白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第7章

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　　〃I'm　not　preparing　anything　major；　so　just　call　beforehand　and　tell　me　if　something　else　came　up。　You　don't　even　have　to　call。　If　you　don't　show　up；　I'll　know　that　something　came　up　and　you　couldn't　let　me　know。〃
　　〃Murray；　we'll　be　there。〃
　　〃Bring　the　kids。〃
　　〃No。〃
　　〃Great。　But　if　you　decide　to　bring　them；　no　problem。　I　don't　want　you　to　feel　I'm　holding　you　to　something。　Don't　feel　you've　made　an　ironclad　mitment。　You'll　show　up　or　you　won't。　I　have　to　eat　anyway；　so　there's　no　major　catastrophe　if　something　es　up　and　you　have　to　cancel。　I　just　want　you　to　know　I'll　be　there　if　you　decide　to　drop　by；　with　or　without　kids。　We　have　till　next　May　or　June　to　do　this　thing　so　there's　no　special　mystique　about　a　week　from　Saturday。〃
　　〃Are　you　ing　back　next　semester？〃　I　said。
　　'They　want　me　to　teach　a　course　in　the　cinema　of　car　crashes。〃
　　〃Do　it。〃
　　〃I　will。〃
　　I　rubbed　against　Babette　in　the　checkout　line。　She　backed　into　me　and　I　reached　around　her　and　put　my　hands　on　her　breasts。　She　rotated　her　hips　and　I　nuzzled　her　hair　and　murmured；　〃Dirty　blond。〃　People　wrote　checks；　tall　boys　bagged　the　merchandise。　Not　everyone　spoke　English　at　the　cash　terminals；　or　near　the　fruit　bins　and　frozen　foods；　or　out　among　the　cars　in　the　lot。　More　and　more　I　heard　languages　I　could　not　identify　much　less　understand；　although　the　tall　boys　were　American…born　and　the　checkout　women　as　well；　short；　fattish　in　blue　tunics；　wearing　stretch　slacks　and　tiny　white　espadrilles。　I　tried　to　fit　my　hands　into　Babette's　skirt；　over　her　belly；　as　the　slowly　moving　line　edged　toward　the　last　purchase　point；　the　breath　mints　and　nasal　inhalers。
　　It　was　out　in　the　parking　lot　that　we　heard　the　first　of　the　rumors　about　a　man　dying　during　the　inspection　of　the　grade　school；　one　of　the　masked　and　Mylex…suited　men；　heavy…booted　and　bulky。　Collapsed　and　died；　went　the　story　that　was　going　around；　in　a　classroom　on　the　second　floor。
　　10
　　Tuition　at　the　College…on…the…Hill　is　fourteen　thousand　dollars；　Sunday　brunch　included。　I　sense　there　is　a　connection　between　this　powerful　number　and　the　way　the　students　arrange　themselves　physically　in　the　reading　areas　of　the　library。　They　sit　on　broad　cushioned　seats　in　various　kinds　of　ungainly　posture；　clearly　calculated　to　be　the　identifying　signs　of　some　kinship　group　or　secret　organization。　They　are　fetal；　splayed；　knock…kneed；　arched；　square…knotted；　sometimes　almost　upside…down。　The　positions　are　so　studied　they　amount　to　a　classical　mime。　There　is　an　element　of　overrefinement　and　inbreeding。　Sometimes　I　feel　I've　wandered　into　a　Far　Eastern　dream；　too　remote　to　be　interpreted。　But　it　is　only　the　language　of　economic　class　they　are　speaking；　in　one　of　its　allowable　outward　forms；　like　the　convocation　of　station　wagons　at　the　start　of　the　year。
　　Denise　watched　her　mother　pull　the　little　cellophane　ribbon　on　a　bonus　pack　of　sixteen　individually　wrapped　units　of　chewing　gum。　Her　eyes　narrowed　as　she　turned　back　to　the　address　books　on　the　kitchen　table　before　her。　The　eleven…year…old　face　was　an　expert　mask　of　restrained　exasperation。
　　She　waited　a　long　moment；　then　said　evenly；　〃That　stuff　causes　cancer　in　laboratory　animals　in　case　you　didn't　know。〃
　　〃You　wanted　me　to　chew　sugarless　gum；　Denise。　It　was　your　idea。〃
　　〃There　was　no　warning　on　the　pack　then。　They　put　a　warning；　which　I　would　have　a　hard　time　believing　you　didn't　see。〃
　　She　was　transcribing　names　and　phone　numbers　from　an　old　book　to　a　new　one。　There　were　no　addresses。　Her　friends　had　phone　numbers　only；　a　race　of　people　with　a　seven…bit　analog　consciousness。
