　gazed　after　her。　　He　could　not　refrain　from　speaking　again。　　〃I'm　afraid　you　misunderstood　my　offer　a　while　ago；〃　said　he；　neither　curt　nor　friendly。　　〃I　forgot　how　such　things　from　a　man　to　a　young　woman　might　be　misinterpreted。〃

〃I　never　thought　of　that；〃　replied　she　unembarrassed。　〃It　was　simply　that　I　can't　put　myself　under　obligation　to　anyone。〃

As　she　stood　there；　her　full　beauty　flashed　upon　himthe　exquisite　form；　the　subtly　graceful　poise　of　her　body；　of　her　headthe　loveliness　of　that　golden…　hued　white　skinthe　charm　of　her　small　rosy　mouth　the　delicate；　sensitive；　slightly　tilted　noseand　her　eyes　above　all；　her　eyes！so　clear；　so　sweet。　　Her　voice　had　seemed　thin　and　faint　to　him；　its　fineness　now　seemed　the　rarest　delicacythe　exactly　fitting　kind　for　so　evasive　and　delicate　a　beauty　as　hers。　　He　made　a　slight　bow　of　dismissal；　turned　abruptly　away。　　Never　in　all　his　life；　strewn　with　gallant　experiencesnever　had　a　woman　thus　treated　him；　and　never　had　a　woman　thus　affected　him。　　〃I　am　madstark　mad！〃　he　muttered。　〃A　ten…dollar…a…week　typewriter；　whom　nobody　on　earth　but　myself　would　look　at　a　second　time！〃　　But　something　within　him　hurled　back　this　scornful　fling。　Though　no　one　else　on　earth　saw　or　appreciatedwhat　of　it？　　She　affected　HIM　thusand　that　was　enough。　〃_I_　want　her！　。　。　。　　I　WANT　her！　　I　have　never　wanted　a　woman　before。〃

He　rushed　into　the　dressing　room　attached　to　his　office；　plunged　his　face　into　ice…cold　water。　　This　somewhat　eased　the　burning　sensation　that　was　becoming　intolerable。　　Many　were　the　unaccountable　incidents　in　his　acquaintance　with　this　strange　creature；　the　most　preposterous　was　this　sudden　seizure。　　He　realized　now　that　his　feeling　for　her　had　been　like　the　quiet；　steady；　imperceptible　filling　of　a　reservoir　that　suddenly　announces　itself　by　the　thunder　and　roar　of　a　mighty　cascade　over　the　dam。　　〃This　is　madnesssheer　madness！　I　am　still　master　within　myself。　　I　will　make　short　work　of　this　rebellion。〃　　And　with　an　air　of　calmness　so　convincing　that　he　believed　in　it　he　addressed　himself　to　the　task　of　sanity　and　wisdom　lying　plain　before　him。　　〃A　man　of　my　position　caught　by　a　girl　like　that！　　A　man　such　as　I　am；　caught　by　ANY　woman　whatever！〃　　It　was　grotesque。　　He　opened　his　door　to　summon　Tetlow。

The　gate　in　the　outside　railing　was　directly　opposite；　and　about　thirty　feet　away。　　Tetlow　and　Miss　Hallowell　were　going　outevidently　to　lunch　together。　She　was　looking　up　at　the　chief　clerk　with　laughing　eyesthey　seemed　coquettish　to　the　infuriated　Norman。　And　Tetlowthe　serious　and　squab　young　ass　was　gazing　at　her　with　the　expression　men　of　the　stupid　squab　sort　put　on　when　they　wish　to　impress　a　woman。　At　this　spectacle；　at　the　vision　of　that　slim　young　loveliness；　that　perfect　form　and　deliciously　smooth　soft　skin；　white　beyond　belief　beneath　its　faintly　golden　tint　the　hot　blood　steamed　up　into　Norman's　brain；　blinded　his　sight；　reddened　it　with　desire　and　jealousy。　　He　drew　back；　closed　his　door　with　a　bang。

