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struck him that it would sound very odd。 ;Besides�察─�he thought�察 �I
shall only catch a cold;�察�and�察�without speaking�察�he left the seat��
and went along towards his rooms。
CHAPTER XXXIII
THE END
He reached his rooms at midnight so exhausted that�察�without waiting
to light up�察�he dropped into a chair。 The curtains and blinds had
been removed for cleaning�察�and the tall windows admitted the night's
staring gaze。 Shelton fixed his eyes on that outside darkness�察�as
one lost man might fix his eyes upon another。
An unaired�察�dusty odour clung about the room�察�but�察�like some God´sent
whiff of grass or flowers wafted to one sometimes in the streets�察�a
perfume came to him�察�the spice from the withered clove carnation
still clinging�察�to his button´hole�察�and he suddenly awoke from his。
queer trance。 There was a decision to be made。 He rose to light a
candle�察�the dust was thick on everything he touched。 ;Ugh� ─ �he
thought�察 �how wretched� ─ �and the loneliness that had seized him on
the stone seat at Holm Oaks the day before returned with fearful
force。
On his table�察�heaped without order�察�were a pile of bills and
circulars。 He opened them�察�tearing at their covers with the random
haste of men back from their holidays。 A single long envelope was
placed apart。
MY DEAR DICK ��he read��
I enclose you herewith the revised draft of your marriage settlement。
It is now shipshape。 Return it before the end of the week�察�and I
will have it engrossed for signature。 I go to Scotland next
Wednesday for a month�察�shall be back in good time for your wedding。
My love to your mother when you see her。
Your´affectionate uncle��
EDMUND PARAMOR。
Shelton smiled and took out the draft。
;This Indenture made the____day of 190_�察�between Richard Paramor
Shelton´;
He put it down and sank back in his chair�察�the chair in which the
foreign vagrant had been wont to sit on mornings when he came to
preach philosophy。
He did not stay there long�察�but in sheer unhappiness got up�察�and��
taking his candle�察�roamed about the room�察�fingering things�察�and
gazing in the mirror at his face�察�which seemed to him repulsive in
its wretchedness。 He went at last into the hall and opened the door��
to go downstairs again into the street�察�but the sudden certainty
that�察�in street or house�察�in town or country�察�he would have to take
his trouble with him�察�made him shut it to。 He felt in the letter´
box�察�drew forth a letter�察�and with this he went back to the sitting´
room。
It was from Antonia。 And such was his excitement that he was forced
to take three turns between the window and the wall before he could
read�察�then�察�with a heart beating so that he could hardly hold the
paper�察�he began��
I was wrong to ask you to go away。 I see now that it was breaking my
promise�察�and I did n't mean to do that。 I don't know why things have
come to be so different。 You never think as I do about anything。
I had better tell you that that letter of Monsieur Ferrand's to
mother was impudent。 Of course you did n't know what was in it�察�but
when Professor Brayne was asking you about him at breakfast�察�I felt
that you believed that he was right and we were wrong�察�and I can't
understand it。 And then in the afternoon�察�when that woman hurt her
horse�察�it was all as if you were on her side。 How can you feel like
that��
I must say this�察�because I don't think I ought to have asked you to
go away�察�and I want you to believe that I will keep my promise�察�or I
should feel that you and everybody else had a right to condemn me。
I was awake all last night�察�and have a bad headache this morning。 I
can't write any more。
ANTONIA。
His first sensation was a sort of stupefaction of relief that had in
it an element of anger。 He was reprieved� �She would not break her
promise�察�she considered herself bound� �In the midst of the
exaltation of this thought he smiled�察�and that smile was strange。
He read it through again�察�and�察�like a judge�察�began to weigh what she
had written�察�her thoughts when she was writing�察�the facts which had
led up to this。
The vagrant's farewell document had done the business。 True to his
fatal gift of divesting things of clothing�察�Ferrand had not vanished
without showing up his patron in his proper colours�察�even to Shelton
those colours were made plain。 Antonia had felt her lover was a
traitor。 Sounding his heart even in his stress of indecision��
Shelton knew that this was true。
;Then in the afternoon�察�when that woman hurt her horse´; That woman��
