the angel and the author-第12章

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change　for　a　twenty…franc　note；　after　deducting　the　price　of　a　cup　of　
coffee。　　He　put　it　down　with　the　air　of　one　subscribing　to　a　charity。　　
We　looked　at　one　another。　　I　suppose　I　must　have　conveyed　to　him　the　
impression　of　being　discontented。　　He　drew　a　purse　from　his　pocket。　　
The　action　suggested　that；　for　the　purpose　of　satisfying　my　
inordinate　demands；　he　would　be　compelled　to　draw　upon　his　private　
resources；　but　it　did　not　move　me。　　Abstracting　reluctantly　a　fifty…
centime　piece；　he　added　it　to　the　heap　upon　the　table。

I　suggested　his　taking　a　seat；　as　at　this　rate　it　seemed　likely　we　
should　be　doing　business　together　for　some　time。　　I　think　he　gathered　
I　was　not　a　fool。　　Hitherto　he　had　been　judging；　I　suppose；　purely　
from　appearances。　　But　he　was　not　in　the　least　offended。

〃Ah！〃　he　cried；　with　a　cheery　laugh；　〃Monsieur　comprend！〃　　He　swept　
the　whole　nonsense　back　into　his　bag　and　gave　me　the　right　change。　　I　
slipped　my　arm　through　his　and　insisted　upon　the　pleasure　of　his　
society；　until　I　had　examined　each　and　every　coin。　　He　went　away　
chuckling；　and　told　another　waiter　all　about　it。　　They　both　of　them　
bowed　to　me　as　I　went　out；　and　wished　me　a　pleasant　journey。　　I　left　
them　still　chuckling。　　A　British　waiter　would　have　been　sulky　all　the　
afternoon。

The　waiter　who　insists　upon　mistaking　you　for　the　heir　of　all　the　
Rothschilds　used　to　cost　me　dear　when　I　was　younger。　　I　find　the　best　
plan　is　to　take　him　in　hand　at　the　beginning　and　disillusion　him；　
sweep　aside　his　talk　of　'84　Perrier　Jouet；　followed　by　a　'79　Chateau　
Lafite；　and　ask　him；　as　man　to　man；　if　he　can　conscientiously　
recommend　the　Saint　Julien　at　two…and…six。　　After　that　he　settles　
down　to　his　work　and　talks　sense。

The　fatherly　waiter　is　sometimes　a　comfort。　　You　feel　that　he　knows　
best。　　Your　instinct　is　to　address　him　as　〃Uncle。〃　　But　you　remember　
yourself　in　time。　　When　you　are　dining　a　lady；　however；　and　wish　to　
appear　important；　he　is　apt　to　be　in　the　way。　　It　seems；　somehow；　to　
be　his　dinner。　　You　have　a　sense　almost　of　being　de　trop。

The　greatest　insult　you　can　offer　a　waiter　is　to　mistake　him　for　your　
waiter。　　You　think　he　is　your　waiterthere　is　the　bald　head；　the　
black　side…whiskers；　the　Roman　nose。　　But　your　waiter　had　blue　eyes；　
this　man　soft　hazel。　　You　had　forgotten　to　notice　the　eyes。　　You　bar　
his　progress　and　ask　him　for　the　red　pepper。　　The　haughty　contempt　
with　which　he　regards　you　is　painful　to　bear。　　It　is　as　if　you　had　
insulted　a　lady。　　He　appears　to　be　saying　the　same　thing：

〃I　think　you　have　made　a　mistake。　　You　are　possibly　confusing　me　with　
somebody　else；　I　have　not　the　honour　of　your　acquaintance。〃

＇How　to　insult　him。＇

I　do　not　wish　it　to　be　understood　that　I　am　in　the　habit　of　insulting　
ladies；　but　occasionally　I　have　made　an　innocent　mistake；　and　have　
met　with　some　such　response。　　The　wrong　waiter　conveys　to　me　
precisely　the　same　feeling　of　humiliation。

〃I　will　send　your　waiter　to　you；〃　he　answers。　　His　tone　implies　that　
there　are　waiters　and　waiters；　some　may　not　mind　what　class　of　person　
they　serve：　　others；　though　poor；　have　their　self…respect。　　It　is　
clear　to　you　now　why　your　waiter　is　keeping　away　from　you；　the　man　is　
ashamed　of　being　your　waiter。　　He　is　watching；　probably；　for　an　
opportunity　to　approach　you　when　nobody　is　looking。　　The　other　waiter　
finds　him　for　you。　　He　was　hiding　behind　a　screen。

〃Table　forty…two　wants　you；〃　the　other　tells　him。　　The　tone　of　voice　
adds：

〃If　you　like　to　encourage　this　class　of　customer　that　is　your　
business；　but　don't　ask　me　to　have　anything　to　do　with　him。〃

