the dwelling place of ligh-第41章

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from　him　her　hands　went　out；　were　pressed　together　with　an　imploring；
supplicating　gesture。　　He　seized　them。　　His　nearness　was　suffocating　her；
she　flung　herself　into　his　arms；　and　their　lips　met　in　a　long；　swooning
kiss。　　She　began　instinctively　but　vainly　to　struggle；　not　against　him
but　against　a　primal　thing　stronger　than　herself；　stronger　than　he；
stronger　than　codes　and　conventions　and　institutions；　which　yet　she
craved　fiercely　as　her　being's　fulfilment。　　It　was　sweeping　them　dizzily
whither？　　The　sheer　sweetness　and　terror　of　it！

〃Don't；　don't！〃　she　murmured　desperately。　　〃You　mustn't！〃

〃Janetwe're　going　to　be　married；　sweetheart；just　as　soon　as　we　can。
Won't　you　trust　me？　　For　God's　sake；　don't　be　cruel。　　You're　my　wife；
now〃

His　voice　seemed　to　come　from　a　great　distance。　　And　from　a　great
distance；　too；　her　own　in　reply；　drowned　as　by　falling　waters。

〃Do　you　love　me？　will　you　love　me　alwaysalways？〃

And　he　answered　hoarsely；　〃YesalwaysI　swear　it；　Janet。〃　　He　had　found
her　lips　again；　he　was　pulling　her　toward　a　door　on　the　far　side　of　the
room；　and　suddenly；　as　he　opened　it；　her　resistance　ceased。。。。

The　snow　made　automobiling　impossible；　and　at　half　past　nine　that　evening
Ditmar　had　escorted　Janet　to　the　station　in　a　cab；　and　she　had　taken　the
train　for　Hampton。　　For　a　while　she　sat　as　in　a　trance。　　She　knew　that
something　had　happened；　something　portentous；　cataclysmic；　which　had
irrevocably　changed　her　from　the　Janet　Bumpus　who　had　left　Hampton　that
same　morningan　age　ago。　　But　she　was　unable　to　realize　the
metamorphosis。　　In　the　course　of　a　single　day　she　had　lived　a　lifetime；
exhausted　the　range　of　human　experience；　until　now　she　was　powerless　to
feel　any　more。　　The　car　was　filled　with　all　sorts　and　conditions　of
people　returning　to　homes　scattered　through　the　suburbs　and　smaller
cities　north　of　Bostona　mixed；　Sunday…night　crowd；　and　presently　she
began；　in　a　detached　way；　to　observe　them。　　Their　aspects；　their　speech
and　manners　had　the　queer　effect　of　penetrating　her　consciousness　without
arousing　the　emotional　judgments　of　approval　or　disapproval　which
normally　should　have　followed。　　Ordinarily　she　might　have　felt　a　certain
sympathy　for　the　fragile　young　man　on　the　seat　beside　her　who　sat　moodily
staring　through　his　glasses　at　the　floor：　and　the　group　across　the　aisle
would　surely　have　moved　her　to　disgust。　　Two　couples　were　seated　vis…a…
vis；　the　men　apparently　making　fun　of　a　〃pony〃　coat　one　of　the　girls　was
wearing。　　In　spite　of　her　shrieks；　which　drew　general　attention；　they
pulled　it　from　her　backan　operation　regarded　by　the　conductor　himself
with　tolerant　amusement。　　Whereupon　her　companion；　a　big；　blond　Teuton
with　an　inane　guffaw；　boldly　thrust　an　arm　about　her　waist　and　held　her
while　he　presented　the　tickets。　　Janet　beheld　all　this　as　one　sees
dancers　through　a　glass；　without　hearing　the　music。

Behind　her　two　men　fell　into　conversation。

〃I　guess　there's　well　over　a　foot　of　snow。　　I　thought　we'd　have　an　open
winter；　too。〃

〃Look　out　for　them　when　they　start　in　mild！〃

〃I　was　afraid　this　darned　road　would　be　tied　up　if　I　waited　until
morning。　　I'm　in　real　estate；　and　there's　a　deal　on　in　my　town　I've　got
to　watch　every　minute。。。。〃

Even　the　talk　between　two　slouch…hatted　millhands；　foreigners；　failed　at
the　time　to　strike　Janet　as　having　any　significance。　　They　were
discussing　with　some　heat　the　prospect　of　having　their　pay　reduced　by　the
fifty…four　hour　law　which　was　to　come　into　effect　on　Monday。　　They
denounced　the　mill　owners。

〃They　speed　up　the　machine　and　make　work　harder；〃　said　one。　　〃I　think　we
goin'　to　have　a　strike　sure。〃

〃Bad　sisson　too　to　have　strike；〃　replied　the　second　pessimistically。　　〃It
will　be　cold　winter；　now。〃

