malbone- an oldport romance[1].(马尔布恩)-第18章
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I was beginning life over again。 It ain't a selfish feeling； so I know there's
some good in it。 I used to be selfish enough； but I ain't so to her。 You may
not think it； but if it would make her happy； I believe I could lie down and
let her carriage roll over me。 By …； I would build her a palace to live in；
and keep the lodge at the gate myself； just to see her pass by。 That is； if she
was to live in it alone by herself。 I couldn't stand sharing her。 It must be
me or nobody。〃
Probably there was no male acquaintance of the parties； however
hardened； to whom these fine flights would have seemed more utterly
preposterous than to the immediate friend and prospective bridesmaid；
Miss Blanche Ingleside。 To that young lady； trained sedulously by a
devoted mother； life was really a serious thing。 It meant the full rigor of
the marriage market； tempered only by dancing and new dresses。 There
was a stern sense of duty beneath all her robing and disrobing； she
conscientiously did what was expected of her； and took her little
amusements meanwhile。 It was supposed that most of the purchasers in
the market preferred slang and bare shoulders； and so she favored them
with plenty of both。 It was merely the law of supply and demand。 Had
John Lambert once hinted that he would accept her in decent black； she
would have gone to the next ball as a Sister of Charity； but where was the
need of it； when she and her mother both knew that； had she appeared as
the Veiled Prophet of Khorassan； she would not have won him？ So her
only resource was a cheerful acquiescence in Emilia's luck； and a
judicious propitiation of the accepted favorite。
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〃I wouldn't mind playing Virtue Rewarded myself； young woman；〃
said Blanche； 〃at such a scale of prices。 I would do it even to so slow an
audience as old Lambert。 But you see； it isn't my line。 Don't forget your
humble friends when you come into your property； that's all。〃 Then the
tender coterie of innocents entered on some preliminary consideration of
wedding…dresses。
When Emilia came home； she dismissed the whole matter lightly as a
settled thing； evaded all talk with Aunt Jane； and coolly said to Kate that
she had no objection to Mr。 Lambert； and might as well marry him as
anybody else。
〃I am not like you and Hal； you know；〃 said she。 〃I have no fancy for
love in a cottage。 I never look well in anything that is not costly。 I have
not a taste that does not imply a fortune。 What is the use of love？ One
marries for love； and is unhappy ever after。 One marries for money； and
perhaps gets love after all。 I dare say Mr。 Lambert loves me； though I do
not see why he should。〃
〃I fear he does；〃 said Kate； almost severely。
〃Fear？〃 said Emilia。
〃Yes；〃 said Kate。 〃It is an unequal bargain； where one side does all
the loving。〃
〃Don't be troubled；〃 said Emilia。 〃I dare say he will not love me long。
Nobody ever did！〃 And her eyes filled with tears which she dashed away
angrily； as she ran up to her room。
It was harder yet for her to talk with Hope； but she did it； and that in a
very serious mood。 She had never been so open with her sister。
〃Aunt Jane once told me；〃 she said； 〃that my only safety was in
marrying a good man。 Now I am engaged to one。〃
〃Do you love him； Emilia？〃 asked Hope； gravely。
〃Not much；〃 said Emilia； honestly。 〃But perhaps I shall； by and by。〃
〃Emilia；〃 cried Hope； 〃there is no such thing as happiness in a
marriage without love。〃
〃Mine is not without love；〃 the girl answered。 〃He loves me。 It
frightens me to see how much he loves me。 I can have the devotion of a
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lifetime； if I will。 Perhaps it is hard to receive it in such a way； but I can
have it。 Do you blame me very much？〃
Hope hesitated。 〃I cannot blame you so much； my child；〃 she said；
〃as if I thought it were money for which you cared。 It seems to me that
there must be something beside that； and yet〃
〃O Hope； how I thank you；〃 interrupted Emilia。 〃It is not money。
You know I do not care about money； except just to buy my clothes and
things。 At least； I do not care about so much as he has；more than a
million dollars； only think！ Perhaps they said two million。 Is it wrong for
me to marry him； just because he has that？〃
〃Not if you love him。〃
〃I do not exactly love him； but O Hope； I cannot tell you about it。 I am
not so frivolous as you think。 I want to do my duty。 I want to make you
happy too： you have been so sweet to me。〃
〃Did you think it would make me happy to have you married？〃 asked
