three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第26章
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saying is； by the skin of my teeth。 I should like to add that I left
Carlsruhe without a stain upon my character； but that would not be the
truth。 My going scot free is regarded in police circles there to this day as
a grave miscarriage of justice。
But all lesser sin sinks into insignificance beside the lawlessness of
George。 The bicycle incident had thrown us all into confusion； with the
result that we lost George altogether。 It transpired subsequently that he
was waiting for us outside the police court； but this at the time we did not
know。 We thought； maybe； he had gone on to Baden by himself； and
anxious to get away from Carlsruhe； and not； perhaps； thinking out things
too clearly； we jumped into the next train that came up and proceeded
thither。 When George； tired of waiting； returned to the station； he found us
gone and he found his luggage gone。 Harris had his ticket； I was acting
as banker to the party； so that he had in his pocket only some small change。
Excusing himself upon these grounds； he thereupon commenced
deliberately a career of crime that； reading it later； as set forth baldly in the
official summons； made the hair of Harris and myself almost to stand on
end。
German travelling； it may be explained； is somewhat complicated。 You
buy a ticket at the station you start from for the place you want to go to。
You might think this would enable you to get there； but it does not。
When your train comes up； you attempt to swarm into it； but the guard
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magnificently waves you away。 Where are your credentials？ You show
him your ticket。 He explains to you that by itself that is of no service
whatever； you have only taken the first step towards travelling； you must
go back to the booking… office and get in addition what is called a
〃schnellzug ticket。〃 With this you return； thinking your troubles over。
You are allowed to get in； so far so good。 But you must not sit down
anywhere； and you must not stand still； and you must not wander about。
You must take another ticket； this time what is called a 〃platz ticket；〃
which entitles you to a place for a certain distance。
What a man could do who persisted in taking nothing but the one
ticket； I have often wondered。 Would he be entitled to run behind the
train on the six…foot way？ Or could he stick a label on himself and get
into the goods van？ Again； what could be done with the man who；
having taken his schnellzug ticket； obstinately refused； or had not the
money to take a platz ticket： would they let him lie in the umbrella rack；
or allow him to hang himself out of the window？
To return to George； he had just sufficient money to take a third… class
slow train ticket to Baden； and that was all。 To avoid the inquisitiveness
of the guard； he waited till the train was moving； and then jumped in。
That was his first sin：
（a） Entering a train in motion；
（b） After being warned not to do so by an official。
Second sin：
（a） Travelling in train of superior class to that for which ticket was
held。
（b） Refusing to pay difference when demanded by an official。
（George says he did not 〃refuse〃； he simply told the man he had not got
it。）
Third sin：
（a） Travelling in carriage of superior class to that for which ticket
was held。
（b） Refusing to pay difference when demanded by an official。 （Again
George disputes the accuracy of the report。 He turned his pockets out；
and offered the man all he had； which was about eightpence in German
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money。 He offered to go into a third class； but there was no third class。
He offered to go into the goods van； but they would not hear of it。）
Fourth sin：
（a） Occupying seat； and not paying for same。
（b） Loitering about corridor。 （As they would not let him sit down
without paying； and as he could not pay； it was difficult to see what else he
could do。）
But explanations are held as no excuse in Germany； and his journey
from Carlsruhe to Baden was one of the most expensive perhaps on
record。
Reflecting upon the case and frequency with which one gets into
trouble here in Germany； one is led to the conclusion that this country
would come as a boon and a blessing to the average young Englishman。
To the medical student； to the eater of dinners at the Temple； to the
subaltern on leave； life in London is a wearisome proceeding。 The
healthy Briton takes his pleasure lawlessly； or it is no pleasure to him。
Nothing that he may do affords to him any genuine satisfaction。 To be in
trouble of some sort is his only idea of bliss。 Now； England affords him
small opportunity in this respect； to get himself into a scrape requires a
good deal of persistence on the part of the young Englishman。
I spoke on this subject one day with our senior churchwarden。 It was
the morning of the 10th of November； and we were both of us glancing；
somewhat anxiously； through the police reports。 The usual batch of
young men had been summoned for creating the usual disturbance the
night before at the Criterion。 My friend the churchwarden has boys of
his own； and a nephew of mine； upon whom I am keeping a fatherly eye；
is by a fond mother supposed to be in London for the sole purpose of
studying engineering。 No names we knew happened； by fortunate chance；
to be in the list of those detained in custody； and； relieved； we fell to
moralising upon the folly and depravity of youth。
〃It is very remarkable；〃 said my friend the churchwarden； 〃how the
Criterion retains its position in this respect。 It was just so when I was
young； the evening always wound up with a row at the Criterion。〃
〃So meaningless；〃 I remarked。
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〃So monotonous；〃 he replied。 〃You have no idea；〃 he continued； a
dreamy expression stealing over his furrowed face； 〃how unutterably tired
one can become of the walk from Piccadilly Circus to the Vine Street
Police Court。 Yet； what else was there for us to do？ Simply nothing。
Sometimes we would put out a street lamp； and a man would come round
and light it again。 If one insulted a policeman； he simply took no notice。
He did not even know he was being insulted； or； if he did； he seemed not
to care。 You could fight a Covent Garden porter； if you fancied yourself
at that sort of thing。 Generally speaking； the porter got the best of it； and
when he did it cost you five shillings； and when he did not the price was
half a sovereign。 I could never see much excitement in that particular
sport。 I tried driving a hansom cab once。 That has always been
regarded as the acme of modern Tom and Jerryism。 I stole it late one
night from outside a public…house in Dean Street； and the first thing that
happened to me was that I was hailed in Golden Square by an old lady
surrounded by three children； two of them crying and the third one half
asleep。 Before I could get away she had shot the brats into the cab； taken
my number； paid me； so she said； a shilling over the legal fare； and
directed me to an address a little beyond what she called North Kensington。
As a matter of fact； the place turned out to be the other side of Willesden。
The horse was tired； and the journey took us well over two hours。 It was
the slowest lark I ever remember being concerned in。 I tried one or twice
to persuade the children to let me take them back to the old lady： but
every time I opened the trap…door to speak to them the youngest one； a boy；
started screaming； and when I offered other drivers to transfer the job to
them； most of them replied in the words of a song popular about that
period： 'Oh； George； don't you think you're going just a bit too far？' One
man offered to take home to my wife any last message I might be thinking
of； while another promised to organise a party to come and dig me out in
the spring。 When I mounted the dickey I had imagined myself driving a
peppery old colonel to some lonesome and cabless region； half a dozen
miles from where he wanted to go； and there leaving him upon the
kerbstone to swear。 About that there might have been good sport or there
might not； according to circumstances and the colonel。 The idea of a trip
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to an outlying suburb in charge of a nursery full of helpless infants had
never occurred to me。 No； London；〃 concluded my friend the
churchwarden with a sigh； 〃affords but limited opportunity to the lover of
the illegal。〃
Now； in Germany； on the other hand； trouble is to be had for the asking。
There are many things in Germany that you must not do that are quite easy
to do。 To any young Englishman yearning to get himself into a scrape；
and finding himself hampered in his own country； I would advise a single
ticket to Germany； a return； lasting as it does only a month； might prove a
waste。
In the Pol
