an unsocial socialist-第31章

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included　my　court　dress；　was　only　L150；　I　cannot　see　how　I　could
possibly　have　been　more　economical；　unless　you　expect　me　to　go　in
rags。　I　am　sorry　that　Madame　Smith　has　asked　for　the　money　at
such　an　inconvenient　time；　but　when　I　begged　you　to　pay　her
something　in　March　last　year　you　told　me　to　keep　her　quiet　by
giving　her　a　good　order。　I　am　not　surprised　at　her　not　being　very
civil；　as　she　has　plenty　of　tradesmen's　daughters　among　her
customers　who　pay　her　more　than　L300　a　year　for　their　dresses。　I
am　wearing　a　skirt　at　present　which　I　got　two　years　ago。

〃Sir　Charles　is　going　to　town　on　Thursday；　he　will　bring　you　the
hemlock。　Tell　mamma　that　there　is　an　old　woman　here　who　knows
some　wonderful　cure　for　sore　eyes。　She　will　not　tell　what　the
ingredients　are；　but　it　cures　everyone；　and　there　is　no　use　in
giving　an　oculist　two　guineas　for　telling　us　that　reading　in　bed
is　bad　for　the　eyes；　when　we　know　perfectly　well　that　mamma　will
not　give　up　doing　it。　If　you　pay　Berkeley's　debts；　do　not　forget
that　he　owes　me　L3。

〃Another　schoolfellow　of　mine　is　staying　here　now；　and　I　think
that　Mr。　Trefusis　will　have　the　pleasure　of　paying　her　bills　some
day。　He　is　a　great　pet　of　Lady　Brandon's。　Sir　Charles　was　angry
at　first　because　she　invited　him　here；　and　we　were　al1　surprised
at　it。　The　man　has　a　bad　reputation；　and　headed　a　mob　that　threw
down　the　walls　of　the　park；　and　we　hardly　thought　he　would　be
cool　enough　to　come　after　that。　But　he　does　not　seem　to　care
whether　we　want　him　or　not；　and　he　comes　when　he　likes。　As　he
talks　cleverly；　we　find　him　a　godsend　in　this　dull　place。　It　is
really　not　such　a　paradise　as　you　seem　to　think；　but　you　need　not
be　afraid　of　my　returning　any　sooner　than　I　can　help。

〃Your　affectionate　daughter；　　　　　〃Gertrude　Lindsay。

When　Gertrude　had　closed　this　letter；　and　torn　up　her　father's；
she　thought　little　more　about　either。　They　might　have　made　her
unhappy　had　they　found　her　happy；　but　as　hopeless　discontent　was
her　normal　state；　and　enjoyment　but　a　rare　accident；
recriminatory　passages　with　her　father　only　put　her　into　a　bad
humor；　and　did　not　in　the　least　disappoint　or　humiliate　her。

For　the　sake　of　exercise；　she　resolved　to　carry　her　letter　to　the
village　post　office　and　return　along　the　Riverside　Road；　whereby
she　had　seen　hemlock　growing。　She　took　care　to　go　out　unobserved；
lest　Agatha　should　volunteer　to　walk　with　her；　or　Jane　declare
her　intention　of　driving　to　the　post　office　in　the　afternoon；　and
sulk　for　the　rest　of　the　day　unless　the　trip　to　the　village　were
postponed　until　then。　She　took　with　her；　as　a　protection　against
tramps；　a　big　St。　Bernard　dog　named　Max。　This　animal；　which　was
young　and　enthusiastic；　had　taken　a　strong　fancy　to　her；　and　had
expressed　it　frankly　and　boisterously；　and　she；　whose　affections
had　been　starved　in　her　home　and　in　society；　had　encouraged　him
with　more　kindness　than　she　had　ever　shown　to　any　human　being。

In　the　village；　having　posted　her　letter；　she　turned　towards　a
lane　that　led　to　the　Riverside　Road。　Max；　unaware　of　her　reason
for　choosing　the　longest　way　home；　remonstrated　by　halting　in　the
middle　of　the　lane；　wagging　his　tail　rapidly；　and　uttering　gruff
barks。

〃Don't　be　stupid；　sir；〃　said　Gertrude　impatiently。　〃I　am　going
this　way。〃

Max；　apparently　understanding；　rushed　after　her；　passed　her；　and
disappeared　in　a　cloud　of　dust　raised　by　his　effort　to　check
himself　when　he　had　left　her　far　enough　behind。　When　he　came　back
she　kissed　his　nose；　and　ran　a　race　with　him　until　she　too　was
panting；　and　had　to　stand　still　to　recover　her　breath；　whilst　he
bounded　about；　barking　ferociously。　She　had　not　for　many　years
enjoyed　such　a　frolic；　and　the　thought　of　this　presently　brought
tears　to　her　eyes。　Rather　peevishly　she　bade　Max　be　quiet；　walked
slowly　to　cool　herself；　and　put　up　her　sunshade　to　avert
freckles。

