the uncommercial traveller-第33章

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her　head　off；　and　chopped　her　in　pieces；　and　peppered　her；　and

salted　her；　and　put　her　in　the　pie；　and　sent　it　to　the　baker's；　and

ate　it　all；　and　picked　the　bones。



But　before　she　began　to　roll　out　the　paste　she　had　taken　a　deadly

poison　of　a　most　awful　character；　distilled　from　toads'　eyes　and

spiders'　knees；　and　Captain　Murderer　had　hardly　picked　her　last

bone；　when　he　began　to　swell；　and　to　turn　blue；　and　to　be　all　over

spots；　and　to　scream。　　And　he　went　on　swelling　and　turning　bluer；

and　being　more　all　over　spots　and　screaming；　until　he　reached　from

floor　to　ceiling　and　from　wall　to　wall；　and　then；　at　one　o'clock　in

the　morning；　he　blew　up　with　a　loud　explosion。　　At　the　sound　of　it；

all　the　milk…white　horses　in　the　stables　broke　their　halters　and

went　mad；　and　then　they　galloped　over　everybody　in　Captain

Murderer's　house　（beginning　with　the　family　blacksmith　who　had

filed　his　teeth）　until　the　whole　were　dead；　and　then　they　galloped

away。



Hundreds　of　times　did　I　hear　this　legend　of　Captain　Murderer；　in　my

early　youth；　and　added　hundreds　of　times　was　there　a　mental

compulsion　upon　me　in　bed；　to　peep　in　at　his　window　as　the　dark

twin　peeped；　and　to　revisit　his　horrible　house；　and　look　at　him　in

his　blue　and　spotty　and　screaming　stage；　as　he　reached　from　floor

to　ceiling　and　from　wall　to　wall。　　The　young　woman　who　brought　me

acquainted　with　Captain　Murderer　had　a　fiendish　enjoyment　of　my

terrors；　and　used　to　begin；　I　remember　…　as　a　sort　of　introductory

overture　…　by　clawing　the　air　with　both　hands；　and　uttering　a　long

low　hollow　groan。　　So　acutely　did　I　suffer　from　this　ceremony　in

combination　with　this　infernal　Captain；　that　I　sometimes　used　to

plead　I　thought　I　was　hardly　strong　enough　and　old　enough　to　hear

the　story　again　just　yet。　　But；　she　never　spared　me　one　word　of　it；

and　indeed　commanded　the　awful　chalice　to　my　lips　as　the　only

preservative　known　to　science　against　'The　Black　Cat'　…　a　weird　and

glaring…eyed　supernatural　Tom；　who　was　reputed　to　prowl　about　the

world　by　night；　sucking　the　breath　of　infancy；　and　who　was　endowed

with　a　special　thirst　（as　I　was　given　to　understand）　for　mine。



This　female　bard　…　may　she　have　been　repaid　my　debt　of　obligation

to　her　in　the　matter　of　nightmares　and　perspirations！　…　reappears

in　my　memory　as　the　daughter　of　a　shipwright。　　Her　name　was　Mercy；

though　she　had　none　on　me。　　There　was　something　of　a　shipbuilding

flavour　in　the　following　story。　　As　it　always　recurs　to　me　in　a

vague　association　with　calomel　pills；　I　believe　it　to　have　been

reserved　for　dull　nights　when　I　was　low　with　medicine。



There　was　once　a　shipwright；　and　he　wrought　in　a　Government　Yard；

and　his　name　was　Chips。　　And　his　father's　name　before　him　was

Chips；　and　HIS　father's　name　before　HIM　was　Chips；　and　they　were

all　Chipses。　　And　Chips　the　father　had　sold　himself　to　the　Devil

for　an　iron　pot　and　a　bushel　of　tenpenny　nails　and　half　a　ton　of

copper　and　a　rat　that　could　speak；　and　Chips　the　grandfather　had

sold　himself　to　the　Devil　for　an　iron　pot　and　a　bushel　of　tenpenny

nails　and　half　a　ton　of　copper　and　a　rat　that　could　speak；　and

Chips　the　great…grandfather　had　disposed　of　himself　in　the　same

direction　on　the　same　terms；　and　the　bargain　had　run　in　the　family

for　a　long；　long　time。　　So；　one　day；　when　young　Chips　was　at　work

in　the　Dock　Slip　all　alone；　down　in　the　dark　hold　of　an　old

Seventy…four　that　was　haled　up　for　repairs；　the　Devil　presented

himself；　and　remarked：





'A　Lemon　has　pips；

And　a　Yard　has　ships；

And　I'll　have　Chips！'





