father goriot(高老头)-第22章

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　of　pleasure。　Rastignac　beholding　himself　well　dressed　and　impeccable　as　to　gloves　and　boots；　forgot　his　virtuous　resolutions。　Youth；　moreover；　when　bent　upon　wrongdoing　does　not　dare　to　behold　himself　in　the　mirror　of　consciousness；　mature　age　has　seen　itself；　and　therein　lies　the　whole　difference　between　these　two　phases　of　life。

A　friendship　between　Eugene　and　his　neighbor；　Father　Goriot；　had　been　growing　up　for　several　days　past。　This　secret　friendship　and　the　antipathy　that　the　student　had　begun　to　entertain　for　Vautrin　arose　from　the　same　psychological　causes。　The　bold　philosopher　who　shall　investigate　the　effects　of　mental　action　upon　the　physical　world　will　doubtless　find　more　than　one　proof　of　the　material　nature　of　our　sentiments　in　other　animals。　What　physiognomist　is　as　quick　to　discern　character　as　a　dog　is　to　discover　from　a　stranger's　face　whether　this　is　a　friend　or　no？　Those　by…words〃atoms；〃　〃affinities〃are　facts　surviving　in　modern　languages　for　the　confusion　of　philosophic　wiseacres　who　amuse　themselves　by　winnowing　the　chaff　of　language　to　find　its　grammatical　roots。　We　FEEL　that　we　are　loved。　Our　sentiments　make　themselves　felt　in　everything；　even　at　a　great　distance。　A　letter　is　a　living　soul；　and　so　faithful　an　echo　of　the　voice　that　speaks　in　it；　that　finer　natures　look　upon　a　letter　as　one　of　love's　most　precious　treasures。　Father　Goriot's　affection　was　of　the　instinctive　order；　a　canine　affection　raised　to　a　sublime　pitch；　he　had　scented　compassion　in　the　air；　and　the　kindly　respect　and　youthful　sympathy　in　the　student's　heart。　This　friendship　had；　however；　scarcely　reached　the　stage　at　which　confidences　are　made。　Though　Eugene　had　spoken　of　his　wish　to　meet　Mme。　de　Nucingen；　it　was　not　because　he　counted　on　the　old　man　to　introduce　him　to　her　house；　for　he　hoped　that　his　own　audacity　might　stand　him　in　good　stead。　All　that　Father　Goriot　had　said　as　yet　about　his　daughters　had　referred　to　the　remarks　that　the　student　had　made　so　freely　in　public　on　that　day　of　the　two　visits。

〃How　could　you　think　that　Mme。　de　Restaud　bore　you　a　grudge　for　mentioning　my　name？〃　he　had　said　on　the　day　following　that　scene　at　dinner。　〃My　daughters　are　very　fond　of　me；　I　am　a　happy　father；　but　my　sons…in…law　have　behaved　badly　to　me；　and　rather　than　make　trouble　between　my　darlings　and　their　husbands；　I　choose　to　see　my　daughters　secretly。　Fathers　who　can　see　their　daughters　at　any　time　have　no　idea　of　all　the　pleasure　that　all　this　mystery　gives　me；　I　cannot　always　see　mine　when　I　wish；　do　you　understand？　So　when　it　is　fine　I　walk　out　in　the　Champs…　Elysees；　after　finding　out　from　their　waiting…maids　whether　my　daughters　mean　to　go　out。　I　wait　near　the　entrance；　my　heart　beats　fast　when　the　carriages　begin　to　come；　I　admire　them　in　their　dresses；　and　as　they　pass　they　give　me　a　little　smile；　and　it　seems　as　if　everything　was　lighted　up　for　me　by　a　ray　of　bright　sunlight。　I　wait；　for　they　always　go　back　the　same　way；　and　then　I　see　them　again；　the　fresh　air　has　done　them　good　and　brought　color　into　their　cheeks；　all　about　me　people　say；　'What　a　beautiful　woman　that　is！'　and　it　does　my　heart　good　to　hear　them。

