the professor at the breakfast table-第43章

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them；　that　we　should　draw　our　first　breath　in　their　arms；　as　we　sigh

away　our　last　upon　their　faithful　breasts！



With　white；　bare　feet；　her　hair　loosely　knotted；　clad　as　the

starlight　knew　her；　and　the　morning　when　she　rose　from　slumber；　save

that　she　had　twisted　a　scarf　round　her　long　dress；　she　stood　still

as　a　stone　before　me；　holding　in　one　hand　a　lighted　coil　of

waxtaper；　and　in　the　other　a　silver　goblet。　　I　held　my　own　lamp

close　to　her；　as　if　she　had　been　a　figure　of　marble；　and　she　did　not

stir。　　There　was　no　breach　of　propriety　then；　to　scare　the　Poor

Relation　with　and　breed　scandal　out　of。　　She　had　been　〃warned　in　a

dream；〃　doubtless　suggested　by　her　waking　knowledge　and　the　sounds

which　had　reached　her　exalted　sense。　　There　was　nothing　more　natural

than　that　she　should　have　risen　and　girdled　her　waist；　and　lighted

her　taper；　and　found　the　silver　goblet　with　〃Ex　dono　pupillorum〃　on

it；　from　which　she　had　taken　her　milk　and　possets　through　all　her

childish　years；　and　so　gone　blindly　out　to　find　her　place　at　the

bedside；a　Sister　of　Charity　without　the　cap　and　rosary；　nay；

unknowing　whither　her　feet　were　leading　her；　and　with　wide　blank

eyes　seeing　nothing　but　the　vision　that　beckoned　her　along。　Well；

I　must　wake　her　from　her　slumber　or　trance。　I　called　her　name；　but

she　did　not　heed　my　voice。



The　Devil　put　it　into　my　head　that　I　would　kiss　one　handsome　young

girl　before　I　died；　and　now　was　my　chance。　　She　never　would　know　it；

and　I　should　carry　the　remembrance　of　it　with　me　into　the　grave；　and

a　rose　perhaps　grow　out　of　my　dust；　as　a　brier　did　out　of　Lord

Lovers；　in　memory　of　that　immortal　moment！　　Would　it　wake　her　from

her　trance？　　and　would　she　see　me　in　the　flush　of　my　stolen　triumph；

and　hate　and　despise　me　ever　after？　　Or　should　I　carry　off　my　trophy

undetected；　and　always　from　that　time　say　to　myself；　when　I　looked

upon　her　in　the　glory　of　youth　and　the　splendor　of　beauty；　〃My　lips

have　touched　those　roses　and　made　their　sweetness　mine　forever〃？

You　think　my　cheek　was　flushed；　perhaps；　and　my　eyes　were　glittering

with　this　midnight　flash　of　opportunity。　　On　the　contrary；　I　believe

I　was　pale；　very　pale；　and　I　know　that　I　trembled。　　Ah；　it　is　the

pale　passions　that　are　the　fiercest；it　is　the　violence　of　the

chill　that　gives　the　measure　of　the　fever！　　The　fighting…boy　of　our

school　always　turned　white　when　he　went　out　to　a　pitched　battle　with

the　bully　of　some　neighboring　village；　but　we　knew　what　his

bloodless　cheeks　meant；the　blood　was　all　in　his　stout　heart；he

was　a　slight　boy；　and　there　was　not　enough　to　redden　his　face　and

fill　his　heart　both　at　once。



Perhaps　it　is　making　a　good　deal　of　a　slight　matter；　to　tell　the

internal　conflicts　in　the　heart　of　a　quiet　person　something　more

than　juvenile　and　something　less　than　senile；　as　to　whether　he

should　be　guilty　of　an　impropriety；　and；　if　he　were；　whether　he

would　get　caught　in　his　indiscretion。　　And　yet　the　memory　of　the

kiss　that　Margaret　of　Scotland　gave　to　Alain　Chartier　has　lasted

four　hundred　years；　and　put　it　into　the　head　of　many　an　ill…favored

poet；　whether　Victoria；　or　Eugenie；　would　do　as　much　by　him；　if　she

happened　to　pass　him　when　he　was　asleep。　　And　have　we　ever　forgotten

that　the　fresh　cheek　of　the　young　John　Milton　tingled　under　the　lips

of　some　high…born　Italian　beauty；　who；　I　believe；　did　not　think　to

leave　her　card　by　the　side　of　the　slumbering　youth；　but　has

bequeathed　the　memory　of　her　pretty　deed　to　all　coming　time？　　The

sound　of　a　kiss　is　not　so　loud　as　that　of　a　cannon；　but　its　echo

