silas marner(织工马南)-第29章
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One’s thoughts may be much occupied with love…struggles； but
hardly so as to be insensible to a disorder in the general
framework of things。 Nancy had no sooner completed her duty in
the figure they were dancing than she said to Godfrey； with a deep
blush； that she must go and sit down till Priscilla could come to
her； for the sisters had already exchanged a short whisper and an
open…eyed glance full of meaning。 No reason less urgent than this
could have prevailed on Nancy to give Godfrey this opportunity of
sitting apart with her。 As for Godfrey； he was feeling so happy and
oblivious under the long charm of the country…dance with Nancy；
that he got rather bold on the strength of her confusion； and was
capable of leading her straight away； without leave asked； into the
adjoining small parlour； where the card…tables were set。
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“Oh no； thank you；” said Nancy； coldly； as soon as she
perceived where he was going； “not in there。 I’ll wait here till
Priscilla’s ready to come to me。 I’m sorry to bring you out of the
dance and make myself troublesome。”
“Why； you’ll be more comfortable here by yourself；” said the
artful Godfrey。 “I’ll leave you here till your sister can come。” He
spoke in an indifferent tone。
That was an agreeable proposition； and just what Nancy
desired； why； then； was she a little hurt that Mr。 Godfrey should
make it？ They entered； and she seated herself on a chair against
one of the card…tables； as the stiffest and most unapproachable
position she could choose。
“Thank you； sir；” she said immediately。 “I needn’t give you any
more trouble。 I’m sorry you’ve had such an unlucky partner。”
“That’s very ill…natured of you；” said Godfrey； standing by her
without any sign of intended departure； “to be sorry you’ve
danced with me。”
“Oh no； sir； I don’t mean to say what’s ill…natured at all；” said
Nancy； looking distractingly prim and pretty。 “When gentlemen
have so many pleasures； one dance can matter but very little。”
“You know that isn’t true。 You know one dance with you
matters more to me than all the other pleasures in the world。”
It was a long； long while since Godfrey had said anything so
direct as that； and Nancy was startled。 But her instinctive dignity
and repugnance to any show of emotion made her sit perfectly
still； and only throw a little more decision into her voice； as she
said—“No； indeed； Mr。 Godfrey； that’s not known to me； and I
have very good reasons for thinking different。 But if it’s true； I
don’t wish to hear it。”
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“Would you never forgive me； then； Nancy—never think well of
me； let what would happen—would you never think the present
made amends for the past？ Not if I turned a good fellow； and gave
up everything you didn’t like？”
Godfrey was half conscious that this sudden opportunity of
speaking to Nancy alone had driven him beside himself； but blind
feeling had got the mastery of his tongue。 Nancy really felt much
agitated by the possibility Godfrey’s words suggested； but this very
pressure of emotion that she was in danger of finding too strong
for her roused all her power of self…command。
“I should be glad to see a good change in anybody； Mr。
Godfrey；” she answered； with the slightest discernible difference
of tone； “but it ’ud be better if no change was wanted。”
“You’re very hard…hearted； Nancy；” said Godfrey； pettishly。
“You might encourage me to be a better fellow。 I’m very
miserable—but you’ve no feeling。”
“I think those have the least feeling that act wrong to begin
with；” said Nancy； sending out a flash in spite of herself。 Godfrey
was delighted with that little flash； and would have liked to go on
and make her quarrel with him； Nancy was so exasperatingly
quiet and firm。 But she was not indifferent to him yet。
The entrance of Priscilla； bustling forward and saying； “Dear
heart alive； child； let us look at this gown；” cut off Godfrey’s hopes
of a quarrel。
“I suppose I must go now；” he said to Priscilla。
“It’s no matter to me whether you go or stay；” said that frank
lady； searching for something in her pocket； with a preoccupied
brow。
“Do you want me to go？” said Godfrey； looking at Nancy； who
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was now standing up by Priscilla’s order。
“As you like；” said Nancy； trying to recover all her former
coldness； and looking down carefully at the hem of her gown。
“Then I like to stay；” said Godfrey； with a reckless
determination to get as much of this joy as he could tonight； and
think nothing of the morrow。
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Chapter 12
hile Godfrey Cass was taking draughts of forgetfulness
Wfrom the sweet presence of Nancy； willingly losing all
sense of that hidden bond which at other moments
galled and fretted him so as to mingle irritation with the very
sunshine； Godfrey’s wife was walking with slow uncertain steps
through the snow…covered Raveloe lanes； carrying her child in her
arms。
This journey on New Year’s Eve was a premeditated act of
vengeance which she had kept in her heart ever since Godfrey； in
a fit of passion； had told her he would sooner die than
acknowledge her as his wife。 There would be a great party at the
Red House on New Year’s Eve； she knew： her husband would be
smiling and smiled upon； hiding her existence in the darkest
corner of his heart。 But she would mar his pleasure： she would go
in her dingy rags； with her faded face； once as handsome as the
best； with her little child that had its father’s hair and eyes； and
disclose herself to the Squire as his eldest son’s wife。 It is seldom
that the miserable can help regarding their misery as a wrong
inflicted by those who are less miserable。 Molly knew that the
cause of her dingy rags was not her husband’s neglect； but the
demon Opium to whom she was enslaved； body and soul； except in
the lingering mother’s tenderness that refused to give him her
hungry child。 She knew this well； and yet； in the moments of
wretched unbenumbed consciousness； the sense of her want and
degradation transformed itself continually into bitterness towards
Godfrey。 He was well off； and if she had her rights she would be
well off too。 The belief that he repented his marriage； and suffered
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from it； only aggravated her vindictiveness。 Just and self…
reproving thoughts do not come to us too thickly； even in the
purest air and with the best lessons of heaven and earth； how
should those white…winged delicate messengers make their way to
Molly’s poisoned chamber； inhabited by no higher memories than
those of a barmaid’s paradise of pink ribbons and gentlemen’s
jokes？
She had set out at an early hour； but had lingered on the road；
inclined by her indolence to believe that if she waited under a
warm shed the snow would cease to fall。 She had waited longer
than she knew； and now that she found herself belated in the
snow…hidden ruggedness of the long lanes； even the animation of a
vindictive purpose could not keep her spirit from failing。 It was
seven o’clock； and by this time she was not very far from Raveloe；
but she was not familiar enough with those monotonous lanes to
know how near she was to her journey’s end。 She needed comfort；
and she knew but one comforter—the familiar demon in her
bosom； but she hesitated a moment； after drawing out the black
remnant； before she raised it to her lips。 In that moment the
mother’s love pleaded for painful consciousness rather than
oblivion—pleaded to be left in aching weariness rather than to
have the encircling arms benumbed so that they could not feel the
dear burden。 In another moment Molly had flung something away；
but it was not the black remnant—it was an empty phial。 And she
walked on again under the breaking cloud； from which there came
now and then the light of a quickly veiled star； for a freezing wind
had sprung up since the snowing had ceased。 But she walked
always more and more drowsily； and clutched more and more
automatically the sleeping child at her bosom。
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Slowly the demon was working his will； and cold and weariness
were his helpers。 Soon she felt nothing but a supreme immediate
longing that curtained off all futurity—the longi
