the complete plays-第8章
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MAR。 Married when a baby！
GIU。 But we were married three months ago！
DON AL。 One of youonly one。 The other （whichever it is）
is an unintentional bigamist。
GIA。 and TESS。 （coming forward）。 Well； upon my word！
DON AL。 Eh？ Who are these young people？
TESS。 Who are we？ Why； their wives； of course。 We've just
arrived。
DON AL。 Their wives！ Oh dear； this is very unfortunate！
Oh dear； this complicates matters！ Dear； dear； what will Her
Majesty say？
GIA。 And do you mean to say that one of these Monarchs was
already married？
TESS。 And that neither of us will be a Queen？
DON AL。 That is the idea I intended to convey。 （Tessa and
Gianetta begin to cry。）
GIU。 （to Tessa）。 Tessa； my dear； dear child
TESS。 Get away！ perhaps it's you！
MAR。 （to Gia。）。 My poor； poor little woman！
GIA。 Don't！ Who knows whose husband you are？
TESS。 And pray； why didn't you tell us all about it before
they left Venice？
DON AL。 Because； if I had； no earthly temptation would have
induced these gentlemen to leave two such extremely fascinating
and utterly irresistible little ladies！
TESS。 There's something in that。
DON AL。 I may mention that you will not be kept long in
suspense； as the old lady who nursed the Royal child is at
present in the torture chamber； waiting for me to interview her。
GIU。 Poor old girl。 Hadn't you better go and put her out
of her suspense？
DON AL。 Oh nothere's no hurryshe's all right。 She has
all the illustrated papers。 However； I'll go and interrogate
her； and； in the meantime； may I suggest the absolute propriety
of your regarding yourselves as single young ladies。 Good
evening！
（Exit Don
Alhambra。）
GIA。 Well； here's a pleasant state of things！
MAR。 Delightful。 One of us is married to two young ladies；
and nobody knows which； and the other is married to one young
lady whom nobody can identify！
GIA。 And one of us is married to one of you； and the other
is married to nobody。
TESS。 But which of you is married to which of us； and
what's to become of the other？ （About to cry。）
GIU。 It's quite simple。 Observe。 Two husbands have
managed to acquire three wives。 Three wivestwo husbands。
（Reckoning up。） That's two…thirds of a husband to each wife。
TESS。 O Mount Vesuvius； here we are in arithmetic！ My good
sir； one can't marry a vulgar fraction！
GIU。 You've no right to call me a vulgar fraction。
MAR。 We are getting rather mixed。 The situation is
entangled。 Let's try and comb it out。
QUARTETMARCO； GIUSEPPE； GIANETTA； TESSA。
In a contemplative fashion；
And a tranquil frame of mind；
Free from every kind of passion；
Some solution let us find。
Let us grasp the situation；
Solve the complicated plot
Quiet； calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot。
TESS。I； no doubt； Giuseppe wedded THE OTHERS。 In a
contemplative
That's； of course； a slice of luck fashion；
etc。
He is rather dunder…headed。
Still distinctly； he's a duck。
GIA。 I； a victim； too； of Cupid； THE OTHERS。 Let
us grasp the
Marco married … that is clear。 situation；
etc。
He's particularly stupid；
Still distinctly； he's a dear。
MAR。 To Gianetta I was mated； THE OTHERS。 In a
contemplative
I can prove it in a trice： fashion；
etc。
Though her charms are overrated；
Still I own she's rather nice。
GIU。 I to Tessa； willy…nilly； THE OTHERS。 Let us
grasp the
All at once a victim fell。 situation；
etc。
She is what is called a silly；
Still she answers pretty well。
MAR。 Now when we were pretty babies
Some one married us； that's clear
GIA。 And if I can catch her
I'll pinch her and scratch her
And send her away with a flea in her ear。
GIU。 He whom that young lady married；
To receive her can't refuse。
TESS。 If I overtake her
I'll warrant I'll make her
To shake in her aristocratical shoes！
GIA。 （to Tess。）。 If she married your Giuseppe
You and he will have to part
TESS。 （to Gia。）。 If I have to do it
I'll warrant she'll rue it
I'll teach her to marry the man of my heart！
TESS。 （to Gia。）。 If she married Messer Marco
You're a spinster； that is plain
GIA。 （to Tess。）。 No matterno matter。
If I can get at her