lasts　a　deal　longer。



There　is　one　disadvantage　which　the　man　of　philosophical　habits　of

mind　suffers；　as　compared　with　the　man　of　action。　　While　he　is

taking　an　enlarged　and　rational　view　of　the　matter　before　him；　he

lets　his　chance　slip　through　his　fingers。　　Iris　woke　up；　of　her　own

accord；　before　I　had　made　up　my　mind　what　I　was　going　to　do　about

it。



When　I　remember　how　charmingly　she　looked；　I　don't　blame　myself　at

all　for　being　tempted；　but　if　I　had　been　fool　enough　to　yield　to　the

impulse；　I　should　certainly　have　been　ashamed　to　tell　of　it。　　She

did　not　know　what　to　make　of　it；　finding　herself　there　alone；　in

such　guise；　and　me　staring　at　her。　　She　looked　down　at　her　white

robe　and　bare　feet；　and　colored；then　at　the　goblet　she　held　in　her

hand；　then　at　the　taper；　and　at　last　her　thoughts　seemed　to　clear

up。



I　know　it　all；she　said。　He　is　going　to　die；　and　I　must　go　and

sit　by　him。　　Nobody　will　care　for　him　as　I　shall；　and　I　have　nobody

else　to　care　for。



I　assured　her　that　nothing　was　needed　for　him　that　night　but　rest；

and　persuaded　her　that　the　excitement　of　her　presence　could　only　do

harm。　　Let　him　sleep；　and　he　would　very　probably　awake　better　in　the

morning。　　There　was　nothing　to　be　said；　for　I　spoke　with　authority；

and　the　young　girl　glided　away　with　noiseless　step　and　sought　her

own　chamber。



The　tremor　passed　away　from　my　limbs；　and　the　blood　began　to　burn　in

my　cheeks。　　The　beautiful　image　which　had　so　bewitched　me　faded

gradually　from　my　imagination；　and　I　returned　to　the　still

perplexing　mysteries　of　my　little　neighbor's　chamber。



All　was　still　there　now。　　No　plaintive　sounds；　no　monotonous

murmurs；　no　shutting　of　windows　and　doors　at　strange　hours；　as　if

something　or　somebody　were　coming　in　or　going　out；　or　there　was

something　to　be　hidden　in　those　dark　mahogany　presses。　　Is　there　an

inner　apartment　that　I　have　not　seen？　　The　way　in　which　the　house　is

built　might　admit　of　it。　　As　I　thought　it　over；　I　at　once　imagined　a

Bluebeard's　chamber。　　Suppose；　for　instance；　that　the　narrow

bookshelves　to　the　right　are　really　only　a　masked　door；　such　as　we

remember　leading　to　the　private　study　of　one　of　our　most

distinguished　townsmen；　who　loved　to　steal　away　from　his　stately

library　to　that　little　silent　cell。　　If　this　were　lighted　from

above；　a　person　or　persons　might　pass　their　days　there　without

attracting　attention　from　the　household；　and　wander　where　they

pleased　at　night；to　Copp's…Hill　burial…ground；　if　they　liked；I

said　to　myself；　laughing；　and　pulling　the　bed…clothes　over　my　head。

There　is　no　logic　in　superstitious…fancies　any　more　than　in　dreams。

A　she…ghost　wouldn't　want　an　inner　chamber　to　herself。　　A　live

woman；　with　a　valuable　soprano　voice；　wouldn't　start　off　at　night　to

sprain　her　ankles　over　the　old　graves　of　the　North…End　cemetery。



It　is　all　very　easy　for　you；　middle…aged　reader；　sitting　over　this

page　in　the　broad　daylight；　to　call　me　by　all　manner　of　asinine　and

anserine　unchristian　names；　because　I　had　these　fancies　running

through　my　head。　　I　don't　care　much　for　your　abuse。　　The　question　is

not；　what　it　is　reasonable　for　a　man　to　think　about；　but　what　he

actually　does　think　about；　in　the　dark；　and　when　be　is　alone；　and

his　whole　body　seems　but　one　great　nerve　of　hearing；　and　he　sees　the

phosphorescent　flashes　of　his　own　eyeballs　as　they　turn　suddenly　in

the　direction　of　the　last　strange　noise；what　he　actually　does

think　about；　as　he　lies　and　recalls　all　the　wild　stories　his　head　is

full　of；　his　fancy　hinting　the　most　alarming　conjectures　to　account

for　the　simplest　facts　about　him；　his　common…sense　laughing　them　to

