the moscow census-第3章

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cloth　and　rugs；no　matter　what　the　wise　ones　of　this　world　might　say
to　me　about　its　being　a　necessity；was　a　crime；　not　perpetrated　a
single　time；　but　one　which　was　incessantly　being　perpetrated　over　and
over　again；　and　that　I；　in　my　luxury；　was　not　only　an　accessory；　but
a　direct　accomplice　in　the　matter。　　The　difference　for　me　between
these　two　impressions　was　this；　that　I　might　have　shouted　to　the
assassins　who　stood　around　the　guillotine；　and　perpetrated　the
murder；　that　they　were　committing　a　crime；　and　have　tried　with　all　my
might　to　prevent　the　murder。　　But　while　so　doing　I　should　have　known
that　my　action　would　not　prevent　the　murder。　　But　here　I　might　not
only　have　given　sbiten　and　the　money　which　I　had　with　me；　but　the
coat　from　my　back；　and　every　thing　that　was　in　my　house。　　But　this　I
had　not　done；　and　therefore　I　felt；　I　feel；　and　shall　never　cease　to
feel；　myself　an　accomplice　in　this　constantly　repeated　crime；　so　long
as　I　have　superfluous　food　and　any　one　else　has　none　at　all；　so　long
as　I　have　two　garments　while　any　one　else　has　not　even　one。＇　｛5｝



CHAPTER　III。



That　very　evening；　on　my　return　from　the　Lyapinsky　house；　I　related
my　impressions　to　a　friend。　　The　friend；　an　inhabitant　of　the　city；
began　to　tell　me；　not　without　satisfaction；　that　this　was　the　most
natural　phenomenon　of　town　life　possible；　that　I　only　saw　something
extraordinary　in　it　because　of　my　provincialism；　that　it　had　always
been　so；　and　always　would　be　so；　and　that　such　must　be　and　is　the
inevitable　condition　of　civilization。　　In　London　it　is　even　worse。
Of　course　there　is　nothing　wrong　about　it；　and　it　is　impossible　to　be
displeased　with　it。　　I　began　to　reply　to　my　friend；　but　with　so　much
heat　and　ill…temper；　that　my　wife　ran　in　from　the　adjoining　room　to
inquire　what　had　happened。　　It　appears　that；　without　being　conscious
of　it　myself；　I　had　been　shouting；　with　tears　in　my　voice；　and
flourishing　my　hands　at　my　friend。　　I　shouted：　　〃It's　impossible　to
live　thus；　impossible　to　live　thus；　impossible！〃　　They　made　me　feel
ashamed　of　my　unnecessary　warmth；　they　told　me　that　I　could　not　talk
quietly　about　any　thing；　that　I　got　disagreeably　excited；　and　they
proved　to　me；　especially；　that　the　existence　of　such　unfortunates
could　not　possibly　furnish　any　excuse　for　imbittering　the　lives　of
those　about　me。

I　felt　that　this　was　perfectly　just；　and　held　my　peace；　but　in　the
depths　of　my　soul　I　was　conscious　that　I　was　in　the　right；　and　I
could　not　regain　my　composure。

And　the　life　of　the　city；　which　had；　even　before　this；　been　so
strange　and　repellent　to　me；　now　disgusted　me　to　such　a　degree；　that
all　the　pleasures　of　a　life　of　luxury；　which　had　hitherto　appeared　to
me　as　pleasures；　become　tortures　to　me。　　And　try　as　I　would；　to
discover　in　my　own　soul　any　justification　whatever　for　our　life；　I
could　not；　without　irritation；　behold　either　my　own　or　other　people's
drawing…rooms；　nor　our　tables　spread　in　the　lordly　style；　nor　our
equipages　and　horses；　nor　shops；　theatres；　and　assemblies。　　I　could
not　behold　alongside　these　the　hungry；　cold；　and　down…trodden
inhabitants　of　the　Lyapinsky　house。　　And　I　could　not　rid　myself　of
the　thought　that　these　two　things　were　bound　up　together；　that　the
one　arose　from　the　other。　　I　remember；　that；　as　this　feeling　of　my
own　guilt　presented　itself　to　me　at　the　first　blush；　so　it　persisted
in　me；　but　to　this　feeling　a　second　was　speedily　added　which
overshadowed　it。

