little travels and roadside sketches-第1章

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Little　Travels　and　Roadside　Sketches



by　William　Makepeace　Thackeray









I。　　FROM　RICHMOND　IN　SURREY　TO　BRUSSELS　IN　BELGIUM



II。　　GHENTBRUGES：



　　Ghent　（1840）



　　Bruges



III。　　WATERLOO









LITTLE　TRAVELS　AND　ROADSIDE　SKETCHES







I。FROM　RICHMOND　IN　SURREY　TO　BRUSSELS　IN　BELGIUM





。　。　。　I　quitted　the　〃Rose　Cottage　Hotel〃　at　Richmond；　one　of　the

comfortablest；　quietest；　cheapest；　neatest　little　inns　in　England；

and　a　thousand　times　preferable；　in　my　opinion；　to　the　〃Star　and

Garter；〃　whither；　if　you　go　alone；　a　sneering　waiter；　with　his　hair

curled；　frightens　you　off　the　premises；　and　where；　if　you　are　bold

enough　to　brave　the　sneering　waiter；　you　have　to　pay　ten　shillings

for　a　bottle　of　claret；　and　whence；　if　you　look　out　of　the　window；

you　gaze　on　a　view　which　is　so　rich　that　it　seems　to　knock　you　down

with　its　splendora　view　that　has　its　hair　curled　like　the

swaggering　waiter：　I　say；　I　quitted　the　〃Rose　Cottage　Hotel〃　with

deep　regret；　believing　that　I　should　see　nothing　so　pleasant　as　its

gardens；　and　its　veal　cutlets；　and　its　dear　little　bowling…green；

elsewhere。　　But　the　time　comes　when　people　must　go　out　of　town；　and

so　I　got　on　the　top　of　the　omnibus；　and　the　carpet…bag　was　put

inside。





If　I　were　a　great　prince　and　rode　outside　of　coaches　（as　I　should

if　I　were　a　great　prince）；　I　would；　whether　I　smoked　or　not；　have　a

case　of　the　best　Havanas　in　my　pocketnot　for　my　own　smoking；　but

to　give　them　to　the　snobs　on　the　coach；　who　smoke　the　vilest

cheroots。　　They　poison　the　air　with　the　odor　of　their　filthy　weeds。

A　man　at　all　easy　in　his　circumstances　would　spare　himself　much

annoyance　by　taking　the　above　simple　precaution。



A　gentleman　sitting　behind　me　tapped　me　on　the　back　and　asked　for　a

light。　　He　was　a　footman；　or　rather　valet。　　He　had　no　livery；　but

the　three　friends　who　accompanied　him　were　tall　men　in　pepper…and…

salt　undress　jackets　with　a　duke's　coronet　on　their　buttons。



After　tapping　me　on　the　back；　and　when　he　had　finished　his　cheroot；

the　gentleman　produced　another　wind…instrument；　which　he　called　a

〃kinopium；〃　a　sort　of　trumpet；　on　which　he　showed　a　great

inclination　to　play。　　He　began　puffing　out　of　the　〃kinopium〃　a　most

abominable　air；　which　he　said　was　the　〃Duke's　March。〃　　It　was

played　by　particular　request　of　one　of　the　pepper…and…salt　gentry。



The　noise　was　so　abominable　that　even　the　coachman　objected

（although　my　friend's　brother　footmen　were　ravished　with　it）；　and

said　that　it　was　not　allowed　to　play　toons　on　HIS　'bus。　　〃Very

well；〃　said　the　valet；　〃WE'RE　ONLY　OF　THE　DUKE　OF　B'S

ESTABLISHMENT；　THAT'S　ALL。〃　　The　coachman　could　not　resist　that

appeal　to　his　fashionable　feelings。　　The　valet　was　allowed　to　play

his　infernal　kinopium；　and　the　poor　fellow　（the　coachman）；　who　had

lived　in　some　private　families；　was　quite　anxious　to　conciliate　the

footmen　〃of　the　Duke　of　B。's　establishment；　that's　all；〃　and　told

several　stories　of　his　having　been　groom　in　Captain　Hoskins's

family；　NEPHEW　OF　GOVERNOR　HOSKINS；　which　stories　the　footmen

received　with　great　contempt。



The　footmen　were　like　the　rest　of　the　fashionable　world　in　this

respect。　　I　felt　for　my　part　that　I　respected　them。　　They　were　in

daily　communication　with　a　duke！　　They　were　not　the　rose；　but　they

had　lived　beside　it。　　There　is　an　odor　in　the　English　aristocracy

which　intoxicates　plebeians。　　I　am　sure　that　any　commoner　in

England；　though　he　would　die　rather　than　confess　it；　would　have　a

respect　for　those　great　big　hulking　Duke's　footmen。



