father goriot(高老头)-第48章

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〃The　next　day　I　went　to　Delphine　for　comfort；　and　what　should　I　do　there　but　make　some　stupid　blunder　that　made　her　angry　with　me。　I　was　like　one　driven　out　of　his　senses。　For　a　week　I　did　not　know　what　to　do；　I　did　not　dare　to　go　to　see　them　for　fear　they　should　reproach　me。　And　that　was　how　they　both　turned　me　out　of　the　house。

〃Oh　God！　Thou　knowest　all　the　misery　and　anguish　that　I　have　endured；　Thou　hast　counted　all　the　wounds　that　have　been　dealt　to　me　in　these　years　that　have　aged　and　changed　me　and　whitened　my　hair　and　drained　my　life；　why　dost　Thou　make　me　to　suffer　so　to…　day？　Have　I　not　more　than　expiated　the　sin　of　loving　them　too　much？　They　themselves　have　been　the　instruments　of　vengeance；　they　have　tortured　me　for　my　sin　of　affection。

〃Ah；　well！　fathers　know　no　better；　I　loved　them　so；　I　went　back　to　them　as　a　gambler　goes　to　the　gaming　table。　This　love　was　my　vice；　you　see；　my　mistressthey　were　everything　in　the　world　to　me。　They　were　always　wanting　something　or　other；　dresses　and　ornaments；　and　what　not；　their　maids　used　to　tell　me　what　they　wanted；　and　I　used　to　give　them　the　things　for　the　sake　of　the　welcome　that　they　bought　for　me。　But；　at　the　same　time；　they　used　to　give　me　little　lectures　on　my　behavior　in　society；　they　began　about　it　at　once。　Then　they　began　to　feel　ashamed　of　me。　That　is　what　comes　of　having　your　children　well　brought　up。　I　could　not　go　to　school　again　at　my　time　of　life。　（This　pain　is　fearful！　MON　DIEU！　These　doctors！　these　doctors！　If　they　would　open　my　head；　it　would　give　me　some　relief！）　Oh；　my　daughters；　my　daughters！　Anastasie！　Delphine！　If　I　could　only　see　them！　Send　for　the　police；　and　make　them　come　to　me！　Justice　is　on　my　side；　the　whole　world　is　on　my　side；　I　have　natural　rights；　and　the　law　with　me。　I　protest！　The　country　will　go　to　ruin　if　a　father's　rights　are　trampled　under　foot。　That　is　easy　to　see。　The　whole　world　turns　on　fatherly　love；　fatherly　love　is　the　foundation　of　society；　it　will　crumble　into　ruin　when　children　do　not　love　their　fathers。　Oh！　if　I　could　only　see　them；　and　hear　them；　no　matter　what　they　said；　if　I　could　simply　hear　their　voices；　it　would　soothe　the　pain。　Delphine！　Delphine　most　of　all。　But　tell　them　when　they　come　not　to　look　so　coldly　at　me　as　they　do。　Oh！　my　friend；　my　good　Monsieur　Eugene；　you　do　not　know　that　it　is　when　all　the　golden　light　in　a　glance　suddenly　turns　to　a　leaden　gray。　It　has　been　one　long　winter　here　since　the　light　in　their　eyes　shone　no　more　for　me。　I　have　had　nothing　but　disappointments　to　devour。　Disappointment　has　been　my　daily　bread；　I　have　lived　on　humiliation　and　insults。　I　have　swallowed　down　all　the　affronts　for　which　they　sold　me　my　poor　stealthy　little　moments　of　joy；　for　I　love　them　so！　Think　of　it！　a　father　hiding　himself　to　get　a　glimpse　of　his　children！　I　have　given　all　my　life　to　them；　and　to…day　they　will　not　give　me　one　hour！　I　am　hungering　and　thirsting　for　them；　my　heart　is　burning　in　me；　but　they　will　not　come　to　bring　relief　in　the　agony；　for　I　am　dying　now；　I　feel　that　this　is　death。　Do　they　not　know　what　it　means　to　trample　on　a　father's　corpse？　There　is　a　God　in　heaven　who　avenges　us　fathers　whether　we　will　or　no。

〃Oh！　they　will　come！　Come　to　me；　darlings；　and　give　me　one　more　kiss；　one　last　kiss；　the　Viaticum　for　your　father；　who　will　pray　God　for　you　in　heaven。　I　will　tell　Him　that　you　have　been　good　children　to　your　father；　and　plead　your　cause　with　God！　After　all；　it　is　not　their　fault。　I　tell　you　they　are　innocent；　my　friend。　Tell　every　one　that　it　is　not　their　fault；　and　no　one　need　be　distressed　on　my　account。　It　is　all　my　own　fault；　I　taught　them　to　trample　upon　me。　I　loved　to　have　it　so。　It　is　no　one's　affair　but　mine；　man's　justice　and　God's　justice　have　nothing　to　do　in　it。　God　would　be　unjust　if　He　condemned　them　for　anything　they　may　have　done　to　me。　I　did　not　behave　to　them　properly；　I　was　stupid　enough　to　resign　my　rights。　I　would　have　humbled　myself　in　the　dust　for　them。　What　could　you　expect？　The　most　beautiful　nature；　the　noblest　soul；　would　have　been　spoiled　by　such　indulgence。　I　am　a　wretch；　I　am　justly　punished。　I；　and　I　only；　am　to　blame　for　all　their　sins；　I　spoiled　them。　To…day　they　are　as　eager　for　pleasure　as　they　used　to　be　for　sugar…plums。　When　they　were　little　girls　I　indulged　them　in　every　whim。　They　had　a　carriage　of　their　own　when　they　were　fifteen。　They　have　never　been　crossed。　I　am　guilty；　and　not　theybut　I　sinned　through　love。