Even　the　waiter　has　his　feelings。



CHAPTER　XI



＇The　everlasting　Newness　of　Woman。＇

An　Oriental　visitor　was　returning　from　our　shores　to　his　native　land。

〃Well；〃　asked　the　youthful　diplomatist　who　had　been　told　off　to　show　
him　round；　as　on　the　deck　of　the　steamer　they　shook　hands；　〃what　do　
you　now　think　of　England？〃

〃Too　much　woman；〃　answered　the　grave　Orientalist；　and　descended　to　
his　cabin。

The　young　diplomatist　returned　to　the　shore　thoughtful；　and　later　in　
the　day　a　few　of　us　discussed　the　matter　in　a　far…off；　dimly…lighted　
corner　of　the　club　smoking…room。

Has　the　pendulum　swung　too　far　the　other　way？　　Could　there　be　truth　
in　our　Oriental　friend's　terse　commentary？　　The　eternal　feminine！　　
The　Western　world　has　been　handed　over　to　her。　　The　stranger　from　
Mars　or　Jupiter　would　describe　us　as　a　hive　of　women；　the　sober…clad　
male　being　retained　apparently　on　condition　of　its　doing　all　the　hard　
work　and　making　itself　generally　useful。　　Formerly　it　was　the　man　who　
wore　the　fine　clothes　who　went　to　the　shows。　　To…day　it　is　the　woman　
gorgeously　clad　for　whom　the　shows　are　organized。　　The　man　dressed　in　
a　serviceable　and　unostentatious；　not　to　say　depressing；　suit　of　
black　accompanies　her　for　the　purpose　of　carrying　her　cloak　and　
calling　her　carriage。　　Among　the　working　classes　life；　of　necessity；　
remains　primitive；　the　law　of　the　cave　is　still；　with　slight　
modification；　the　law　of　the　slum。　　But　in　upper　and　middle…class　
circles　the　man　is　now　the　woman's　servant。

I　remember　being　present　while　a　mother　of　my　acquaintance　was　
instilling　into　the　mind　of　her　little　son　the　advantages　of　being　
born　a　man。　　A　little　girl　cousin　was　about　to　spend　a　week　with　him。　　
It　was　impressed　upon　him　that　if　she　showed　a　liking　for　any　of　his　
toys；　he　was　at　once　to　give　them　up　to　her。

〃But　why；　mamma？〃　he　demanded；　evidently　surprised。

〃Because；　my　dear；　you　are　a　little　man。〃

Should　she　break　them；　he　was　not　to　smack　her　head　or　kick　heras　
his　instinct　might　prompt　him　to　do。　　He　was　just　to　say：

〃Oh；　it　is　of　no　consequence　at　all；〃　and　to　look　as　if　he　meant　it。

＇Doctor　says　she　is　not　to　be　bothered。＇

She　was　always　to　choose　the　gameto　have　the　biggest　apple。　　There　
was　much　more　of　a　similar　nature。　　It　was　all　because　he　was　a　
little　man　and　she　was　a　little　woman。　　At　the　end　he　looked　up；　
puzzled：

〃But　don't　she　do　anything；　'cos　she's　a　little　girl？〃

It　was　explained　to　him　that　she　didn't。　　By　right　of　being　born　a　
little　girl　she　was　exempt　from　all　duty。

Woman　nowadays　is　not　taking　any　duty。　　She　objects　to　housekeeping；　
she　calls　it　domestic　slavery；　and　feels　she　was　intended　for　higher　
things。　　What　higher　things　she　does　not　condescend　to　explain。　　One　
or　two　wives　of　my　acquaintance　have　persuaded　their　husbands　that　
these　higher　things　are　all…important。　　The　home　has　been　given　up。　　
In　company　with　other　strivers　after　higher　things；　they　live　now　in　
dismal　barracks　differing　but　little　from　a　glorified　Bloomsbury　
lodging…house。　　But　they　call　them　〃Mansions〃　or　〃Courts；〃　and　seem　
proud　of　the　address。　　They　are　not　bothered　with　servantswith　
housekeeping。　　The　idea　of　the　modern　woman　is　that　she　is　not　to　be　
bothered　with　anything。　　I　remember　the　words　with　which　one　of　these　
ladies　announced　her　departure　from　her　bothering　home。

〃Oh；　well；　I'm　tired　of　trouble；〃　she　confided　to　another　lady；　〃so　
I've　made　up　my　mind　not　to　have　any　more　of　it。〃

