an unsocial socialist-第42章

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unusual　condescension　on　her　part。

〃Indulging　in　a　day…dream？〃

〃No。〃　She　moved　a　little　to　one　side　and　concealed　the　basket
with　her　dress。

He　began　to　fear　that　something　was　wrong。　〃Is　it　possible　that
you　have　ventured　among　those　poisonous　plants　again？〃　he　said。
〃Are　you　ill？〃

〃Not　at　all；〃　she　replied；　rousing　herself　a　little。　〃Your
solicitude　is　quite　thrown　away。　I　am　perfectly　well。〃

〃I　beg　your　pardon；〃　he　said；　snubbed。　〃I　thoughtDon't　you
think　it　dangerous　to　sit　on　that　damp　wall？〃

〃It　is　not　damp。　It　is　crumbling　into　dust　with　dryness。〃　An
unnatural　laugh；　with　which　she　concluded；　intensified　his
uneasiness。

He　began　a　sentence；　stopped；　and　to　gain　time　to　recover
himself；　placed　his　bicycle　in　the　opposite　ditch；　a　proceeding
which　she　witnessed　with　impatience；　as　it　indicated　his
intention　to　stay　and　talk。　She；　however；　was　the　first　to　speak；
and　she　did　so　with　a　callousness　that　shocked　him。

〃Have　you　heard　the　news？〃

〃What　news？〃

〃About　Mr。　Trefusis　and　Agatha。　They　are　engaged。〃

〃So　Trefusis　told　me。　I　met　him　just　now　in　the　village。　I　was
very　glad　to　hear　it。〃

〃Of　course。〃

〃But　I　had　a　special　reason　for　being　glad。〃

〃Indeed？〃

〃I　was　desperately　afraid；　before　he　told　me　the　truth；　that　he
had　other　viewsviews　that　might　have　proved　fatal　to　my　dearest
hopes。〃

Gertrude　frowned　at　him；　and　the　frown　roused　him　to　brave　her。
He　lost　his　self…command；　already　shaken　by　her　strange　behavior。
〃You　know　that　I　love　you；　Miss　Lindsay；〃　he　said。　〃It　may　not　be
a　perfect　love；　but；　humanly　speaking；　it　is　a　true　one。　I　almost
told　you　so　that　day　when　we　were　in　the　billiard　room　together；
and　I　did　a　very　dishonorable　thing　the　same　evening。　When　you
were　speaking　to　Trefusis　in　the　avenue　I　was　close　to　you；　and　I
listened。〃

〃Then　you　heard　him；〃　cried　Gertrude　vehemently。　〃You　heard　him
swear　that　he　was　in　earnest。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Erskine；　trembling；　〃and　I　thought　he　meant　in
earnest　in　loving　you。　You　can　hardly　blame　me　for　that：　I　was　in
love　myself；　and　love　is　blind　and　jealous。　I　never　hoped　again
until　he　told　me　that　he　was　to　be　married　to　Miss　Wylie。　May　I
speak　to　you；　now　that　I　know　I　was　mistaken；　or　that　you　have
changed　your　mind？〃

〃Or　that　he　has　changed　his　mind；〃　said　Gertrude　scornfully。

Erskine；　with　a　new　anxiety　for　her　sake；　checked　himself。　Her
dignity　was　dear　to　him；　and　he　saw　that　her　disappointment　had
made　her　reckless　of　it。　〃Do　not　say　anything　to　me　now；　Miss
Lindsay；　lest〃

〃What　have　I　said？　What　have　I　to　say？〃

〃Nothing；　except　on　my　own　affairs。　I　love　you　dearly。〃

She　made　an　impatient　movement；　as　if　that　were　a　very
insignificant　matter。

〃You　believe　me；　I　hope；〃　he　said；　timidly。

Gertrude　made　an　effort　to　recover　her　habitual　ladylike　reserve；
but　her　energy　failed　before　she　had　done　more　than　raise　her
head。　She　relapsed　into　her　listless　attitude；　and　made　a　faint
gesture　of　intolerance。

〃You　cannot　be　quite　indifferent　to　being　loved；〃　he　said；
becoming　more　nervous　and　more　urgent。　〃Your　existence
constitutes　all　my　happiness。　I　offer　you　my　services　and
devotion。　I　do　not　ask　any　reward。〃　（He　was　now　speaking　very
quickly　and　almost　inaudibly。）　〃You　may　accept　my　love　without
returning　it。　I　do　not　wantseek　to　make　a　bargain。　If　you　need
a　friend　you　may　be　able　to　rely　on　me　more　confidently　because
you　know　I　love　you。〃

〃Oh；　you　think　so；〃　said　Gertrude；　interrupting　him；　〃but　you
will　get　over　it。　I　am　not　the　sort　of　person　that　men　fall　in
love　with。　You　will　soon　change　your　mind。〃