The　day　before；　her　Grace　the　Duchess　had　passed　us　alone　in　a

chariot…and…four　with　two　outriders。　　What　better　mark　of　innate

superiority　could　man　want？　　Here　was　a　slim　lady　who　required

foursix　horses　to　herself；　and　four　servants　（kinopium　was；　no

doubt；　one　of　the　number）　to　guard　her。



We　were　sixteen　inside　and　out；　and　had　consequently　an　eighth　of　a

horse　apiece。



A　duchess　=　6；　a　commoner　=　1/8；　that　is　to　say；



1　duchess　=　48　commoners。



If　I　were　a　duchess　of　the　present　day；　I　would　say　to　the　duke　my

noble　husband；　〃My　dearest　grace；　I　think；　when　I　travel　alone　in

my　chariot　from　Hammersmith　to　London；　I　will　not　care　for　the

outriders。　　In　these　days；　when　there　is　so　much　poverty　and　so

much　disaffection　in　the　country；　we　should　not　eclabousser　the

canaille　with　the　sight　of　our　preposterous　prosperity。



But　this　is　very　likely　only　plebeian　envy；　and　I　dare　say；　if　I

were　a　lovely　duchess　of　the　realm；　I　would　ride　in　a　coach…and…

six；　with　a　coronet　on　the　top　of　my　bonnet　and　a　robe　of　velvet

and　ermine　even　in　the　dog…days。



Alas！　these　are　the　dog…days。　　Many　dogs　are　abroadsnarling　dogs；

biting　dogs；　envious　dogs；　mad　dogs；　beware　of　exciting　the　fury　of

such　with　your　flaming　red　velvet　and　dazzling　ermine。　　It　makes

ragged　Lazarus　doubly　hungry　to　see　Dives　feasting　in　cloth…of…

gold；　and　so　if　I　were　a　beauteous　duchess　。　。　。　　Silence；　vain

man！　　Can　the　Queen　herself　make　you　a　duchess？　　Be　content；　then；

nor　gibe　at　thy　betters　of　〃the　Duke　of　B's　establishment

that's　all。〃





ON　BOARD　THE　〃ANTWERPEN；〃　OFF　EVERYWHERE。



We　have　bidden　adieu　to　Billingsgate；　we　have　passed　the　Thames

Tunnel；　it　is　one　o'clock；　and　of　course　people　are　thinking　of

being　hungry。　　What　a　merry　place　a　steamer　is　on　a　calm　sunny

summer　forenoon；　and　what　an　appetite　every　one　seems　to　have！　　We

are；　I　assure　you；　no　less　than　170　noblemen　and　gentlemen

together；　pacing　up　and　down　under　the　awning；　or　lolling　on　the

sofas　in　the　cabin；　and　hardly　have　we　passed　Greenwich　when　the

feeding　begins。　　The　company　was　at　the　brandy　and　soda…water　in

an　instant　（there　is　a　sort　of　legend　that　the　beverage　is　a

preservative　against　sea…sickness）；　and　I　admired　the　penetration

of　gentlemen　who　partook　of　the　drink。　　In　the　first　place；　the

steward　WILL　put　so　much　brandy　into　the　tumbler　that　it　is　fit　to

choke　you；　and；　secondly；　the　soda…water；　being　kept　as　near　as

possible　to　the　boiler　of　the　engine；　is　of　a　fine　wholesome　heat

when　presented　to　the　hot　and　thirsty　traveller。　　Thus　he　is

prevented　from　catching　any　sudden　cold　which　might　be　dangerous　to

him。



The　forepart　of　the　vessel　is　crowded　to　the　full　as　much　as　the

genteeler　quarter。　　There　are　four　carriages；　each　with　piles　of

imperials　and　aristocratic　gimcracks　of　travel；　under　the　wheels　of

which　those　personages　have　to　clamber　who　have　a　mind　to　look　at

the　bowsprit；　and　perhaps　to　smoke　a　cigar　at　ease。　　The　carriages

overcome；　you　find　yourself　confronted　by　a　huge　penful　of　Durham

oxen；　lying　on　hay　and　surrounded　by　a　barricade　of　oars。　　Fifteen

of　these　horned　monsters　maintain　an　incessant　mooing　and

bellowing。　　Beyond　the　cows　come　a　heap　of　cotton…bags；　beyond　the

cotton…bags　more　carriages；　more　pyramids　of　travelling　trunks；　and

valets　and　couriers　bustling　and　swearing　round　about　them。　　And

already；　and　in　various　corners　and　niches；　lying　on　coils　of　rope；

black　tar…cloths；　ragged　cloaks；　or　hay；　you　see　a　score　of　those

dubious　fore…cabin　passengers；　who　are　never　shaved；　who　always

look　unhappy；　and　appear　getting　ready　to　be　sick。



