a mortal antipathy-第22章

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the　lively　little　female。　　He　was　evidently　tickled　with　the　interest

I　appeared　to　take　in　the　story　he　told　me。　　That　made　him　feel

amiably　disposed　toward　me。



〃I　began　with　very　general　questions；　but　by　degrees　I　got　at

everything　about　his　family　history　and　the　small　events　of　his

boyhood。　　Some　of　the　points　touched　upon　were　delicate；　but　I　put　a

good　bold　face　on　my　most　audacious　questions；　and　so　I　wormed　out　a

great　deal　that　was　new　concerning　my　subject。　　He　had　been　written

about　considerably；　and　the　public　wouldn't　have　been　satisfied

without　some　new　facts；　and　these　I　meant　to　have；　and　I　got。　　No

matter　about　many　of　them　now；　but　here　are　some　questions　and

answers　that　may　be　thought　worth　reading　or　listening　to：



〃How　do　you　enjoy　being　what　they　call　'a　celebrity；'　or　a　celebrated

man？



〃'So　far　as　one's　vanity　is　concerned　it　is　well　enough。　　But　self…

love　is　a　cup　without　any　bottom；　and　you　might　pour　the　Great　Lakes

all　through　it；　and　never　fill　it　up。　　It　breeds　an　appetite　for　more

of　the　same　kind。　　It　tends　to　make　the　celebrity　a　mere　lump　of

egotism。　　It　generates　a　craving　for　high…seasoned　personalities

which　is　in　danger　of　becoming　slavery；　like　that　following　the　abuse

of　alcohol；　or　opium；　or　tobacco。　　Think　of　a　man's　having　every　day；

by　every　post；　letters　that　tell　him　he　is　this　and　that　and　the

other；　with　epithets　and　endearments；　one　tenth　part　of　which　would

have　made　him　blush　red　hot　before　he　began　to　be　what　you　call　a

celebrity！'



〃Are　there　not　some　special　inconveniences　connected　with　what　is

called　celebrity？



〃'I　should　think　so！　　Suppose　you　were　obliged　every　day　of　your　life

to　stand　and　shake　hands；　as　the　President　of　the　United　States　has

to　after　his　inauguration：　how　do　you　think　your　hand　would　feel

after　a　few　months'　practice　of　that　exercise？　　Suppose　you　had　given

you　thirty…five　millions　of　money　a　year；　in　hundred…dollar　coupons；

on　condition　that　you　cut　them　all　off　yourself　in　the　usual　manner：

how　do　you　think　you　should　like　the　look　of　a　pair　of　scissors　at

the　end　of　a　year；　in　which　you　had　worked　ten　hours　a　day　every　day

but　Sunday；　cutting　off　a　hundred　coupons　an　hour；　and　found　you　had

not　finished　your　task；　after　all？　　Yon　have　addressed　me　as　what　you

are　pleased　to　call　〃a　literary　celebrity。〃　　I　won't　dispute　with　you

as　to　whether　or　not　I　deserve　that　title。　　I　will　take　it　for

granted　I　am　what　you　call　me；　and　give　you　some　few　hints　on　my

experience。



〃'You　know　there　was　formed　a　while　ago　an　Association　of　Authors　for

Self…Protection。　　It　meant　well；　and　it　was　hoped　that　something

would　come　of　it　in　the　way　of　relieving　that　oppressed　class；　but　I

am　sorry　to　say　that　it　has　not　effected　its　purpose。'