〃My　heart　would　open　at　the　sound　of　their　voices。　I　can　hear　them；　they　are　coming。　Yes！　yes！　they　are　coming。　The　law　demands　that　they　should　be　present　at　their　father's　deathbed；　the　law　is　on　my　side。　It　would　only　cost　them　the　hire　of　a　cab。　I　would　pay　that。　Write　to　them；　tell　them　that　I　have　millions　to　leave　to　them！　On　my　word　of　honor；　yes。　I　am　going　to　manufacture　Italian　paste　foods　at　Odessa。　I　understand　the　trade。　There　are　millions　to　be　made　in　it。　Nobody　has　thought　of　the　scheme　as　yet。　You　see；　there　will　be　no　waste；　no　damage　in　transit；　as　there　always　is　with　wheat　and　flour。　Hey！　hey！　and　starch　too；　there　are　millions　to　be　made　in　the　starch　trade！　You　will　not　be　telling　a　lie。　Millions；　tell　them；　and　even　if　they　really　come　because　they　covet　the　money；　I　would　rather　let　them　deceive　me；　and　I　shall　see　them　in　any　case。　I　want　my　children！　I　gave　them　life；　they　are　mine；　mine！〃　and　he　sat　upright。　The　head　thus　raised；　with　its　scanty　white　hair；　seemed　to　Eugene　like　a　threat；　every　line　that　could　still　speak　spoke　of　menace。

〃There；　there；　dear　father；〃　said　Eugene；　〃lie　down　again；　I　will　write　to　them　at　once。　As　soon　as　Bianchon　comes　back　I　will　go　for　them　myself；　if　they　do　not　come　before。〃

〃If　they　do　not　come？〃　repeated　the　old　man；　sobbing。　〃Why；　I　shall　be　dead　before　then；　I　shall　die　in　a　fit　of　rage；　of　rage！　Anger　is　getting　the　better　of　me。　I　can　see　my　whole　life　at　this　minute。　I　have　been　cheated！　They　do　not　love　methey　have　never　loved　me　all　their　lives！　It　is　all　clear　to　me。　They　have　not　come；　and　they　will　not　come。　The　longer　they　put　off　their　coming；　the　less　they　are　likely　to　give　me　this　joy。　I　know　them。　They　have　never　cared　to　guess　my　disappointments；　my　sorrows；　my　wants；　they　never　cared　to　know　my　life；　they　will　have　no　presentiment　of　my　death；　they　do　not　even　know　the　secret　of　my　tenderness　for　them。　Yes；　I　see　it　all　now。　I　have　laid　my　heart　open　so　often；　that　they　take　everything　I　do　for　them　as　a　matter　of　course。　They　might　have　asked　me　for　the　very　eyes　out　of　my　head　and　I　would　have　bidden　them　to　pluck　them　out。　They　think　that　all　fathers　are　like　theirs。　You　should　always　make　your　value　felt。　Their　own　children　will　avenge　me。　Why；　for　their　own　sakes　they　should　come　to　me！　Make　them　understand　that　they　are　laying　up　retribution　for　their　own　deathbeds。　All　crimes　are　summed　up　in　this　one。　。　。　。　Go　to　them；　just　tell　them　that　if　they　stay　away　it　will　be　parricide！　There　is　enough　laid　to　their　charge　already　without　adding　that　to　the　list。　Cry　aloud　as　I　do　now；　'Nasie！　Delphine！　here！　Come　to　your　father；　the　father　who　has　been　so　kind　to　you　is　lying　ill！'Not　a　sound；　no　one　comes！　Then　am　I　do　die　like　a　dog？　This　is　to　be　my　rewardI　am　forsaken　at　the　last。　They　are　wicked；　heartless　women；　curses　on　them；　I　loathe　them。　I　shall　rise　at　night　from　my　grave　to　curse　them　again；　for；　after　all；　my　friends；　have　I　done　wrong？　They　are　behaving　very　badly　to　me；　eh？　。　。　。　What　am　I　saying？　Did　you　not　tell　me　just　now　that　Delphine　is　in　the　room？　She　is　more　tender…hearted　than　her　sister。　。　。　。　Eugene；　you　are　my　son；　you　know。　You　will　love　her；　be　a　father　to　her！　Her　sister　is　very　unhappy。　And　there　are　their　fortunes！　Ah；　God！　I　am　dying；　this　anguish　is　almost　more　than　I　can　bear！　Cut　off　my　head；　leave　me　nothing　but　my　heart。〃

