the history of john bull-第6章
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Articles of Agreement betwixt JOHN BULL； Clothier； and NICHOLAS FROG； Linen…draper。*
* The sentiments of the House of Commons； and their representation of the Barrier Treaty。
I。 That for maintaining the ancient good correspondence and friendship between the said parties； I； Nicholas Frog； do solemnly engage and promise to keep peace in John Bull's family； that neither his wife； children； nor servants； give him any trouble； disturbance； or molestation whatsoever； but to oblige them all to do their duty quietly in their respective stations。 And whereas the said John Bull； from the assured confidence that he has in my friendship； has appointed me executor of his last will and testament； and guardian to his children； I do undertake for me； my heirs and assigns； to see the same duly executed and performed； and that it shall be unalterable in all its parts by John Bull； or anybody else： for that purpose it shall be lawful and allowable for me to enter his house at any hour of the day or night； to break open bars； bolts； and doors； chests of drawers； and strong boxes； in order to secure the peace of my friend John Bull's family； and to see his will duly executed。
II。 In consideration of which kind neighbourly office of Nicholas Frog； in that he has been pleased to accept of the aforesaid trust； I； John Bull； having duly considered that my friend； Nicholas Frog； at this time lives in a marshy soil and unwholesome air； infested with fogs and damps； destructive of the health of himself； wife； and children； do bind and oblige me； my heirs and assigns； to purchase for the said Nicholas Frog； with the best and readiest of my cash； bonds； mortgages； goods and chattels； a landed estate； with parks； gardens； palaces； rivers； fields； and outlets； consisting of as large extent as the said Nicholas Frog shall think fit。 And whereas the said Nicholas Frog is at present hemmed in too close by the grounds of Lewis Baboon； master of the science of defence； I； the said John Bull； do oblige myself with the readiest of my cash； to purchase and enclose the said grounds； for as many fields and acres as the said Nicholas shall think fit； to the intent that the said Nicholas may have free egress and regress； without let or molestation； suitable to the demands of himself and family。
III。 Furthermore； the said John Bull obliges himself to make the country neighbours of Nicholas Frog allot a certain part of yearly rents； to pay for the repairs of the said landed estate； to the intent that his good friend； Nicholas Frog； may be eased of all charges。
IV。 And whereas the said Nicholas Frog did contract with the deceased Lord Strutt about certain liberties； privileges； and immunities； formerly in the possession of the said John Bull； I； the said John Bull； do freely by these presents； renounce； quit； and make over to the said Nicholas； the liberties； privileges； and immunities contracted for； in as full a manner； as if they never had belonged to me。
V。 The said John Bull obliges himself； his heirs and assigns； not to sell one rag of broad or coarse cloth to any gentleman within the neighbourhood of the said Nicholas； except in such quantities and such rates as the said Nicholas shall think fit。 Signed and sealed； JOHN BULL； NIC。 FROG。
The reading of this paper put Mrs。 Bull in such a passion that she fell downright into a fit； and they were forced to give her a good quantity of the spirit of hartshorn before she recovered。
D。 DIEGOWhy in such a passion； cousin？ considering your circumstances at that time； I don't think this such an unreasonable contract。 You see Frog； for all this； is religiously true to his bargain； he scorns to hearken to any composition without your privacy。
MRS。 BULL。You know the contrary。* Read that letter。
＇Reads the superscription。＇ For Lewis Baboon； Master of the Noble Science of Defence。
〃SIR。I understand that you are at this time treating with my friend John Bull； about restoring the Lord Strutt's custom； and besides allowing him certain privileges of parks and fish…ponds； I wonder how you that are a man that knows the world； can talk with that simple fellow。 He has been my bubble these twenty years； and to my certain knowledge； understands no more of his own affairs than a child in swaddling clothes。 I know he has got a sort of a pragmatical silly jade of a wife； that pretends to take him out of my hands； but you and she both will find yourselves mistaken； I'll find those that shall manage her； and for him； he dares as well be hanged as make one step in his affairs without my consent。 If you will give me what you promised him； I will make all things easy； and stop the deeds of ejectment against Lord Strutt： if you will not； take what follows。 I shall have a good action against you； for pretending to rob me of my bubble。 Take this warning from 〃Your loving friend； 〃NIC。 FROG。〃
* Secret negotiations of the Dutch at that time。
I am told； cousin Diego； you are one of those that have undertaken to manage me； and that you have said you will carry a green bag yourself； rather than we shall make an end of our lawsuit： I'll teach them and you too to manage。
D。 DIEGO。For God's sake； madam； why so choleric？ I say this letter is some forgery； it never entered into the head of that honest man； Nic。 Frog； to do any such thing。
MRS。 BULL。I can't abide you。 You have been railing these twenty years at Squire South； Frog； and Hocus； calling them rogues and pickpockets； and now they are turned the honestest fellows in the world。 What is the meaning of all this？
