the dark flower-第37章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



〃She　wasn't　able；　she's　not　quite〃　and　could　have　sunk　into　the
shining　floor。　　Youth　with　its　touching　confidence；　its　eager
trust！　　This　was　the　way　he　was　fulfilling　his　duty　towards　Youth！

When　they　had　passed　into　the　ballroom　he　went　back　to　his　position
against　the　wall。　　They　were　dancing　Number　Three；　his　time　of
waiting；　then；　was　drawing　to　a　close。　　From　where　he　stood　he
could　not　see　the　dancersno　use　to　watch　her　go　round　in　someone
else's　arms。

Not　a　true　waltzsome　French　or　Spanish　pavement　song　played　in
waltz　time；　bizarre；　pathetic；　whirling　after　its　own　happiness。
That　chase　for　happiness！　　Well；　life；　with　all　its　prizes　and　its
possibilities；　had　nothing　that　quite　satisfiedsave　just　the
fleeting　moments　of　passion！　　Nothing　else　quite　poignant　enough　to
be　called　pure　joy！　　Or　so　it　seemed　to　him。

The　waltz　was　over。　　He　could　see　her　now；　on　a　rout　seat　against
the　wall　with　the　other　young　man；　turning　her　eyes　constantly　as
if　to　make　sure　that　he　was　still　standing　there。　　What　subtle　fuel
was　always　being　added　to　the　fire　by　that　flattery　of　her
inexplicable　adorationof　those　eyes　that　dragged　him　to　her；　yet
humbly　followed　him；　too！　　Five　times　while　she　sat　there　he　saw
the　red…haired　girl　or　Oliver　bring　men　up；　saw　youths　cast　longing
glances；　saw　girls　watching　her　with　cold　appraisement；　or　with　a
touching；　frank　delight。　　From　the　moment　that　she　came　in；　there
had　been；　in　her　father's　phrase；　'only　one　in　it。'　　And　she　could
pass　all　this　by；　and　still　want　him。　　Incredible！

At　the　first　notes　of　the　polka　he　went　to　her。　　It　was　she　who
found　their　place　of　refugea　little　alcove　behind　two　palm…
plants。　　But　sitting　there；　he　realized；　as　never　before；　that
there　was　no　spiritual　communion　between　him　and　this　child。　　She
could　tell　him　her　troubles　or　her　joys；　he　could　soothe　or
sympathize；　but　never　would　the　gap　between　their　natures　and　their
ages　be　crossed。　　His　happiness　was　only　in　the　sight　and　touch　of
her。　　But　that；　God　knew；　was　happiness　enougha　feverish；　craving
joy；　like　an　overtired　man's　thirst；　growing　with　the　drink　on
which　it　tries　to　slake　itself。　　Sitting　there；　in　the　scent　of
those　flowers　and　of　some　sweet　essence　in　her　hair；　with　her
fingers　touching　his；　and　her　eyes　seeking　his；　he　tried　loyally
not　to　think　of　himself；　to　grasp　her　sensations　at　this　her　first
dance；　and　just　help　her　to　enjoyment。　　But　he　could　not
paralyzed；　made　drunk　by　that　insensate　longing　to　take　her　in　his
arms　and　crush　her　to　him　as　he　had　those　few　hours　back。　　He　could
see　her　expanding　like　a　flower；　in　all　this　light；　and　motion；　and
intoxicating　admiration　round　her。　　What　business　had　he　in　her
life；　with　his　dark　hunger　after　secret　hours；　hea　coin　worn　thin
alreadya　destroyer　of　the　freshness　and　the　glamour　of　her　youth
and　beauty！

Then；　holding　up　the　flowers；　she　said：

〃Did　you　give　me　these　because　of　the　one　I　gave　you？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃What　did　you　do　with　that？〃

〃Burned　it。〃

〃Oh！　but　why？〃

〃Because　you　are　a　witchand　witches　must　be　burned　with　all　their
flowers。〃

〃Are　you　going　to　burn　me？〃

He　put　his　hand　on　her　cool　arm。

〃Feel！　　The　flames　are　lighted。〃

〃You　may！　　I　don't　care！〃

She　took　his　hand　and　laid　her　cheek　against　it；　yet；　to　the　music；
which　had　begun　again；　the　tip　of　her　shoe　was　already　beating
time。　　And　he　said：

〃You　ought　to　be　dancing；　child。〃

〃Oh；　no！　　Only　it's　a　pity　you　don't　want　to。〃

〃Yes！　　Do　you　understand　that　it　must　all　be　secretunderground？〃

She　covered　his　lips　with　the　fan；　and　said：　〃You're　not　to　think；
you're　not　to　thinknever！　　When　can　I　come？〃

〃I　must　find　the　best　way。　　Not　to…morrow。　　Nobody　must　know；　Nell
for　your　sakefor　hersnobody！〃

