the vision spendid(美景)-第12章
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election was drawing near。 This； together with the work of editing the
paper and the strain of the battle； told heavily on a vitality never too much
above par。 He would come back to his rooms fagged out； often dejected
because some friend had deserted to the enemy。
One cold rainy evening he met Nellie Anderson in the hall。 She had
been saying good…bye to some friends who had been in to call on her。
〃You're wet； Mr。 Farnum；〃 the young woman said。
〃A little。〃
She stood hesitating in the doorway leading to the apartment of herself
and her mother； then yielded shyly to a kindly impulse。
〃We've been making chocolate。 Won't you come in and have some？
You look cold。〃
Jeff glimpsed beyond her the warm grate fire in the room。 He； too；
yielded to an impulse。 〃Since you're so good as to ask me； Miss Nellie。〃
She took charge of his hat and overcoat； making him sit down in a big
armchair before the fire。 He watched her curiously as she moved lightly
about waiting on him。 Nellie was a soft round little person with constant
intimations of a childhood not long outgrown。 Jeff judged she must be
nineteen or twenty； but she had moments of being charmingly unsure of
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herself。 The warm color came and went in her clear cheeks at the least
provocation。
〃Mother's gone to bed。 She always goes early。 You don't mind；〃 she
asked naively。
Jeff smiled。 She was； he thought； about as worldly wise as a fluffy
kitten。 〃No； I don't mind at all；〃 he assured her。
Nor did he in the least。 His weariness was of the spirit rather than the
body； and he found her grace； her shy sweetness； grateful to the jaded
senses。 It counted in her favor that she was not clever or ultra…modern。 The
dimpling smiles； the quick sympathy of this innocent； sensuous young
creature； drew him out of his depression。 When he left the pleasant
warmth of the room half an hour later it was with a little glow at the heart。
He had found comfort and refreshment。
How it came to pass Jeff never quite understood； but it soon was
almost a custom for him to drop into the living room to get a cup of
chocolate when he came home。 He found himself looking forward to that
half hour alone with Nellie Anderson。 Whoever else criticized him； she did
not。 The manner in which she made herself necessary to his material
comfort was masterly。 She would be waiting； eager to help him off with
his overcoat； hot chocolate and sandwiches ready for him in the cozy
living…room。 To him； who for years had lived a hand…to…mouth boarding
house existence； her shy wholesome laughter made that room sing of
home； one which her personality fitted to a dot。 She was always in good
humor； always trim and neat； always alluring to the eye。 And she had the
pretty little domestic ways that go to the head of a bachelor when he eats
alone with an attractive girl。
Their intimacy was not exactly a secret。 Mrs。 Anderson； who was
rather deaf and admitted to being a heavy sleeper； knew that Jeff dropped
in occasionally。 He suspected she did not know how regularly； but she was
one of that large class of American mothers who let their daughters
arrange their own love affairs and would not have interfered had she
known。
Once or twice it flashed upon Jeff that this ought not to go on。 Since he
had no intention of marrying Nell he must not let their relationship reach
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the emotional climax toward which he guessed it was racing。 But his
experience in such matters was limited。 He did not know how to break off
their friendship without hurting her； and he was eager to minimize the
possibility of danger。 His modesty made this last easy。 Out of her kindness
she was good to him； but it was not to be expected that so pretty a girl
would fall in love with a man like him。
The most potent argument for letting things drift was his own craving
for her。 She was becoming necessary to him。 Whenever he thought of her
it was with a tender glow。 Her soft long…lashed eyes would come between
him and the editorial he was writing。 A dozen times a day he could see a
picture of the tilted little coaxing mouth。 The gurgle of her laughter called
to him for hours before he left the office。
He got into the habit of talking to her about the things that were
troubling himthe tactics of the enemy； the desertion of friends； the
dubious issue of the campaign。 Curled up in a big chair； her whole
attention absorbed in what he was saying Nellie made a good listener。 If