Hope； surprised； and kissing again and again the young； sad face。 And the
two girls went upstairs together； brought for the moment into more sisterly
nearness by the very thing that had seemed likely to set them forever apart。
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CHAPTER XIII。
DREAMING DREAMS。
SO short was the period between Emilia's betrothal and her marriage；
that Aunt Jane's sufferings over trousseau and visits did not last long。 Mr。
Lambert's society was the worst thing to bear。
〃He makes such long calls！〃 she said； despairingly。 〃He should bring
an almanac with him to know when the days go by。〃
〃But Harry and Philip are here all the time；〃 said Kate； the accustomed
soother。
〃Harry is quiet； and Philip keeps out of the way lately；〃 she answered。
〃But I always thought lovers the most inconvenient thing about a house。
They are more troublesome than the mice； and all those people who live in
the wainscot； for though the lovers make less noise； yet you have to see
them。〃
〃A necessary evil； dear；〃 said Kate； with much philosophy。
〃I am not sure；〃 said the complainant。 〃They might be excluded in
the deed of a house； or by the terms of the lease。 The next house I take； I
shall say to the owner； 'Have you a good well of water on the premises？
Are you troubled with rats or lovers？' That will settle it。〃
It was true； what Aunt Jane said about Malbone。 He had changed his
habits a good deal。 While the girls were desperately busy about the
dresses； he beguiled Harry to the club； and sat on the piazza； talking
sentiment and sarcasm； regardless of hearers。
〃When we are young；〃 he would say； 〃we are all idealists in love。
Every imaginative boy has such a passion； while his intellect is crude and
his senses indifferent。 It is the height of bliss。 All other pleasures are not
worth its pains。 With older men this ecstasy of the imagination is rare； it
is the senses that clutch or reason which holds。〃
〃Is that an improvement？〃 asked some juvenile listener。
〃No！〃 said Philip； strongly。 〃Reason is cold and sensuality hateful； a
man of any feeling must feed his imagination； there must be a woman of
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whom he can dream。〃
〃That is；〃 put in some more critical auditor； 〃whom he can love as a
woman loves a man。〃
〃For want of the experience of such a passion；〃 Malbone went on；
unheeding； 〃nobody comprehends Petrarch。 Philosophers and sensualists
all refuse to believe that his dream of Laura went on； even when he had a
mistress and a child。 Why not？ Every one must have something to which
his dreams can cling； amid the degradations of actual life； and this tie is
more real than the degradation； and if he holds to the tie； it will one day
save him。〃
〃What is the need of the degradation？〃 put in the clear…headed Harry。
〃None； except in weakness；〃 said Philip。 〃A stronger nature may
escape it。 Good God！ do I not know how Petrarch must have felt？ What
sorrow life brings！ Suppose a man hopelessly separated from one whom
he passionately loves。 Then； as he looks up at the starry sky； something
says to him： 'You can bear all these agonies of privation； loss of life； loss
of love；what are they？ If the tie between you is what you thought； neither
life nor death； neither folly nor sin； can keep her forever from you。' Would
that one could always feel so！ But I am weak。 Then comes impulse； it
thirsts for some immediate gratification； I yield； and plunge into any
happiness since I cannot obtain her。 Then comes quiet again； with the stars；
and I bitterly reproach myself for needing anything more than that
stainless ideal。 And so； I fancy； did Petrarch。〃
Philip was getting into a dangerous mood with his sentimentalism。 No
lawful passion can ever be so bewildering or ecstatic as an unlawful one。
For that which is right has all the powers of the universe on its side； and
can afford to wait； but the wrong； having all those vast forces against it；
must hurry to its fulfilment； reserve nothing； concentrate all its ecstasies
upon to…day。 Malbone； greedy of emotion； was drinking to the dregs a
passion that could have no to…morrow。
Sympathetic persons are apt to assume that every refined emotion
must be ennobling。 This is not true of men like Malbone； voluptuaries of
the heart。 He ordinarily got up a passion very much as Lord Russell got
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up an appetite；he； of Spence's Anecdotes； who went out hunting for that
sole purpose； and left the chase when the sensation came。 Malbone did not
leave his more spiritual chase so soon；it made him too happy。
Sometimes； indeed；
