the professor at the breakfast table-第16章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！





I　find　that　there　is　a　very　prevalent　opinion　among　the　dwellers　on

the　shores　of　Sir　Isaac　Newton's　Ocean　of　Truth；　that　salt；　fish；

which　have　been　taken　from　it　a　good　while　ago；　split　open；　cured　and

dried；　are　the　only　proper　and　allowable　food　for　reasonable　people。

I　maintain；　on　the　other　hand；　that　there　are　a　number　of　live　fish

still　swimming　in　it；　and　that　every　one　of　us　has　a　right　to　see　if

he　cannot　catch　some　of　them。　　Sometimes　I　please　myself　with　the

idea　that　I　have　landed　an　actual　living　fish；　small；　perhaps；　but

with　rosy　gills　and　silvery　scales。　　Then　I　find　the　consumers　of

nothing　but　the　salted　and　dried　article　insist　that　it　is　poisonous；

simply　because　it　is　alive；　and　cry　out　to　people　not　to　touch　it。　　I

have　not　found；　however；　that　people　mind　them　much。



The　poor　boarder　in　bombazine　is　my　dynamometer。　　I　try　every

questionable　proposition　on　her。　　If　she　winces；　I　must　be　prepared

for　an　outcry　from　the　other　old　women。　　I　frightened　her；　the　other

day；　by　saying　that　faith；　as　an　intellectual　state；　was　self…

reliance；　which；　if　you　have　a　metaphysical　turn；　you　will　find　is

not　so　much　of　a　paradox　as　it　sounds　at　first。　　So　she　sent　me　a

book　to　read　which　was　to　cure　me　of　that　error。　　It　was　an　old　book；

and　looked　as　if　it　had　not　been　opened　for　a　long　time。　　What　should

drop　out　of　it；　one　day；　but　a　small　heart…shaped　paper；　containing　a

lock　of　that　straight；　coarse；　brown　hair　which　sets　off　the　sharp

faces　of　so　many　thin…flanked；　large…handed　bumpkins！　　I　read　upon

the　paper　the　name　〃Hiram。〃　Love！　love！　love！everywhere！

everywhere！under　diamonds　and　housemaids'　〃jewelry；〃lifting　the

marrowy　camel's…hair；　and　rustling　even　the　black　bombazine！　No；

no；I　think　she　never　was　pretty；　but　she　was　young　once；　and　wore

bright　ginghams；　and；　perhaps；　gay　merinos。　　We　shall　find　that　the

poor　little　crooked　man　has　been　in　love；　or　is　in　love；　or　will　be

in　love　before　we　have　done　with　him；　for　aught　that　I　know！



Romance！　　Was　there　ever　a　boarding…house　in　the　world　where　the

seemingly　prosaic　table　had　not　a　living　fresco　for　its　background；

where　you　could　see；　if　you　had　eyes；　the　smoke　and　fire　of　some

upheaving　sentiment；　or　the　dreary　craters　of　smouldering　or　burnt…

out　passions？　　You　look　on　the　black　bombazine　and　high…necked

decorum　of　your　neighbor；　and　no　more　think　of　the　real　life　that

underlies　this　despoiled　and　dismantled　womanhood　than　you　think　of　a

stone　trilobite　as　having　once　been　full　of　the　juices　and　the

nervous　thrills　of　throbbing　and　self…conscious　being。　　There　is　a

wild　creature　under　that　long　yellow　pin　which　serves　as　brooch　for

the　bombazine　cuirass；a　wild　creature；　which　I　venture　to　say　would

leap　in　his　cage；　if　I　should　stir　him；　quiet　as　you　think　him。　　A

heart　which　has　been　domesticated　by　matrimony　and　maternity　is　as

tranquil　as　a　tame　bullfinch；　but　a　wild　heart　which　has　never　been

fairly　broken　in　flutters　fiercely　long　after　you　think　time　has

tamed　it　down；like　that　purple　finch　I　had　the　other　day；　which

could　not　be　approached　without　such　palpitations　and　frantic　flings

against　the　bars　of　his　cage；　that　I　had　to　send　him　back　and　get　a

little　orthodox　canary　which　had　learned　to　be　quiet　and　never　mind

the　wires　or　his　keeper's　handling。　　I　will　tell　you　my　wicked；　but

half　involuntary　experiment　on　the　wild　heart　under　the　faded

bombazine。



Was　there　ever　a　person　in　the　room　with　you；　marked　by　any　special

weakness　or　peculiarity；　with　whom　you　could　be　two　hours　and　not

