the dark flower-第34章

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pace　that　people　stared；　till；　turning　the　last　corner　for　home；　he
ran　almost　into　the　arms　of　Oliver　Dromore。

The　young　man　was　walking　with　unaccustomed　indecision；　his　fur
coat　open；　his　opera…hat　pushed　up　on　his　crisp　hair。　　Dark　under
the　eyes；　he　had　not　the　proper　gloss　of　a　Dromore　at　this　season
of　the　year。

〃Mr。　Lennan！　　I've　just　been　round　to　you。〃

And　Lennan　answered　dazedly：

〃Will　you　come　in；　or　shall　I　walk　your　way　a　bit？〃

〃I'd　ratherout　here；　if　you　don't　mind。〃

So　in　silence　they　went　back　into　the　Square。　　And　Oliver　said：

〃Let's　get　over　by　the　rails。〃

They　crossed　to　the　railings　of　the　Square's　dark　garden；　where
nobody　was　passing。　　And　with　every　step　Lennan's　humiliation　grew。
There　was　something　false　and　undignified　in　walking　with　this
young　man　who　had　once　treated　him　as　a　father　confessor　to　his
love　for　Nell。　　And　suddenly　he　perceived　that　they　had　made　a
complete　circuit　of　the　Square　garden　without　speaking　a　single
word。

〃Yes？〃　he　said。

Oliver　turned　his　face　away。

〃You　remember　what　I　told　you　in　the　summer。　　Well；　it's　worse　now。
I've　been　going　a　mucker　lately　in　all　sorts　of　ways　to　try　and　get
rid　of　it。　　But　it's　all　no　good。　　She's　got　me！〃

And　Lennan　thought：　You're　not　alone　in　that！　　But　he　kept　silence。
His　chief　dread　was　of　saying　something　that　he　would　remember
afterwards　as　the　words　of　Judas。

Then　Oliver　suddenly　burst　out：

〃Why　can't　she　care？　　I　suppose　I'm　nothing　much；　but　she's　known
me　all　her　life；　and　she　used　to　like　me。　　There's　somethingI
can't　make　out。　　Could　you　do　anything　for　me　with　her？〃

Lennan　pointed　across　the　street。

〃In　every　other　one　of　those　houses；　Oliver；〃　he　said；　〃there's
probably　some　creature　who　can't　make　out　why　another　creature
doesn't　care。　　Passion　comes　when　it　will；　goes　when　it　will；　and
we　poor　devils　have　no　say　in　it。〃

〃What　do　you　advise　me；　then？〃

Lennan　had　an　almost　overwhelming　impulse　to　turn　on　his　heel　and
leave　the　young　man　standing　there。　　But　he　forced　himself　to　look
at　his　face；　which　even　then　had　its　attractionperhaps　more　so
than　ever；　so　pallid　and　desperate　it　was。　　And　he　said　slowly；
staring　mentally　at　every　word：

〃I'm　not　up　to　giving　you　advice。　　The　only　thing　I　might　say　is：
One　does　not　press　oneself　where　one　isn't　wanted；　all　the　same
who　knows？　　So　long　as　she　feels　you're　there；　waiting；　she　might
turn　to　you　at　any　moment。　　The　more　chivalrous　you　are；　Oliver；
the　more　patiently　you　wait；　the　better　chance　you　have。〃

Oliver　took　those　words　of　little　comfort　without　flinching。　　〃I
see；〃　he　said。　　〃Thanks！　　But；　my　God！　it's　hard。　　I　never　could
wait。〃　　And　with　that　epigram　on　himself；　holding　out　his　hand；　he
turned　away。

Lennan　went　slowly　home；　trying　to　gauge　exactly　how　anyone　who
knew　all　would　judge　him。　　It　was　a　little　difficult　in　this　affair
to　keep　a　shred　of　dignity。

Sylvia　had　not　gone　up；　and　he　saw　her　looking　at　him　anxiously。
The　one　strange　comfort　in　all　this　was　that　his　feeling　for　her；
at　any　rate；　had　not　changed。　　It　seemed　even　to　have　deepenedto
be　more　real　to　him。

How　could　he　help　staying　awake　that　night？　　How　could　he　help
thinking；　then？　　And　long　time　he　lay；　staring　at　the　dark。

As　if　thinking　were　any　good　for　fever　in　the　veins！


X


Passion　never　plays　the　game。　　It；　at　all　events；　is　free　from
self…consciousness；　and　pride；　from　dignity；　nerves；　scruples；
cant；　moralities；　from　hypocrisies；　and　wisdom；　and　fears　for
pocket；　and　position　in　this　world　and　the　next。　　Well　did　the　old
painters　limn　it　as　an　arrow　or　a　wind！　　If　it　had　not　been　as
swift　and　darting；　Earth　must　long　ago　have　drifted　through　space
untenantedto　let。　。　。　。