She　nodded；　and　repeated　with　a　soft；　mysterious　wisdom：　〃Nobody。〃
And　then；　aloud：　〃Here's　Oliver！　　It　was　awfully　good　of　you　to
come。　　Good…night！〃

And　as；　on　Oliver's　arm；　she　left　their　little　refuge；　she　looked
back。

He　lingeredto　watch　her　through　this　one　dance。　　How　they　made
all　the　other　couples　sink　into　insignificance；　with　that　something
in　them　both　that　was　better　than　mere　good　looksthat　something
not　outre　or　eccentric；　but　poignant；　wayward。　　They　went　well
together；　those　two　Dromoreshis　dark　head　and　her　fair　head；　his
clear；　brown；　daring　eyes；　and　her　grey；　languorous；　mesmeric　eyes。
Ah！　　Master　Oliver　was　happy　now；　with　her　so　close　to　him！　　It　was
not　jealousy　that　Lennan　felt。　　Not　quiteone　did　not　feel　jealous
of　the　young；　something　very　deeppride；　sense　of　proportion；　who
knew　whatprevented　that。　　She；　too；　looked　happy；　as　if　her　soul
were　dancing；　vibrating　with　the　music　and　the　scent　of　the
flowers。　　He　waited　for　her　to　come　round　once　more；　to　get　for　a
last　time　that　flying　glance　turned　back；　then　found　his　coat　and
hat　and　went。


XIII


Outside；　he　walked　a　few　steps；　then　stood　looking　back　at　the
windows　of　the　hall　through　some　trees；　the　shadows　of　whose
trunks；　in　the　light　of　a　street　lamp；　were　spilled　out　along　the
ground　like　the　splines　of　a　fan。　　A　church　clock　struck　eleven。
For　hours　yet　she　would　be　there；　going　round　and　round　in　the　arms
of　Youth！　　Try　as　he　might　he　could　never　recapture　for　himself　the
look　that　Oliver's　face　had　wornthe　look　that　was　the　symbol　of
so　much　more　than　he　himself　could　give　her。　　Why　had　she　come　into
his　lifeto　her　undoing；　and　his　own？　　And　the　bizarre　thought
came　to　him：　If　she　were　dead　should　I　really　care？　　Should　I　not
be　almost　glad？　　If　she　were　dead　her　witchery　would　be　dead；　and　I
could　stand　up　straight　again　and　look　people　in　the　face！　　What
was　this　power　that　played　with　men；　darted　into　them；　twisted
their　hearts　to　rags；　this　power　that　had　looked　through　her　eyes
when　she　put　her　fan；　with　his　flowers；　to　her　lips？

The　thrumming　of　the　music　ceased；　he　walked　away。

It　must　have　been　nearly　twelve　when　he　reached　home。　　Now；　once
more；　would　begin　the　gruesome　process　of　deceptionflinching　of
soul；　and　brazening　of　visage。　　It　would　be　better　when　the　whole
thievish　business　was　irretrievably　begun　and　ordered　in　its　secret
courses！

There　was　no　light　in　the　drawing…room；　save　just　the　glow　of　the
fire。　　If　only　Sylvia　might　have　gone　to　bed！　　Then　he　saw　her；
sitting　motionless　out　there　by　the　uncurtained　window。

He　went　over　to　her；　and　began　his　hateful　formula：

〃I'm　afraid　you've　been　lonely。　　I　had　to　stay　rather　late。　　A　dull
evening。〃　　And；　since　she　did　not　move　or　answer；　but　just　sat
there　very　still　and　white；　he　forced　himself　to　go　close；　bend
down　to　her；　touch　her　cheek；　even　to　kneel　beside　her。　　She　looked
round　then；　her　face　was　quiet　enough；　but　her　eyes　were　strangely
eager。　　With　a　pitiful　little　smile　she　broke　out：