she did not show a full understanding of the situation； he could always
sense her ready sympathy。 Her naive； indignant loyalty was touching。
〃I read what the _Advocate_ said about you today；〃 she told him one
night； a tide of color in her cheeks。 〃It was horrid。 As if anybody would
believe it。〃
〃I'm afraid a good many people do；〃 he said gravely。
〃Nobody who knows you；〃 she protested stoutly。
〃Yes； some who know me。〃
He let his eyes dwell on her。 It was easy to see how undisciplined of
life she was； save where its material aspects had come into impact with her
on the economic side。
〃None of your real friends。〃
〃How many real friends has a manfriends who will stand by him no
matter how unpopular he is？〃
〃I don't know。 I should think you'd have lots of them。〃
He shook his head； a hint of a smile in his eyes。 〃Not many。 They keep
their chocolate and sandwiches for folks whose trolley do'esn't fly the
wire。〃
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〃What wire？〃 she asked； her forehead knitted to a question。
〃Oh； the wire that's over the tracks of respectability and vested
interests and special privilege。〃
She had been looking at him； but now her gaze went to the fire with
that slow tilt of the chin he liked。 Another color wave swept the oval of the
soft cheeks。
〃You've got more friends than you think；〃 she said in a low voice。
〃I've got one little friend I wouldn't like to lose。〃
She did not speak and his hand moved forward to cover hers。 Instantly
a wild and insurgent emotion tingled through him。 He felt himself
trembling and could not steady his nerves。
Without a word Nellie looked up and their eyes met。 Something
electric flashed from one to another。 Her shy fear of him was adorable。
〃Oh； don't； don't！〃 she murmured。 〃What will you think of me now？〃
He had leaned forward and kissed her on the lips。
Jeff sprang to his feet； the muscles in his lean cheeks standing out。
Some bell of warning was ringing in him。 He was a man； young and
desirous； subject to all the frailties of his sex； holding experiences in his
past that had left him far from a puritan。 And she was a woman； of
unschooled impulses； with unsuspected banked passions； an innocent
creature in whom primeval physical life rioted。
He moved toward the door； his left fist beating into the palm of his
right hand。 He must protect her； against himselfand against her innocent
affection for him。
She fluttered past him； barring the way。 Her cheeks were flaming with
shame。
〃You despise me。 Why did I let you？〃 A sob swelled up into her soft
round throat。
〃You blessed lamb；〃 he groaned。
〃You're going to leave me。 Youyou don't want me for a friend any
longer。〃
Her lips trembledthe red little lips that always reminded him of a
baby's with its Cupid's bow。 She was on the verge of breaking down。 Jeff
could not stand that。 He held out his hands； intending to take hers and
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explain that he was not angry or disappointed at her。 But somehow he
found her in his arms instead； supple and warm； vital youth flowing in the
soft cheeks' rich coloring and in the eyes quick and passionate with the
tender abandon of her sex。
He set his teeth against the rush of desire that flooded him as her soft
body clung to his。 The emotional climax he had vaguely feared had leaped
upon them like an uncaged tiger。 He fought to stamp down the fires that
blazed up in him。 Time to thinkhe must have time to think。
〃You don't despise me then；〃 she cried softly； a little catch in her
breath。
〃No；〃 he protested； and again 〃No。〃
〃But you think I've done wrong。〃
〃No。 I've been to blame。 You're a dear girland I've abused your
kindness。 I must go awaynow。〃
〃Then youyou do hate me；〃 she accused with a quivering lip。
〃No 。 。 。 no。 I'm very fond of you。〃
〃But you're going to leave me。 It's because I've done wrong。〃
〃Don't blame yourself； dear。 It has been all my fault。 I ought to have
known。〃
Her hands fell from him。 The life seemed to die out of her whole
figure。 〃You do despise me。〃
Desire of her throbbed through him； but he spoke very quietly。 〃Listen；
dear。 There is nobody I respect more 。 。 。 and none I like so much。 I can't
tell you how。 。 。 fond of you I am。 But I must go now。 You don't
understand。〃
She bit her lip to repress the sobs that would come and turned away to
hide her shame。 Jeff caught her in his arms； kissed her passionately on the
lips； the eyes； the soft round throat。
〃You do 。 。 。 like me；〃 she purred happily。
Abruptly he pushed her from him。 Where were they drifting？ He must
get his anchors down before it was too late。
Somehow he broke away； leaving her there hurt and bew