（I　don't　know　why；　but　this　fact　of　the　Devil's　expressing　himself

in　rhyme　was　peculiarly　trying　to　me。）　　Chips　looked　up　when　he

heard　the　words；　and　there　he　saw　the　Devil　with　saucer　eyes　that

squinted　on　a　terrible　great　scale；　and　that　struck　out　sparks　of

blue　fire　continually。　　And　whenever　he　winked　his　eyes；　showers　of

blue　sparks　came　out；　and　his　eyelashes　made　a　clattering　like

flints　and　steels　striking　lights。　　And　hanging　over　one　of　his

arms　by　the　handle　was　an　iron　pot；　and　under　that　arm　was　a　bushel

of　tenpenny　nails；　and　under　his　other　arm　was　half　a　ton　of

copper；　and　sitting　on　one　of　his　shoulders　was　a　rat　that　could

speak。　　So；　the　Devil　said　again：





'A　Lemon　has　pips；

And　a　Yard　has　ships；

And　I'll　have　Chips！'





（The　invariable　effect　of　this　alarming　tautology　on　the　part　of

the　Evil　Spirit　was　to　deprive　me　of　my　senses　for　some　moments。）

So；　Chips　answered　never　a　word；　but　went　on　with　his　work。　　'What

are　you　doing；　Chips？'　said　the　rat　that　could　speak。　　'I　am

putting　in　new　planks　where　you　and　your　gang　have　eaten　old　away；'

said　Chips。　　'But　we'll　eat　them　too；'　said　the　rat　that　could

speak；　'and　we'll　let　in　the　water　and　drown　the　crew；　and　we'll

eat　them　too。'　　Chips；　being　only　a　shipwright；　and　not　a　Man…of…

war's　man；　said；　'You　are　welcome　to　it。'　　But　he　couldn't　keep　his

eyes　off　the　half　a　ton　of　copper　or　the　bushel　of　tenpenny　nails；

for　nails　and　copper　are　a　shipwright's　sweethearts；　and

shipwrights　will　run　away　with　them　whenever　they　can。　　So；　the

Devil　said；　'I　see　what　you　are　looking　at；　Chips。　　You　had　better

strike　the　bargain。　　You　know　the　terms。　　Your　father　before　you

was　well　acquainted　with　them；　and　so　were　your　grandfather　and

great…grandfather　before　him。'　　Says　Chips；　'I　like　the　copper；　and

I　like　the　nails；　and　I　don't　mind　the　pot；　but　I　don't　like　the

rat。'　　Says　the　Devil；　fiercely；　'You　can't　have　the　metal　without

him　…　and　HE'S　a　curiosity。　　I'm　going。'　　Chips；　afraid　of　losing

the　half　a　ton　of　copper　and　the　bushel　of　nails；　then　said；　'Give

us　hold！'　　So；　he　got　the　copper　and　the　nails　and　the　pot　and　the

rat　that　could　speak；　and　the　Devil　vanished。　　Chips　sold　the

copper；　and　he　sold　the　nails；　and　he　would　have　sold　the　pot；　but

whenever　he　offered　it　for　sale；　the　rat　was　in　it；　and　the　dealers

dropped　it；　and　would　have　nothing　to　say　to　the　bargain。　　So；

Chips　resolved　to　kill　the　rat；　and；　being　at　work　in　the　Yard　one

day　with　a　great　kettle　of　hot　pitch　on　one　side　of　him　and　the

iron　pot　with　the　rat　in　it　on　the　other；　he　turned　the　scalding

pitch　into　the　pot；　and　filled　it　full。　　Then；　he　kept　his　eye　upon

it　till　it　cooled　and　hardened；　and　then　he　let　it　stand　for　twenty

days；　and　then　he　heated　the　pitch　again　and　turned　it　back　into

the　kettle；　and　then　he　sank　the　pot　in　water　for　twenty　days　more；

and　then　he　got　the　smelters　to　put　it　in　the　furnace　for　twenty

days　more；　and　then　they　gave　it　him　out；　red　hot；　and　looking　like

red…hot　glass　instead　of　iron…yet　there　was　the　rat　in　it；　just　the

same　as　ever！　　And　the　moment　it　caught　his　eye；　it　said　with　a

jeer：





'A　Lemon　has　pips；

And　a　Yard　has　ships；

And　I'll　have　Chips！'





（For　this　Refrain　I　had　waited　since　its　last　appearance；　with

inexpressible　horror；　which　now　culminated。）　　Chips　now　felt

certain　in　his　own　mind　that　the　rat　would　stick　to　him；　the　rat；

answering　his　thought；　said；　'I　will　…　like　pitch！'



