the hand of ethelberta-第33章

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word　of　encouragementjust　a　hope　that　I　may　not　be　unacceptable　as
a　husband　to　you？　　Your　talents　are　very　great；　and　of　course　I　know
that　I　have　nothing　at　all　in　that　way。　　Still　people　are　happy
together　sometimes　in　spite　of　such　things。　　Will　you　say　〃Yes；〃　and
settle　it　now？'

'I　was　not　expecting　you　had　come　upon　such　an　errand　as　this；'　said
she；　looking　up　a　little；　but　mostly　looking　down。　　'I　cannot　say
what　you　wish；　Mr。　Neigh。

'Perhaps　I　have　been　too　sudden　and　presumptuous。　　Yes；　I　know　I
have　been　that。　　However；　directly　I　saw　you　I　felt　that　nobody　ever
came　so　near　my　idea　of　what　is　desirable　in　a　lady；　and　it　occurred
to　me　that　only　one　obstacle　should　stand　in　the　way　of　the　natural
results；　which　obstacle　would　be　your　refusal。　　In　common　kindness
consider。　　I　daresay　I　am　judged　to　be　a　man　of　inattentive　habits
I　know　that's　what　you　think　of　me；　but　under　your　influence　I
should　be　very　different；　so　pray　do　not　let　your　dislike　to　little
matters　influence　you。'

'I　would　not　indeed。　　But　believe　me　there　can　be　no　discussion　of
marriage　between　us；'　said　Ethelberta　decisively。

'If　that's　the　case　I　may　as　well　say　no　more。　　To　burden　you　with
my　regrets　would　be　out　of　place；　I　suppose；'　said　Neigh；　looking
calmly　out　of　the　window。

'Apart　from　personal　feeling；　there　are　considerations　which　would
prevent　what　you　contemplated；'　she　murmured。　　'My　affairs　are　too
lengthy；　intricate；　and　unpleasant　for　me　to　explain　to　anybody　at
present。　　And　that　would　be　a　necessary　first　step。'

'Not　at　all。　　I　cannot　think　that　preliminary　to　be　necessary　at
all。　　I　would　put　my　lawyer　in　communication　with　yours；　and　we
would　leave　the　rest　to　them：　　I　believe　that　is　the　proper　way。
You　could　say　anything　in　confidence　to　your　family…man；　and　you
could　inquire　through　him　anything　you　might　wish　to　know　about　my
about　me。　　All　you　would　need　to　say　to　myself　are　just　the　two
little　words〃I　will；〃　in　the　church　here　at　the　end　of　the
Crescent。'

'I　am　sorry　to　pain　you；　Mr。　Neighso　sorry；'　said　Ethelberta。
'But　I　cannot　say　them。'　　She　was　rather　distressed　that；　despite
her　discouraging　words；　he　still　went　on　with　his　purpose；　as　if　he
imagined　what　she　so　distinctly　said　to　be　no　bar；　but　rather　a
stimulant；　usual　under　the　circumstances。

'It　does　not　matter　about　paining　me；'　said　Neigh。　　'Don't　take　that
into　consideration　at　all。　　But　I　did　not　expect　you　to　leave　me　so
entirely　without　helpto　refuse　me　absolutely　as　far　as　words　go
after　what　you　did。　　If　it　had　not　been　for　that　I　should　never　have
ventured　to　call。　　I　might　otherwise　have　supposed　your　interest　to
be　fixed　in　another　quarter；　but　your　acting　in　that　manner
encouraged　me　to　think　you　could　listen　to　a　word。'

'What　do　you　allude　to？'　said　Ethelberta。　　'How　have　I　acted？'

Neigh　appeared　reluctant　to　go　any　further；　but　the　allusion　soon
became　sufficiently　clear。　　'I　wish　my　little　place　at　Farnfield　had
been　worthier　of　you；'　he　said　brusquely。　　'However；　that's　a　matter
of　time　only。　　It　is　useless　to　build　a　house　there　yet。　　I　wish　I
had　known　that　you　would　be　looking　over　it　at　that　time　of　the
evening。　　A　single　word；　when　we　were　talking　about　it　the　other
day；　that　you　were　going　to　be　in　the　neighbourhood；　would　have　been
sufficient。　　Nothing　could　have　given　me　so　much　delight　as　to　have
driven　you　round。'

He　knew　that　she　had　been　to　Farnfield：　　that　knowledge　was　what　had
inspired　him　to　call　upon　her　to…day！　　Ethelberta　breathed　a　sort　of
exclamation；　not　right　out；　but　stealthily；　like　a　parson's　damn。
Her　face　did　not　change；　since　a　face　must　be　said　not　to　change
while　it　preserves　the　same　pleasant　lines　in　the　mobile　parts　as
before；　but　anybody　who　has　preserved　his　pleasant　lines　under　the
half…minute's　peer　of　the　invidious　camera；　and　found　what　a
wizened；　starched　kind　of　thing　they　stiffen　to　towards　the　end　of
the　time；　will　understand　the　tendency　of　Ethelberta's　lovely
features　now。

