man and superman-第23章

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　　　　　　D'umanita。

THE　DEVIL。　Precisely。　Well；　he　never　sings　for　us　now。

DON　JUAN。　Do　you　complain　of　that？　Hell　is　full　of　musical
amateurs：　music　is　the　brandy　of　the　damned。　May　not　one　lost
soul　be　permitted　to　abstain？

THE　DEVIL。　You　dare　blaspheme　against　the　sublimest　of　the　arts！

DON　JUAN。　＇with　cold　disgust＇　You　talk　like　a　hysterical　woman
fawning　on　a　fiddler。

THE　DEVIL。　I　am　not　angry。　I　merely　pity　you。　You　have　no　soul；
and　you　are　unconscious　of　all　that　you　lose。　Now　you；　Senor
Commander；　are　a　born　musician。　How　well　you　sing！　Mozart　would
be　delighted　if　he　were　still　here；　but　he　moped　and　went　to
heaven。　Curious　how　these　clever　men；　whom　you　would　have
supposed　born　to　be　popular　here；　have　turned　out　social
failures；　like　Don　Juan！

DON　JUAN。　I　am　really　very　sorry　to　be　a　social　failure。

THE　DEVIL。　Not　that　we　don't　admire　your　intellect；　you　know。　We
do。　But　I　look　at　the　matter　from　your　own　point　of　view。　You
don't　get　on　with　us。　The　place　doesn't　suit　you。　The　truth　is；
you　haveI　won't　say　no　heart；　for　we　know　that　beneath　all　your
affected　cynicism　you　have　a　warm　one。

DON　JUAN。　＇shrinking＇　Don't；　please　don't。

THE　DEVIL。　＇nettled＇　Well；　you've　no　capacity　for　enjoyment。　Will
that　satisfy　you？

DON　JUAN。　It　is　a　somewhat　less　insufferable　form　of　cant　than
the　other。　But　if　you'll　allow　me；　I'll　take　refuge；　as　usual；　in
solitude。

THE　DEVIL。　Why　not　take　refuge　in　Heaven？　That's　the　proper　place
for　you。　＇To　Ana＇　Come；　Senora！　could　you　not　persuade　him　for
his　own　good　to　try　a　change　of　air？

ANA。　But　can　he　go　to　Heaven　if　he　wants　to？

THE　DEVIL。　What's　to　prevent　him？

ANA。　Can　anybodycan　I　go　to　Heaven　if　I　want　to？

THE　DEVIL。　＇rather　contemptuously＇　Certainly；　if　your　taste　lies
that　way。

ANA。　But　why　doesn't　everybody　go　to　Heaven；　then？

THE　STATUE。　＇chuckling＇　I　can　tell　you　that；　my　dear。　It's
because　heaven　is　the　most　angelically　dull　place　in　all
creation：　that's　why。

THE　DEVIL。　His　excellency　the　Commander　puts　it　with　military
bluntness；　but　the　strain　of　living　in　Heaven　is　intolerable。
There　is　a　notion　that　I　was　turned　out　of　it；　but　as　a　matter　of
fact　nothing　could　have　induced　me　to　stay　there。　I　simply　left
it　and　organized　this　place。

THE　STATUE。　I　don't　wonder　at　it。　Nobody　could　stand　an　eternity
of　heaven。

THE　DEVIL。　Oh；　it　suits　some　people。　Let　us　be　just；　Commander：
it　is　a　question　of　temperament。　I　don't　admire　the　heavenly
temperament：　I　don't　understand　it：　I　don't　know　that　I
particularly　want　to　understand　it；　but　it　takes　all　sorts　to
make　a　universe。　There　is　no　accounting　for　tastes：　there　are
people　who　like　it。　I　think　Don　Juan　would　like　it。

DON　JUAN。　Butpardon　my　franknesscould　you　really　go　back
there　if　you　desired　to；　or　are　the　grapes　sour？

THE　DEVIL。　Back　there！　I　often　go　back　there。　Have　you　never　read
the　book　of　Job？　Have　you　any　canonical　authority　for　assuming
that　there　is　any　barrier　between　our　circle　and　the　other　one？