The　sun　was　now　at　the　meridian。　On　a　slope　to　Gertrude's　right
hand；　Sallust's　House；　with　its　cinnamon…colored　walls　and　yellow
frieze；　gave　a　foreign　air　to　the　otherwise　very　English
landscape。　She　passed　by　without　remembering　who　lived　there。
Further　down；　on　some　waste　land　separated　from　the　road　by　a　dry
ditch　and　a　low　mud　wall；　a　cluster　of　hemlocks；　nearly　six　feet
high；　poisoned　the　air　with　their　odor。　She　crossed　the　ditch；
took　a　pair　of　gardening　gloves　from　her　plaited　straw
hand…basket；　and　busied　herself　with　the　hemlock　leaves；　pulling
the　tender　ones；　separating　them　from　the　stalk；　and　filling　the
basket　with　the　web。　She　forgot　Max　until　an　impression　of　dead
silence；　as　if　the　earth　had　stopped；　caused　her　to　look　round　in
vague　dread。　Trefusis；　with　his　hand　abandoned　to　the　dog；　who
was　trying　how　much　of　it　he　could　cram　into　his　mouth；　was
standing　within　a　few　yards　of　her；　watching　her　intently。
Gertrude　turned　pale；　and　came　out　hastily　from　among　the　bushes。
Then　she　had　a　strange　sensation　as　if　something　had　happened
high　above　her　head。　There　was　a　threatening　growl；　a　commanding
exclamation；　and　an　unaccountable　pause；　at　the　expiration　of
which　she　found　herself　supine　on　the　sward；　with　her　parasol
between　her　eyes　and　the　sun。　A　sudden　scoop　of　Max's　wet　warm
tongue　in　her　right　ear　startled　her　into　activity。　She　sat　up；
and　saw　Trefusis　on　his　knees　at　her　side　holding　the　parasol
with　an　unconcerned　expression；　whilst　Max　was　snuffing　at　her　in
restless　anxiety　opposite。

〃I　must　go　home；〃　she　said。　〃I　must　go　home　instantly。〃

〃Not　at　all；〃　said　Trefusis；　soothingly。　〃They　have　just　sent
word　to　say　that　everything　is　settled　satisfactorily　and　that
you　need　not　come。〃

〃Have　they？〃　she　said　faintly。　Then　she　lay　down　again；　and　it
seemed　to　her　that　a　very　long　time　elapsed。　Suddenly
recollecting　that　Trefusis　had　supported　her　gently　with　his　hand
to　prevent　her　falling　back　too　rudely；　she　rose　again；　and　this
time　got　upon　her　feet　with　his　help。

〃I　must　go　home；〃　she　said　again。　〃It　is　a　matter　of　life　or
death。〃

〃No；　no；〃　he　said　softly。　〃It　is　all　right。　You　may　depend　on
me。〃

She　looked　at　him　earnestly。　He　had　taken　her　hand　to　steady　her；
for　she　was　swaying　a　little。　〃Are　you　sure；〃　she　said；　grasping
his　arm。　〃Are　you　quite　sure？〃

〃Absolutely　certain。　You　know　I　am　always　right；　do　you　not？〃

〃Yes；　oh；　yes；　you　have　always　been　true　to　me。　You〃　Here　her
senses　came　back　with　a　rush。　Dropping　his　hand　as　if　it　had
become　red　hot；　she　said　sharply；　〃What　are　you　talking　about？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said；　resuming　his　indifferent　manner　with　a
laugh。　〃Are　you　better？　Let　me　drive　you　to　the　Beeches。　My
stable　is　within　a　stone's　throw；　I　can　get　a　trap　out　in　ten
minutes。〃

〃No；　thank　you；〃　said　Gertrude　haughtily。　〃I　do　not　wish　to
drive。〃　She　paused；　and　added　in　some　bewilderment；　〃What　has
happened？〃

〃You　fainted；　and〃

〃I　did　not　faint；〃　said　Gertrude　indignantly。　〃I　never　fainted　in
my　life。〃

〃Yes；　you　did。〃

〃Pardon　me；　Mr。　Trefusis。　I　did　not。〃

〃You　shall　judge　for　yourself。　I　was　coming　through　this　field
when　I　saw　you　gathering　hemlock。　Hemlock　is　interesting　on
account　of　Socrates；　and　you　were　interesting　as　a　young　lady
gathering　poison。　So　I　stopped　to　look　on。　Presently　you　came　out
from　among　the　bushes　as　if　you　had　seen　a　snake　there。　Then　you
fell　into　my　armswhich　led　me　to　suppose　that　you　had
faintedand　Max；　concluding　that　it　was　all　my　fault；　nearly
sprang　at　my　throat。　You　were　overpowered　by　the　scent　of　the
water…hemlock；　which　you　must　have　been　inhaling　for　ten　minutes
or　more。〃