〃I　suspected　he　had　a　hand　in　drawing　up　the　Constitution　and　Laws　of

that　Association。　　Yes；　I　said；　an　admirable　Association　it　was；　and

as　much　needed　as　the　one　for　the　Prevention　of　Cruelty　to　Animals。

I　am　sorry　to　hear　that　it　has　not　proved　effectual　in　putting　a　stop

to　the　abuse　of　a　deserving　class　of　men。　　It　ought　to　have　done　it；

it　was　well　conceived；　and　its　public　manifesto　was　a　masterpiece。

（I　saw　by　his　expression　that　he　was　its　author。）



〃'I　see　I　can　trust　you；'　he　said。　　'I　will　unbosom　myself　freely　of

some　of　the　grievances　attaching　to　the　position　of　the　individual　to

whom　you　have　applied　the　term　〃Literary　Celebrity。〃



〃'He　is　supposed　to　be　a　millionaire；　in　virtue　of　the　immense　sales

of　his　books；　all　the　money　from　which；　it　is　taken　for　granted；　goes

into　his　pocket。　　Consequently；　all　subscription　papers　are　handed　to

him　for　his　signature；　and　every　needy　stranger　who　has　heard　his

name　comes　to　him　for　assistance。



〃'He　is　expected　to　subscribe　for　all　periodicals；　and　is　goaded　by

receiving　blank　formulae；　which；　with　their　promises　to　pay；　he　is

expected　to　fill　up。



〃'He　receives　two　or　three　books　daily；　with　requests　to　read　and

give　his　opinion　about　each　of　them；　which　opinion；　if　it　has　a　word

which　can　be　used　as　an　advertisement；　he　will　find　quoted　in　all　the

newspapers。



〃'He　receives　thick　masses　of　manuscript；　prose　and　verse；　which　he

is　called　upon　to　examine　and　pronounce　on　their　merits；　these

manuscripts　having　almost　invariably　been　rejected　by　the　editors　to

whom　they　have　been　sent；　and　having　as　a　rule　no　literary　value

whatever。



〃'He　is　expected　to　sign　petitions；　to　contribute　to　journals；　to

write　for　fairs；　to　attend　celebrations；　to　make　after…dinner

speeches；　to　send　money　for　objects　he　does　not　believe　in　to　places

he　never　heard　of。



〃'He　is　called　on　to　keep　up　correspondences　with　unknown　admirers；

who　begin　by　saying　they　have　no　claim　upon　his　time；　and　then

appropriate　it　by　writing　page　after　page；　if　of　the　male　sex；　and

sheet　after　sheet；　if　of　the　other。



〃'If　a　poet；　it　is　taken　for　granted　that　he　can　sit　down　at　any

moment　and　spin　off　any　number　of　verses　on　any　subject　which　may　be

suggested　to　him；　such　as　congratulations　to　the　writer's　great…

grandmother　on　her　reaching　her　hundredth　year；　an　elegy　on　an　infant

aged　six　weeks；　an　ode　for　the　Fourth　of　July　in　a　Western　township

not　to　be　found　in　Lippincott's　last　edition；　perhaps　a　valentine　for

some　bucolic　lover　who　believes　that　wooing　in　rhyme　is　the　way　to

win　the　object　of　his　affections。'



〃Is　n't　it　so？　　I　asked　the　Celebrity。



〃'I　would　bet　on　the　prose　lover。　　She　will　show　the　verses　to　him；

and　they　will　both　have　a　good　laugh　over　them。'