When　I　mentioned　my　impressions　of　the　Lyapinsky　house　to　my　nearest
friends　and　acquaintances；　they　all　gave　me　the　same　answer　as　the
first　friend　at　whom　I　had　begun　to　shout；　but；　in　addition　to　this；
they　expressed　their　approbation　of　my　kindness　of　heart　and　my
sensibility；　and　gave　me　to　understand　that　this　sight　had　so
especially　worked　upon　me　because　I；　Lyof　Nikolaevitch；　was　very　kind
and　good。　　And　I　willingly　believed　this。　　And　before　I　had　time　to
look　about　me；　instead　of　the　feeling　of　self…reproach　and　regret；
which　I　had　at　first　experienced；　there　came　a　sense　of　satisfaction
with　my　own　kindliness；　and　a　desire　to　exhibit　it　to　people。

〃It　really　must　be；〃　I　said　to　myself；　〃that　I　am　not　especially
responsible　for　this　by　the　luxury　of　my　life；　but　that　it　is　the
indispensable　conditions　of　existence　that　are　to　blame。　　In　truth；　a
change　in　my　mode　of　life　cannot　rectify　the　evil　which　I　have　seen：
by　altering　my　manner　of　life；　I　shall　only　make　myself　and　those
about　me　unhappy；　and　the　other　miseries　will　remain　the　same　as
ever。　　And　therefore　my　problem　lies　not　in　a　change　of　my　own　life；
as　it　had　first　seemed　to　me；　but　in　aiding；　so　far　as　in　me　lies；　in
the　amelioration　of　the　situation　of　those　unfortunate　beings　who
have　called　forth　my　compassion。　　The　whole　point　lies　here；that　I
am　a　very　kind；　amiable　man；　and　that　I　wish　to　do　good　to　my
neighbors。〃　　And　I　began　to　think　out　a　plan　of　beneficent　activity；
in　which　I　might　exhibit　my　benevolence。　　I　must　confess；　however；
that　while　devising　this　plan　of　beneficent　activity；　I　felt　all　the
time；　in　the　depths　of　my　soul；　that　that　was　not　the　thing；　but；　as
often　happens；　activity　of　judgment　and　imagination　drowned　that
voice　of　conscience　within　me。　　At　that　juncture；　the　census　came　up。
This　struck　me　as　a　means　for　instituting　that　benevolence　in　which　I
proposed　to　exhibit　my　charitable　disposition。　　I　knew　of　many
charitable　institutions　and　societies　which　were　in　existence　in
Moscow；　but　all　their　activity　seemed　to　me　both　wrongly　directed　and
insignificant　in　comparison　with　what　I　intended　to　do。　　And　I
devised　the　following　scheme：　　to　arouse　the　sympathy　of　the　wealthy
for　the　poverty　of　the　city；　to　collect　money；　to　get　people　together
who　were　desirous　of　assisting　in　this　matter；　and　to　visit　all　the
refuges　of　poverty　in　company　with　the　census；　and；　in　addition　to
the　work　of　the　census；　to　enter　into　communion　with　the　unfortunate；
to　learn　the　particulars　of　their　necessities；　and　to　assist　them
with　money；　with　work；　by　sending　them　away　from　Moscow；　by　placing
their　children　in　school；　and　the　old　people　in　hospitals　and
asylums。　　And　not　only　that；　I　thought；　but　these　people　who
undertake　this　can　be　formed　into　a　permanent　society；　which；　by
dividing　the　quarters　of　Moscow　among　its　members；　will　be　able　to
see　to　it　that　this　poverty　and　beggary　shall　not　be　bred；　they　will
incessantly　annihilate　it　at　its　very　inception；　then　they　will
fulfil　their　duty；　not　so　much　by　healing　as　by　a　course　of　hygiene
for　the　wretchedness　of　the　city。　　I　fancied　that　there　would　be　no
more　simply　needy；　not　to　mention　abjectly　poor　persons；　in　the　town；
and　that　all　of　us　wealthy　individuals　would　thereafter　be　able　to
sit　in　our　drawing…rooms；　and　eat　our　five…course　dinners；　and　ride
in　our　carriages　to　theatres　and　assemblies；　and　be　no　longer　annoyed
with　such　sights　as　I　had　seen　at　the　Lyapinsky　house。