ANA。　But　surely　there　is　a　great　gulf　fixed。

THE　DEVIL。　Dear　lady：　a　parable　must　not　be　taken　literally。　The
gulf　is　the　difference　between　the　angelic　and　the　diabolic
temperament。　What　more　impassable　gulf　could　you　have？　Think　of
what　you　have　seen　on　earth。　There　is　no　physical　gulf　between
the　philosopher's　class　room　and　the　bull　ring；　but　the　bull
fighters　do　not　come　to　the　class　room　for　all　that。　Have　you
ever　been　in　the　country　where　I　have　the　largest　following
England？　There　they　have　great　racecourses；　and　also　concert
rooms　where　they　play　the　classical　compositions　of　his
Excellency's　friend　Mozart。　Those　who　go　to　the　racecourses　can
stay　away　from　them　and　go　to　the　classical　concerts　instead　if
they　like：　there　is　no　law　against　it；　for　Englishmen　never　will
be　slaves：　they　are　free　to　do　whatever　the　Government　and　public
opinion　allows　them　to　do。　And　the　classical　concert　is　admitted
to　be　a　higher；　more　cultivated；　poetic；　intellectual；　ennobling
place　than　the　racecourse。　But　do　the　lovers　of　racing　desert
their　sport　and　flock　to　the　concert　room？　Not　they。　They　would
suffer　there　all　the　weariness　the　Commander　has　suffered　in
heaven。　There　is　the　great　gulf　of　the　parable　between　the　two
places。　A　mere　physical　gulf　they　could　bridge；　or　at　least　I
could　bridge　it　for　them　（the　earth　is　full　of　Devil's　Bridges）；
but　the　gulf　of　dislike　is　impassable　and　eternal。　And　that　is
the　only　gulf　that　separates　my　friends　here　from　those　who　are
invidiously　called　the　blest。

ANA。　I　shall　go　to　heaven　at　once。

THE　STATUE。　My　child；　one　word　of　warning　first。　Let　me　complete
my　friend　Lucifer's　similitude　of　the　classical　concert。　At　every
one　of　those　concerts　in　England　you　will　find　rows　of　weary
people　who　are　there；　not　because　they　really　like　classical
music；　but　because　they　think　they　ought　to　like　it。　Well；　there
is　the　same　thing　in　heaven。　A　number　of　people　sit　there　in
glory；　not　because　they　are　happy；　but　because　they　think　they
owe　it　to　their　position　to　be　in　heaven。　They　are　almost　all
English。

THE　DEVIL。　Yes：　the　Southerners　give　it　up　and　join　me　just　as
you　have　done。　But　the　English　really　do　not　seem　to　know　when
they　are　thoroughly　miserable。　An　Englishman　thinks　he　is　moral
when　he　is　only　uncomfortable。

THE　STATUE。　In　short；　my　daughter；　if　you　go　to　Heaven　without
being　naturally　qualified　for　it；　you　will　not　enjoy　yourself
there。

ANA。　And　who　dares　say　that　I　am　not　naturally　qualified　for　it？
The　most　distinguished　princes　of　the　Church　have　never
questioned　it。　I　owe　it　to　myself　to　leave　this　place　at　once。

THE　DEVIL。　＇offended＇　As　you　please；　Senora。　I　should　have
expected　better　taste　from　you。

ANA。　Father：　I　shall　expect　you　to　come　with　me。　You　cannot　stay
here。　What　will　people　say？

THE　STATUE。　People！　Why；　the　best　people　are　hereprinces　of　the
church　and　all。　So　few　go　to　Heaven；　and　so　many　come　here；　that
the　blest；　once　called　a　heavenly　host；　are　a　continually
dwindling　minority。　The　saints；　the　fathers；　the　elect　of　long
ago　are　the　cranks；　the　faddists；　the　outsiders　of　to…day。

THE　DEVIL。　It　is　true。　From　the　beginning　of　my　career　I　knew
that　I　should　win　in　the　long　run　by　sheer　weight　of　public
opinion；　in　spite　of　the　long　campaign　of　misrepresentation　and
calumny　against　me。　At　bottom　the　universe　is　a　constitutional
one；　and　with　such　a　majority　as　mine　I　cannot　be　kept
permanently　out　of　office。

DON　JUAN。　I　think；　Ana；　you　had　better　stay　here。

ANA。　＇jealously＇　You　do　not　want　me　to　go　with　you。

DON　JUAN。　Surely　you　do　not　want　to　enter　Heaven　in　the　company
of　a　reprobate　like　me。

ANA。　All　souls　are　equally　precious。　You　repent；　do　you　not？

DON　JUAN。　My　dear　Ana；　you　are　silly。　Do　you　suppose　heaven　is
like　earth；　where　people　persuade　themselves　that　what　is　done
can　be　undone　by　repentance；　that　what　is　spoken　can　be　unspoken
by　withdrawing　it；　that　what　is　true　can　be　annihilated　by　a
general　agreement　to　give　it　the　lie？　No：　heaven　is　the　home　of
the　masters　of　reality：　that　is　why　I　am　going　thither。

ANA。　Thank　you：　I　am　going　to　heaven　for　happiness。　I　have　had
quite　enough　of　reality　on　earth。

