the titan-第25章

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deliriously；　deliciously　numb　and　happy。

〃Antoinette！〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　know　what　I　think；〃　she　gasped。　　〃I　Oh　yes；　I　do；　I　do。〃

〃I　like　your　name；〃　he　said；　simply。　　〃Antoinette。〃　And　then；　pulling　her　to　him；　he　slipped　his　arm　about　her　waist。

She　was　frightened；　numb；　and　then　suddenly；　not　so　much　from　shame　as　shock；　tears　rushed　to　her　eyes。　　She　turned　and　put　her　hand　on　the　desk　and　hung　her　head　and　sobbed。

〃Why；　Antoinette；〃　he　asked；　gently；　bending　over　her；　are　you　so　much　unused　to　the　world？　I　thought　you　said　you　loved　me。　　Do　you　want　me　to　forget　all　this　and　go　on　as　before？　I　can；　of　course；　if　you　can；　you　know。〃

He　knew　that　she　loved　him；　wanted　him。

She　heard　him　plainly　enough；　shaking。

〃Do　you？〃　he　said；　after　a　time；　giving　her　moments　in　which　to　recover。

〃Oh；　let　me　cry！〃　she　recovered　herself　sufficiently　to　say；　quite　wildly。　　〃I　don't　know　why　I'm　crying。　　It's　just　because　I'm　nervous；　I　suppose。　　Please　don't　mind　me　now。〃

〃Antoinette；〃　he　repeated；　〃look　at　me！　Will　you　stop？〃

〃Oh　no；　not　now。　　My　eyes　are　so　bad。〃

〃Antoinette！　Come；　look！〃　He　put　his　hand　under　her　chin。　　〃See；　I'm　not　so　terrible。〃

〃Oh；〃　she　said；　when　her　eyes　met　his　again；　〃I〃　And　then　she　folded　her　arms　against　his　breast　while　he　petted　her　hand　and　held　her　close。

〃I'm　not　so　bad；　Antoinette。　　It's　you　as　much　as　it　is　me。　　You　do　love　me；　then？〃

〃Yes；　yesoh　yes！〃

〃And　you　don't　mind？〃

〃No。　　It's　all　so　strange。〃　Her　face　was　hidden。

〃Kiss　me；　then。〃

She　put　up　her　lips　and　slipped　her　arms　about　him。　　He　held　her　close。

He　tried　teasingly　to　make　her　say　why　she　cried；　thinking　the　while　of　what　Aileen　or　Rita　would　think　if　they　knew；　but　she　would　not　at　firstadmitting　later　that　it　was　a　sense　of　evil。　　Curiously　she　also　thought　of　Aileen；　and　how；　on　occasion；　she　had　seen　her　sweep　in　and　out。　　Now　she　was　sharing　with　her　（the　dashing　Mrs。　Cowperwood；　so　vain　and　superior）　the　wonder　of　his　affection。　　Strange　as　it　may　seem；　she　looked　on　it　now　as　rather　an　honor。　　She　had　risen　in　her　own　estimationher　sense　of　life　and　power。　　Now；　more　than　ever　before；　she　knew　something　of　life　because　she　knew　something　of　love　and　passion。　　The　future　seemed　tremulous　with　promise。　　She　went　back　to　her　machine　after　a　while；　thinking　of　this。　　What　would　it　all　come　to？　she　wondered；　wildly。　　You　could　not　have　told　by　her　eyes　that　she　had　been　crying。　　Instead；　a　rich　glow　in　her　brown　cheeks　heightened　her　beauty。　　No　disturbing　sense　of　Aileen　was　involved　with　all　this。　Antoinette　was　of　the　newer　order　that　was　beginning　to　privately　question　ethics　and　morals。　　She　had　a　right　to　her　life；　lead　where　it　would。　　And　to　what　it　would　bring　her。　　The　feel　of　Cowperwood's　lips　was　still　fresh　on　hers。　　What　would　the　future　reveal　to　her　now？　What？




Chapter　XVII



An　Overture　to　Conflict

The　result　of　this　understanding　was　not　so　important　to　Cowperwood　as　it　was　to　Antoinette。　　In　a　vagrant　mood　he　had　unlocked　a　spirit　here　which　was　fiery；　passionate；　but　in　his　case　hopelessly　worshipful。　　However　much　she　might　be　grieved　by　him；　Antoinette；　as　he　subsequently　learned；　would　never　sin　against　his　personal　welfare。　　Yet　she　was　unwittingly　the　means　of　first　opening　the　flood…gates　of　suspicion　on　Aileen；　thereby　establishing　in　the　latter's　mind　the　fact　of　Cowperwood's　persistent　unfaithfulness。