touch　the　infirm　spot？　　I　confess　the　most　frightful　tendency　to　do

just　this　thing。　　If　a　man　has　a　brogue；　I　am　sure　to　catch　myself

imitating　it。　　If　another　is　lame；　I　follow　him；　or；　worse　than　that；

go　before　him；　limping。



I　could　never　meet　an　Irish　gentlemanif　it　had　been　the　Duke　of

Wellington　himselfwithout　stumbling　upon　the　word　〃Paddy；〃which　I

use　rarely　in　my　common　talk。



I　have　been　worried　to　know　whether　this　was　owing　to　some　innate

depravity　of　disposition　on　my　part；　some　malignant　torturing

instinct；　which；　under　different　circumstances；　might　have　made　a

Fijian　anthropophagus　of　me；　or　to　some　law　of　thought　for　which　I

was　not　answerable。　　It　is；　I　am　convinced；　a　kind　of　physical　fact

like　endosmosis；　with　which　some　of　you　are　acquainted。　　A　thin　film

of　politeness　separates　the　unspoken　and　unspeakable　current　of

thought　from　the　stream　of　conversation。　　After　a　time　one　begins　to

soak　through　and　mingle　with　the　other。



We　were　talking　about　names；　one　day。　Was　there　ever　anything；I

said；like　the　Yankee　for　inventing　the　most　uncouth；　pretentious；

detestable　appellations；inventing　or　finding　them；since　the　time

of　Praise…God　Barebones？　　I　heard　a　country…boy　once　talking　of

another　whom　he　called　Elpit；　as　I　understood　him。　　Elbridge　is

common　enough；　but　this　sounded　oddly。　　It　seems　the　boy　was

christened　Lord　Pitt；and　called　for　convenience；　as　above。　　I　have

heard　a　charming　little　girl；　belonging　to　an　intelligent　family　in

the　country；　called　Anges　invariably；　doubtless　intended　for　Agnes。

Names　are　cheap。　　How　can　a　man　name　an　innocent　new…born　child；　that

never　did　him　any　harm；　Hiram？The　poor　relation；　or　whatever　she

is；　in　bombazine；　turned　toward　me；　but　I　was　stupid；　and　went　on。　

To　think　of　a　man　going　through　life　saddled　with　such　an　abominable

name　as　that！　The　poor　relation　grew　very　uneasy。　I　continued；

for　I　never　thought　of　all　this　till　afterwards。　I　knew　one　young

fellow；　a　good　many　years　ago；　by　the　name　of　Hiram　　What's　got

into　you；　Cousin；said　our　landlady；to　look　so？There！　you　've

upset　your　teacup！



It　suddenly　occurred　to　me　what　I　had　been　doing；　and　I　saw　the　poor

woman　had　her　hand　at　her　throat；　she　was　half…choking　with　the

〃hysteric　ball；〃a　very　odd　symptom；　as　you　know；　which　nervous

women　often　complain　of。　　What　business　had　I　to　be　trying

experiments　on　this　forlorn　old　soul？　　I　had　a　great　deal　better　be

watching　that　young　girl。



Ah；　the　young　girl！　　I　am　sure　that　she　can　hide　nothing　from　me。

Her　skin　is　so　transparent　that　one　can　almost　count　her　heart…beats

by　the　flushes　they　send　into　her　cheeks。　　She　does　not　seem　to　be

shy；　either。　　I　think　she　does　not　know　enough　of　danger　to　be　timid。

She　seems　to　me　like　one　of　those　birds　that　travellers　tell　of；

found　in　remote；　uninhabited　islands；　who；　having　never　received　any

wrong　at　the　hand　of　man；　show　no　alarm　at　and　hardly　any　particular

consciousness　of　his　presence。



The　first　thing　will　be　to　see　how　she　and　our　little　deformed

gentleman　get　along　together；　for；　as　I　have　told　you；　they　sit　side

by　side。　　The　next　thing　will　be　to　keep　an　eye　on　the　duenna；the

〃Model〃　and　so　forth；　as　the　white…neck…cloth　called　her。　　The

intention　of　that　estimable　lady　is；　I　understand；　to　launch　her　and

leave　her。　　I　suppose　there　is　no　help　for　it；　and　I　don't　doubt　this

young　lady　knows　how　to　take　care　of　herself；　but　I　do　not　like　to

see　young　girls　turned　loose　in　boarding…houses。　　Look　here　now！

There　is　that　jewel　of　his　race；　whom　I　have　called　for　convenience

the　Koh…i…noor；　（you　understand　it　is　quite　out　of　the　question　for

