confidence-第37章

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ed　idiot？'　he　broke　out；　as　soon　as　he　had　got　into　the　room。　'I　like　to　hear　you　say　that；'　I　said；　'because　it　does　n't　seem　to　me　that　you　have　been　at　all　wise。'　　'You　are　cleverness；　kindness；　tact；　in　the　most　perfect　form！'　he　went　on。　As　a　veracious　historian　I　am　bound　to　tell　you　that　he　paid　me　a　bushel　of　compliments；　and　thanked　me　in　the　most　flattering　terms　for　my　having　let　him　bore　me　so　for　a　week。　'You　have　not　bored　me；'　I　said；　'you　have　interested　me。'　'Yes；'　he　cried；　'as　a　curious　case　of　monomania。　　It　's　a　part　of　your　kindness　to　say　that；　but　I　know　I　have　bored　you　to　death；　and　the　end　of　it　all　is　that　you　despise　me。　You　can't　help　despising　me；　I　despise　myself。　　I　used　to　think　that　I　was　a　man；　but　I　have　given　that　up；　I　am　a　poor　creature！　I　used　to　think　I　could　take　things　quietly　and　bear　them　bravely。　But　I　can't！　If　it　were　not　for　very　shame　I　could　sit　here　and　cry　to　you。'　　'Don't　mind　me；'　I　said；　'you　know　it　is　a　part　of　our　agreement　that　I　was　not　to　be　critical。'　'Our　agreement？'　he　repeated；　vaguely。　　'I　see　you　have　forgotten　it；'　I　answered；　'but　it　does　n't　in　the　least　matter；　it　is　not　of　that　I　wish　to　talk　to　you。　　All　the　more　that　it　has　n't　done　you　a　particle　of　good。　　I　have　been　extremely　nice　with　you　for　a　week；　but　you　are　just　as　unhappy　now　as　you　were　at　the　beginning。　　Indeed；　I　think　you　are　rather　worse。'　'Heaven　forgive　me；　Miss　Vivian；　I　believe　I　am！'　he　cried。　'Heaven　will　easily　forgive　you；　you　are　on　the　wrong　road。　To　catch　up　with　your　happiness；　which　has　been　running　away　from　you；　you　must　take　another；　you　must　travel　in　the　same　direction　as　Blanche；　you　must　not　separate　yourself　from　your　wife。'　At　the　sound　of　Blanche's　name　he　jumped　up　and　took　his　usual　tone；　he　knew　all　about　his　wife；　and　needed　no　information。　But　I　made　him　sit　down　again；　and　I　made　him　listen　to　me。　I　made　him　listen　for　half　an　hour；　and　at　the　end　of　the　time　he　was　interested。　　He　had　all　the　appearance　of　it；　he　sat　gazing　at　me；　and　at　last　the　tears　came　into　his　eyes。　I　believe　I　had　a　moment　of　eloquence。　　I　don't　know　what　I　said；　nor　how　I　said　it；　to　what　point　it　would　bear　examination；　nor　how；　if　you　had　been　there；　it　would　seem　to　you；　as　a　disinterested　critic；　to　hang　together；　but　I　know　that　after　a　while　there　were　tears　in　my　own　eyes。　　I　begged　him　not　to　give　up　Blanche；　I　assured　him　that　she　is　not　so　foolish　as　she　seems；　that　she　is　a　very　delicate　little　creature　to　handle；　and　that；　in　reality；　whatever　she　does；　she　is　thinking　only　of　him。　He　had　been　all　goodness　and　kindness　to　her；　I　knew　that；　but　he　had　not；　from　the　first；　been　able　to　conceal　from　her　that　he　regarded　her　chiefly　as　a　pretty　kitten。　She　wished　to　be　more　than　that；　and　she　took　refuge　in　flirting；　simply　to　excite　his　jealousy　and　make　him　feel　strongly　about　her。　He　has　felt　strongly；　and　he　was　feeling　strongly　now；　he　was　feeling　passionatelythat　was　my　whole　contention。　But　he　had　perhaps　never　made　it　plain　to　those　rather　near…sighted　little　mental　eyes　of　hers；　and　he　had　let　her　suppose　something　that　could　n't　fail　to　rankle　in　her　mind　and　torment　it。　'You　have　let　her　suppose；'　I　said；　'that　you　were　thinking　of　me；　and　the　poor　girl　has　been　jealous　of　me。　　I　know　it；　but　from　nothing　she　herself　has　said。　　She　has　said　nothing；　she　has　been　too　proud　and　too　considerate。　　If　you　don't　think　that　's　to　her　honor；　I　do。　　She　has　had　a　chance　every　day　for　a　week；　but　she　has　treated　me　without　a　grain　of　spite。　I　have　appreciated　it；　I　have　understood　it；　and　it　has　touched　me　very　much。　　It　ought　to　touch　you；　Mr。　Wright。　　When　she　heard　I　was　engaged　to　Mr。　Longueville；　it　gave　her　an　immense　relief。　And　yet；　at　the　same　moment　you　were　protesting；　and　denouncing；　and　saying　those　horrible　things　about　her！　　I　know　how　she　appears　she　likes　admiration。　　But　the　admiration　in　the　world　which　she　would　most　delight　in　just　now　would　be　yours。　　She　plays　with　Captain　Lovelock　as　a　child　does　with　a　wooden　harlequin；　she　pulls　a　string　and　he　throws　up　his　arms　and　legs。　She　has　about　as　much　intention　of　eloping　with　him　as　a　little　girl　might　have　of　eloping　with　a　pasteboard　Jim　Crow。　If　you　were　to　have　a　frank　explanation　with　her；　Blanche　would　very　soon　throw　Jim　Crow　out　of　the　window。　I　very　humbly　entreat　you　to　cease　thinking　of　me。　I　don't　know　what　wrong　you　have　ever　done　me；　or　what　kindness　I　have　ever　done　you；　that　you　should　feel　obliged　to　trouble　your　head　about　me。　　You　see　all　I　amI　tell　you　now。　I　am　nothing　in　the　least　remarkable。　　As　for　your　thinking　ill　of　me　at　Baden；　I　never　knew　it　nor　cared　about　it。　If　it　had　been　so；　you　see　how　I　should　have　got　over　it。　Dear　Mr。　Wright；　we　might　be　such　good　friends；　if　you　would　only　believe　me。　　She　's　so　pretty；　so　charming；　so　universally　admired。　　You　said　just　now　you　had　bored　me；　but　it　's　nothingin　spite　of　all　the　compliments　you　have　paid　me　to　the　way　I　have　bored　you。　　If　she　could　only　know　it　that　I　have　bored　you！　　Let　her　see　for　half　an　hour　that　I　am　out　of　your　mindthe　rest　will　take　care　of　itself。　She　might　so　easily　have　made　a　quarrel　with　me。　　The　way　she　has　behaved　to　me　is　one　of　the　prettiest　things　I　have　ever　seen；　and　you　shall　see　the　way　I　shall　always　behave　to　her！　Don't　think　it　necessary　to　say　out　of　politeness　that　I　have　not　bored　you；　it　is　not　in　the　least　necessary。　You　know　perfectly　well　that　you　are　disappointed　in　the　charm　of　my　society。　　And　I　have　done　my　best；　too。　I　can　honestly　affirm　that！'　　For　some　time　he　said　nothing；　and　then　he　remarked　that　I　was　very　clever；　but　he　did　n't　see　a　word　of　sense　in　what　I　said。　　'It　only　proves；'　I　said；　'that　the　merit　of　my　conversation　is　smaller　than　you　had　taken　it　into　your　head　to　fancy。　　But　I　have　done　you　good；　all　the　same。　　Don't　contradict　me；　you　don't　know　yet；　and　it　's　too　late　for　us　to　argue　about　it。　　You　will　tell　me　to…morrow。'〃






