eugene pickering-第9章

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communication　which　fortified　my　doubts。　　It　was　a　note　from

Pickering；　and　it　ran　as　follows：…





〃My　Dear　FriendI　have　every　hope　of　being　happy；　but　I　am　to　go　to

Wiesbaden　to　learn　my　fate。　　Madame　Blumenthal　goes　thither　this

afternoon　to　spend　a　few　days；　and　she　allows　me　to　accompany　her。

Give　me　your　good　wishes；　you　shall　hear　of　the　result。　　E。　P。〃





One　of　the　diversions　of　Homburg　for　new…comers　is　to　dine　in

rotation　at　the　different　tables　d'hote。　　It　so　happened　that；　a

couple　of　days　later；　Niedermeyer　took　pot…luck　at　my　hotel；　and

secured　a　seat　beside　my　own。　　As　we　took　our　places　I　found　a　letter

on　my　plate；　and；　as　it　was　postmarked　Wiesbaden；　I　lost　no　time　in

opening　it。　　It　contained　but　three　lines〃I　am　happyI　am

acceptedan　hour　ago。　　I　can　hardly　believe　it's　your　poor　friend



E。　P。〃





I　placed　the　note　before　Niedermeyer；　not　exactly　in　triumph；　but

with　the　alacrity　of　all　felicitous　confutation。　　He　looked　at　it

much　longer　than　was　needful　to　read　it；　stroking　down　his　beard

gravely；　and　I　felt　it　was　not　so　easy　to　confute　a　pupil　of　the

school　of　Metternich。　　At　last；　folding　the　note　and　handing　it　back；

〃Has　your　friend　mentioned　Madame　Blumenthal's　errand　at　Wiesbaden？〃

he　asked。



〃You　look　very　wise。　　I　give　it　up！〃　said　I。



〃She　is　gone　there　to　make　the　major　follow　her。　　He　went　by　the　next

train。〃



〃And　has　the　major；　on　his　side；　dropped　you　a　line？〃



〃He　is　not　a　letter…writer。〃



〃Well；〃　said　I；　pocketing　my　letter；　〃with　this　document　in　my　hand　I

am　bound　to　reserve　my　judgment。　　We　will　have　a　bottle　of

Johannisberg；　and　drink　to　the　triumph　of　virtue。〃



For　a　whole　week　more　I　heard　nothing　from　Pickeringsomewhat　to　my

surprise；　and；　as　the　days　went　by；　not　a　little　to　my　discomposure。

I　had　expected　that　his　bliss　would　continue　to　overflow　in　brief

bulletins；　and　his　silence　was　possibly　an　indication　that　it　had

been　clouded。　　At　last　I　wrote　to　his　hotel　at　Wiesbaden；　but

received　no　answer；　whereupon；　as　my　next　resource；　I　repaired　to　his

former　lodging　at　Homburg；　where　I　thought　it　possible　he　had　left

property　which　he　would　sooner　or　later　send　for。　　There　I　learned

that　he　had　indeed　just　telegraphed　from　Cologne　for　his　luggage。　　To

Cologne　I　immediately　despatched　a　line　of　inquiry　as　to　his

prosperity　and　the　cause　of　his　silence。　　The　next　day　I　received

three　words　in　answera　simple　uncommented　request　that　I　would　come

to　him。　　I　lost　no　time；　and　reached　him　in　the　course　of　a　few

hours。　　It　was　dark　when　I　arrived；　and　the　city　was　sheeted　in　a

cold　autumnal　rain。　　Pickering　had　stumbled；　with　an　indifference

which　was　itself　a　symptom　of　distress；　on　a　certain　musty　old

Mainzerhof；　and　I　found　him　sitting　over　a　smouldering　fire　in　a　vast

dingy　chamber　which　looked　as　if　it　had　grown　gray　with　watching　the

ennui　of　ten　generations　of　travellers。　　Looking　at　him；　as　he　rose

on　my　entrance；　I　saw　that　he　was　in　extreme　tribulation。　　He　was

pale　and　haggard；　his　face　was　five　years　older。　　Now；　at　least；　in

all　conscience；　he　had　tasted　of　the　cup　of　life！　　I　was　anxious　to

know　what　had　turned　it　so　suddenly　to　bitterness；　but　I　spared　him

all　importunate　curiosity；　and　let　him　take　his　time。　　I　accepted

tacitly　his　tacit　confession　of　distress；　and　we　made　for　a　while　a

feeble　effort　to　discuss　the　picturesqueness　of　Cologne。　　At　last　he

rose　and　stood　a　long　time　looking　into　the　fire；　while　I　slowly

paced　the　length　of　the　dusky　room。



〃Well！〃　he　said；　as　I　came　back；　〃I　wanted　knowledge；　and　I　certainly