〃Not　the　sort！　Oh；　how　little　you　know！〃　he　said；　becoming
eloquent。　〃I　have　had　plenty　of　time　to　change；　but　I　am　as　fixed
as　ever。　If　you　doubt；　wait　and　try　me。　But　do　not　be　rough　with
me。　You　pain　me　more　than　you　can　imagine　when　you　are　hasty　or
indifferent。　I　am　in　earnest。〃

〃Ha；　ha！　That　is　easily　said。〃

〃Not　by　me。　I　change　in　my　judgment　of　other　people　according　to
my　humor；　but　I　believe　steadfastly　in　your　goodness　and
beautyas　if　you　were　an　angel。　I　am　in　earnest　in　my　love　for
you　as　I　am　in　earnest　for　my　own　life；　which　can　only　be
perfected　by　your　aid　and　influence。〃

〃You　are　greatly　mistaken　if　you　suppose　that　I　am　an　angel。〃

〃You　are　wrong　to　mistrust　yourself；　but　it　is　what　I　owe　to　you
and　not　what　I　expect　from　you　that　I　try　to　express　by　speaking
of　you　as　an　angel。　I　know　that　you　are　not　an　angel　to　yourself。
But　you　are　to　me。〃

She　sat　stubbornly　silent。

〃I　will　not　press　you　for　an　answer　now。　I　am　content　that　you
know　my　mind　at　last。　Shall　we　return　together？〃

She　looked　round　slowly　at　the　hemlock；　and　from　that　to　the
river。　Then　she　took　up　her　basket；　rose；　and　prepared　to　go；　as
if　under　compulsion。

〃Do　you　want　any　more　hemlock？〃　he　said。　〃If　so；　I　will　pluck
some　for　you。〃

〃I　wish　you　would　let　me　alone；〃　she　said；　with　sudden　anger。　She
added；　a　little　ashamed　of　herself；　〃I　have　a　headache。〃

〃I　am　very　sorry；〃　he　said；　crestfallen。

〃It　is　only　that　I　do　not　wish　to　be　spoken　to。　It　hurts　my　head
to　listen。〃

He　meekly　took　his　bicycle　from　the　ditch　and　wheeled　it　along
beside　her　to　the　Beeches　without　another　word。　They　went　in
through　the　conservatory；　and　parted　in　the　dining…room。　Before
leaving　him　she　said　with　some　remorse；　〃I　did　not　mean　to　be
rude；　Mr。　Erskine。〃

He　flushed；　murmured　something；　and　attempted　to　kiss　her　hand。
But　she　snatched　it　away　and　went　out　quickly。　He　was　stung　by
this　repulse；　and　stood　mortifying　himself　by　thinking　of　it
until　he　was　disturbed　by　the　entrance　of　a　maid…servant。
Learning　from　her　that　Sir　Charles　was　in　the　billiard　room；　he
joined　him　there；　and　asked　him　carelessly　if　he　had　heard　the
news。

〃About　Miss　Wylie？〃　said　Sir　Charles。　〃Yes；　I　should　think　so。　I
believe　the　whole　country　knows　it；　though　they　have　not　been
engaged　three　hours。　Have　you　seen　these？〃　And　he　pushed　a　couple
of　newspapers　across　the　table。

Erskine　had　to　make　several　efforts　before　he　could　read。　〃　You
were　a　fool　to　sign　that　document；〃　he　said。　〃I　told　you　so　at
the　time。〃

〃I　relied　on　the　fellow　being　a　gentleman；〃　said　Sir　Charles
warmly。　〃　I　do　not　see　that　I　was　a　fool。　I　see　that　he　is　a　cad；
and　but　for　this　business　of　Miss　Wylie's　I　would　let　him　know　my
opinion。　Let　me　tell　you；　Chester；　that　he　has　played　fast　and
loose　with　Miss　Lindsay。　There　is　a　deuce　of　a　row　upstairs。　She
has　just　told　Jane　that　she　must　go　home　at　once；　Miss　Wylie
declares　that　she　will　have　nothing　to　do　with　Trefusis　if　Miss
Lindsay　has　a　prior　claim　to　him；　and　Jane　is　annoyed　at　his
admiring　anybody　except　herself。　It　serves　me　right；　my　instinct
warned　me　against　the　fellow　from　the　first。〃　Just　then　luncheon
was　announced。　Gertrude　did　not　come　down。　Agatha　was　silent　and
moody。　Jane　tried　to　make　Erskine　describe　his　walk　with
Gertrude；　but　he　baffled　her　curiosity　by　omitting　from　his
account　everything　except　its　commonplaces。

〃I　think　her　conduct　very　strange；〃　said　Jane。　〃She　insists　on
going　to　town　by　the　four　o'clock　train。　I　consider　that　it's　not
polite　to　me；　although　she　always　made　a　point　of　her　perfect
manners。　I　never　heard　of　such　a　thing！〃

When　they　had　risen　from　the　table；　they　went　together　to　the
drawing…room。　They　had　hardly　arrived　there　when　Trefusis　was
announced；　and　he　was　in　their　presence　before　they　had　time　to
conceal　the　expression　of　consternation　his　name　brought　into
their　faces。