〃Are　they　not　my　own　flesh　and　blood？　I　love　the　very　horses　that　draw　them；　I　envy　the　little　lap…dog　on　their　knees。　Their　happiness　is　my　life。　Every　one　loves　after　his　own　fashion；　and　mine　does　no　one　any　harm；　why　should　people　trouble　their　heads　about　me？　I　am　happy　in　my　own　way。　Is　there　any　law　against　going　to　see　my　girls　in　the　evening　when　they　are　going　out　to　a　ball？　And　what　a　disappointment　it　is　when　I　get　there　too　late；　and　am　told　that　'Madame　has　gone　out！'　Once　I　waited　till　three　o'clock　in　the　morning　for　Nasie；　I　had　not　seen　her　for　two　whole　days。　I　was　so　pleased；　that　it　was　almost　too　much　for　me！　Please　do　not　speak　of　me　unless　it　is　to　say　how　good　my　daughters　are　to　me。　They　are　always　wanting　to　heap　presents　upon　me；　but　I　will　not　have　it。　'Just　keep　your　money；'　I　tell　them。　'What　should　I　do　with　it？　I　want　nothing。'　And　what　am　I；　sir；　after　all？　An　old　carcase；　whose　soul　is　always　where　my　daughters　are。　When　you　have　seen　Mme。　de　Nucingen；　tell　me　which　you　like　the　most；〃　said　the　old　man　after　a　moment's　pause；　while　Eugene　put　the　last　touches　to　his　toilette。　The　student　was　about　to　go　out　to　walk　in　the　Garden　of　the　Tuileries　until　the　hour　when　he　could　venture　to　appear　in　Mme。　de　Beauseant's　drawing…room。

That　walk　was　a　turning…point　in　Eugene's　career。　Several　women　noticed　him；　he　looked　so　handsome；　so　young；　and　so　well　dressed。　This　almost　admiring　attention　gave　a　new　turn　to　his　thoughts。　He　forgot　his　sisters　and　the　aunt　who　had　robbed　herself　for　him；　he　no　longer　remembered　his　own　virtuous　scruples。　He　had　seen　hovering　above　his　head　the　fiend　so　easy　to　mistake　for　an　angel；　the　Devil　with　rainbow　wings；　who　scatters　rubies；　and　aims　his　golden　shafts　at　palace　fronts；　who　invests　women　with　purple；　and　thrones　with　a　glory　that　dazzles　the　eyes　of　fools　till　they　forget　the　simple　origins　of　royal　dominion；　he　had　heard　the　rustle　of　that　Vanity　whose　tinsel　seems　to　us　to　be　the　symbol　of　power。　However　cynical　Vautrin's　words　had　been；　they　had　made　an　impression　on　his　mind；　as　the　sordid　features　of　the　old　crone　who　whispers；　〃A　lover；　and　gold　in　torrents；〃　remain　engraven　on　a　young　girl's　memory。

Eugene　lounged　about　the　walks　till　it　was　nearly　five　o'clock；　then　he　went　to　Mme。　de　Beauseant；　and　received　one　of　the　terrible　blows　against　which　young　hearts　are　defenceless。　Hitherto　the　Vicomtesse　had　received　him　with　the　kindly　urbanity；　the　bland　grace　of　manner　that　is　the　result　of　fine　breeding；　but　is　only　complete　when　it　comes　from　the　heart。

Today　Mme。　de　Beauseant　bowed　constrainedly；　and　spoke　curtly：

〃M。　de　Rastignac；　I　cannot　possibly　see　you；　at　least　not　at　this　moment。　I　am　engaged　。　。　。〃

An　observer；　and　Rastignac　instantly　became　an　observer；　could　read　the　whole　history；　the　character　and　customs　of　caste；　in　the　phrase；　in　the　tones　of　her　voice；　in　her　glance　and　bearing。　He　caught　a　glimpse　of　the　iron　hand　beneath　the　velvet　glove　the　personality；　the　egoism　beneath　the　manner；　the　wood　beneath　the　varnish。　In　short；　he　heard　that　unmistakable　I　THE　KING　that　issues　from　the　plumed　canopy　of　the　throne；　and　finds　its　last　echo　under　the　crest　of　the　simplest　gentleman。

Eugene　had　trusted　too　implicitly　to　the　generosity　of　a　woman；　he　could　not　believe　in　her　haughtiness。　Like　all　the　unfortunate；　he　had　subscribed；　in　all　good　faith；　the　generous　compact　which　should　bind　the　benefactor　to　the　recipient；　and　the　first　article　in　that　bond；　between　two　large…hearted　natures；　is　a　perfect　equality。　The　kindness　which　knits　two　souls　together　is　as　rare；　as　divine；　and　as　little　understood　as　the　passion　of　love；　for　both　love　and　kindness　are　the　lavish　generosity　of　noble　natures。　Rastignac　was　set　upon　going　to　the　Duchesse　de　Carigliano's　ball；　so　he　swallowed　down　this　rebuff。

〃Madame；〃　he　faltered　out；　〃I　would　not　have　come　to　trouble　you　about　a　trifling　matter；　be　so　kind　as　to　permit　me　to　see　you　later；　I　can　wait。〃

〃Very　well；　come　and　dine　with　me；〃　she　said；　a　little　confused　by　the　harsh　way　in　which　she　had　spoken；　for　this　lady　was　as　genuinely　kind…hearted　as　she　was　high…born。