'Yes；　I　walked　round；'　said　Ethelberta　faintly。

Neigh　was　decidedly　master　of　the　position　at　last；　but　he　spoke　as
if　he　did　not　value　that。　　His　knowledge　had　furnished　him　with
grounds　for　calling　upon　her；　and　he　hastened　to　undeceive　her　from
supposing　that　he　could　think　ill　of　any　motive　of　hers　which　gave
him　those　desirable　grounds。

'I　supposed　you；　by　that；　to　give　some　little　thought　to　me
occasionally；'　he　resumed；　in　the　same　slow　and　orderly　tone。　　'How
could　I　help　thinking　so？　　It　was　your　doing　that　which　encouraged
me。　　Now；　was　it　not　naturalI　put　it　to　you？'

Ethelberta　was　almost　exasperated　at　perceiving　the　awful　extent　to
which　she　had　compromised　herself　with　this　man　by　her　impulsive
visit。　　Lightly　and　philosophically　as　he　seemed　to　take　itas　a
thing；　in　short；　which　every　woman　would　do　by　nature　unless
hindered　by　difficultiesit　was　no　trifle　to　her　as　long　as　he　was
ignorant　of　her　justification；　and　this　she　determined　that　he
should　know　at　once；　at　all　hazards。

'It　was　through　you　in　the　first　place　that　I　did　look　into　your
grounds！'　she　said　excitedly。　　'It　was　your　presumption　that　caused
me　to　go　there。　　I　should　not　have　thought　of　such　a　thing　else。　　If
you　had　not　said　what　you　did　say　I　never　should　have　thought　of　you
or　Farnfield　eitherFarnfield　might　have　been　in　Kamtschatka　for
all　I　cared。'

'I　hope　sincerely　that　I　never　said　anything　to　disturb　you？'

'Yes；　you　didnot　to　me；　but　to　somebody；'　said　Ethelberta；　with
her　eyes　over…full　of　retained　tears。

'What　have　I　said　to　somebody　that　can　be　in　the　least　objectionable
to　you？'　inquired　Neigh；　with　much　concern。

'You　saidyou　said；　you　meant　to　marry　mejust　as　if　I　had　no
voice　in　the　matter！　　And　that　annoyed　me；　and　made　me　go　there　out
of　curiosity。'

Neigh　changed　colour　a　little。　　'Well；　I　did　say　it：　　I　own　that　I
said　it；'　he　replied　at　last。　　Probably　he　knew　enough　of　her　nature
not　to　feel　long　disconcerted　by　her　disclosure；　however　she　might
have　become　possessed　of　the　information。　　The　explanation　was
certainly　a　great　excuse　to　her　curiosity；　but　if　Ethelberta　had
tried　she　could　not　have　given　him　a　better　ground　for　making　light
of　her　objections　to　his　suit。　　'I　felt　that　I　must　marry　you；　that
we　were　predestined　to　marry　ages　ago；　and　I　feel　it　still！'　he
continued；　with　listless　ardour。　　'You　seem　to　regret　your　interest
in　Farnfield；　but　to　me　it　is　a　charm；　and　has　been　ever　since　I
heard　of　it。'

'If　you　only　knew　all！'　she　said　helplessly；　showing；　without
perceiving　it；　an　unnecessary　humility　in　the　remark；　since　there
was　no　more　reason　just　then　that　she　should　go　into　details　about
her　life　than　that　he　should　about　his。　　But　melancholy　and　mistaken
thoughts　of　herself　as　a　counterfeit　had　brought　her　to　this。

'I　do　not　wish　to　know　more；'　said　Neigh。

'And　would　you　marry　any　woman　off…hand；　without　being　thoroughly
acquainted　with　her　circumstances？'　she　said；　looking　at　him
curiously；　and　with　a　little　admiration；　for　his　unconscionably
phlegmatic　treatment　of　her　motives　in　going　to　Farnfield　had　a　not
unbecoming　daring　about　it　in　Ethelberta's　eye。