〃I　have　come　to　say　good…bye；〃　he　said。　〃I　find　that　I　must　go　to
town　by　the　four　o'clock　train　to　push　my　arrangements　in　person；
the　telegrams　I　have　received　breathe　nothing　but　delay。　Have　you
seen　the　'Times'？〃

〃I　have　indeed；〃　said　Sir　Charles；　emphatically。

〃You　are　in　some　other　paper　too；　and　will　be　in　half…a…dozen
more　in　the　course　of　the　next　fortnight。　Men　who　have　committed
themselves　to　an　opinion　are　always　in　trouble　with　the
newspapers；　some　because　they　cannot　get　into　them；　others
because　they　cannot　keep　out。　If　you　had　put　forward　a　thundering
revolutionary　manifesto；　not　a　daily　paper　would　have　dared
allude　to　it：　there　is　no　cowardice　like　Fleet　Street　cowardice！
I　must　run　off；　I　have　much　to　do　before　I　start；　and　it　is
getting　on　for　three。　Good…bye；　Lady　Brandon；　and　everybody。〃

He　shook　Jane's　hand；　dealt　nods　to　the　rest　rapidly；　making　no
distinction　in　favor　of　Agatha；　and　hurried　away。　They　stared
after　him　for　a　moment　and　then　Erskine　ran　out　and　went
downstairs　two　steps　at　a　time。　Nevertheless　he　had　to　run　as　far
as　the　avenue　before　he　overtook　his　man。

〃Trefusis；〃　he　said　breathlessly；　〃you　must　not　go　by　the　four
o'clock　train。〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃Miss　Lindsay　is　going　to　town　by　it。〃

〃So　much　the　better；　my　dear　boy；　so　much　the　better。　You　are　not
jealous　of　me　now；　are　you？〃

〃Look　here；　Trefusis。　I　don't　know　and　I　don't　ask　what　there　has
been　between　you　and　Miss　Lindsay；　but　your　engagement　has　quite
upset　her；　and　she　is　running　away　to　London　in　consequence。　If
she　hears　that　you　are　going　by　the　same　train　she　will　wait
until　to…morrow；　and　I　believe　the　delay　would　be　very
disagreeable。　Will　you　inflict　that　additional　pain　upon　her？〃

Trefusis；　evidently　concerned；　looking　doubtfully　at　Erskine；　and
pondered　for　a　moment。　〃I　think　you　are　on　a　wrong　scent　about
this；〃　he　said。　〃My　relations　with　Miss　Lindsay　were　not　of　a
sentimental　kind。　Have　you　said　anything　to　heron　your　own
account；　I　mean？〃

〃I　have　spoken　to　her　on　both　accounts；　and　I　know　from　her　own
lips　that　I　am　right。〃

Trefusis　uttered　a　low　whistle。

〃It　is　not　the　first　time　I　have　had　the　evidence　of　my　senses　in
the　matter；〃　said　Erskine　significantly。　〃　Pray　think　of　it
seriously；　Trefusis。　Forgive　my　telling　you　frankly　that　nothing
but　your　own　utter　want　of　feeling　could　excuse　you　for　the　way
in　which　you　have　acted　towards　her。〃

Trefusis　smiled。　〃Forgive　me　in　turn　for　my　inquisitiveness；〃　he
said。　〃What　does　she　say　to　your　suit？〃

Erskine　hesitated；　showing　by　his　manner　that　he　thought　Trefusis
had　no　right　to　ask　the　question。　〃She　says　nothing；〃　he
answered。

〃Hm！〃　said　Trefusis。　〃Well；　you　may　rely　on　me　as　to　the　train。
There　is　my　hand　upon　it。〃

〃Thank　you；〃　said　Erskine　fervently。　They　shook　hands　and　parted；
Trefusis　walking　away　with　a　grin　suggestive　of　anything　but　good
faith。



CHAPTER　XVII

Gertrude；　unaware　of　the　extent　to　which　she　had　already　betrayed
her　disappointment；　believed　that　anxiety　for　her　father's
health；　which　she　alleged　as　the　motive　of　her　sudden　departure；
was　an　excuse　plausible　enough　to　blind　her　friends　to　her
overpowering　reluctance　to　speak　to　Agatha　or　endure　her
presence；　to　her　fierce　shrinking　from　the　sort　of　pity　usually
accorded　to　a　jilted　woman；　and；　above　all；　to　her　dread　of
meeting　Trefusis。　She　had　for　some　time　past　thought　of　him　as　an
upright　and　perfect　man　deeply　interested　in　her。　Yet；
comparatively　liberal　as　her　education　had　been；　she　had　no　idea
of　any　interest　of　man　in　woman　existing　apart　from　a　desire　to
marry。　He　had；　in　his　serious　moments；　striven　to　make　her
sensible　of　the　baseness　he　saw　in　her