　　〃I'm　happy　to　do　it　either　way；〃　Babette　said。　〃It's　totally　up　to　you。　Either　I　chew　gum　with　sugar　and　artificial　coloring　or　I　chew　sugarless　and　colorless　gum　that's　harmful　to　rats。〃
　　Steffie　got　off　the　phone。　〃Don't　chew　at　all；〃　she　said。　〃Did　you　ever　think　of　that？〃
　　Babette　was　breaking　eggs　into　a　wooden　salad　bowl。　She　gave　me　a　look　that　wondered　how　the　girl　could　talk　on　the　phone　and　listen　to　us　at　the　same　time。　I　wanted　to　say　because　she　finds　us　interesting。
　　Babette　said　to　the　girls；　〃Look；　either　I　chew　gum　or　I　smoke。　If　you　want　me　to　start　smoking　again；　take　away　my　chewing　gum　and　my　Mentho…Lyptus。〃
　　〃Why　do　you　have　to　do　one　or　the　other？〃　Steffie　said。　〃Why　not　do　neither　one？〃
　　〃Why　not　do　both？〃　Denise　said；　the　face　carefully　emptying　itself　of　expression。　〃That's　what　you　want；　isn't　it？　We　all　get　to　do　what　we　want；　don't　we？　Except　if　we　want　to　go　to　school　tomorrow　we　can't　because　they're　fumigating　the　place　or　whatever。〃
　　The　phone　rang；　Steffie　grabbed　it。
　　〃I'm　not　a　criminal；〃　Babette　said。　〃All　I　want　to　do　is　chew　a　pathetic　little　tasteless　chunk　of　gum　now　and　then。〃
　　〃Well　it's　not　that　simple；〃　Denise　said。
　　〃It's　not　a　crime　either。　I　chew　about　two　of　those　little　chunks　a　day。〃
　　〃Well　you　can't　anymore。〃
　　〃Well　I　can；　Denise。　I　want　to。　Chewing　happens　to　relax　me。　You're　making　a　fuss　over　nothing。〃
　　Steffie　managed　to　get　our　attention　by　the　sheer　pleading　force　of　the　look　on　her　face。　Her　hand　was　over　the　mouthpiece　of　the　phone。　She　did　not　speak　but　only　formed　the　words。
　　The　Stovers　want　to　e　over。
　　〃Parents　or　children？〃　Babette　said。
　　My　daughter　shrugged。
　　〃We　don't　want　them；〃　Babette　said。
　　〃Keep　them　out；〃　Denise　said。
　　What　do　I　say？
　　〃Say　anything　you　want。〃
　　〃Just　keep　them　out　of　here。〃
　　〃They're　boring。〃
　　〃Tell　them　to　stay　home。〃
　　Steffie　retreated　with　the　phone；　appearing　to　shield　it　with　her　body；　her　eyes　full　of　fear　and　excitement。
　　〃A　little　gum　can't　possibly　hurt；〃　Babette　said。
　　〃I　guess　you're　right。　Never　mind。　Just　a　warning　on　the　pack。〃
　　Steffie　hung　up。　〃Just　hazardous　to　your　health；〃　she　said。
　　〃Just　rats；〃　Denise　said。　〃I　guess　you're　right。　Never　mind。〃
　　〃Maybe　she　thinks　they　died　in　their　sleep。〃
　　〃Just　useless　rodents；　so　what's　the　difference？〃
　　〃What's　the　difference；　what's　the　fuss？〃　Steffie　said。
　　〃Plus　I'd　like　to　believe　she　chews　only　two　pieces　a　day；　the　way　she　forgets　things。〃
　　〃What　do　I　forget？〃　Babette　said。
　　〃It's　all　right；〃　Denise　said。　〃Never　mind。〃
　　〃What　do　I　forget？〃
　　〃Go　ahead　and　chew。　Never　mind　the　warning。　I　don't　care。〃
　　I　scooped　Wilder　off　a　chair　and　gave　him　a　noisy　kiss　on　the　ear　and　he　shrank　away　in　delight。　Then　I　put　him　on　the　counter　and　went　upstairs　to　find　Heinrich。　He　was　in　his　room　studying　the　deployment　of　plastic　chessmen。
　　〃Still　playing　with　the　fellow　in　prison？　How's　it　going？〃
　　〃Pretty　good。　I　think　I　got　him　cornered。〃
　　〃What　do　you　know　about　this　fellow？　I've　been　meaning　to　ask。〃
　　〃Like　who　did　he　kill？　That's　the　big　thing　today。　Concern　for　the　victim。〃
　　〃You've　been　playing　chess　with　the　man　for　months。　What　do　you　know　about　him　except　that　he's　in　jail　for　life；　for　murder？　Is　he　young；　old；　black；　white？　Do　you　municate　at　all　except　for　chess　moves？〃
　　〃We　send　notes　sometimes。〃
　　〃Who　did　he　kill？〃
　　〃He　was　under　pressure。〃
　　〃And　what　happened？〃
　　〃It　kept　building　and　building。〃
　　〃So　he　went　out　and　shot　someone。　Who　did　he　shoot？〃
　　〃Some　people　in　Iron　City。〃
　　〃How　many？〃
　　〃Five。〃
　　〃Five　people。〃
　　〃Not　counting　the　state　trooper；　which　was　later。〃
　　〃Six　people。　Did　he　care　for　his　weapons　obsessively？　Did　he　have　an　arsenal　stashed　in　his　shabby　little　room　off　a　six…story　concrete　car　park？〃