Across　the　black　square　of　the　window　drifted　the　stray　lights　of　the
countryside；　and　from　time　to　time；　when　the　train　stopped；　she　gazed
out；　unheeding；　at　the　figures　moving　along　the　dim　station　platforms。
Suddenly；　without　premeditation　or　effort；　she　began　to　live　over　again
the　day；　beginning　with　the　wonders；　half　revealed；　half　hidden；　of　that
journey　through　the　whiteness　to　Boston。。。。　　Awakened；　listening；　she
heard　beating　louder　and　louder　on　the　shores　of　consciousness　the　waves
of　the　storm　which　had　swept　her　awaywaves　like　crashing　chords　of
music。　　She　breathed　deeply；　she　turned　her　face　to　the　window；　seeming
to　behold　reflected　there；　as　in　a　crystal；　all　her　experiences；　little
and　great；　great　and　little。　　She　was　seated　once　more　leaning　back　in
the　corner　of　the　carriage　on　her　way　to　the　station；　she　felt　Ditmar's
hand　working　in　her　own；　and　she　heard　his　voice　pleading　forgiveness
for　her　silence　alarmed　him。　　And　she　heard　herself　saying：

〃It　was　my　fault　as　much　as　yours。〃

And　his　vehement　reply：

〃It　wasn't　anybody's　faultit　was　natural；　it　was　wonderful；　Janet。　　I
can't　bear　to　see　you　sad。〃

To　see　her　sad！　　Twice；　during　the　afternoon　and　evening；　he　had　spoken
those　wordsor　was　it　three　times？　　Was　there　a　time　she　had　forgotten？
And　each　time　she　had　answered：　〃I'm　not　sad。〃　　What　she　had　felt　indeed
was　not　sadness；but　how　could　she　describe　it　to　him　when　she　herself
was　amazed　and　dwarfed　by　it？　　Could　he　not　feel　it；　too？　　Were　men　so
different？。。。　　In　the　cab　his　solicitation；　his　tenderness　were　only　to
be　compared　with　his　bewilderment；　his　apparent　awe　of　the　feeling　he
himself　had　raised　up　in　her；　and　which　awed　her；　likewise。　　She　had
actually　felt　that　bewilderment　of　his　when；　just　before　they　had　reached
the　station；　she　had　responded　passionately　to　his　last　embrace。　　Even　as
he　returned　her　caresses；　it　had　been　conveyed　to　her　amazingly　by　the
quality　of　his　touch。　　Was　it　a　lack　all　women　felt　in　men？　and　were
these；　even　in　supreme　moments；　merely　the　perplexed　transmitters　of
life？not　life　itself？　　Her　thoughts　did　not　gain　this　clarity；　though
she　divined　the　secret。　　And　yet　she　loved　himloved　him　with　a
fierceness　that　frightened　her；　with　a　tenderness　that　unnerved　her。。。。

At　the　Hampton　station　she　took　the　trolley；　alighting　at　the　Common；
following　the　narrow　path　made　by　pedestrians　in　the　heavy　snow　to
Fillmore　Street。　　She　climbed　the　dark　stairs；　opened　the　dining…room
door；　and　paused　on　the　threshold。　　Hannah　and　Edward　sat　there　under　the
lamp；　Hannah　scanning　through　her　spectacles　the　pages　of　a　Sunday
newspaper。　　On　perceiving　Janet　she　dropped　it　hastily　in　her　lap。

〃Well；　I　was　concerned　about　you；　in　all　this　storm！〃　she　exclaimed。
〃Thank　goodness　you're　home；　anyway。　　You　haven't　seen　Lise；　have　you？〃

〃Lise？〃　Janet　repeated。　　〃Hasn't　she　been　home？〃

〃Your　father　and　I　have　been　alone　all　day　long。　　Not　that　it　is　so
uncommon　for　Lise　to　be　gone。　　I　wish　it　wasn't！　　But　you！　　When　you
didn't　come　home　for　supper　I　was　considerably　worried。〃

Janet　sat　down　between　her　mother　and　father　and　began　to　draw　off　her
gloves。

〃I'm　going　to　marry　Mr。　Ditmar；〃　she　announced。

For　a　few　moments　the　silence　was　broken　only　by　the　ticking　of　the　old…
fashioned　clock。

〃Mr。　Ditmar！〃　said　Hannah；　at　length。　　〃You're　going　to　marry　Mr。
Ditmar！〃

Edward　was　still　inarticulate。　　His　face　twitched；　his　eyes　watered　as　he
stared　at　her。

〃Not　right　away；〃　said　Janet。

　Well；　I　must　say　you　take　it　rather　cool；〃　declared　Hannah；　almost
resentfully。　　〃You　come　in　and　tell　us　you're　going　to　marry　Mr。　Ditmar
just　like　you　were　talking　about　the　weather。〃

