is shakespeare dead-第2章

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I　waited　a　week；　to　let　the　incident　fade；　waited　longer；　waited　until　he　brought　up　for　reasonings　and　vituperation　my　pet　position；　my　pet　argument；　the　one　which　I　was　fondest　of；　the　one　which　I　prized　far　above　all　others　in　my　ammunition…wagon；　to　wit：　that　Shakespeare　couldn't　have　written　Shakespeare's　works；　for　the　reason　that　the　man　who　wrote　them　was　limitlessly　familiar　with　the　laws；　and　the　law…courts；　and　law…proceedings；　and　lawyer…talk；　and　lawyer…waysand　if　Shakespeare　was　possessed　of　the　infinitely…divided　star…dust　that　constituted　this　vast　wealth；　how　did　he　get　it；　and　WHERE；　and　WHEN？

〃From　books。〃

From　books！　　That　was　always　the　idea。　　I　answered　as　my　readings　of　the　champions　of　my　side　of　the　great　controversy　had　taught　me　to　answer：　　that　a　man　can't　handle　glibly　and　easily　and　comfortably　and　successfully　the　argot　of　a　trade　at　which　he　has　not　personally　served。　　He　will　make　mistakes；　he　will　not；　and　cannot；　get　the　trade…phrasings　precisely　and　exactly　right；　and　the　moment　he　departs；　by　even　a　shade；　from　a　common　trade…form；　the　reader　who　has　served　that　trade　will　know　the　writer　HASN'T。　Ealer　would　not　be　convinced；　he　said　a　man　could　learn　how　to　correctly　handle　the　subtleties　and　mysteries　and　free…masonries　of　any　trade　by　careful　reading　and　studying。　　But　when　I　got　him　to　read　again　the　passage　from　Shakespeare　with　the　interlardings；　he　perceived；　himself；　that　books　couldn't　teach　a　student　a　bewildering　multitude　of　pilot…phrases　so　thoroughly　and　perfectly　that　he　could　talk　them　off　in　book　and　play　or　conversation　and　make　no　mistake　that　a　pilot　would　not　immediately　discover。　　It　was　a　triumph　for　me。　　He　was　silent　awhile；　and　I　knew　what　was　happening：　　he　was　losing　his　temper。　　And　I　knew　he　would　presently　close　the　session　with　the　same　old　argument　that　was　always　his　stay　and　his　support　in　time　of　need；　the　same　old　argument；　the　one　I　couldn't　answerbecause　I　dasn't：　　the　argument　that　I　was　an　ass；　and　better　shut　up。　　He　delivered　it；　and　I　obeyed。

Oh；　dear；　how　long　ago　it　washow　pathetically　long　ago！　　And　here　am　I；　old；　forsaken；　forlorn　and　alone；　arranging　to　get　that　argument　out　of　somebody　again。

When　a　man　has　a　passion　for　Shakespeare；　it　goes　without　saying　that　he　keeps　company　with　other　standard　authors。　　Ealer　always　had　several　high…class　books　in　the　pilot…house；　and　he　read　the　same　ones　over　and　over　again；　and　did　not　care　to　change　to　newer　and　fresher　ones。　　He　played　well　on　the　flute；　and　greatly　enjoyed　hearing　himself　play。　　So　did　I。　　He　had　a　notion　that　a　flute　would　keep　its　health　better　if　you　took　it　apart　when　it　was　not　standing　a　watch；　and　so；　when　it　was　not　on　duty　it　took　its　rest；　disjointed；　on　the　compass…shelf　under　the　breast…board。　　When　the　Pennsylvania　blew　up　and　became　a　drifting　rack…heap　freighted　with　wounded　and　dying　poor　souls　（my　young　brother　Henry　among　them）；　pilot　Brown　had　the　watch　below；　and　was　probably　asleep　and　never　knew　what　killed　him；　but　Ealer　escaped　unhurt。　　He　and　his　pilot…　house　were　shot　up　into　the　air；　then　they　fell；　and　Ealer　sank　through　the　ragged　cavern　where　the　hurricane　deck　and　the　boiler　deck　had　been；　and　landed　in　a　nest　of　ruins　on　the　main　deck；　on　top　of　one　of　the　unexploded　boilers；　where　he　lay　prone　in　a　fog　of　scalding　and　deadly　steam。　　But　not　for　long。　　He　did　not　lose　his　head：　　long　familiarity　with　danger　had　taught　him　to　keep　it；　in　any　and　all　emergencies。　　He　held　his　coat…lappels　to　his　nose　with　one　hand；　to　keep　out　the　steam；　and　scrabbled　around　with　the　other　till　he　found　the　joints　of　his　flute；　then　he　is　took　measures　to　save　himself　alive；　and　was　successful。　　I　was　not　on　board。　　I　had　been　put　ashore　in　New　Orleans　by　Captain　Klinefelter。　　The　reasonhowever；　I　have　told　all　about　it　in　the　book　called　Old　Times　on　the　Mississippi；　and　it　isn't　important　anyway；　it　is　so　long　ago。