〃Oh；　Mark！　　What　is　itwhat　is　it？　　Anything　is　better　than　this！〃

Perhaps　it　was　the　smile；　perhaps　her　voice　or　eyesbut　something
gave　way　in　Lennan。　　Secrecy；　precaution　went　by　the　board。　　Bowing
his　head　against　her　breast；　he　poured　it　all　out；　while　they
clung；　clutched　together　in　the　half　dark　like　two　frightened
children。　　Only　when　he　had　finished　did　he　realize　that　if　she　had
pushed　him　away；　refused　to　let　him　touch　her；　it　would　have　been
far　less　piteous；　far　easier　to　bear；　than　her　wan　face　and　her
hands　clutching　him；　and　her　words：　〃I　never　thoughtyou　and　I
oh！　Markyou　and　I〃　　The　trust　in　their　life　together；　in
himself；　that　those　words　revealed！　　Yet；　not　greater　than　he　had
hadstill　had！　　She　could　not　understandhe　had　known　that　she
could　never　understand；　it　was　why　he　had　fought　so　for　secrecy；
all　through。　　She　was　taking　it　as　if　she　had　lost　everything；　and
in　his　mind　she　had　lost　nothing。　　This　passion；　this　craving　for
Youth　and　Life；　this　madnesscall　it　what　one　wouldwas　something
quite　apart；　not　touching　his　love　and　need　of　her。　　If　she　would
only　believe　that！　　Over　and　over　he　repeated　it；　over　and　over
again　perceived　that　she　could　not　take　it　in。　　The　only　thing　she
saw　was　that　his　love　had　gone　from　her　to　anotherthough　that　was
not　true！　　Suddenly　she　broke　out　of　his　arms；　pushing　him　from
her；　and　cried：　〃That　girlhateful；　horrible；　false！〃　　Never　had
he　seen　her　look　like　this；　with　flaming　spots　in　her　white　cheeks；
soft　lips　and　chin　distorted；　blue　eyes　flaming；　breast　heaving；　as
if　each　breath　were　drawn　from　lungs　that　received　no　air。　　And
then；　as　quickly；　the　fire　went　out　of　her；　she　sank　down　on　the
sofa；　covering　her　face　with　her　arms；　rocking　to　and　fro。　　She　did
not　cry；　but　a　little　moan　came　from　her　now　and　then。　　And　each
one　of　those　sounds　was　to　Lennan　like　the　cry　of　something　he　was
murdering。　　At　last　he　went　and　sat　down　on　the　sofa　by　her　and
said：

〃Sylvia！　　Sylvia！　　Don't！　oh！　don't！〃　　And　she　was　silent；　ceasing
to　rock　herself；　letting　him　smooth　and　stroke　her。　　But　her　face
she　kept　hidden；　and　only　once　she　spoke；　so　low　that　he　could
hardly　hear：　〃I　can'tI　won't　keep　you　from　her。〃　　And　with　the
awful　feeling　that　no　words　could　reach　or　soothe　the　wound　in　that
tender　heart；　he　could　only　go　on　stroking　and　kissing　her　hands。

It　was　atrocioushorriblethis　that　he　had　done！　　God　knew　that
he　had　not　sought　itthe　thing　had　come　on　him。　　Surely　even　in
her　misery　she　could　see　that！　　Deep　down　beneath　his　grief　and
self…hatred；　he　knew；　what　neither　she　nor　anyone　else　could　know
that　he　could　not　have　prevented　this　feeling；　which　went　back　to
days　before　he　ever　saw　the　girlthat　no　man　could　have　stopped
that　feeling　in　himself。　　This　craving　and　roving　was　as　much　part
of　him　as　his　eyes　and　hands；　as　overwhelming　and　natural　a　longing
as　his　hunger　for　work；　or　his　need　of　the　peace　that　Sylvia　gave；
and　alone　could　give　him。　　That　was　the　tragedyit　was　all　sunk
and　rooted　in　the　very　nature　of　a　man。　　Since　the　girl　had　come
into　their　lives　he　was　no　more　unfaithful　to　his　wife　in　thought
than　he　had　been　before。　　If　only　she　could　look　into　him；　see　him
exactly　as　he　was；　as；　without　part　or　lot　in　the　process；　he　had
been　madethen　she　would　understand；　and　even　might　not　suffer；
but　she　could　not；　and　he　could　never　make　it　plain。　　And　solemnly；
desperately；　with　a　weary　feeling　of　the　futility　of　words；　he　went
on　trying：　Could　she　not　see？　　It　was　all　a　thing　outside　hima
craving；　a　chase　after　beauty　and　life；　after　his　own　youth！　　At
that　word　she　looked　at　him：

〃And　do　you　think　I　don't　want　my　youth　back？〃

He　stopped。

For　a　woman　to　feel　that　her　beautythe　brightness　of　her　hair　and
eyes；　the　grace　and　suppleness　of　her　limbswere　slipping　from　her
and　from　the　man　she　loved！　　Was　there　anything　more　bitter？or
any　more　sacred　duty　than　not　to　add　to　that　bitterness；　not　to
push　her　with　suffering　into　old　age；　but　to　help　keep　the　star　of
her　faith　in　her　charm　intact！

Man　and　womanthey　both　wanted　youth　again；　she；　that　she　might
give　it　all　to　him；　he；　because　it　would　help　him　towards
somethingnew！　　Just　that　world　of　difference！

He　got　up；　and　said：

〃Come；　dear；　let's　try　and　sleep。〃

He　had　not　once　said　that　he　could　give　it　up。　　The　words　would　not
pass　his　lips；　though　he　knew　she　must　be　conscious　that　he