the annals of the parish-第29章
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CHAPTER XLV YEAR 1804
In conformity with the altered fashions of the age； in this year the session came to an understanding with me； that we should not inflict the common church censures for such as made themselves liable thereto； but we did not formally promulge our resolution as to this； wishing as long as possible to keep the deterring rod over the heads of the young and thoughtless。 Our motive； on the one hand； was the disregard of the manufacturers in Cayenneville； who were； without the breach of truth； an irreligious people； and； on the other； a desire to preserve the ancient and wholesome admonitory and censorian jurisdiction of the minister and elders。 We therefore laid it down as a rule to ourselves； that； in the case of transgressions on the part of the inhabitants of the new district of Cayenneville； we should subject them rigorously to a fine； but that for the farming…lads； we would put it in their option to pay the fine； or stand in the kirk。
We conformed also in another matter to the times； by consenting to baptize occasionally in private houses。 Hitherto it had been a strict rule with me only to baptize from the pulpit。 Other parishes； however； had long been in the practice of this relaxation of ancient discipline。
But all this on my part； was not done without compunction of spirit； for I was of opinion； that the principle of Presbyterian integrity should have been maintained to the uttermost。 Seeing； however； the elders set on an alteration； I distrusted my own judgment； and yielded myself to the considerations that weighed with them； for they were true men； and of a godly honesty； and took the part of the poor in all contentions with the heritors； often to the hazard and damage of their own temporal welfare。
I have now to note a curious thing； not on account of its importance； but to show to what lengths a correspondence had been opened in the parish with the farthest parts of the earth。 Mr Cayenne got a turtle…fish sent to him from a Glasgow merchant； and it was living when it came to the Wheatrig House； and was one of the most remarkable beasts that had ever been seen in our country side。 It weighed as much as a well…fed calf； and had three kinds of meat in its body； fish； flesh； and fowl； and it had four water…wings； for they could not be properly called fins； but what was little short of a miracle about the creature； happened after the head was cutted off； when； if a finger was offered to it； it would open its mouth and snap at it； and all this after the carcass was divided for dressing。
Mr Cayenne made a feast on the occasion to many of the neighbouring gentry； to the which I was invited； and we drank lime…punch as we ate the turtle； which； as I understand； is the fashion in practice among the Glasgow West Indy merchants； who are famed as great hands with turtles and lime…punch。 But it is a sort of food that I should not like to fare long upon。 I was not right the next day； and I have heard it said； that when eaten too often； it has a tendency to harden the heart and make it crave for greater luxuries。
But the story of the turtle is nothing to that of the Mass； which； with all its mummeries and abominations； was brought into Cayenneville by an Irish priest of the name of Father O'Grady； who was confessor to some of the poor deluded Irish labourers about the new houses and the cotton…mill。 How he had the impudence to set up that memento of Satan； the crucifix； within my parish and jurisdiction； was what I never could get to the bottom of； but the soul was shaken within me； when； on the Monday after； one of the elders came to the manse； and told me that the old dragon of Popery； with its seven heads and ten horns； had been triumphing in Cayenneville on the foregoing Lord's day！ I lost no time in convening the session to see what was to be done； much； however； to my surprise； the elders recommended no step to be taken； but only a zealous endeavour to greater Christian excellence on our part； by which we should put the beast and his worshippers to shame and flight。 I am free to confess； that； at the time； I did not think this the wisest counsel which they might have given； for； in the heat of my alarm； I was for attacking the enemy in his camp。 But they prudently observed； that the days of religious persecution were past； and it was a comfort to see mankind cherishing any sense of religion at all； after the vehement infidelity that had been sent abroad by the French Republicans； and to this opinion； now that I have had years to sift its wisdom； I own myself a convert and proselyte。
Fortunately； however； for my peace of mind； there proved to be but five Roman Catholics in Cayenneville； and Father O'Grady not being able to make a living there； packed up his Virgin Marys； saints； and painted Agneses in a portmanteau； and went off in the Ayr fly one morning for Glasgow； where I hear he has since met with all the encouragement that might be expected from the ignorant and idolatrous inhabitants of that great city。