〃This　is　not　I；〃　he　muttered。　　〃What　has　happened？　　Am　I　insane？〃


When　Tetlow　returned　from　lunch　the　office　boy　on　duty　at　the　gate　told　him　that　Mr。　Norman　wished　to　see　him　at　once。　　Like　all　men　trying　to　advance　along　ways　where　their　fellow　men　can　help　or　hinder；　the　head　clerk　was　full　of　more　or　less　clever　little　tricks　thought　out　with　a　view　to　making　a　good　impression。　　One　of　them　was　to　stamp　upon　all　minds　his　virtue　of　promptness　of　what　use　to　be　prompt　unless　you　forced　every　one　to　feel　how　prompt　you　were？　　He　went　in　to　see　Norman；　with　hat　in　hand　and　overcoat　on　his　back　and　one　glove　off；　the　other　still　on。　　Norman　was　standing　at　a　window；　smoking　a　cigarette。　　His　appearance　dress　quite　as　much　as　mannerwas　the　envy　of　his　subordinateas；　indeed；　it　was　of　hundreds　of　the　young　men　struggling　to　rise　down　town。　　It　was　so　exactly　what　the　appearance　of　a　man　of　vigor　and　power　and　high　position　should　be。　　Tetlow　practiced　it　by　the　quarter　hour　before　his　glass　at　homenot　without　progress　in　the　direction　of　a　not　unimpressive　manner　of　his　own。

As　Tetlow　stood　at　attention；　Norman　turned　and　advanced　toward　him。　　〃Mr。　Tetlow；〃　he　began；　in　his　good…humored　voice　with　the　never　wholly　submerged　under…note　of　sharpness；　〃is　it　your　habit　to　go　out　to　lunch　with　the　young　ladies　employed　here？　　If　so；　I　wish　to　suggestsimply　to　suggestthat　it　may　be　bad　for　discipline。〃

Tetlow's　jaw　dropped　a　little。　　He　looked　at　Norman；　was　astonished　to　discover　beneath　a　thin　veneer　of　calm　signs　of　greater　agitation　than　he　had　ever　seen　in　him。　　〃To…day　was　the　first　time；　sir；〃　he　said。　　〃And　I　can't　quite　account　for　my　doing　it。　　Miss　Hallowell　has　been　here　several　months。　　I　never　specially　noticed　her　until　the　last　few　dayswhen　the　question　of　discharging　her　came　up。　　You　may　remember　it　was　settled　by　you。〃　Norman　flung　his　cigarette　away　and　stalked　to　the　window。

〃Mr。　Norman；〃　pursued　Tetlow；　〃you　and　I　have　been　together　many　years。　　I　esteem　it　my　greatest　honor　that　I　am　ablethat　you　permit　meto　class　you　as　my　friend。　　So　I'm　going　to　give　you　a　confidence　one　that　really　startles　me。　　I　called　on　Miss　Hallowell　last　night。〃

Norman's　back　stiffened。

〃She　is　even　more　charming　in　her　own　home。　And〃　　Tetlow　blushed　and　trembled〃I　am　going　to　make　her　my　wife　if　I　can。〃

Norman　turned；　a　mocking　satirical　smile　unpleasantly　sparkling　in　his　eyes　and　curling　his　mouth　〃Old　man；〃　he　said；　〃I　think　you've　gone　crazy。〃

Tetlow　made　a　helpless　gesture。　　〃I　think　so　myself。　　I　didn't　intend　to　marry　for　ten　yearsand　then　I　had　quite　a　different　match　in　mind。〃

〃What's　the　matter　with　you；　Billy？〃　inquired　Norman；　inspecting　him　with　smiling；　cruelly　unfriendly　eyes。

〃I'm　damned　if　I　know；　Norman；〃　said　the　head　clerk；　assuming　that　his　friend　was　sympathetic　and　dropping　into　the　informality　of　the　old　days　when　they　were　clerks　together　in　a　small　firm。　　〃I'd　have　proposed　to　her　last　night　if　I　hadn't　been　afraid　I'd　lose　her　by　being　in　such　a　hurry。　。　。　。　　You're　in　love　yourself。〃

Norman　startled　violently。

〃You're　going　to　get　married。　　Probably　you　can　sympathize。　　You　know　how　it　is　to　meet　the　woman　you　want　and　must　have。〃

Norman　turned　away。

〃I've　hador　thought　I　hadrather　advanced　ideas　on　the　subject　of　women。　　I've　always　had　a　horror　of　being　married　for　a　living　or　for　a　home　or　as　an　experiment　or　a　springboard。　　My　notion's　been　that　I　wouldn't　trust　a　woman　who　wasn't　independent。　And　theoretically　I　still　think　that's　sound。　　But　it　doesn't　work　out　in　practice。　　A　man　has　to　have　been　in　love　to　be　able　to　speak　the　last　word　on　the　sex　question。〃