know　something　I　didn't　a　month　ago。〃　　And　herewith；　calmly　and

succinctly　enough；　as　if　dismay　had　worn　itself　out；　he　related　the

history　of　the　foregoing　days。　　He　touched　lightly　on　details；　he

evidently　never　was　to　gush　as　freely　again　as　he　had　done　during　the

prosperity　of　his　suit。　　He　had　been　accepted　one　evening；　as

explicitly　as　his　imagination　could　desire；　and　had　gone　forth　in　his

rapture　and　roamed　about　till　nearly　morning　in　the　gardens　of　the

Conversation…house；　taking　the　stars　and　the　perfumes　of　the　summer

night　into　his　confidence。　　〃It　is　worth　it　all；　almost；〃　he　said；

〃to　have　been　wound　up　for　an　hour　to　that　celestial　pitch。　　No　man；

I　am　sure；　can　ever　know　it　but　once。〃　　The　next　morning　he　had

repaired　to　Madame　Blumenthal's　lodging　and　had　been　met；　to　his

amazement；　by　a　naked　refusal　to　see　him。　　He　had　strode　about　for　a

couple　of　hoursin　another　moodand　then　had　returned　to　the

charge。　　The　servant　handed　him　a　three…cornered　note；　it　contained

these　words：　　〃Leave　me　alone　to…day；　I　will　give　you　ten　minutes　to…

morrow　evening。〃　　Of　the　next　thirty…six　hours　he　could　give　no

coherent　account；　but　at　the　appointed　time　Madame　Blumenthal　had

received　him。　　Almost　before　she　spoke　there　had　come　to　him　a　sense

of　the　depth　of　his　folly　in　supposing　he　knew　her。　　〃One　has　heard

all　one's　days；〃　he　said；　〃of　people　removing　the　mask；　it's　one　of

the　stock　phrases　of　romance。　　Well；　there　she　stood　with　her　mask　in

her　hand。　　Her　face；〃　he　went　on　gravely；　after　a　pause〃her　face

was　horrible！〃　。　。　。　〃I　give　you　ten　minutes；〃　she　had　said；　pointing

to　the　clock。　　〃Make　your　scene；　tear　your　hair；　brandish　your

dagger！〃　　And　she　had　sat　down　and　folded　her　arms。　　〃It's　not　a

joke；〃　she　cried；　〃it's　dead　earnest；　let　us　have　it　over。　　You　are

dismissedhave　you　nothing　to　say？〃　　He　had　stammered　some　frantic

demand　for　an　explanation；　and　she　had　risen　and　come　near　him；

looking　at　him　from　head　to　feet；　very　pale；　and　evidently　more

excited　than　she　wished　him　to　see。　　〃I　have　done　with　you！〃　she

said；　with　a　smile；　〃you　ought　to　have　done　with　me！　　It　has　all　been

delightful；　but　there　are　excellent　reasons　why　it　should　come　to　an

end。〃　〃You　have　been　playing　a　part；　then；〃　he　had　gasped　out；　〃you

never　cared　for　me？〃　　〃Yes；　till　I　knew　you；　till　I　saw　how　far　you

would　go。　　But　now　the　story's　finished；　we　have　reached　the

denoument。　　We　will　close　the　book　and　be　good　friends。〃　　〃To　see　how

far　I　would　go？〃　he　had　repeated。　　〃You　led　me　on；　meaning　all　the

while　to　do　THIS！〃　　〃I　led　you　on；　if　you　will。　　I　received　your

visits；　in　season　and　out！　　Sometimes　they　were　very　entertaining；

sometimes　they　bored　me　fearfully。　　But　you　were　such　a　very　curious

case　ofwhat　shall　I　call　it？of　sincerity；　that　I　determined　to

take　good　and　bad　together。　　I　wanted　to　make　you　commit　yourself

unmistakably。　　I　should　have　preferred　not　to　bring　you　to　this

place；　but　that　too　was　necessary。　　Of　course　I　can't　marry　you；　I

can　do　better。　　So　can　you；　for　that　matter；　thank　your　fate　for　it。

You　have　thought　wonders　of　me　for　a　month；　but　your　good…humour

wouldn't　last。　　I　am　too　old　and　too　wise；　you　are　too　young　and　too

foolish。　　It　seems　to　me　that　I　have　been　very　good　to　you；　I　have

entertained　you　to　the　top　of　your　bent；　and；　except　perhaps　that　I

am　a　little　brusque　just　now；　you　have　nothing　to　complain　of。　　I

would　have　let　you　down　more　gently　if　I　could　have　taken　another

month　to　it；　but　circumstances　have　forced　my　hand。　　Abuse　me；　curse

me；　if　you　like。　　I　will　make　every　allowance！〃　　Pickering　listened

to　all　this　intently　enough　to　perceive　that；　as　if　by　some　sudden