Eugene　was　touched　by　this　sudden　relenting；　but　none　the　less　he　said　to　himself　as　he　went　away；　〃Crawl　in　the　dust；　put　up　with　every　kind　of　treatment。　What　must　the　rest　of　the　world　be　like　when　one　of　the　kindest　of　women　forgets　all　her　promises　of　befriending　me　in　a　moment；　and　tosses　me　aside　like　an　old　shoe？　So　it　is　every　one　for　himself？　It　is　true　that　her　house　is　not　a　shop；　and　I　have　put　myself　in　the　wrong　by　needing　her　help。　You　should　cut　your　way　through　the　world　like　a　cannon　ball；　as　Vautrin　said。〃

But　the　student's　bitter　thoughts　were　soon　dissipated　by　the　pleasure　which　he　promised　himself　in　this　dinner　with　the　Vicomtesse。　Fate　seemed　to　determine　that　the　smallest　accidents　in　his　life　should　combine　to　urge　him　into　a　career；　which　the　terrible　sphinx　of　the　Maison　Vauquer　had　described　as　a　field　of　battle　where　you　must　either　slay　or　be　slain；　and　cheat　to　avoid　being　cheated。　You　leave　your　conscience　and　your　heart　at　the　barriers；　and　wear　a　mask　on　entering　into　this　game　of　grim　earnest；　where；　as　in　ancient　Sparta；　you　must　snatch　your　prize　without　being　detected　if　you　would　deserve　the　crown。

On　his　return　he　found　the　Vicomtesse　gracious　and　kindly；　as　she　had　always　been　to　him。　They　went　together　to　the　dining…room；　where　the　Vicomte　was　waiting　for　his　wife。　In　the　time　of　the　Restoration　the　luxury　of　the　table　was　carried；　as　is　well　known；　to　the　highest　degree；　and　M。　de　Beauseant；　like　many　jaded　men　of　the　world；　had　few　pleasures　left　but　those　of　good　cheer；　in　this　matter；　in　fact；　he　was　a　gourmand　of　the　schools　of　Louis　XVIII。　and　of　the　Duc　d'Escars；　and　luxury　was　supplemented　by　splendor。　Eugene；　dining　for　the　first　time　in　a　house　where　the　traditions　of　grandeur　had　descended　through　many　generations；　had　never　seen　any　spectacle　like　this　that　now　met　his　eyes。　In　the　time　of　the　Empire；　balls　had　always　ended　with　a　supper；　because　the　officers　who　took　part　in　them　must　be　fortified　for　immediate　service；　and　even　in　Paris　might　be　called　upon　to　leave　the　ballroom　for　the　battlefield。　This　arrangement　had　gone　out　of　fashion　under　the　Monarchy；　and　Eugene　had　so　far　only　been　asked　to　dances。　The　self…possession　which　pre…eminently　distinguished　him　in　later　life　already　stood　him　in　good　stead；　and　he　did　not　betray　his　amazement。　Yet　as　he　saw　for　the　first　time　the　finely　wrought　silver　plate；　the　completeness　of　every　detail；　the　sumptuous　dinner；　noiselessly　served；　it　was　difficult　for　such　an　ardent　imagination　not　to　prefer　this　life　of　studied　and　refined　luxury　to　the　hardships　of　the　life　which　he　had　chosen　only　that　morning。

His　thoughts　went　back　for　a　moment　to　the　lodging…house；　and　with　a　feeling　of　profound　loathing；　he　vowed　to　himself　that　at　New　Year　he　would　go；　prompted　at　least　as　much　by　a　desire　to　live　among　cleaner　surroundings　as　by　a　wish　to　shake　off　Vautrin；　whose　huge　hand　he　seemed　to　feel　on　his　shoulder　at　that　moment。　When　you　consider　the　numberless　forms；　clamorous　or　mute；　that　corruption　takes　in　Paris；　common…sense　begins　to　wonder　what　mental　aberration　prompted　the　State　to　establish　great　colleges　and　schools　there；　and　assemble　young　men　in　the　capital；　how　it　is　that　pretty　women　are　respected；　or　that　the　gold　coin　displayed　in　the　money…changer's　wooden　saucers　does　not　take　to　itself　wings　in　the　twinkling　of　an　eye；　and　when　you　come　to　think　further；　how　comparatively　few　cases　of　crime　there　are；　and　to　count　up　the　misdemeanors　committed　by　youth；　is　there　not　a　certain　amount　of　respect　due　to　these　patient　Tantaluses　who　wrestle　with　themselves　and　nearly　always　come　off　victorious？　The　struggles　of　the　poor　student　in　Paris；　if　skilfully　drawn；　would　furnish　a　most　dramatic　picture　of　modern　civilization。

In　vain　Mme。　de　Beauseant　looked　at　Eugene　as　if　asking　him　to　speak；　the　student　was　tongue…tied　in　the　Vicomte's　presence。

〃Are　you　going　to　take　me　to　the　Ital