DON　JUAN。　Then　you　must　stay　here；　for　hell　is　the　home　of　the
unreal　and　of　the　seekers　for　happiness。　It　is　the　only　refuge
from　heaven；　which　is；　as　I　tell　you；　the　home　of　the　masters　of
reality；　and　from　earth；　which　is　the　home　of　the　slaves　of
reality。　The　earth　is　a　nursery　in　which　men　and　women　play　at
being　heros　and　heroines；　saints　and　sinners；　but　they　are
dragged　down　from　their　fool's　paradise　by　their　bodies：　hunger
and　cold　and　thirst；　age　and　decay　and　disease；　death　above　all；
make　them　slaves　of　reality：　thrice　a　day　meals　must　be　eaten
and　digested：　thrice　a　century　a　new　generation　must　be
engendered：　ages　of　faith；　of　romance；　and　of　science　are　all
driven　at　last　to　have　but　one　prayer　〃　Make　me　a　healthy
animal。〃　But　here　you　escape　the　tyranny　of　the　flesh；　for　here
you　are　not　an　animal　at　all：　you　are　a　ghost；　an　appearance；　an
illusion；　a　convention；　deathless；　ageless：　in　a　word；　bodiless。
There　are　no　social　questions　here；　no　political　questions；　no
religious　questions；　best　of　all；　perhaps；　no　sanitary　questions。
Here　you　call　your　appearance　beauty；　your　emotions　love；　your
sentiments　heroism；　your　aspirations　virtue；　just　as　you　did　on
earth；　but　here　there　are　no　hard　facts　to　contradict　you；　no
ironic　contrast　of　your　needs　with　your　pretensions；　no　human
comedy；　nothing　but　a　perpetual　romance；　a　universal　melodrama。
As　our　German　friend　put　it　in　his　poem；　〃the　poetically
nonsensical　here　is　good　sense；　and　the　Eternal　Feminine　draws　us
ever　upward　and　on〃without　getting　us　a　step　farther。　And　yet
you　want　to　leave　this　paradise！

ANA。　But　if　Hell　be　so　beautiful　as　this；　how　glorious　must
heaven　be！

The　Devil；　the　Statue；　and　Don　Juan　all　begin　to　speak　at　once　in
violent　protest；　then　stop；　abashed。

DON　JUAN。　I　beg　your　pardon。

THE　DEVIL。　Not　at　all。　I　interrupted　you。

THE　STATUE。　You　were　going　to　say　something。

DON　JUAN。　After　you；　gentlemen。

THE　DEVIL。　＇to　Don　Juan＇　You　have　been　so　eloquent　on　the
advantages　of　my　dominions　that　I　leave　you　to　do　equal　justice
to　the　drawbacks　of　the　alternative　establishment。

DON　JUAN。　In　Heaven；　as　I　picture　it；　dear　lady；　you　live　and
work　instead　of　playing　and　pretending。　You　face　things　as　they
are；　you　escape　nothing　but　glamor；　and　your　steadfastness　and
your　peril　are　your　glory。　If　the　play　still　goes　on　here　and　on
earth；　and　all　the　world　is　a　stage；　Heaven　is　at　least　behind
the　scenes。　But　Heaven　cannot　be　described　by　metaphor。　Thither　I
shall　go　presently；　because　there　I　hope　to　escape　at　last　from
lies　and　from　the　tedious；　vulgar　pursuit　of　happiness；　to　spend
my　eons　in　contemplation

THE　STATUE。　Ugh！

DON　JUAN。　Senor　Commander：　I　do　not　blame　your　disgust：　a　picture
gallery　is　a　dull　place　for　a　blind　man。　But　even　as　you　enjoy
the　contemplation　of　such　romantic　mirages　as　beauty　and
pleasure；　so　would　I　enjoy　the　contemplation　of　that　which
interests　me　above　all　things　namely；　Life：　the　force　that　ever
strives　to　attain　greater　power　of　contemplating　itself。　What
made　this　brain　of　mine；　do　you　think？　Not　the　need　to　move　my
limbs；　for　a　rat　with　half　my　brains　moves　as　well　as　I。　Not
merely　the　need　to　do；　but　the　need　to　know　what　I　do；　lest　in　my
blind　efforts　to　live　I　should　be　slaying　myself。

THE　STATUE。　You　would　have　slain　yourself　in　your　blind　efforts
to　fence　but　for　my　foot　slipping；　my　friend。

DON　JUAN。　Audacious　ribald：　your　laughter　will　finish　in　hideous
boredom　before　morning。

THE　STATUE。　Ha　ha！　Do　you　remember　how　I　frightened　you　when　I
said　something　like　that　to　you　from　my　pedestal　in　Seville？　It
sounds　rather　flat　without　my　trombones。

DON　JUAN。　They　tell　me　it　generally　sounds　flat　with　them；
Commander。

ANA。　Oh；　do　not　interrupt　with　these　frivolities；　father。　Is
there　nothing　in　Heaven　but　contemplation；　Juan？

DON　JUAN。　In　the　Heaven　I　seek；　no　other　joy。　But　there　is　the
work　of　helping　Life　in　its　struggle　upward。　Think　of　how　it
wastes　and　scatters　its