Having　concocted　this　plan；　I　wrote　an　article　on　the　subject；　and
before　sending　it　to　the　printer；　I　went　to　some　acquaintances；　from
whom　I　hoped　for　sympathy。　　I　said　the　same　thing　to　every　one　whom　I
met　that　day　（and　I　applied　chiefly　to　the　rich）；　and　nearly　the　same
that　I　afterwards　printed　in　my　memoir；　proposed　to　take　advantage　of
the　census　to　inquire　into　the　wretchedness　of　Moscow；　and　to　succor
it；　both　by　deeds　and　money；　and　to　do　it　in　such　a　manner　that　there
should　be　no　poor　people　in　Moscow；　and　so　that　we　rich　ones　might　be
able；　with　a　quiet　conscience；　to　enjoy　the　blessings　of　life　to
which　we　were　accustomed。　　All　listened　to　me　attentively　and
seriously；　but　nevertheless　the　same　identical　thing　happened　with
every　one　of　them　without　exception。　　No　sooner　did　my　hearers
comprehend　the　question；　than　they　seemed　to　feel　awkward　and
somewhat　mortified。　　They　seemed　to　be　ashamed；　and　principally　on　my
account；　because　I　was　talking　nonsense；　and　nonsense　which　it　was
impossible　to　openly　characterize　as　such。　　Some　external　cause
appeared　to　compel　my　hearers　to　be　forbearing　with　this　nonsense　of
mine。

〃Ah；　yes！　of　course。　　That　would　be　very　good；〃　they　said　to　me。　　〃It
is　a　self…understood　thing　that　it　is　impossible　not　to　sympathize
with　this。　　Yes；　your　idea　is　a　capital　one。　　I　have　thought　of　that
myself；　but　。　。　。　we　are　so　indifferent；　as　a　rule；　that　you　can
hardly　count　on　much　success　。　。　。　however；　so　far　as　I　am　concerned；
I　am；　of　course；　ready　to　assist。〃

They　all　said　something　of　this　sort　to　me。　　They　all　agreed；　but
agreed；　so　it　seemed　to　me；　not　in　consequence　of　my　convictions；　and
not　in　consequence　of　their　own　wish；　but　as　the　result　of　some
outward　cause；　which　did　not　permit　them　not　to　agree。　　I　had　already
noticed　this；　and；　since　not　one　of　them　stated　the　sum　which　he　was
willing　to　contribute；　I　was　obliged　to　fix　it　myself；　and　to　ask：
〃So　I　may　count　on　you　for　three　hundred；　or　two　hundred；　or　one
hundred；　or　twenty…five　rubles？〃　　And　not　one　of　them　gave　me　any
money。　　I　mention　this　because；　when　people　give　money　for　that　which
they　themselves　desire；　they　generally　make　haste　to　give　it。　　For　a
box　to　see　Sarah　Bernhardt；　they　will　instantly　place　the　money　in
your　hand；　to　clinch　the　bargain。　　Here；　however；　out　of　all　those
who　agreed　to　contribute；　and　who　expressed　their　sympathy；　not　one
of　them　proposed　to　give　me　the　money　on　the　spot；　but　they　merely
assented　in　silence　to　the　sum　which　I　suggested。　　In　the　last　house
which　I　visited　on　that　day；　in　the　evening；　I　accidentally　came　upon
a　large　company。　　The　mistress　of　the　house　had　busied　herself　with
charity　for　several　years。　　Numerous　carriages　stood　at　the　door；
several　lackeys　in　rich　liveries　were　sitting　in　the　ante…chamber。
In　the　vast　drawing…room；　around　two　tables　and　lamps；　sat　ladies　and
young　girls；　in　costly　garments；　dressing　small　dolls；　and　there　were
several　young　men　there　also；　hovering　about　the　ladies。　　The　dolls
prepared　by　these　ladies　were　to　be　drawn　in　a　lottery　for　the　poor。

The　sight　of　this　drawing…room；　and　of　the　people　assembled　in　it；
struck　me　very　unpleasantly。　　Not　to　mention　the　fact　that　the
property　of　the　persons　there　congregated　amounted　to　many　millions；
not　to　mention　the　fact　that　the　mere　income　from　the　capital　here
expended　on　dresses；　laces；　bronzes；　brooches；　carriages；　horses；
liveries；　and　lackeys；　was　a　hundred…fold　greater　than　all　that　these
ladies　could　earn；　not　to　mention　the　outlay；　the　trip　hither　of　all
these　ladies　and　gentlemen；　the　gloves；　linen；　extra　time；　the
candles；　the　tea；　the　sugar；　and　the　cakes　had　cost　the　hostess　a
hundred　times　more　than　what　they　were　engaged　in　making　here。　　I　saw
all　this；　and　therefore　I　could　understand；　that　precisely　here　I
should　find　no　sympathy　with　my　mission：　　but　I　had　come　in　order　to
make　my　proposition；　and；　difficult　as　this　was　for　me；　I　said　what　I
intended。　　（I　said　very　nearly　the　same　thing　that　is　contained　in　my
printed　article。）

Out　of　all　the　persons　there　present；　one　individual　offered　me
money；　saying　that　she　did　not　feel　equal　to　going　among　the　poor
herself　on　account　of　her　sensibility；　but　that　she　would　give　money；
how