Now；　as　the　rat　leaped　out　of　the　pot　when　it　had　spoken；　and　made

off；　Chips　began　to　hope　that　it　wouldn't　keep　its　word。　　But；　a

terrible　thing　happened　next　day。　　For；　when　dinner…time　came；　and

the　Dock…bell　rang　to　strike　work；　he　put　his　rule　into　the　long

pocket　at　the　side　of　his　trousers；　and　there　he　found　a　rat　…　not

that　rat；　but　another　rat。　　And　in　his　hat；　he　found　another；　and

in　his　pocket…handkerchief；　another；　and　in　the　sleeves　of　his

coat；　when　he　pulled　it　on　to　go　to　dinner；　two　more。　　And　from

that　time　he　found　himself　so　frightfully　intimate　with　all　the

rats　in　the　Yard；　that　they　climbed　up　his　legs　when　he　was　at

work；　and　sat　on　his　tools　while　he　used　them。　　And　they　could　all

speak　to　one　another；　and　he　understood　what　they　said。　　And　they

got　into　his　lodging；　and　into　his　bed；　and　into　his　teapot；　and

into　his　beer；　and　into　his　boots。　　And　he　was　going　to　be　married

to　a　corn…chandler's　daughter；　and　when　he　gave　her　a　workbox　he

had　himself　made　for　her；　a　rat　jumped　out　of　it；　and　when　he　put

his　arm　round　her　waist；　a　rat　clung　about　her；　so　the　marriage　was

broken　off；　though　the　banns　were　already　twice　put　up　…　which　the

parish　clerk　well　remembers；　for；　as　he　handed　the　book　to　the

clergyman　for　the　second　time　of　asking；　a　large　fat　rat　ran　over

the　leaf。　　（By　this　time　a　special　cascade　of　rats　was　rolling　down

my　back；　and　the　whole　of　my　small　listening　person　was　overrun

with　them。　　At　intervals　ever　since；　I　have　been　morbidly　afraid　of

my　own　pocket；　lest　my　exploring　hand　should　find　a　specimen　or　two

of　those　vermin　in　it。）



You　may　believe　that　all　this　was　very　terrible　to　Chips；　but　even

all　this　was　not　the　worst。　　He　knew　besides；　what　the　rats　were

doing；　wherever　they　were。　　So；　sometimes　he　would　cry　aloud；　when

he　was　at　his　club　at　night；　'Oh！　　Keep　the　rats　out　of　the

convicts'　burying…ground！　　Don't　let　them　do　that！'　　Or；　'There's

one　of　them　at　the　cheese　down…stairs！'　　Or；　'There's　two　of　them

smelling　at　the　baby　in　the　garret！'　　Or；　other　things　of　that

sort。　　At　last；　he　was　voted　mad；　and　lost　his　work　in　the　Yard；

and　could　get　no　other　work。　　But；　King　George　wanted　men；　so

before　very　long　he　got　pressed　for　a　sailor。　　And　so　he　was　taken

off　in　a　boat　one　evening　to　his　ship；　lying　at　Spithead；　ready　to

sail。　　And　so　the　first　thing　he　made　out　in　her　as　he　got　near

her；　was　the　figure…head　of　the　old　Seventy…four；　where　he　had　seen

the　Devil。　　She　was　called　the　Argonaut；　and　they　rowed　right　under

the　bowsprit　where　the　figure…head　of　the　Argonaut；　with　a

sheepskin　in　his　hand　and　a　blue　gown　on；　was　looking　out　to　sea；

and　sitting　staring　on　his　forehead　was　the　rat　who　could　speak；

and　his　exact　words　were　these：　　'Chips　ahoy！　　Old　boy！　　We've

pretty　well　eat　them　too；　and　we'll　drown　the　crew；　and　will　eat

them　too！'　　（Here　I　always　became　exceedingly　faint；　and　would　have

asked　for　water；　but　that　I　was　speechless。）



The　ship　was　bound　for　the　Indies；　and　if　you　don't　know　where　that

is；　you　ought　to　it；　and　angels　will　never　love　you。　　（Here　I　felt

myself　an　outcast　from　a　future　state。）　　The　ship　set　sail　that

very　night；　and　she　sailed；　and　sailed；　and　sailed。　　Chips's

feelings　were　dreadful。　　Nothing　ever　equalled　his　terrors。　　No

wonder。　　At　last；　one　day　he　asked　leave　to　speak　to　the　Admiral。

The　Admiral　giv'　leave。　　Chips　went　down　on　his　knees　in　the　Great

State　Cabin。　　'Your　Honour；　unless　your　Honour；　without　a　moment's

loss　of　time；　makes　sail　for　the　nearest　shore；　this　is　a　doomed

ship；　and　her　name　is　the　Coffin！'　　'Young　man；　your　words　are　a

madman's　words。'　　'Your　Honour　no；　they　are　nibbling　us　away。'

'They？'　　'Your　Honour；　them　dreadful　rats。　　Dust　and　hollowness

where　solid　oak　ought　to　be！　　Rats　nibbling　a　grave　for　every　man

on　board！　　Oh！　　Does　your　Honour　l