CHAPTER　XXX

Some　three　evenings　after　he　received　this　last　report　of　the　progress　of　affairs　in　Paris；　Bernard；　upon　whom　the　burden　of　exile　sat　none　the　more　lightly　as　the　days　went　on；　turned　out　of　the　Strand　into　one　of　the　theatres。　　He　had　been　gloomily　pushing　his　way　through　the　various　London　densities　the　November　fog；　the　nocturnal　darkness；　the　jostling　crowd。　He　was　too　restless　to　do　anything　but　walk；　and　he　had　been　saying　to　himself；　for　the　thousandth　time；　that　if　he　had　been　guilty　of　a　misdemeanor　in　succumbing　to　the　attractions　of　the　admirable　girl　who　showed　to　such　advantage　in　letters　of　twelve　pages；　his　fault　was　richly　expiated　by　these　days　of　impatience　and　bereavement。　　He　gave　little　heed　to　the　play；　his　thoughts　were　elsewhere；　and；　while　they　rambled；　his　eyes　wandered　round　the　house。　　Suddenly；　on　the　other　side　of　it；　he　beheld　Captain　Lovelock；　seated　squarely　in　his　orchestra…stall；　but；　if　Bernard　was　not　mistaken；　paying　as　little　attention　to　the　stage　as　he　himself　had　done。　The　Captain's　eyes；　it　is　true；　were　fixed　upon　the　scene；　his　head　was　bent　a　little；　his　magnificent　beard　rippled　over　the　expanse　of　his　shirt…front。　But　Bernard　was　not　slow　to　see　that　his　gaze　was　heavy　and　opaque；　and　that；　though　he　was　staring　at　the　actresses；　their　charms　were　lost　upon　him。　He　saw　that；　like　himself；　poor　Lovelock　had　matter　for　reflection　in　his　manly　breast；　and　he　concluded　that　Blanche's　ponderous　swain　was　also　suffering　from　a　sense　of　disjunction。　Lovelock　sat　in　the　same　posture　all　the　evening；　and　that　his　imagination　had　not　projected　itself　into　the　play　was　proved　by　the　fact　that　during　the　entractes　he　gazed　with　the　same　dull　fixedness　at　the　curtain。　　Bernard　forebore　to　interrupt　him；　we　know　that　he　was　not　at　this　moment　socially　inclined；　and　he　judged　that　the　Captain　was　as　little　so；　inasmuch　as　causes　even　more　imperious　than　those　which　had　operated　in　his　own　case　must　have　been　at　the　bottom　of　his　sudden　appearance　in　London。　On　leaving　the　theatre；　however；　Bernard　found　himself　detained　with　the　crowd　in　the　vestibule　near　the　door；　which；　wide　open　to　the　street；　was　a　scene　of　agitation　and　confusion。　It　had　come　on　to　rain；　and　the　raw　dampness　mingled　itself　with　the　dusky　uproar　of　the　Strand。　　At　last；　among　the　press　of　people；　as　he　was　passing　out；　our　hero　became　aware　that　he　had　been　brought　into　contact　with　Lovelock；　who　was　walking　just　beside　him。　　At　the　same　moment　Lovelock　noticed　him　looked　at　him　for　an　instant；　and　then　looked　away。　But　he　looked　back　again　the　next　instant；　and　the　two　men　then　uttered　that　inarticulate　and　inexpressive　exclamation　which　passes　for　a　sign　of　greeting　among　gentlemen　of　the　Anglo…Saxon　race；　in　their　moments　of　more　acute　self…consciousness。