〃Christophe！〃　shouted　Eugene；　alarmed　by　the　way　in　which　the　old　man　moaned；　and　by　his　cries；　〃go　for　M。　Bianchon；　and　send　a　cab　here　for　me。I　am　going　to　fetch　them；　dear　father；　I　will　bring　them　back　to　you。〃

〃Make　them　come！　Compel　them　to　come！　Call　out　the　Guard；　the　military；　anything　and　everything；　but　make　them　come！〃　He　looked　at　Eugene；　and　a　last　gleam　of　intelligence　shone　in　his　eyes。　〃Go　to　the　authorities；　to　the　Public　Prosecutor；　let　them　bring　them　here；　come　they　shall！〃

〃But　you　have　cursed　them。〃

〃Who　said　that！〃　said　the　old　man　in　dull　amazement。　〃You　know　quite　well　that　I　love　them；　I　adore　them！　I　shall　be　quite　well　again　if　I　can　see　them。　。　。　。　Go　for　them；　my　good　neighbor；　my　dear　boy；　you　are　kind…hearted；　I　wish　I　could　repay　you　for　your　kindness；　but　I　have　nothing　to　give　you　now；　save　the　blessing　of　a　dying　man。　Ah！　if　I　could　only　see　Delphine；　to　tell　her　to　pay　my　debt　to　you。　If　the　other　cannot　come；　bring　Delphine　to　me　at　any　rate。　Tell　her　that　unless　she　comes；　you　will　not　love　her　any　more。　She　is　so　fond　of　you　that　she　will　come　to　me　then。　Give　me　something　to　drink！　There　is　a　fire　in　my　bowels。　Press　something　against　my　forehead！　If　my　daughters　would　lay　their　hands　there；　I　think　I　should　get　better。　。　。　。　MON　DIEU！　who　will　recover　their　money　for　them　when　I　am　gone？　。　。　。　I　will　manufacture　vermicelli　out　in　Odessa；　I　will　go　to　Odessa　for　their　sakes。〃

〃Here　is　something　to　drink；〃　said　Eugene；　supporting　the　dying　man　on　his　left　arm；　while　he　held　a　cup　of　tisane　to　Goriot's　lips。

〃How　you　must　love　your　own　father　and　mother！〃　said　the　old　man；　and　grasped　the　student's　hand　in　both　of　his。　It　was　a　feeble；　trembling　grasp。　〃I　am　going　to　die；　I　shall　die　without　seeing　my　daughters；　do　you　understand？　To　be　always　thirsting；　and　never　to　drink；　that　has　been　my　life　for　the　last　ten　years。　。　。　。　I　have　no　daughters；　my　sons…in…law　killed　them。　No；　since　their　marriages　they　have　been　dead　to　me。　Fathers　should　petition　the　Chambers　to　pass　a　law　against　marriage。　If　you　love　your　daughters；　do　not　let　them　marry。　A　son…in…law　is　a　rascal　who　poisons　a　girl's　mind　and　contaminates　her　whole　nature。　Let　us　have　no　more　marriages！　It　robs　us　of　our　daughters；　we　are　left　alone　upon　our　deathbeds；　and　they　are　not　with　us　then。　They　ought　to　pass　a　law　for　dying　fathers。　This　is　awful！　It　cries　for　vengeance！　They　cannot　come；　because　my　sons…in…law　forbid　them！　。　。　。　Kill　them！　。　。　。　Restaud　and　the　Alsatian；　kill　them　both！　They　have　murdered　me　between　them！　。　。　。　Death　or　my　daughters！　。　。　。　Ah！　it　is　too　late；　I　am　dying；　and　they　are　not　here！　。　。　。　Dying　without　them！　。　。　。　Nasie！　Fifine！　Why　do　you　not　come　to　me？　Your　papa　is　going〃

〃Dear　Father　Goriot；　calm　yourself。　There；　there；　lie　quietly　and　rest；　don't　worry　yourself；　don't　think。〃

〃I　shall　not　see　them。　Oh！　the　agony　of　it！〃

〃You　SHALL　see　them。〃

〃Really？〃　cried　the　old　man；　still　wandering。　〃Oh！　shall　I　see　them；　I　shall　see　them　and　hear　their　voices。　I　shall　die　happy。　Ah！　well；　after　all；　I　do　not　wish　to　live；　I　cannot　stand　this　much　longer；　this　pain　that　grows　worse　and　worse。　But；　oh！　to　see　them；　to　touch　their　dressesah！　nothing　but　their　dresses；　that　is　very　little；　still；　to　feel　something　that　belongs　to　them。　Let　me　touch　their　hair　with　my　fingers　。　。　。　their　hair　。　。　。〃

His　head　fell　back　on　the　pillow；　as　if　a　sudden　he