Artemus　Ward　tells　us　of　a　man　who　had　been　in　prison　for　twenty　
years。　　Suddenly　a　bright　idea　occurred　to　him；　he　opened　the　window　
and　got　out。　　Here　have　we　poor；　foolish　mortals　been　imprisoned　in　
this　troublesome　world　for　Lord　knows　how　many　millions　of　years。　　We　
have　got　so　used　to　trouble　we　thought　there　was　no　help　for　it。　　We　
have　told　ourselves　that　〃Man　is　born　to　trouble　as　the　sparks　fly　
upwards。〃　　We　imagined　the　only　thing　to　be　done　was　to　bear　it　
philosophically。　　Why　did　not　this　bright　young　creature　come　along　
beforeshow　us　the　way　out。　　All　we　had　to　do　was　to　give　up　the　
bothering　home　and　the　bothering　servants；　and　go　into　a　〃Mansion〃　or　
a　〃Court。〃

It　seems　that　you　leave　trouble　outsidein　charge　of　the　hall…
porter；　one　supposes。　　He　ties　it　up　for　you　as　the　Commissionaire　of　
the　Army　and　Navy　Stores　ties　up　your　dog。　　If　you　want　it　again；　you　
ask　for　it　as　you　come　out。　　Small　wonder　that　the　〃Court〃　and　
〃Mansion〃　are　growing　in　popularity　every　day。

＇That　〃Higher　Life。〃＇

They　have　nothing　to　do　now　all　day　long；　these　soaring　wives　of　whom　
I　am　speaking。　　They　would　scorn　to　sew　on　a　shirt…button　even。　　Are　
there　not　other　womenof　an　inferior　breedspecially　fashioned　by　
Providence　for　the　doing　of　such　slavish　tasks？　　They　have　no　more　
bothers　of　any　kind。　　They　are　free　to　lead　the　higher　life。　　What　I　
am　waiting　for　is　a　glimpse　of　the　higher　life。　　One　of　them；　it　is　
true；　has　taken　up　the　violin。　　Another　of　them　is　devoting　her　
emancipation　to　poker　work。　　A　third　is　learning　skirt…dancing。　　Are　
these　the　〃higher　things〃　for　which　women　are　claiming　freedom　from　
all　duty？　　And；　if　so；　is　there　not　danger　that　the　closing　of　our　
homes　may　lead　to　the　crowding　up　of　the　world　with　too　much　higher　
things？

May　there　not；　by　the　time　all　bothers　have　been　removed　from　woman's　
path；　be　too　many　amateur　violinists　in　the　world；　too　many　skirt…
dancers；　too　much　poker　work？　　If　not；　what　are　they？　these　〃higher　
things；〃　for　which　so　many　women　are　demanding　twenty…four　hours　a　
day　leisure。　　I　want　to　know。

One　lady　of　my　acquaintance　is　a　Poor　Law　Guardian　and　secretary　to　a　
labour　bureau。　　But　then　she　runs　a　house　with　two　servants；　four　
children；　and　a　husband；　and　appears　to　be　so　used　to　bothers　that　
she　would　feel　herself　lost　without　them。　　You　can　do　this　kind　of　
work　apparently　even　when　you　are　bothered　with　a　home。　　It　is　the　
skirt…dancing　and　the　poker　work　that　cannot　brook　rivalry。　　The　
modern　woman　has　begun　to　find　children　a　nuisance；　they　interfere　
with　her　development。　　The　mere　man；　who　has　written　his　poems；　
painted　his　pictures；　composed　his　melodies；　fashioned　his　
philosophies；　in　the　midst　of　life's　troubles　and　bothers；　grows　
nervous　thinking　what　this　new　woman　must　be　whose　mind　is　so　
tremendous　that　the　whole　world　must　be　shut　up；　so　to　speak；　sent　to　
do　its　business　out　of　her　sight　and　hearing；　lest　her　attention　
should　be　distracted。

An　optimistic　friend　of　mine　tells　me　not　to　worry　myself；　tells　me　
that　it　is　going　to　come　out　all　right　in　the　end。　　Woman　just　now；　
he　contends；　is　passing　through　her　college　period。　　The　school　life　
of　strict　surveillance　is　for　ever　done　with。　　She　is　now　the　young　
Freshwoman。　　The　bothering　lessons　are　over；　the　bothering　
schoolmaster　she　has　said　good…bye　to。　　She　has　her　latchkey　and　is　
〃on　her　own。〃　　There　are　still　some　bothering　rules　about　being　in　at　
twelve　o'clock；　and　so　many　attendances　each　term　at　chapel。　　She　is　
indignant。　　This　interferes　with　her　idea　that　life　is　to　be　one　long　
orgie　of　self…indulgence；　of　pleasure。　　The　college　period　will　pass…
…is　passing。　　Woman　will　go　out　into　the　world；　take　her　place　there；　
discover　that　bothers　were　not　left　behind　in　the　old　schoolhouse；　
will　learn　that　life　has　duties；　responsibilities；　will　take　up　her　
burden　side　by　side　with　man；　will　accomplish　her　destiny。

＇Is　there　anything　left　for　her　to　learn？＇

Meanwhile；　however；　she　is　having　a　good　timesome　people　thi