Scarcely were we well rid of Father O'Grady； when another interloper entered the parish。 He was more dangerous； in the opinion of the session； than even the Pope of Rome himself； for he came to teach the flagrant heresy of Universal Redemption； a most consolatory doctrine to the sinner that is loth to repent； and who loves to troll his iniquity like a sweet morsel under his tongue。 Mr Martin Siftwell； who was the last ta'en on elder； and who had received a liberal and judicious education； and was； moreover； naturally possessed of a quick penetration； observed； in speaking of this new doctrine； that the grossest papist sinner might have some qualms of fear after he had bought the Pope's pardon； and might thereby be led to a reformation of life； but that the doctrine of universal redemption was a bribe to commit sin； the wickedest mortal； according to it； being only liable to a few thousand years； more or less； of suffering； which； compared with eternity； was but a momentary pang； like having a tooth drawn for the toothache。 Mr Siftwell is a shrewd and clear…seeing man in points of theology； and I would trust a great deal to what he says； as I have not； at my advanced age； such a mind for the kittle crudities of polemical investigation that I had in my younger years； especially when I was a student in the Divinity Hall of Glasgow。
It will be seen from all I have herein recorded； that； in the course of this year； there was a general resuscitation of religious sentiments； for what happened in my parish was but a type and index to the rest of the world。 We had； however； one memorable that must stand by itself； for although neither death nor bloodshed happened； yet was it cause of the fear of both。
A rumour reached us from the Clyde； that a French man…of…war had appeared in a Highland loch； and that all the Greenock volunteers had embarked in merchant vessels to bring her in for a prize。 Our volunteers were just jumping and yowling； like chained dogs； to be at her too； but the colonel； Sir Hugh； would do nothing without orders from his superiors。 Mr Cayenne； though an aged man above seventy； was as bold as a lion； and came forth in the old garb of an American huntsman； like； as I was told； a Robin Hood in the play is； and it was just a sport to see him； feckless man； trying to march so crousely with his lean； shaking hands。 But the whole affair proved a false alarm； and our men； when they heard it； were as well pleased that they had been constrained to sleep in their warm beds at home； instead of lying on coils of cables； like the gallant Greenock sharp…shooters。
CHAPTER XLVI YEAR 1805
For some time I had meditated a reformation in the parish； and this year I carried the same into effect。 I had often noticed with concern； that； out of a mistaken notion of paying respect to the dead； my people were wont to go to great lengths at their burials； and dealt round short…bread and sugar…biscuit； with wine and other confections； as if there had been no ha'd in their hands； which straitened many a poor family； making the dispensation of the Lord a heavier temporal calamity than it should naturally have been。 Accordingly； on consulting with Mrs Balwhidder； who has a most judicious judgment； it was thought that my interference would go a great way to lighten the evil。 I therefore advised with those whose friends were taken from them； not to make that amplitude of preparation which used to be the fashion； nor to continue handing about as long as the folk would take； but only at the very most to go no more than three times round with the service。 Objections were made to this； as if it would be thought mean； but I put on a stern visage； and told them； that if they did more I would rise up； and rebuke and forbid the extravagance。 So three services became the uttermost modicum at all burials。 This was doing much； but it was not all that I wished to do。
I considered that the best reformations are those which proceed step by step； and stop at that point where the consent to what has been established becomes general； and so I governed myself； and therefore interfered no farther； but I was determined to set an example。 Accordingly； at the very next dregy； after I partook of one service； I made a bow to the servitors and they passed on； but all before me had partaken of the second service； some； however； of those after me did as I did； so I foresaw that in a quiet canny way I would bring in the fashion of being satisfied with one service。 I therefore； from that time； always took my place as near as possible to the door； where the chief mourner sat； and made a point of nodding away the second service； which has now grown into a custom； to the great advantage of surviving relations。
But in this reforming business I was not altogether pleased with our poet； for he took a pawkie view of my endeavours； and indited a ballad on the subject； in the which he makes a clattering carlin describe what took place； so as to turn a very solemn matter into a kind of derision。 When he brought his verse and read it to me； I told him that I thought it was overly natural； for I could not find another term to designate the cause of the dissatisfaction that I had with it； but Mrs Balwhidder said that it might help my plan if it were made public； so upon her advice we got some of Mr Lorimore's best writers to make copies of it for distribution； which was not without fruit and influence。 But a sore thing happened at the very next burial。 As soon as the nodding away of the second service began； I could see that the gravity of the whole meeting was discomposed； and some of the irreverent young chiels almost broke out into even…down laughter； which vexed me exceedingly。 Mrs Balwhidder； howsoever； comforted me by saying； that custom in time would make it familiar； and by…and…by the thing would pass as a matter of course； until one service would be all that folk would offer； and truly the thing is coming to that； for only two services are now handed round； and the second is regularly nodded by。
CHAPTER XLVII YEAR 1806
Mr Cayenne of Wheatrig having for several years been in a declining way； partly brought on by the consuming fire of his furious passion； and partly by the decay
