three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第13章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
there； but you can easily miss it。 Now； in that cap； to my mind； you do
miss it。〃
At that point it occurred to George that he had had sufficient fun with
this particular man。 He said：
〃That is all right。 We don't want to lose the train。 How much？〃
Answered the man： 〃The price of that cap； sir； which； in my opinion；
is twice as much as it is worth； is four…and…six。 Would you like it
wrapped up in brown paper； sir； or in white？〃
George said he would take it as it was； paid the man four…and…six in…
silver； and went out。 Harris and I followed。
At Fenchurch Street we compromised with our cabman for five
shillings。 He made us another courtly bow； and begged us to remember
him to the Emperor of Austria。
Comparing views in the train； we agreed that we had lost the game by
two points to one； and George； who was evidently disappointed； threw the
book out of window。
We found our luggage and the bicycles safe on the boat； and with the
tide at twelve dropped down the river。
53
… Page 54…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
CHAPTER V
A necessary digressionIntroduced by story containing moralOne of
the charms of this bookThe Journal that did not command successIts
boast： 〃Instruction combined with Amusement〃 Problem： say what
should be considered instructive and what amusingA popular game
Expert opinion on English lawAnother of the charms of this bookA
hackneyed tuneYet a third charm of this bookThe sort of wood it was
where the maiden lived Description of the Black Forest。
A story is told of a Scotchman who； loving a lassie； desired her for his
wife。 But he possessed the prudence of his race。 He had noticed in his
circle many an otherwise promising union result in disappointment and
dismay； purely in consequence of the false estimate formed by bride or
bridegroom concerning the imagined perfectability of the other。 He
determined that in his own case no collapsed ideal should be possible。
Therefore； it was that his proposal took the following form：
〃I'm but a puir lad； Jennie； I hae nae siller to offer ye； and nae land。〃
〃Ah； but ye hae yoursel'； Davie！〃
〃An' I'm wishfu' it wa' onything else； lassie。 I'm nae but a puir ill…
seasoned loon； Jennie。〃
〃Na； na； there's mony a lad mair ill…looking than yoursel'； Davie。〃
〃I hae na seen him； lass； and I'm just a…thinkin' I shouldna' care to。〃
〃Better a plain man； Davie； that ye can depend a' than ane that would
be a speirin' at the lassies； a…bringin' trouble into the hame wi' his flouting
ways。〃
〃Dinna ye reckon on that； Jennie； it's nae the bonniest Bubbly Jock
that mak's the most feathers to fly in the kailyard。 I was ever a lad to run
after the petticoats； as is weel kent； an' it's a weary handfu' I'll be to ye； I'm
thinkin'。〃
〃Ah； but ye hae a kind heart； Davie！ an' ye love me weel。 I'm sure
on't。〃
〃I like ye weel enoo'； Jennie； though I canna say how long the feeling
may bide wi' me； an' I'm kind enoo' when I hae my ain way； an' naethin'
54
… Page 55…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
happens to put me oot。 But I hae the deevil's ain temper； as my mither
call tell ye； an' like my puir fayther； I'm a… thinkin'； I'll grow nae better as I
grow mair auld。〃
〃Ay； but ye're sair hard upon yersel'； Davie。 Ye're an honest lad。 I ken
ye better than ye ken yersel'； an' ye'll mak a guid hame for me。〃
〃Maybe； Jennie！ But I hae my doots。 It's a sair thing for wife an'
bairns when the guid man canna keep awa' frae the glass； an' when the
scent of the whusky comes to me it's just as though I hae'd the throat o' a
Loch Tay salmon； it just gaes doon an' doon； an' there's nae filling o' me。〃
〃Ay； but ye're a guid man when ye're sober； Davie。〃
〃Maybe I'll be that； Jennie； if I'm nae disturbed。〃
〃An' ye'll bide wi' me； Davie； an' work for me？〃
〃I see nae reason why I shouldna bide wi' yet Jennie； but dinna ye
clack aboot work to me； for I just canna bear the thoct o't。〃
〃Anyhow； ye'll do your best； Davie？ As the minister says； nae man
can do mair than that。〃
〃An' it's a puir best that mine'll be； Jennie； and I'm nae sae sure ye'll
hae ower muckle even o' that。 We're a' weak； sinfu' creatures； Jennie； an'
ye'd hae some deefficulty to find a man weaker or mair sinfu' than mysel'。〃
〃Weel； weel； ye hae a truthfu' tongue； Davie。 Mony a lad will mak
fine promises to a puir lassie； only to break 'em an' her heart wi' 'em。 Ye
speak me fair； Davie； and I'm thinkin' I'll just tak ye； an' see what comes
o't。〃
Concerning what did come of it； the story is silent； but one feels that