I doubt if her mother will know her again！
ALL。 Quiet； calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot！
（Exeunt；
pondering。）
（March。 Enter procession of Retainers； heralding approach of
Duke； Duchess； and Casilda。 All three are now dressed with the
utmost magnificence。）
CHORUS OF MEN； with DUKE and DUCHESS。
With ducal pomp and ducal pride
（Announce these comers；
O ye kettle…drummers！）
Comes Barataria's high…born bride。
（Ye sounding cymbals clang！）
She comes to claim the Royal hand
（Proclaim their Graces；
O ye double basses！）
Of the King who rules this goodly land。
（Ye brazen brasses bang！）
DUKE and This polite attention touches
DUCH。 Heart of Duke and heart of Duchess
Who resign their pet
With profound regret。
She of beauty was a model
When a tiny tiddle…toddle；
And at twenty…one
She's excelled by none！
CHORUS。 With ducal pomp and ducal pride； etc。
DUKE （to his attendants）。 Be good enough to inform His Majesty
that His Grace the Duke of Plaza…Toro； Limited； has arrived； and
begs
CAS。 Desires
DUCH。 Demands
DUKE。 And demands an audience。 （Exeunt attendants。） And
now； my child； prepare to receive the husband to whom you were
united under such interesting and romantic circumstances。
CAS。 But which is it？ There are two of them！
DUKE。 It is true that at present His Majesty is a double
gentleman； but as soon as the circumstances of his marriage are
ascertained； he will； ipso facto； boil down to a single
gentlemanthus presenting a unique example of an individual who
becomes a single man and a married man by the same operation。
DUCH。 （severely）。 I have known instances in which the
characteristics of both conditions existed concurrently in the
same individual。
DUKE。 Ah； he couldn't have been a Plaza…Toro。
DUCH。 Oh！ couldn't he； though！
CAS。 Well； whatever happens； I shall； of course； be a
dutiful wife； but I can never love my husband。
DUKE。 I don't know。 It's extraordinary what
unprepossessing people one can love if one gives one's mind to
it。
DUCH。 I loved your father。
DUKE。 My lovethat remark is a little hard； I think？
Rather cruel； perhaps？ Somewhat uncalled…for； I venture to
believe？
DUCH。 It was very difficult； my dear； but I said to myself；
〃That man is a Duke； and I will love him。〃 Several of my
relations bet me I couldn't； but I diddesperately！
SONGDUCHESS。
On the day when I was wedded
To your admirable sire；
I acknowledge that I dreaded
An explosion of his ire。
I was overcome with panic
For his temper was volcanic；
And I didn't dare revolt；
For I feared a thunderbolt！
I was always very wary；
For his fury was ecstatic
His refined vocabulary
Most unpleasantly emphatic。
To the thunder
Of this Tartar
I knocked under
Like a martyr；
When intently
He was fuming；
I was gently
Unassuming
When reviling
Me completely；
I was smiling
Very sweetly：
Giving him the very best； and getting back the very worst
That is how I tried to tame your great progenitorat first！
But I found that a reliance
On my threatening appearance；
And a resolute defiance
Of marital interference；
And a gentle intimation
Of my firm determination
To see what I could do
To be wife and husband too
Was the only thing required
For to make his temper supple；
And you couldn't have desired
A more reciprocating couple。
Ever willing
To be wooing；
We were billing
We were cooing；
When I merely
From him parted；
We were nearly
Broken…hearted
When in sequel
Reunited；
We were equal…
Ly delighted。
So with double…shotted guns and colours nailed unto the mast；
I tamed your insignificant progenitorat last！
CAS。 My only hope is that when my husband sees what a shady
family he has married into he will repudiate the contract
altogether。
DUKE。 Shady？ A nobleman shady； who is blazing in the
lustre of unaccustomed pocket…money？ A nobleman shady； who can
look back upon ninety…five quarterings？ It is not every nobleman
who is ninety…five quarters in arrearI mean； who can look back
upon ninety…five of them！ And this； just as I have been floated
at a premium！ Oh fie！
DUCH。 Your Majesty is surely unaware that directly your
Majesty's father came before the public he wa