〃Oh；　are　you　here？〃　said　Bernard。　　〃I　thought　you　were　in　Paris。〃

〃No；　I　ain't　in　Paris；〃　Lovelock　answered　with　some　dryness。　〃Tired　of　the　beastly　hole！〃

〃Oh；　I　see；〃　said　Bernard。　　〃Excuse　me　while　I　put　up　my　umbrella。〃

He　put　up　his　umbrella；　and　from　under　it；　the　next　moment；　he　saw　the　Captain　waving　two　fingers　at　him　out　of　the　front　of　a　hansom。　When　he　returned　to　his　hotel　he　found　on　his　table　a　letter　superscribed　in　Gordon　Wright's　hand。　　This　communication　ran　as　follows：

〃I　believe　you　are　making　a　fool　of　me。　　In　Heaven's　name；　come　back　to　Paris！　　G。　W。〃

Bernard　hardly　knew　whether　to　regard　these　few　words　as　a　further　declaration　of　war；　or　as　an　overture　to　peace；　but　he　lost　no　time　in　complying　with　the　summons　they　conveyed。　He　started　for　Paris　the　next　morning；　and　in　the　evening；　after　he　had　removed　the　dust　of　his　journey　and　swallowed　a　hasty　dinner；　he　rang　at　Mrs。　Vivian's　door。　　This　lady　and　her　daughter　gave　him　a　welcome　whichI　will　not　say　satisfied　him；　but　which；　at　least；　did　something　toward　soothing　the　still　unhealed　wounds　of　separation。

〃And　what　is　the　news　of　Gordon？〃　he　presently　asked。

〃We　have　not　seen　him　in　three　days；〃　said　Angela。

〃He　is　cured；　dear　Bernard；　he　must　be。　　Angela　has　been　wonderful；〃　Mrs。　Vivian　declared。

〃You　should　have　seen　mamma　with　Blanche；〃　her　daughter　said；　smiling。　〃It　was　most　remarkable。〃

Mrs。　Vivian　smiled；　too；　very　gently。

〃Dear　little　Blanche！　　Captain　Lovelock　has　gone　to　London。〃

〃Yes；　he　thinks　it　a　beastly　hole。　　Ah；　no；〃　Bernard　added；　〃I　have　got　it　wrong。〃

But　it　little　mattered。　　Late　that　night；　on　his　return　to　his　own　rooms；　Bernard　sat　gazing　at　his　fire。　　He　had　not　begun　to　undress；　he　was　thinking　of　a　good　many　things。　He　was　in　the　midst　of　his　reflections　when　there　came　a　rap　at　his　door；　which　the　next　moment　was　flung　open。　Gordon　Wright　stood　there；　looking　at　himwith　a　gaze　which　Bernard　returned　for　a　moment　before　bidding　him　to　come　in。　Gordon　came　in　and　came　up　to　him；　then　he　held　out　his　hand。　Bernard　took　it　with　great　satisfaction；　his　last　feeling　had　been　that　he　was　very　weary　of　this　ridiculous　quarrel；　and　it　was　an　extreme　relief　to　find　it　was　over。

〃It　was　very　good　of　you　to　go　to　London；〃　said　Gordon；　looking　at　him　with　all　the　old　serious　honesty　of　his　eyes。

〃I　have　always　tried　to　do　what　I　could　to　oblige　you；〃　Bernard　answered；　smiling。

〃You　must　have　cursed　me　over　there；〃　Gordon　went　on。