The　incidents　which　led　up　to　this　were　comparatively　trivial　nothing　more；　indeed；　at　first　than　the　sight　of　Miss　Nowak　and　Cowperwood　talking　intimately　in　his　office　one　afternoon　when　the　others　had　gone　and　the　fact　that　she　appeared　to　be　a　little　bit　disturbed　by　Aileen's　arrival。　　Later　came　the　discoverythough　of　this　Aileen　could　not　be　absolutely　sureof　Cowperwood　and　Antoinette　in　a　closed　carriage　one　stormy　November　afternoon　in　State　Street　when　he　was　supposed　to　be　out　of　the　city。　　She　was　coming　out　of　Merrill's　store　at　the　time；　and　just　happened　to　glance　at　the　passing　vehicle；　which　was　running　near　the　curb。　Aileen；　although　uncertain；　was　greatly　shocked。　　Could　it　be　possible　that　he　had　not　left　town？　She　journeyed　to　his　office　on　the　pretext　of　taking　old　Laughlin's　dog；　Jennie；　a　pretty　collar　she　had　found；　actually　to　find　if　Antoinette　were　away　at　the　same　time。　　Could　it　be　possible；　she　kept　asking　herself；　that　Cowperwood　had　become　interested　in　his　own　stenographer？　The　fact　that　the　office　assumed　that　he　was　out　of　town　and　that　Antoinette　was　not　there　gave　her　pause。　　Laughlin　quite　innocently　informed　her　that　he　thought　Miss　Nowak　had　gone　to　one　of　the　libraries　to　make　up　certain　reports。　　It　left　her　in　doubt。

What　was　Aileen　to　think？　Her　moods　and　aspirations　were　linked　so　closely　with　the　love　and　success　of　Cowperwood　that　she　could　not；　in　spite　of　herself；　but　take　fire　at　the　least　thought　of　losing　him。　　He　himself　wondered　sometimes；　as　he　threaded　the　mesh…like　paths　of　sex；　what　she　would　do　once　she　discovered　his　variant　conduct。　　Indeed；　there　had　been　little　occasional　squabbles；　not　sharp；　but　suggestive；　when　he　was　trifling　about　with　Mrs。　Kittridge；　Mrs。　Ledwell；　and　others。　　There　were；　as　may　be　imagined；　from　time　to　time　absences；　brief　and　unimportant；　which　he　explained　easily；　passional　indifferences　which　were　not　explained　so　easily；　and　the　like；　but　since　his　affections　were　not　really　involved　in　any　of　those　instances；　he　had　managed　to　smooth　the　matter　over　quite　nicely。

〃Why　do　you　say　that？〃　he　would　demand；　when　she　suggested；　apropos　of　a　trip　or　a　day　when　she　had　not　been　with　him；　that　there　might　have　been　another。　　〃You　know　there　hasn't。　　If　I　am　going　in　for　that　sort　of　thing　you'll　learn　it　fast　enough。　　Even　if　I　did；　it　wouldn't　mean　that　I　was　unfaithful　to　you　spiritually。〃

〃Oh；　wouldn't　it？〃　exclaimed　Aileen；　resentfully；　and　with　some　disturbance　of　spirit。　　〃Well；　you　can　keep　your　spiritual　faithfulness。　　I'm　not　going　to　be　content　with　any　sweet　thoughts。〃

Cowperwood　laughed　even　as　she　laughed；　for　he　knew　she　was　right　and　he　felt　sorry　for　her。　　At　the　same　time　her　biting　humor　pleased　him。　　He　knew　that　she　did　not　really　suspect　him　of　actual　infidelity；　he　was　obviously　so　fond　of　her。　　But　she　also　knew　that　he　was　innately　attractive　to　women；　and　that　there　were　enough　of　the　philandering　type　to　want　to　lead　him　astray　and　make　her　life　a　burden。　　Also　that　he　might　prove　a　very　willing　victim。

Sex　desire　and　its　fruition　being　such　an　integral　factor　in　the　marriage　and　every　other　sex　relation；　the　average　woman　is　prone　to　study　the　periodic　manifestations　that　go　with　it　quite　as　one　dependent　on　the　weathera　sailor；　or　examplemight　study　the　barometer。　　In　this　Aileen　was　no　exception。　　She　was　so　beautiful　herself；　and　had　been　so　much　to　Cowperwood　physically；　that　she　had　followed　the　corresponding　evidences　of　feeling　in　him　with　the　utmost　interest；　accepting　the　recurring　ebullitions　of　his　physical　emotions　as　an　evidence　of　her　own　enduring　charm。　　As　time　went　on；　howeverand　that　was　long　before　Mrs。　Sohlberg　or　any　one　else　had　appearedthe　original　flare　of　passion　had　undergone　a　form　of　subsidence；　though　not　noticeable　enough　to　be　disturbing。　　Aileen　thought　and　thought；　but　she　did　not　investigate。　　Indeed；　because　of　the　precariousness　of　her　own　situation　as　a　social　failure　she　was　afraid　to　do　so。