CHAPTER　II



When　I　was　a　Sunday…school　scholar　something　more　than　sixty　years　ago；　I　became　interested　in　Satan；　and　wanted　to　find　out　all　I　could　about　him。　　I　began　to　ask　questions；　but　my　class…teacher；　Mr。　Barclay　the　stone…mason；　was　reluctant　about　answering　them；　it　seemed　to　me。　　I　was　anxious　to　be　praised　for　turning　my　thoughts　to　serious　subjects　when　there　wasn't　another　boy　in　the　village　who　could　be　hired　to　do　such　a　thing。　　I　was　greatly　interested　in　the　incident　of　Eve　and　the　serpent；　and　thought　Eve's　calmness　was　perfectly　noble。　　I　asked　Mr。　Barclay　if　he　had　ever　heard　of　another　woman　who；　being　approached　by　a　serpent；　would　not　excuse　herself　and　break　for　the　nearest　timber。　　He　did　not　answer　my　question；　but　rebuked　me　for　inquiring　into　matters　above　my　age　and　comprehension。　　I　will　say　for　Mr。　Barclay　that　he　was　willing　to　tell　me　the　facts　of　Satan's　history；　but　he　stopped　there：　　he　wouldn't　allow　any　discussion　of　them。

In　the　course　of　time　we　exhausted　the　facts。　　There　were　only　five　or　six　of　them；　you　could　set　them　all　down　on　a　visiting…card。　　I　was　disappointed。　　I　had　been　meditating　a　biography；　and　was　grieved　to　find　that　there　were　no　materials。　　I　said　as　much；　with　the　tears　running　down。　　Mr。　Barclay's　sympathy　and　compassion　were　aroused；　for　he　was　a　most　kind　and　gentle…spirited　man；　and　he　patted　me　on　the　head　and　cheered　me　up　by　saying　there　was　a　whole　vast　ocean　of　materials！　　I　can　still　feel　the　happy　thrill　which　these　blessed　words　shot　through　me。

Then　he　began　to　bail　out　that　ocean's　riches　for　my　encouragement　and　joy。　　Like　this：　　it　was　〃conjectured〃though　not　established…　…that　Satan　was　originally　an　angel　in　heaven；　that　he　fell；　that　he　rebelled；　and　brought　on　a　war；　that　he　was　defeated；　and　banished　to　perdition。　　Also；　〃we　have　reason　to　believe〃　that　later　he　did　so…and…so；　that　〃we　are　warranted　in　supposing〃　that　at　a　subsequent　time　he　travelled　extensively；　seeking　whom　he　might　devour；　that　a　couple　of　centuries　afterward；　〃as　tradition　instructs　us；〃　he　took　up　the　cruel　trade　of　tempting　people　to　their　ruin；　with　vast　and　fearful　results；　that　by…and…by；　〃as　the　probabilities　seem　to　indicate；〃　he　may　have　done　certain　things；　he　might　have　done　certain　other　things；　he　must　have　done　still　other　things。

And　so　on　and　so　on。　　We　set　down　the　five　known　facts　by　themselves；　on　a　piece　of　paper；　and　numbered　it　〃page　1〃；　then　on　fifteen　hundred　other　pieces　of　paper　we　set　down　the　〃conjectures；〃　and　〃suppositions；〃　and　〃maybes；〃　and　〃perhapses；〃　and　〃doubtlesses；〃　and　〃rumors；〃　and　〃guesses；〃　and　〃probabilities；〃　and　〃likelihoods；〃　and　〃we　are　permitted　to　thinks；〃　and　〃we　are　warranted　in　believings；〃　and　〃might　have　beens；〃　and　〃could　have　beens；〃　and　〃must　have　beens；〃　and　〃unquestionablys；〃　and　〃without　a　shadow　of　doubts〃and　behold！

MATERIALS？　　Why；　we　had　enough　to　build　a　biography　of　Shakespeare！

Yet　he　made　me　put　away　my　pen；　he　would　not　let　me　write　the　history　of　Satan。　　Why？　　Because；　as　he　said；　he　had　suspicions；　suspicions　that　my　attitude　in　this　matter　was　not　reverent；　and　that　a　person　must　be　reverent　when　writing　about　the　sacred　characters。　　He　said　any　one　who　spoke　flippantly　of　Satan　would　be　frowned　upon　by　the　religious　world　and　also　be　brought　to　account。