Hannah's　eyes　filled　with　tears。　　There　had　been　indeed　an　unconscious
lack　of　consideration　in　Janet's　abrupt　announcement；　which　had　fallen
like　a　spark　on　the　dry　tinder　of　Hannah's　hope。　　The　result　was　a
suffocating　flame。　　Janet；　whom　love　had　quickened；　had　a　swift
perception　of　this。　　She　rose　quickly　and　took　Hannah　in　her　arms　and
kissed　her。　　It　was　as　though　the　relation　between　them　were　reversed；
and　the　daughter　had　now　become　the　mother　and　the　comforter。

〃I　always　knew　something　like　this　would　happen！〃　said　Edward。　　His　words
incited　Hannah　to　protest。

〃You　didn't　anything　of　the　kind；　Edward　Bumpus；〃　she　exclaimed。

〃Just　to　think　of　Janet　livin'　in　that　big　house　up　in　Warren　Street！〃
he　went　on；　unheeding；　jubilant。　　〃You'll　drop　in　and　see　the　old　people
once　in　a　while；　Janet；　you　won't　forget　us？〃

〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　talk　like　that；　father；〃　said　Janet。

〃Well；　he's　a　fine　man；　Claude　Ditmar；　I　always　said　that。　　The　way　he
stops　and　talks　to　me　when　he　passes　the　gate〃

〃That　doesn't　make　him　a　good　man；〃　Hannah　declared；　and　added：　〃If　he
wasn't　a　good　man；　Janet　wouldn't　be　marrying　him。〃

〃I　don't　know　whether　he's　good　or　not；〃　said　Janet。

〃That's　so；　too；〃　observed　Hannah；　approvingly。　　〃We　can't　any　of　us　tell
till　we've　tried　'em；　and　then　it's　too　late　to　change。　　I'd　like　to　see
him；　but　I　guess　he　wouldn't　care　to　come　down　here　to　Fillmore　Street。〃
The　difference　between　Ditmar's　social　and　economic　standing　and　their
own　suggested　appalling　complications　to　her　mind。　　〃I　suppose　I　won't
get　a　sight　of　him　till　after　you're　married；　and　not　much　then。〃

〃There's　plenty　of　time　to　think　about　that；　mother；〃　answered　Janet。

〃I'd　want　to　have　everything　decent　and　regular；〃　Hannah　insisted。　　〃We
may　be　poor；　but　we　come　of　good　stock；　as　your　father　says。〃

〃It'll　be　all　rightMr。　Ditmar　will　behave　like　a　gentleman；〃　Edward
assured　her。

〃I　thought　I　ought　to　tell　you　about　it；〃　Janet　said；　〃but　you　mustn't
mention　it；　yet；　not　even　to　Lise。　　Lise　will　talk。　　Mr。　Ditmar's　very
busy　now；he　hasn't　made　any　plans。〃

〃I　wish　Lise　could　get　married！〃　exclaimed　Hannah；　irrelevantly。　　〃She's
been　acting　so　queer　lately；　she's　not　been　herself　at　all。〃

〃Now　there　you　go；　borrowing　trouble；　mother；〃　Edward　exclaimed。　　He
could　not　take　his　eyes　from　Janet；　but　continued　to　regard　her　with
benevolence。　　〃Lise'll　get　married　some　day。　　I　don't　suppose　we　can
expect　another　Mr。　Ditmar。。。。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Hannah；　presently；　〃there's　no　use　sitting　up　all　night。〃
She　rose　and　kissed　Janet　again。　　〃I　just　can't　believe　it；〃　she
declared；　〃but　I　guess　it's　so　if　you　say　it　is。〃

〃Of　course　it's　so；〃　said　Edward。

〃I　so　want　you　should　be　happy；　Janet；〃　said　Hannah。。。。

Was　it　so？　　Her　mother　and　father；　the　dwarfed　and　ugly　surroundings　of
Fillmore　Street　made　it　seem　incredible　once　more。　　Andwhat　would　they
say　if　they　knew　what　had　happened　to　her　this　day？　　When　she　had　reached
her　room；　Janet　began　to　wonder　why　she　had　told　her　parents。　　Had　it　not
been　in　order　to　relieve　their　anxietyespecially　her　mother'son　the
score　of　her　recent　absences　from　home？　　Yes；　that　was　it；　and　because
the　news　would　make　them　happy。　　And　then　the　mere　assertion　to　them　that
she　was　to　marry　Ditmar　helped　to　make　it　more　real　to　herself。　　But；　now
that　reality　was　fading　again；　she　was　unable　to　bring　it　within　the
scope　of　her　imagination；　her　mind　refused　to　hold　one　remembered
circumstance　long　enough　to　coordinate　it　with　another：　she　realized　that
she　was　tiredtoo　tired　to　think　any　more。　　But　despite　her　exhaustion
there　remained　within　her；　possessing　her；　as　it　were　overshadowing　her；
unrelated　to　future　or　past；　the　presence　of　the　m