〃I　did　not　know　that　there　was　any　danger；〃　said　Gertrude；
crestfallen。　〃I　felt　very　tired　when　I　came　to。　That　was　why　I
lay　so　long　the　second　time。　I　really　could　not　help　it。〃

〃You　did　not　lie　very　long。〃

〃Not　when　I　first　fell；　that　was　only　a　few　seconds；　I　know。　But
I　must　have　lain　there　nearly　ten　minutes　after　I　recovered。〃

〃You　were　nearly　a　minute　insensible　when　you　first　fell；　and
when　you　recovered　you　only　rested　for　about　one　second。　After
that　you　raved；　and　I　invented　suitable　answers　until　you
suddenly　asked　me　what　I　was　talking　about。〃

Gertrude　reddened　a　little　as　the　possibility　of　her　having　raved
indiscreetly　occurred　to　her。　〃It　was　very　silly　of　me　to　faint；〃
she　said。

〃You　could　not　help　it；　you　are　only　human。　I　shall　walk　with　you
to　the　Beeches。〃

〃Thank　you；　I　will　not　trouble　you；〃　she　said　quickly。

He　shook　his　head。　〃I　do　not　know　how　long　the　effect　of　that
abominable　water…weed　may　last；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　dare　not　leave
you　to　walk　alone。　If　you　prefer　it　I　can　send　you　in　a　trap　with
my　gardener；　but　I　had　rather　accompany　you　myself。〃

〃You　are　giving　yourself　a　great　deal　of　unnecessary　trouble。　I
will　walk。　I　am　quite　well　again　and　need　no　assistance。〃

They　started　without　another　word。　Gertrude　had　to　concentrate
all　her　energy　to　conceal　from　him　that　she　was　giddy。　Numbness
and　lassitude　crept　upon　her；　and　she　was　beginning　to　hope　that
she　was　only　dreaming　it　all　when　he　roused　her　by　saying；

〃Take　my　arm。〃

〃No；　thank　you。〃

〃Do　not　be　so　senselessly　obstinate。　You　will　have　to　lean　on　the
hedge　for　support　if　you　refuse　my　help。　I　am　sorry　I　did　not
insist　on　getting　the　trap。〃

Gertrude　had　not　been　spoken　to　in　this　tone　since　her　childhood。
〃I　am　perfectly　well；〃　she　said　sharply。　〃You　are　really　very
officious。〃

〃You　are　not　perfectly　well；　and　you　know　it。　However；　if　you
make　a　brave　struggle；　you　will　probably　be　able　to　walk　home
without　my　assistance；　and　the　effort　may　do　you　good。〃

〃You　are　very　rude；〃　she　said　peremptorily。

〃I　know　it；〃　he　replied　calmly。　〃You　will　find　three　classes　of
men　polite　to　youslaves；　men　who　think　much　of　their　manners
and　nothing　of　you；　and　your　lovers。　I　am　none　of　these；　and
therefore　give　you　back　your　ill　manners　with　interest。　Why　do
you　resist　your　good　angel　by　suppressing　those　natural　and
sincere　impulses　which　come　to　you　often　enough；　and　sometimes
bring　a　look　into　your　face　that　might　tame　a　beara　look　which
you　hasten　to　extinguish　as　a　thief　darkens　his　lantern　at　the
sound　of　a　footstep。〃

〃Mr。　Trefusis；　I　am　not　accustomed　to　be　lectured。〃

〃That　is　why　I　lecture　you。　I　felt　curious　to　see　how　your　good
breeding；　by　which　I　think　you　set　some　store；　would　serve　you　in
entirely　novel　circumstancesthose　of　a　man　speaking　his　mind　to
you；　for　instance。　What　is　the　result　of　my　experiment？　Instead
of　rebuking　me　with　the　sweetness　and　dignity　which　I　could　not；
in　spite　of　my　past　observation；　help　expecting　from　you；　you
churlishly　repel　my　offer　of　the　assistance　you　need；　tell　me
that　I　am　very　rude；　very　officious；　and；　in　short；　do　what　you
can　to　make　my　position　disagreeable　and　humiliating。〃

She　looked　at　him　haughtily；　but　his　expression　was　void　of
offence　or　fear；　and　he　continued；　unanswered。

〃I　would　bear　all　this　from　a　working　woman　without　remonstrance；
for　she　would　owe　me　no　graces　of　manner　or　morals。　But　you　are　a
lady。　That　means　that　many　have　starved　and　drudged　in　uncleanly
discomfort　in　order　that　you　may　have　white　and　unbroken　hands；
fine　garments；　and　exquisite　mannersthat　you　may　be　a　living
fountain　of　those　influences　that　softe