me　to　use　the　family　names　of　our　boarders；　unless　I　want　to　get　into

trouble；）I　say；　the　gentleman　with　the　diamond　is　looking　very

often　and　very　intently；　it　seems　to　me；　down　toward　the　farther

corner　of　the　table；　where　sits　our　amber…eyed　blonde。　　The

landlady's　daughter　does　not　look　pleased；　it　seems　to　me；　at　this；

nor　at　those　other　attentions　which　the　gentleman　referred　to　has；　as

I　have　learned；　pressed　upon　the　newly…arrived　young　person。　　The

landlady　made　a　communication　to　me；　within　a　few　days　after　the

arrival　of　Miss　Iris；　which　I　will　repeat　to　the　best　of　my

remembrance。



He；　（the　person　I　have　been　speaking　of；）she　said；seemed　to　be

kinder　hankerin'　round　after　that　young　woman。　　It　had　hurt　her

daughter's　feelin's　a　good　deal；　that　the　gentleman　she　was　a…keepin'

company　with　should　be　offerin'　tickets　and　tryin'　to　send　presents

to　them　that　he'd　never　know'd　till　jest　a　little　spell　ago；and　he

as　good　as　merried；　so　fur　as　solemn　promises　went；　to　as　respectable

a　young　lady；　if　she　did　say　so；　as　any　there　was　round；　whosomever

they　might　be。



Tickets！　　presents！said　I。　What　tickets；　what　presents　has　he　had

the　impertinence　to　be　offering　to　that　young　lady？



Tickets　to　the　Museum；said　the　landlady。　　There　is　them　that's　glad

enough　to　go　to　the　Museum；　when　tickets　is　given　'em；　but　some　of

'em　ha'n't　had　a　ticket　sence　Cenderilla　was　played；and　now　he　must

be　offerin'　'em　to　this　ridiculous　young　paintress；　or　whatever　she

is；　that's　come　to　make　more　mischief　than　her　board's　worth。　　But　it

a'n't　her　fault；said　the　landlady；　relenting；and　that　aunt　of

hers；　or　whatever　she　is；　served　him　right　enough。



Why；　what　did　she　do？



Do？　　Why；　she　took　it　up　in　the　tongs　and　dropped　it　out　o'　winder。



Dropped？　　dropped　what？I　said。



Why；　the　soap；said　the　landlady。



It　appeared　that　the　Koh…i…noor；　to　ingratiate　himself；　had　sent　an

elegant　package　of　perfumed　soap；　directed　to　Miss　Iris；　as　a

delicate　expression　of　a　lively　sentiment　of　admiration；　and　that；

after　having　met　with　the　unfortunate　treatment　referred　to；　it　was

picked　up　by　Master　Benjamin　Franklin；　who　appropriated　it；

rejoicing；　and　indulged　in　most　unheard…of　and　inordinate　ablutions

in　consequence；　so　that　his　hands　were　a　frequent　subject　of　maternal

congratulation；　and　he　smelt　like　a　civet…cat　for　weeks　after　his

great　acquisition。



After　watching　daily　for　a　time；　I　think　I　can　see　clearly　into　the

relation　which　is　growing　up　between　the　little　gentleman　and　the

young　lady。　　She　shows　a　tenderness　to　him　that　I　can't　help　being

interested　in。　　If　he　was　her　crippled　child；　instead　of　being　more

than　old　enough　to　be　her　father；　she　could　not　treat　him　more

kindly。　　The　landlady's　daughter　said；　the　other　day；　she　believed

that　girl　was　settin'　her　cap　for　the　Little　Gentleman。



Some　of　them　young　folks　is　very　artful；said　her　mother；and　there

is　them　that　would　merry　Lazarus；　if　he'd　only　picked　up　crumbs

enough。　　I　don't　think；　though；　this　is　one　of　that　sort；　she's

kinder　childlike；said　the　landlady；and　maybe　never　had　any　dolls

to　play　with；　for　they　say　her　folks　was　poor　before　Ma'am　undertook

to　see　to　her　teachin'　and　board　her　and　clothe　her。



I　could　not　help　overhearing　this　conversation。　　〃Board　her　and

clothe　her！〃speaking　of　such　a　young　creature！　　Oh；　dear！Yes；

she　must　be　fed；just　like　Bridget；　maid…of…all…work　at　this

establishment。　　Somebody　must　pay　for　it。　　Somebody　has　a　right　to

watch　her　and　see　how　much　it　takes　to　〃keep〃　her；　and　growl　at　her；

if　she　has　too　good　an　appetite。　　Somebody　has　a　right　to　keep　an　eye

on　her　and　take　care　that　she　d