With　the　arrival　of　Mrs。　Sohlberg　and　then　of　Antoinette　Nowak　as　factors　in　the　potpourri；　the　situation　became　more　difficult。　　Humanly　fond　of　Aileen　as　Cowperwood　was；　and　because　of　his　lapses　and　her　affection；　desirous　of　being　kind；　yet　for　the　time　being　he　was　alienated　almost　completely　from　her。　　He　grew　remote　according　as　his　clandestine　affairs　were　drifting　or　blazing；　without；　however；　losing　his　firm　grip　on　his　financial　affairs；　and　Aileen　noticed　it。　　It　worried　her。　　She　was　so　vain　that　she　could　scarcely　believe　that　Cowperwood　could　long　be　indifferent；　and　for　a　while　her　sentimental　interest　in　Sohlberg's　future　and　unhappiness　of　soul　beclouded　her　judgment；　but　she　finally　began　to　feel　the　drift　of　affairs。　　The　pathos　of　all　this　is　that　it　so　quickly　descends　into　the　realm　of　the　unsatisfactory；　the　banal；　the　pseudo　intimate。　　Aileen　noticed　it　at　once。　　She　tried　protestations。　　〃You　don't　kiss　me　the　way　you　did　once；〃　and　then　a　little　later；　〃You　haven't　noticed　me　hardly　for　four　whole　days。　What's　the　matter？〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　know；〃　replied　Cowperwood；　easily；　〃I　guess　I　want　you　as　much　as　ever。　　I　don't　see　that　I　am　any　different。〃　He　took　her　in　his　arms　and　petted　and　caressed　her；　but　Aileen　was　suspicious；　nervous。

The　psychology　of　the　human　animal；　when　confronted　by　these　tangles；　these　ripping　tides　of　the　heart；　has　little　to　do　with　so…called　reason　or　logic。　　It　is　amazing　how　in　the　face　of　passion　and　the　affections　and　the　changing　face　of　life　all　plans　and　theories　by　which　we　guide　ourselves　fall　to　the　ground。　　Here　was　Aileen　talking　bravely　at　the　time　she　invaded　Mrs。　Lillian　Cowperwood's　domain　of　the　necessity　of　〃her　Frank〃　finding　a　woman　suitable　to　his　needs；　tastes；　abilities；　but　now　that　the　possibility　of　another　woman　equally　or　possibly　better　suited　to　him　was　looming　in　the　offingalthough　she　had　no　idea　who　it　might　beshe　could　not　reason　in　the　same　way。　　Her　ox；　God　wot；　was　the　one　that　was　being　gored。　　What　if　he　should　find　some　one　whom　he　could　want　more　than　he　did　her？　Dear　heaven；　how　terrible　that　would　be！　What　would　she　do？　she　asked　herself；　thoughtfully。　　She　lapsed　into　the　blues　one　afternoonalmost　criedshe　could　scarcely　say　why。　　Another　time　she　thought　of　all　the　terrible　things　she　would　do；　how　difficult　she　would　make　it　for　any　other　woman　who　invaded　her　preserves。　　However；　she　was　not　sure。　　Would　she　declare　war　if　she　discovered　another？　She　knew　she　would　eventually；　and　yet　she　knew；　too；　that　if　she　did；　and　Cowperwood　were　set　in　his　passion；　thoroughly　alienated；　it　would　do　no　good。　　It　would　be　terrible；　but　what　could　she　do　to　win　him　back？　That　was　the　issue。　　Once　warned；　however；　by　her　suspicious　questioning；　Cowperwood　was　more　mechanically　attentive　than　ever。　　He　did　his　best　to　conceal　his　altered　moodhis　enthusiasms　for　Mrs。　Sohlberg；　his　interest　in　Antoinette　Nowakand　this　helped　somewhat。

But　finally　there　was　a　detectable　change。　　Aileen　noticed　it　first　after　they　had　been　back　from　Europe　nearly　a　year。　　At　this　time　she　was　still　interested　in　Sohlberg；　but　in　a　harmlessly　flirtatious　way。　　She　thought　he　might　be　interesting　physically；　but　would　he　be　as　delightful　as　Cowperwood？　Never！　When　she　felt　that　Cowperwood　himself　might　he　changing　she　pulled　herself　up　at　once；　and　when　Antoinette　appearedthe　carriage　incidentSohlberg　lost　his；　at　best；　unstable　charm。　　She　began　to　meditate　on　what　a　terrible　thing　it　would　be　to　lose　Cowperwood；　seeing　that　she　had　failed　to　establish　herself　socially。　　Perhaps　that　had　something　to　do　with　his　defection。　　No　doubt　it　had。　　Yet　she　could　not　believe；　after　all　his　protestations　of　affection　in　Philadelphia；　after　all　her　devotion　to　him　in　those　dark　days　of　his　degradation　and　punishment；　that　he　would　really　turn　on　her