scorn　the　next　minute；　but　his　mind　still　returning　to　them；　under

one　shape　or　another；　until　he　gets　very　nervous　and　foolish；　and

remembers　how　pleasant　it　used　to　be　to　have　his　mother　come　and

tuck　him　up　and　go　and　sit　within　call；　so　that　she　could　hear　him

at　any　minute；　if　he　got　very　much　scared　and　wanted　her。　　Old

babies　that　we　are！



Daylight　will　clear　up　all　that　lamp…light　has　left　doubtful。　　I

longed　for　the　morning　to　come；　for　I　was　more　curious　than　ever。

So；　between　my　fancies　and　anticipations；　I　had　but　a　poor　night　of

it；　and　came　down　tired　to　the　breakfast…table。　　My　visit　was　not　to

be　made　until　after　this　morning　hour；　there　was　nothing　urgent；　so

the　servant　was　ordered　to　tell　me。



It　was　the　first　breakfast　at　which　the　high　chair　at　the　side　of

Iris　had　been　unoccupied。　You　might　jest　as　well　take　away　that

chair；said　our　landlady；he'll　never　want　it　again。　　He　acts　like

a　man　that　's　struck　with　death；　'n'　I　don't　believe　he　'll　ever

come　out　of　his　chamber　till　he　's　laid　out　and　brought　down　a

corpse。　These　good　women　do　put　things　so　plainly！　　There　were　two

or　three　words　in　her　short　remark　that　always　sober　people；　and

suggest　silence　or　brief　moral　reflections。



Life　is　dreadful　uncerting；said　the　Poor　Relation；and　pulled

in　her　social　tentacles　to　concentrate　her　thoughts　on　this　fact　of

human　history。



If　there　was　anything　a　fellah　could　do；said　the　young　man　John；

so　called；a　fellah　'd　like　the　chance　o'　helpin'　a　little　cripple

like　that。　　He　looks　as　if　he　couldn't　turn　over　any　handier　than　a

turtle　that's　laid　on　his　back；　and　I　guess　there　a'n't　many　people

that　know　how　to　lift　better　than　I　do。　　Ask　him　if　he　don't　want

any　watchers。　　I　don't　mind　settin'　up　any　more　'n　a　cat…owl。　　I　was

up　all　night　twice　last　month。



＇My　private　opinion　is；　that　there　was　no　small　amount　of　punch

absorbed　on　those　two　occasions；　which　I　think　I　heard　of　at　the

time；but　the　offer　is　a　kind　one；　and　it　is　n't　fair　to　question

how　he　would　like　sitting　up　without　the　punch　and　the　company　and

the　songs　and　smoking。　　He　means　what　he　says；　and　it　would　be　a

more　considerable　achievement　for　him　to　sit　quietly　all　night　by　a

sick　man　than　for　a　good　many　other　people。　　I　tell　you　this　odd

thing：　there　are　a　good　many　persons；　who；　through　the　habit　of

making　other　folks　uncomfortable；　by　finding　fault　with　all　their

cheerful　enjoyments；　at　last　get　up　a　kind　of　hostility　to　comfort

in　general；　even　in　their　own　persons。　　The　correlative　to　loving

our　neighbors　as　ourselves　is　hating　ourselves　as　we　hate　our

neighbors。　　Look　at　old　misers；　first　they　starve　their　dependants；

and　then　themselves。　　So　I　think　it　more　for　a　lively　young　fellow

to　be　ready　to　play　nurse　than　for　one　of　those　useful　but　forlorn

martyrs　who　have　taken　a　spite　against　themselves　and　love　to

gratify　it　by　fasting　and　watching。



The　time　came　at　last　for　me　to　make　my　visit。　　I　found　Iris

sitting　by　the　Little　Gentleman's　pillow。　　To　my　disappointment；　the

room　was　darkened。　　He　did　not　like　the　light；　and　would　have　the

shutters　kept　nearly　closed。　　It　was　good　enough　for　me；　what

business　had　I　to　be　indulging　my　curiosity；　when　I　had　nothing　to

do　but　to　exercise　such　skill　as　I　possessed　for　the　benefit　of　my

patient？　　There　was　not　much　to　be　said　or　done　in　such　a　case；　but

I　spoke　as　encouragingly　as　I　could；　as　I　think　we　are　always　bound

to　do。　　He　did　not　seem　to　pay　any　very　anxious　attention；　but　the

poor　girl　listened　as　if　her　own　life　and　more　than　her　own　life

were　depending　on　the　words　I　uttered。　　She　followed　me　out　of　the

room；　when　I　had　got　through　my　visit