under no circumstances had the lady any right to complain of her bargain。
Whether she ever did or did notfor women do not invariably order their
tongues according to logic； nor men either for the matter of thatDavie；
himself； must have had the satisfaction of reflecting that all reproaches
were undeserved。
I wish to be equally frank with the reader of this book。 I wish here
conscientiously to let forth its shortcomings。 I wish no one to read this
book under a misapprehension。
There will be no useful information in this book。
Anyone who should think that with the aid of this book he would be
55
… Page 56…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
able to make a tour through Germany and the Black Forest would
probably lose himself before he got to the Nore。 That； at all events；
would be the best thing that could happen to him。 The farther away from
home he got； the greater only would be his difficulties。
I do not regard the conveyance of useful information as my forte。 This
belief was not inborn with me； it has been driven home upon me by
experience。
In my early journalistic days； I served upon a paper； the forerunner of
many very popular periodicals of the present day。 Our boast was that we
combined instruction with amusement； as to what should be regarded as
affording amusement and what instruction； the reader judged for himself。
We gave advice to people about to marrylong； earnest advice that would；
had they followed it； have made our circle of readers the envy of the
whole married world。 We told our subscribers how to make fortunes by
keeping rabbits； giving facts and figures。 The thing that must have
surprised them was that we ourselves did not give up journalism and start
rabbit…farming。 Often and often have I proved conclusively from
authoritative sources how a man starting a rabbit farm with twelve
selected rabbits and a little judgment must； at the end of three years； be in
receipt of an income of two thousand a year； rising rapidly； he simply
could not help himself。 He might not want the money。 He might not
know what to do with it when he had it。 But there it was for him。 I
have never met a rabbit farmer myself worth two thousand a year； though I
have known many start with the twelve necessary； assorted rabbits。
Something has always gone wrong somewhere； maybe the continued
atmosphere of a rabbit farm saps the judgment。
We told our readers how many bald…headed men there were in Iceland；
and for all we knew our figures may have been correct； how many red
herrings placed tail to mouth it would take to reach from London to Rome；
which must have been useful to anyone desirous of laying down a line of
red herrings from London to Rome； enabling him to order in the right
quantity at the beginning； how many words the average woman spoke in a
day； and other such like items of information calculated to make them
wise and great beyond the readers of other journals。
56
… Page 57…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
We told them how to cure fits in cats。 Personally I do not believe；
and I did not believe then； that you can cure fits in cats。 If I had a cat
subject to fits I should advertise it for sale； or even give it away。 But our
duty was to supply information when asked for。 Some fool wrote；
clamouring to know； and I spent the best part of a morning seeking
knowledge on the subject。 I found what I wanted at length at the end of
an old cookery book。 What it was doing there I have never been able to
understand。 It had nothing to do with the proper subject of the book
whatever； there was no suggestion that you could make anything savoury
out of a cat； even when you had cured it of its fits。 The authoress had
just thrown in this paragraph out of pure generosity。 I can only say that I
wish she had left it out； it was the cause of a deal of angry correspondence
and of the loss of four subscribers to the paper； if not more。 The man
said the result of following our advice had been two pounds worth of
damage to his kitchen crockery； to say nothing of a broken window and
probable blood poisoning to himself； added to which the cat's fits were
worse than before。 And yet it was a simple enough recipe。 You held the
cat between your legs； gently； so as not to hurt it； and with a pair of
scissors made a sharp； clean cut in its tail。 You did not cut off any part of
the tail； you were to be careful not to do that； you only made an incision。
As we explained to the man； the garden or the coal cellar would have
been the proper place for the operation； no one but an i