natural　cataclysm；　the　ground　had　broken　away　at　his　feet；　and　that

he　must　recoil。　　He　turned　away　in　dumb　amazement。　　〃I　don't　know　how

I　seemed　to　be　taking　it；〃　he　said；　〃but　she　seemed　really　to　desire…

…I　don't　know　whysomething　in　the　way　of　reproach　and　vituperation。

But　I　couldn't；　in　that　way；　have　uttered　a　syllable。　　I　was

sickened；　I　wanted　to　get　away　into　the　airto　shake　her　off　and

come　to　my　senses。　　'Have　you　nothing；　nothing；　nothing　to　say？'　she

cried；　as　if　she　were　disappointed；　while　I　stood　with　my　hand　on　the

door。　　'Haven't　I　treated　you　to　talk　enough？'　I　believed　I　answered。

'You　will　write　to　me　then；　when　you　get　home？'　　'I　think　not；'　said

I。　　'Six　months　hence；　I　fancy；　you　will　come　and　see　me！'　　'Never！'

said　I。　　'That's　a　confession　of　stupidity；'　she　answered。　　'It　means

that；　even　on　reflection；　you　will　never　understand　the　philosophy　of

my　conduct。'　　The　word　'philosophy'　seemed　so　strange　that　I　verily

believe　I　smiled。　　'I　have　given　you　all　that　you　gave　me；'　she　went

on。　　'Your　passion　was　an　affair　of　the　head。'　　'I　only　wish　you　had

told　me　sooner　that　you　considered　it　so！'　I　exclaimed。　　And　I　went

my　way。　　The　next　day　I　came　down　the　Rhine。　　I　sat　all　day　on　the

boat；　not　knowing　where　I　was　going；　where　to　get　off。　　I　was　in　a

kind　of　ague　of　terror；　it　seemed　to　me　I　had　seen　something

infernal。　　At　last　I　saw　the　cathedral　towers　here　looming　over　the

city。　　They　seemed　to　say　something　to　me；　and　when　the　boat　stopped；

I　came　ashore。　　I　have　been　here　a　week。　　I　have　not　slept　at　night

and　yet　it　has　been　a　week　of　rest！〃



It　seemed　to　me　that　he　was　in　a　fair　way　to　recover；　and　that　his

own　philosophy；　if　left　to　take　its　time；　was　adequate　to　the

occasion。　　After　his　story　was　once　told　I　referred　to　his　grievance

but　oncethat　evening；　later；　as　we　were　about　to　separate　for　the

night。　　〃Suffer　me　to　say　that　there　was　some　truth　in　HER　account　of

your　relations；〃　I　said。　　〃You　were　using　her　intellectually；　and　all

the　while；　without　your　knowing　it；　she　was　using　you。　　It　was

diamond　cut　diamond。　　Her　needs　were　the　more　superficial；　and　she

got　tired　of　the　game　first。〃　　He　frowned　and　turned　uneasily　away；

but　without　contradicting　me。　　I　waited　a　few　moments；　to　see　if　he

would　remember；　before　we　parted；　that　he　had　a　claim　to　make　upon

me。　　But　he　seemed　to　have　forgotten　it。



The　next　day　we　strolled　about　the　picturesque　old　city；　and　of

course；　before　long；　went　into　the　cathedral。　　Pickering　said　little；

he　seemed　intent　upon　his　own　thoughts。　　He　sat　down　beside　a　pillar

near　a　chapel；　in　front　of　a　gorgeous　window；　and；　leaving　him　to　his

meditations；　I　wandered　through　the　church。　　When　I　came　back　I　saw

he　had　something　to　say。　　But　before　he　had　spoken　I　laid　my　hand　on

his　shoulder　and　looked　at　him　with　a　significant　smile。　　He　slowly

bent　his　head　and　dropped　his　eyes；　with　a　mixture　of　assent　and

humility。　　I　drew　forth　from　where　it　had　lain　untouched　for　a　month

the　letter　he　had　given　me　to　keep；　placed　it　silently　on　his　knee；

and　left　him　to　deal　with　it　alone。



Half　an　hour　later　I　returned　to　the　same　place；　but　he　had　gone；　and

one　of　the　sacristans；　hovering　about　and　seeing　me　looking　for

Pickering；　said　he　thought　he　had　left　the　church。　　I　found　him　in

his　gloomy　chamber　at　the　inn；　pacing　slowly　up　and　down。　　I　should

doubtless　have　been　at　a　loss　to　say　just　what　effect　I　expected　the

letter　from　Smyrna　to　produce；　but　his　actual　aspect　surprised　me。

He　was　flushed；　excited；　a　trifle　irritated。



〃Evidently；〃　I　said；　〃you　have　read　your　letter。〃