I　assured　him；　in　earnest　and　sincere　words；　that　he　had　wholly　misconceived　my　attitude；　that　I　had　the　highest　respect　for　Satan；　and　that　my　reverence　for　him　equalled；　and　possibly　even　exceeded；　that　of　any　member　of　any　church。　　I　said　it　wounded　me　deeply　to　perceive　by　his　words　that　he　thought　I　would　make　fun　of　Satan；　and　deride　him；　laugh　at　him；　scoff　at　him：　　whereas　in　truth　I　had　never　thought　of　such　a　thing；　but　had　only　a　warm　desire　to　make　fun　of　those　others　and　laugh　at　THEM。　　〃What　others？〃　　〃Why；　the　Supposers；　the　Perhapsers；　the　Might…Have…Beeners；　the　Could…Have…　Beeners；　the　Must…Have…Beeners；　the　Without…a…Shadow…of…Doubters；　the　We…are…Warranted…in…Believingers；　and　all　that　funny　crop　of　solemn　architects　who　have　taken　a　good　solid　foundation　of　five　indisputable　and　unimportant　facts　and　built　upon　it　a　Conjectural　Satan　thirty　miles　high。〃

What　did　Mr。　Barclay　do　then？　　Was　he　disarmed？　　Was　he　silenced？　No。　　He　was　shocked。　　He　was　so　shocked　that　he　visibly　shuddered。　He　said　the　Satanic　Traditioners　and　Perhapsers　and　Conjecturers　were　THEMSELVES　sacred！　　As　sacred　as　their　work。　　So　sacred　that　whoso　ventured　to　mock　them　or　make　fun　of　their　work；　could　not　afterward　enter　any　respectable　house；　even　by　the　back　door。

How　true　were　his　words；　and　how　wise！　　How　fortunate　it　would　have　been　for　me　if　I　had　heeded　them。　　But　I　was　young；　I　was　but　seven　years　of　age；　and　vain；　foolish；　and　anxious　to　attract　attention。　I　wrote　the　biography；　and　have　never　been　in　a　respectable　house　since。



CHAPTER　III



How　curious　and　interesting　is　the　parallelas　far　as　poverty　of　biographical　details　is　concernedbetween　Satan　and　Shakespeare。　It　is　wonderful；　it　is　unique；　it　stands　quite　alone；　there　is　nothing　resembling　it　in　history；　nothing　resembling　it　in　romance；　nothing　approaching　it　even　in　tradition。　　How　sublime　is　their　position；　and　how　over…topping；　how　sky…reaching；　how　supremethe　two　Great　Unknowns；　the　two　Illustrious　Conjecturabilities！　　They　are　the　best…known　unknown　persons　that　have　ever　drawn　breath　upon　the　planet。

For　the　instruction　of　the　ignorant　I　will　make　a　list；　now；　of　those　details　of　Shakespeare's　history　which　are　FACTSverified　facts；　established　facts；　undisputed　facts。


FACTS


He　was　born　on　the　23d　of　April；　1564。

Of　good　farmer…class　parents　who　could　not　read；　could　not　write；　could　not　sign　their　names。

At　Stratford；　a　small　back　settlement　which　in　that　day　was　shabby　and　unclean；　and　densely　illiterate。　　Of　the　nineteen　important　men　charged　with　the　government　of　the　town；　thirteen　had　to　〃make　their　mark〃　in　attesting　important　documents；　because　they　could　not　write　their　names。

Of　the　first　eighteen　years　of　his　life　NOTHING　is　known。　　They　are　a　blank。

On　the　27th　of　November　（1582）　William　Shakespeare　took　out　a　license　to　marry　Anne　Whateley。

Next　day　William　Shakespeare　took　out　a　license　to　marry　Anne　Hathaway。　　She　was　eight　years　his　senior。

William　Shakespeare　married　Anne　Hathaway。　　In　a　hurry。　　By　grace　of　a　reluctantly…granted　dispensation　there　was　but　one　publication　of　the　banns。

Within　six　months　the　first　child　was　born。

About　two　（blank）　years　followed；　during　which　period　NOTHING　AT　ALL　HAPPENED　TO　SHAKESPEARE；　so　far　as　anybody　knows。

Then　came　twins1585。　　February。

Two　blank　years　follow。

Then1587he　makes　a　ten…year　visit　to　London；　leaving　the　family　behind。

Five　blank　years　follow。　　During　this　period　NOTHING　HAPPENED　TO　HIM；　as　far　as　anybody　actually　knows。

Then1592there　is　mention　of　him　as　an　actor。

Next　year1593his　name　appears　in　the　official　list　of　players。

Next　year1594he　played　before　the　queen。　　A　detail　of　no　consequence：　　other　obscurities　did　it　every　year　of　the　forty…five　of　her　reign。　　And　remained　obscure。

Three　pretty　full　years　follow。　　Full　of　play…acting。　　Then

In　1597　he　bought　New　Place；　Stratford。

Thirteen　or　fourteen　busy　years　follow；　years　in　which　he　ac