At　one；　dinner　begins　in　the　after…cabinboiled　salmon；　boiled

beef；　boiled　mutton；　boiled　cabbage；　boiled　potatoes；　and　parboiled

wine　for　any　gentlemen　who　like　it；　and　two　roast…ducks　between

seventy。　　After　this；　knobs　of　cheese　are　handed　round　on　a　plate；

and　there　is　a　talk　of　a　tart　somewhere　at　some　end　of　the　table。

All　this　I　saw　peeping　through　a　sort　of　meat…safe　which　ventilates

the　top　of　the　cabin；　and　very　happy　and　hot　did　the　people　seem

below。



〃How　the　deuce　CAN　people　dine　at　such　an　hour？〃　say　several

genteel　fellows　who　are　watching　the　manoeuvres。　　〃I　can't　touch　a

morsel　before　seven。〃



But　somehow　at　half…past　three　o'clock　we　had　dropped　a　long　way

down　the　river。　　The　air　was　delightfully　fresh；　the　sky　of　a

faultless　cobalt；　the　river　shining　and　flashing　like　quicksilver；

and　at　this　period　steward　runs　against　me　bearing　two　great

smoking　dishes　covered　by　two　great　glistening　hemispheres　of　tin。

〃Fellow；〃　says　I；　〃what's　that？〃



He　lifted　up　the　cover：　it　was　ducks　and　green　pease；　by　jingo！



〃What！　haven't　they　done　YET；　the　greedy　creatures？〃　I　asked。

〃Have　the　people　been　feeding　for　three　hours？〃



〃Law　bless　you；　sir；　it's　the　second　dinner。　　Make　haste；　or　you

won't　get　a　place。〃　　At　which　words　a　genteel　party；　with　whom　I

had　been　conversing；　instantly　tumbled　down　the　hatchway；　and　I

find　myself　one　of　the　second　relay　of　seventy　who　are　attacking

the　boiled　salmon；　boiled　beef；　boiled　cabbage；　&c。　　As　for　the

ducks；　I　certainly　had　some　pease；　very　fine　yellow　stiff　pease；

that　ought　to　have　been　split　before　they　were　boiled；　but；　with

regard　to　the　ducks；　I　saw　the　animals　gobbled　up　before　my　eyes　by

an　old　widow　lady　and　her　party　just　as　I　was　shrieking　to　the

steward　to　bring　a　knife　and　fork　to　carve　them。　　The　fellow！　（I

mean　the　widow　lady's　whiskered　companion）I　saw　him　eat　pease

with　the　very　knife　with　which　he　had　dissected　the　duck！



After　dinner　（as　I　need　not　tell　the　keen　observer　of　human　nature

who　peruses　this）　the　human　mind；　if　the　body　be　in　a　decent　state；

expands　into　gayety　and　benevolence；　and　the　intellect　longs　to

measure　itself　in　friendly　converse　with　the　divers　intelligences

around　it。　　We　ascend　upon　deck；　and　after　eying　each　other　for　a

brief　space　and　with　a　friendly　modest　hesitation；　we　begin　anon　to

converse　about　the　weather　and　other　profound　and　delightful　themes

of　English　discourse。　　We　confide　to　each　other　our　respective

opinions　of　the　ladies　round　about　us。　　Look　at　that　charming

creature　in　a　pink　bonnet　and　a　dress　of　the　pattern　of　a

Kilmarnock　snuff…box：　a　stalwart　Irish　gentleman　in　a　green　coat

and　bushy　red　whiskers　is　whispering　something　very　agreeable　into

her　ear；　as　is　the　wont　of　gentlemen　of　his　nation；　for　her　dark

eyes　kindle；　her　red　lips　open　and　give　an　opportunity　to　a　dozen

beautiful　pearly　teeth　to　display　themselves；　and　glance　brightly

in　the　sun；　while　round　the　teeth　and　the　lips　a　number　of　lovely

dimples　make　their　appearance；　and　her　whole　countenance　assumes　a

look　of　perfect　health　and　happiness。　　See　her　companion　in　shot

silk　and　a　dove…colored　parasol；　in　what　a　graceful　Watteau…like

attitude　she　reclines。　　The　tall　courier　who　has　been　bouncing

about　the　deck　in　attendance　upon　these　ladies　（it　is　his　first　day

of　service；　and　he　is　eager　to　make　a　favorable　impression　on　them

and　the　lady's…maids　too）　has　just　brought　them　from　the　carriage　a

small　paper　of　sweet　cakes　（nothing　is　prettier　than　to　see　a

pretty　woman　eating　sweet　biscuits）　and　a　bottle　that　evidently

contains　Malmsey　madeira。　　How　daintily　they　sip　it；　how　happy　they

seem；　how