D。 DIEGO。Pray tell me how you came to employ this Sir Roger in your affairs； and not think of your old friend Diego？
MRS。 BULL。So； so； there it pinches。 To tell you truth； I have employed Sir Roger in several weighty affairs； and have found him trusty and honest； and the poor man always scorned to take a farthing of me。 I have abundance that profess great zeal； but they are damnable greedy of the pence。 My husband and I are now in such circumstances； that we must be served upon cheaper terms than we have been。
D。 DIEGO。Well； cousin； I find I can do no good with you； I am sorry that you will ruin yourself by trusting this Sir Roger。
CHAPTER XVI。 How the guardians of the deceased Mrs。 Bull's three daughters came to John； and what advice they gave him； wherein is briefly treated the characters of the three daughters。 Also John Bull's answer to the three guardians。*
* Concerns of the party； and speeches for carrying on the war； etc。 Sentiments of the Tories and House of Commons against continuing the war for setting King Charles upon the throne of Spain。
I told you in a former chapter that Mrs。 Bull； before she departed this life； had blessed John with three daughters。 I need not here repeat their names； neither would I willingly use any scandalous reflections upon young ladies； whose reputations ought to be very tenderly handled； but the characters of these were so well known in the neighbourhood； that it is doing them no injury to make a short description of them。
The eldest* was a termagant； imperious； prodigal； lewd； profligate wench； as ever breathed； she used to rantipole about the house； pinch the children； kick the servants； and torture the cats and the dogs； she would rob her father's strong box； for money to give the young fellows that she was fond of。 She had a noble air； and something great in her mien； but such a noisome infectious breath； as threw all the servants that dressed her into consumptions； if she smelt to the freshest nosegay； it would shrivel and wither as it had been blighted： she used to come home in her cups； and break the china； and the looking…glasses； and was of such an irregular temper； and so entirely given up to her passion； that you might argue as well with the North wind； as with her ladyship： so expensive； that the income of three dukedoms was not enough to supply her extravagance。 Hocus loved her best； believing her to be his own； got upon the body of Mrs。 Bull。
* Polemia。
The second daughter；* born a year after her sister； was a peevish； froward； ill…conditioned creature as ever was； ugly as the devil； lean； haggard； pale； with saucer eyes； a sharp nose； and hunched backed； but active； sprightly； and diligent about her affairs。 Her ill complexion was occasioned by her bad diet； which was coffee** morning； noon； and night。 She never rested quietly a…bed； but used to disturb the whole family with shrieking out in her dreams； and plague them next day with interpreting them； for she took them all for gospel； she would cry out 〃Murder！〃 and disturb the whole neighbourhood； and when John came running downstairs to inquire what the matter was； nothing forsooth； only her maid had stuck a pin wrong in her gown； she turned away one servant for putting too much oil in her salad； and another for putting too little salt in her water…gruel； but such as by flattery had procured her esteem； she would indulge in the greatest crime。 Her father had two coachmen； when one was in the coach…box； if the coach swung but the least to one side； she used to shriek so loud； that all the street concluded she was overturned； but though the other was eternally drunk； and had overturned the whole family； she was very angry with her father for turning him away。 Then she used to carry tales and stories from one to another； till she had set the whole neighbourhood together by the ears； and this was the only diversion she took pleasure in。 She never went abroad； but she brought home such a bundle of monstrous lies； as would have amazed any mortal； but such as know her： of a whale that had swallowed a fleet of ships； of the lions being let out of the Tower； to destroy the Protestant religion； of the Pope's being seen in a brandy…shop at Wapping； and a prodigious strong man that was going to shove down the cupola of St。 Paul's； of three millions of five pound pieces that Squire South had found under an old wall； of blazing stars； flying dragons； and abundance of such stuff。 All the servants in the family made high court to her； for she domineered there； and turned out and in whom she pleased； only there was an old grudge between her and Sir Roger； whom she mortally hated and used to hire fellows to squirt kennel water upon him as he passed along the streets； so that he was forced constantly to wear a surtout of oiled cloth； by which means he came home pretty clean； except where the surtout was a little scanty。
* Discordia。 ** Coffee…house tattle。
As for the third* she was a thief and a common mercenary。 She had no respect of persons： a prince or a porter was all one； according as they paid； yea； she would leave the finest gentleman in the world to go to an ugly fellow for sixpence more。 In the practice of her profession she had amassed vast magazines of all sorts of things： she had above five hundred suits of fine clothes； and yet went abroad like a cinder wench。 She robbed and starved all the servants； so that nobody could live near her。
* Usuria。
So much for John's three daughters； which you will say were rarities to be fond of。 Yet Nature will shew itself。 Nobody could blame their relations for taking care of them； and therefore it was that Hocus；