　　〃Some　handguns　and　a　bolt…action　rifle　with　a　scope。〃
　　〃A　telescopic　sight。　Did　he　fire　from　a　highway　overpass；　a　rented　room？　Did　he　walk　into　a　bar；　a　washette；　his　former　place　of　employment　and　start　firing　indiscriminately？　People　scattering；　taking　cover　under　tables。　People　out　on　the　street　thinking　they　heard　firecrackers。　'I　was　just　waiting　for　the　bus　when　I　heard　this　little　popping　noise　like　firecrackers　going　off。'〃
　　〃He　went　up　to　a　roof。〃
　　〃A　rooftop　sniper。　Did　he　write　in　his　diary　before　he　went　up　to　the　roof？　Did　he　make　tapes　of　his　voice；　go　to　the　movies；　read　books　about　other　mass　murderers　to　refresh　his　memory？〃
　　〃Made　tapes。〃
　　〃Made　tapes。　What　did　he　do　with　them？〃
　　〃Sent　them　to　people　he　loved；　asking　for　forgiveness。〃
　　〃'I　can't　help　myself；　folks。'　Were　the　victims　total　strangers？　Was　it　a　grudge　killing？　Did　he　get　fired　from　his　job？　Had　he　been　hearing　voices？〃
　　'Total　strangers。〃
　　〃Had　he　been　hearing　voices？〃
　　〃On　TV。〃
　　〃Talking　just　to　him？　Singling　him　out？〃
　　〃Telling　him　to　go　down　in　history。　He　was　twenty…seven；　out　of　work；　divorced；　with　his　car　up　on　blocks。　Time　was　running　out　on　him。〃
　　〃Insistent　pressuring　voices。　How　did　he　deal　with　the　media？　Give　lots　of　interviews；　write　letters　to　the　editor　of　the　local　paper；　try　to　make　a　book　deal？〃
　　〃There　is　no　media　in　Iron　City。　He　didn't　think　of　that　till　it　was　too　late。　He　says　if　he　had　to　do　it　all　over　again；　he　wouldn't　do　it　as　an　ordinary　murder；　he　would　do　it　as　an　assassination。〃
　　〃He　would　select　more　carefully；　kill　one　famous　person；　get　noticed；　make　it　stick。〃
　　〃He　now　knows　he　won't　go　down　in　history。〃
　　〃Neither　will　I。〃
　　〃But　you've　got　Hitler。〃
　　〃Yes；　I　have；　haven't　I？〃
　　〃What's　Tommy　Roy　Foster　got？〃
　　〃All　right；　he's　told　you　all　these　things　in　the　letters　he　sends。　What　do　you　say　when　you　respond？〃
　　〃I'm　losing　my　hair。〃
　　I　looked　at　him。　He　wore　a　warmup　suit；　a　towel　around　his　neck；　sweatbands　on　both　wrists。
　　〃You　know　what　your　mother　would　say　about　this　chess　by　mail　relationship。〃
　　〃I　know　what　you　would　say。　You're　saying　it。〃
　　〃How　is　your　mother？　Hear　from　her　lately？〃
　　〃She　wants　me　to　go　out　to　the　ashram　this　summer。〃
　　〃Do　you　want　to　go？〃
　　〃Who　knows　what　I　want　to　do？　Who　knows　what　anyone　wants　to　do？　How　can　you　be　sure　about　something　like　that？　Isn't　it　all　a　question　of　brain　chemistry；　signals　going　back　and　forth；　electrical　energy　in　the　cortex？　How　do　you　know　whether　something　is　really　what　you　want　to　do　or　just　some　kind　of　nerve　impulse　in　the　brain？　Some　minor　little　activity　takes　place　somewhere　in　this　unimportant　place　in　one　of　the　brain　hemispheres　and　suddenly　I　want　to　go　to　Montana　or　I　don't　want　to　go　to　Montana。　How　do　I　know　I　really　want　to　go　and　it　isn't　just　some　neurons　firing　or　something？　Maybe　it's　just　an　accidental　flash　in　the　medulla　and　suddenly　there　I　am　in　Montana　and　I　find　out　I　really　didn't　want　to　go　there　in　the　first　place。　I　can't　control　what　happens　in　my　brain；　so　how　can　I　be　sure　what　I　want　to　do　ten　seconds　from　now；　much　less　Montana　next　summer？　It's　all　this　activity　in　the　brain　and　you　don't　know　what's　you　as　a　person　and　what's　some　neuron　that　just　happens　to　fire　or　just　happens　to　misfire。　Isn't　that　why　Tommy　Roy　killed　those　people？〃
　　In　the　morning　I　walked　to　the　bank。　I　went　to　the　automated　teller　machine　to　check　my　balance。　I　inserted　my　card；　entered　my　secret　code；　tapped　out　my　request。　The　figure　on　the　screen　roughly　corresponded　to　my　independent　estimate；　feebly　arrived　at　after　long　searches　through　documents；　tormented　arithmetic。　Waves