;It was as if you were on her side� �
He saw too well her mind�察�its clear rigidity�察�its intuitive
perception of that with which it was not safe to sympathise�察�its
instinct for self´preservation�察�its spontaneous contempt for those
without that instinct。 And she had written these words considering
herself bound to hima man of sentiment�察�of rebellious sympathies��
of untidiness of principle� �Here was the answer to the question he
had asked all day�此 �How have things come to such a pass�拭─�and he
began to feel compassion for her。
Poor child� �She could not jilt him�察�there was something vulgar in
the word� �Never should it be said that Antonia Dennant had accented
him and thrown him over。 No lady did these things� �They were
impossible� �At the bottom of his heart he had a queer�察�unconscious
sympathy with�察�this impossibility。
Once again he read the letter�察�which seemed now impregnated with
fresh meaning�察�and the anger which had mingled with his first
sensation of relief detached itself and grew in force。 In that
letter there was something tyrannous�察�a denial of his right to have a
separate point of view。 It was like a finger pointed at him as an
unsound person。 In marrying her he would be marrying not only her��
but her classhis class。 She would be there always to make him look
on her and on himself�察�and all the people that they knew and all the
things they did�察�complacently�察�she would be there to make him feel
himself superior to everyone whose life was cast in other moral
moulds。 To feel himself superior�察�not blatantly�察�not consciously��
but with subconscious righteousness。
But his anger�察�which was like the paroxysm that two days before had
made him mutter at the Connoisseur�察 �I hate your d´d superiority�察�
struck him all at once as impotent and ludicrous。 What was the good
of being angry�拭 �He was on the point of losing her� �And the anguish
of that thought�察�reacting on his anger�察�intensified it threefold。
She was so certain of herself�察�so superior to her emotions�察�to her
natural impulsessuperior to her very longing to be free from him。
Of that fact�察�at all events�察�Shelton had no longer any doubt。 It was
beyond argument。 She did not really love him�察�she wanted to be free
of him��
A photograph hung in his bedroom at Holm Oaks of a group round the
hall door�察�the Honourable Charlotte Penguin�察�Mrs。 Dennant�察�Lady
Bonington�察�Halidome�察�Mr。 Dennant�察�and the stained´glass manall were
there�察�and on the left´hand side�察�looking straight in front of her��
Antonia。 Her face in its youthfulness�察�more than all those others��
expressed their point of view�此�Behind those calm young eyes lay a
world of safety and tradition。 ;I am not as others are�察─�they seemed
to say。
And from that photograph Mr。 and Mrs。 Dennant singled themselves out��
he could see their faces as they talkedtheir faces with a peculiar
and uneasy look on them�察�and he could hear their voices�察�still
decisive�察�but a little acid�察�as if they had been quarrelling��
;He 's made a donkey of himself� �
;Ah� �it's too distressin'� �
They�察�too�察�thought him unsound�察�and did n't want him�察�but to save the
situation they would be glad to keep him。 She did n't want him�察�but
she refused to lose her right to say�察 �Commoner girls may break their
promises�察�I will not� ─ �He sat down at the table between the candles��
covering his face。 His grief and anger grew and grew within him。 If
she would not free herself�察�the duty was on him� �She was ready
without love to marry him�察�as a sacrifice to her ideal of what she
ought to be��
But she had n't�察�after all�察�the monopoly of pride��
As if she stood before him�察�he could see the shadows underneath her
eyes that he had dreamed of kissing�察�the eager movements of her lips。
For several minutes he remained�察�not moving hand or limb。 Then once
more his anger blazed。 She was going to sacrifice herself andhim��
All his manhood scoffed at such a senseless sacrifice。 That was not
exactly what he wanted��
He went to the bureau�察�took a piece of paper and an envelope�察�and
wrote as follows��
There never was�察�is not�察�and never would have been any question of
being bound between us。 I refuse to trade on any such thing。 You
are absolutely free。 Our engagement is at an end by mutual consent。
RICHARD SHELTON。
He sealed it�察�and�察�sitting with his hands between his knees�察�he let
his forehead droop lower and lower to the table�察�till it rested on
his marriage settlement。 And he had a feeling of relief�察�like one
who drops exhausted at his journey's end。
End