'I　would　marry　a　woman　off…hand　when　that　woman　is　you。　　I　would
make　you　mine　this　moment　did　I　dare；　or；　to　speak　with　absolute
accuracy；　within　twenty…four　hours。　　Do　assent　to　it；　dear　Mrs。
Petherwin；　and　let　me　be　sure　of　you　for　ever。　　I'll　drive　to
Doctors'　Commons　this　minute；　and　meet　you　to…morrow　morning　at　nine
in　the　church　just　below。　　It　is　a　simple　impulse；　but　I　would
adhere　to　it　in　the　coolest　moment。　　Shall　it　be　arranged　in　that
way；　instead　of　our　waiting　through　the　ordinary　routine　of
preparation？　　I　am　not　a　youth　now；　but　I　can　see　the　bliss　of　such
an　act　as　that；　and　the　contemptible　nature　of　methodical
proceedings　beside　it！'

He　had　taken　her　hand。　　Ethelberta　gave　it　a　subtle　movement
backwards　to　imply　that　he　was　not　to　retain　the　prize；　and　said；
'One　whose　inner　life　is　almost　unknown　to　you；　and　whom　you　have
scarcely　seen　except　at　other　people's　houses！'

'We　know　each　other　far　better　than　we　may　think　at　first；'　said
Neigh。　　'We　are　not　people　to　love　in　a　hurry；　and　I　have　not　done
so　in　this　case。　　As　for　worldly　circumstances；　the　most　important
items　in　a　marriage　contract　are　the　persons　themselves；　and；　as　far
as　I　am　concerned；　if　I　get　a　lady　fair　and　wise　I　care　for　nothing
further。　　I　know　you　are　beautiful；　for　all　London　owns　it；　I　know
you　are　talented；　for　I　have　read　your　poetry　and　heard　your
romances；　and　I　know　you　are　politic　and　discreet'

'For　I　have　examined　your　property；'　said　she；　with　a　weak　smile。

Neigh　bowed。　　'And　what　more　can　I　wish　to　know？　　Come；　shall　it
be？'

'Certainly　not　to…morrow。'

'I　would　be　entirely　in　your　hands　in　that　matter。　　I　will　not　urge
you　to　be　precipitateI　could　not　expect　you　to　be　ready　yet。　　My
suddenness　perhaps　offended　you；　but；　having　thought　deeply　of　this
bright　possibility；　I　was　apt　to　forget　the　forbearance　that　one
ought　to　show　at　first　in　mentioning　it。　　If　I　have　done　wrong
forgive　me。'

'I　will　think　of　that；'　said　Ethelberta；　with　a　cooler　manner。　　'But
seriously；　all　these　words　are　nothing　to　the　purpose。　　I　must
remark　that　I　prize　your　friendship；　but　it　is　not　for　me　to　marry
now。　　You　have　convinced　me　of　your　goodness　of　heart　and　freedom
from　unworthy　suspicions；　let　that　be　enough。　　The　best　way　in　which
I　in　my　turn　can　convince　you　of　my　goodness　of　heart　is　by　asking
you　to　see　me　in　private　no　more。'

'And　do　you　refuse　to　think　of　me　as。　　Why　do　you　treat　me　like
that；　after　all？'　said　Neigh；　surprised　at　this　want　of　harmony　with
his　principle　that　one　convert　to　matrimony　could　always　find　a
second　ready…made。

'I　cannot　explain；　I　cannot　explain；'　said　she；　impatiently。　　'I
would　and　I　would　notexplain　I　mean；　not　marry。　　I　don't　love
anybody；　and　I　have　no　heart　left　for　beginning。　　It　is　only　honest
in　me　to　tell　you　that　I　am　interested　in　watching　another　man's
career；　though　that　is　not　to　the　point　either；　for　no　close
relationship　with　him　is　contemplated。　　But　I　do　not　wish　to　speak
of　this　any　more。　　Do　not　press　me　to　it。'

'Certainly　I　will　not；'　said　Neigh；　seeing　that　she　was　distressed
and　sorrowful。　　'But　do　consider　me　and　my　wishes；　I　have　a　right　to
ask　it　for　it　is　only　asking　a　continuance　of　what　you　have　already
begun　to　do。　　To…morrow　I　believe　I　shall　have　the　happiness　of
seeing　you　again。'

She　did　not　say　no；　and　long　after　the　door　had　closed　upon　him　she
remained　fixed　in　thought。　　'How　can　he　be　blamed　for　his　manner；'
she　said；　'after　knowing　what　I　did！'

Ethelberta　as　she　sat　felt　herself　much　less　a　Petherwin　than　a
Chickerel；　much　less　a　poetess　richly　freighted　with　fancy　than　an
adventuress　with　a　nebulous　prospect。　　Neigh　was　one　of　the　few　men
whose　presence　seemed　to　attenuate　her　dignity　in　some　mysterious
way　to　its　very　least　proportions；　and　that　act　of　espial；　which　had
so　quickly　and　inexplicably　come　to　his　knowledge；　helped　his
influence　still　more。　　She　knew　little　of　the　nature　of　the　town
bachelor；　there　were　opaque　depths　in　him　which　her　thoughts　had
never