〃I　have　only　reported　a　small　part　of　the　conversation　I　had　with　the

Literary　Celebrity。　　He　was　so　much　taken　up　with　his　pleasing　self…

contemplation；　while　I　made　him　air　his　opinions　and　feelings　and

spread　his　characteristics　as　his　laundress　spreads　and　airs　his

linen　on　the　clothes…line；　that　I　don't　believe　it　ever　occurred　to

him　that　he　had　been　in　the　hands　of　an　interviewer　until　he　found

himself　exposed　to　the　wind　and　sunshine　in　full　dimensions　in　the

columns　of　The　People's　Perennial　and　Household　Inquisitor。'〃



After　the　reading　of　this　paper；　much　curiosity　was　shown　as　to　who

the　person　spoken　of　as　the　〃Literary　Celebrity〃　might　be。　　Among　the

various　suppositions　the　startling　idea　was　suggested　that　he　was

neither　more　nor　less　than　the　unexplained　personage　known　in　the

village　as　Maurice　Kirkwood。　　Why　should　that　be　his　real　name？　　Why

should　not　he　be　the　Celebrity；　who　had　taken　this　name　and　fled　to

this　retreat　to　escape　from　the　persecutions　of　kind　friends；　who

were　pricking　him　and　stabbing　him　nigh　to　death　with　their　daggers

of　sugar　candy？



The　Secretary　of　the　Pansophian　Society　determined　to　question　the

Interviewer　the　next　time　she　met　him　at　the　Library；　which　happened

soon　after　the　meeting　when　his　paper　was　read。



〃I　do　not　know；〃　she　said；　in　the　course　of　a　conversation　in　which

she　had　spoken　warmly　of　his　contribution　to　the　literary

entertainment　of　the　Society；　〃that　you　mentioned　the　name　of　the

Literary　Celebrity　whom　you　interviewed　so　successfully。〃



〃I　did　not　mention　him；　Miss　Vincent；〃　he　answered；　〃nor　do　I　think

it　worth　while　to　name　him。　　He　might　not　care　to　have　the　whole

story　told　of　how　he　was　handled　so　as　to　make　him　communicative。

Besides；　if　I　did；　it　would　bring　him　a　new　batch　of　sympathetic

letters；　regretting　that　he　was　bothered　by　those　horrid

correspondents；　full　of　indignation　at　the　bores　who　presumed　to

intrude　upon　him　with　their　pages　of　trash；　all　the　writers　of　which

would　expect　answers　to　their　letters　of　condolence。〃



The　Secretary　asked　the　Interviewer　if　he　knew　the　young　gentleman

who　called　himself　Maurice　Kirkwood。



〃What；〃　he　answered；　〃the　man　that　paddles　a　birch　canoe；　and　rides

all　the　wild　horses　of　the　neighborhood？　　No；　I　don't　know　him；　but　I

have　met　him　once　or　twice；　out　walking。　　A　mighty　shy　fellow；　they

tell　me。　　Do　you　know　anything　particular　about　him？〃



〃Not　much。　　None　of　us　do；　but　we　should　like　to。　　The　story　is　that

be　has　a　queer　antipathy　to　something　or　to　somebody；　nobody　knows

what　or　whom。〃



〃To　newspaper　correspondents；　perhaps；〃　said　the　interviewer。　　〃What

made　you　ask　me　about　him？　　You　did　n't　think　he　was　my　'Literary

Celebrity；'　did　you？〃



〃I　did　not　know。　　I　thought　he　might　be。　　Why　don't　you　interview

this　mysterious　personage？　　He　would　make　a　good　sensation　for　your

paper；　I　should　think。〃



〃Why；　what　is　there　to　be　interviewed　in　him？　　Is　there　any　story　of

crime；　or　anything　else　to　spice　a　column　or　so；　or　even　a　few

paragraphs；　with？　　If　there　is；　I　am　willing　to　handle　him

professionally。〃



〃I　told　you　he　has　what　they　call　an　antipathy。　　I　don't　know　how

much　wiser　you　are　for　that　piece　of　information。〃



〃An　antipathy！　　Why；　so　have　I　an　antipathy。　　I　hate　a　spider；　and　as

for　a　naked　caterpillar；I　believe　I　should　go　into　a　fit　if　I　had

to　touch　one。　　I　know　I　turn　pale　at　the　sight　of　some　of　those　great

green　caterpillars　that　come　down　from　the　elm…trees　in　August　and

early　autumn。〃



〃Afraid　of　them？〃　asked　the　young　lady。



〃Afraid？　　What　should　I　be　afraid　of？　　They　can't　bite　or　sting。　　I

can't　give　any　reason。　　All　I　know　is　that　when　I　come　across　one　of

these　creatures　in　my　path　I　jump　to　one　side；　and　cry　out；

sometimes　using　very　improper　words。　　The　fact　is；　they　make　me　crazy

for　the　moment。〃



〃I　understand　what　you　mean；〃　said　Miss　Vincent。　　〃I　used　to　have　the

same　feeling　about　spiders；　but　I　was　ashamed　of　it；　and　kept　a

little　menagerie　of　spiders　until　I　had　got　over　the　feeling；　that

is；　pretty　much　got　over　it；　for　I　don't　love　the　creatures　very

dearly；　though　I　don't　scream　when　I　see　one。〃



〃What　did　you　tell　me；　Miss　Vincent；　was　this　fellow's　particular

antipathy？〃



That　is　just　the　question。　　I　told　you　that　we　don't　know　and　we

can't　guess　what　it　is。　　The　people　here　are　tired　out　with　trying　to

discover　some　good　reason　for　the　young　man's　keeping　out　of　the　way

of　everybody；　as　he　does。　　They　say　he　is　odd　or　crazy；　and　they

don't　seem　to　be　able　to　tell　which。　　It　would　make　the　old　ladies　of

the　village　sleep　a　great　deal　sounder；yes；　and　some　of　the　young

ladies；　too；if　they　could　find　out　what　this　Mr。　Kirkwood　has　got

into　his　head；　that　he　never　comes　near　any　of　the　people　here。〃



〃I　think　I　can　find　out；〃　said　the　Interviewer；　whose　professional

ambition　was　beginning　to　be　excited。　　〃I　never　came　across　anybody

yet　that　I　could　n't　get　something　out　of。　　I　am　going　to　stay　here　a

week　or　two；　and　before　I　go　I　will　find　out　the　secret；　if　there　is

any；　of　this　Mr。　Maurice　Kirkwood。〃



We　must　leave　the　Interviewer　to　his　contrivances　until　they　present

us　with　some　kind　of　result；　either　in　the　shape　of　success　or

failure。









XI