Norman　dropped　heavily　into　his　desk　chair　and　rumpled　his　hair　into　disorder。　　He　muttered　something　the　head　clerk　thought　it　was　an　oath。

〃I'd　marry　her；〃　Tetlow　went　on；　〃if　I　knew　she　was　simply　using　me　in　the　coldest；　most　calculating　way。　　My　only　fear　is　that　I　shan't　be　able　to　get　her　that　she　won't　marry　me。〃

Norman　sneered。　　〃That's　not　likely；〃　he　said。

〃No；　it　isn't；〃　admitted　Tetlow。　　〃Theythe　Hallowellsare　nice　peopleof　as　good　family　as　there　is。　　But　they're　poorvery　poor。　　There's　only　her　father　and　herself。　　The　old　man　is　a　scientistspends　most　of　his　time　at　things　that　won't　pay　a　centutterly　impractical。　　A　gentlemanan　able　man；　if　a　little　crackedat　least　he　seemed　so　to　me　who　don't　know　much　about　scientific　matters。　　But　getting　poorer　steadily。　　So　I　think　she　will　accept　me。〃

A　gloomy；　angry　frown；　like　a　black　shadow；　passed　across　Norman's　face　and　disappeared。　　〃You'd　marry　heron　those　terms？〃　he　sneered。

〃Of　course　I　HOPE　for　better　terms〃

Norman　sprang　up；　strode　to　the　window　and　turned　his　back。

〃But　I'm　prepared　for　the　worst。　　The　fact　is；　she　treats　me　as　if　she　didn't　care　a　rap　for　the　honor　of　my　showing　her　attention。〃

〃A　trick；　Billy。　　An　old　trick。〃

〃Maybe　so。　　But　I　really　believe　she　doesn't　realize。　　She's　queerhas　been　queerly　brought　up。　　Yes；　I　think　she　doesn't　appreciate。　　Then；　too；　she's　young　and　lightalmost　childish　in　some　ways。　。　。　。　　I　don't　blame　you　for　being　disgusted　with　me；　Fred。　　But　damn　it；　what's　a　man　to　do？〃

〃Cure　himself！〃　exploded　Norman；　wheeling　violently　on　his　friend。　　〃You　must　act　like　a　man。　　Billy；　such　a　marriage　is　ruin　for　you。　　How　can　we　take　you　into　partnership　next　year？　　When　you　marry；　you　must　marry　in　the　class　you're　moving　toward；　not　in　any　of　those　you're　leaving　behind。〃

〃Do　you　suppose　I　haven't　thought　of　all　that？〃　rejoined　Tetlow　bitterly。　　〃But　I　can't　help　myself。　It's　useless　for　me　to　say　I'll　try。　　I　shan't　try。〃

〃Don't　you　want　to　get　over　this？〃　demanded　Norman　fiercely。

〃Of　course　　NoI　don't。　　Fred；　you'd　think　better　of　me　if　you　knew　her。　　You've　never　especially　noticed　her。　　She's　beautiful。〃

Norman　dropped　to　his　chair　again。

〃Reallybeautiful；〃　protested　Tetlow；　assuming　that　the　gesture　was　one　of　disgusted　denial。　　〃Take　a　good　look　at　her；　Norman；　before　you　condemn　her。　I　never　was　so　astonished　as　when　I　discovered　how　good…looking　she　is。　　I　don't　quite　know　how　it　is；　but　I　suppose　nobody　ever　happened　to　see　howhow　lovely　she　is　until　I　just　chanced　to　see　it。〃　　At　a　rudely　abrupt　gesture　from　Norman　he　hurried　on；　eagerly　apologetic；　〃And　if　you　talk　with　her　　She's　very　reserved。　　But　she's　the　lady　through　and　through　and　has　a　good　mind。　。　。　。　　At　least；　I　think　she　has。　I'll　admit　a　man　in　love　is　a　poor　judge　of　a　woman's　mind。　　But；　anyhow；　I　KNOW　she's　lovely　to　look　at。　You'll　see　it　yourself；　now　that　I've　called　your　attention　to　it。　　You　can't　fail　to　see　it。〃

Norman　threw　himself　back　in　his　chair　and　clasped　his　hands　behind　his　head。　　〃WHY　do　you　want　to　marry　her？〃　he　inquired；　in