After　that　fevered　night　Lennan　went　to　his　studio　at　the　usual
hour　and　naturally　did　not　do　a　stroke　of　work。　　He　was　even
obliged　to　send　away　his　model。　　The　fellow　had　been　his
hairdresser；　but；　getting　ill；　and　falling　on　dark　days；　one
morning　had　come　to　the　studio；　to　ask　with　manifest　shame　if　his
head　were　any　good。　　After　having　tested　his　capacity　for　standing
still；　and　giving　him　some　introductions；　Lennan　had　noted　him
down：　〃Five　feet　nine；　good　hair；　lean　face；　something　tortured　and
pathetic。　　Give　him　a　turn　if　possible。〃　　The　turn　had　come；　and
the　poor　man　was　posing　in　a　painful　attitude；　talking；　whenever
permitted；　of　the　way　things　had　treated　him；　and　the　delights　of
cutting　hair。　　This　morning　he　took　his　departure　with　the　simple
pleasure　of　one　fully　paid　for　services　not　rendered。

And　so；　walking　up　and　down；　up　and　down；　the　sculptor　waited　for
Nell's　knock。　　What　would　happen　now？　　Thinking　had　made　nothing
clear。　　Here　was　offered　what　every　warm…blooded　man　whose　Spring
is　past　desiresyouth　and　beauty；　and　in　that　youth　a　renewal　of
his　own；　what　all　men　save　hypocrites　and　Englishmen　would　even
admit　that　they　desired。　　And　it　was　offered　to　one　who　had　neither
religious　nor　moral　scruples；　as　they　are　commonly　understood。　　In
theory　he　could　accept。　　In　practice　he　did　not　as　yet　know　what　he
could　do。　　One　thing　only　he　had　discovered　during　the　night's
reflections：　That　those　who　scouted　belief　in　the　principle　of
Liberty　made　no　greater　mistake　than　to　suppose　that　Liberty　was
dangerous　because　it　made　a　man　a　libertine。　　To　those　with　any
decency；　the　creed　of　Freedom　wasof　allthe　most　enchaining。
Easy　enough　to　break　chains　imposed　by　others；　fling　his　cap　over
the　windmill；　and　cry　for　the　moment　at　least：　I　am　unfettered；
free！　　Hard；　indeed；　to　say　the　same　to　his　own　unfettered　Self！
Yes；　his　own　Self　was　in　the　judgment…seat；　by　his　own　verdict　and
decision　he　must　abide。　　And　though　he　ached　for　the　sight　of　her；
and　his　will　seemed　paralyzedmany　times　already　he　had　thought：
It　won't　do！　　God　help　me！

Then　twelve　o'clock　had　come；　and　she　had　not。　　Would　'The　Girl　on
the　Magpie　Horse'　be　all　he　would　see　of　her　to…daythat
unsatisfying　work；　so　cold；　and　devoid　of　witchery？　　Better　have
tried　to　paint　herwith　a　red　flower　in　her　hair；　a　pout　on　her
lips；　and　her　eyes　fey；　or　languorous。　　Goya　could　have　painted
her！

And　then；　just　as　he　had　given　her　up；　she　came。

After　taking　one　look　at　his　face；　she　slipped　in　ever　so　quietly；
like　a　very　good　child。　。　。　。　　Marvellous　the　instinct　and　finesse
of　the　young　when　they　are　women！　。　。　。　　Not　a　vestige　in　her　of
yesterday's　seductive　power；　not　a　sign　that　there　had　been　a
yesterday　at　alljust　confiding；　like　a　daughter。　　Sitting　there；
telling　him　about　Ireland；　showing　him　the　little　batch　of　drawings
she　had　done　while　she　was　away。　　Had　she　brought　them　because　she
knew　they　would　make　him　feel　sorry　for　her？　　What　could　have　been
less　dangerous；　more　appealing　to　the　protective　and　paternal　side
of　him　than　she　was　that　morning；　as　if　she　only　wanted　what　her
father　and　her　home　could　not　give　heronly　wanted　to　be　a　sort　of
daughter　to　him！

She　went　away　demurely；　as　she　had　come；　refusing　to　stay　to　lunch；
manifestly　avoiding　Sylvia。　　Only　then　he　realized　that　she　must
have　taken　alarm　from　the　look　of　strain　on　his　face；　been　afraid
that　he　would　send　her　away；　only　then　perceived　that；　with　her
appeal　to　his　protection；　she　had　been　binding　him　closer；　making
it　harder　for　him　to　break　away　and　hurt　her。　　And　the　fevered
aching　began　againworse　than　everthe　moment　he　lost　sight　of
her。　　And　more　than　ever　he　felt　in　the　grip　of　something　beyond
his　power　to　fight　against；　something　that；　however　he　swerved；　and
backed；　and　broke　away；　would　close　in　on　him；　find　means　to　bind
him　again　hand　and　foot。

In　the　afternoon　Dromore's　confidential　man　brought　him　a　note。
The　fellow；　with　his　cast…down　eyes；　and　his　well…parted　hair；
seemed　to　Lennan　to　be　saying：　〃Yes；　sirit　is　quite　natural　that
you　should　take　the　note　out　of　eyeshot；　sirBUT　I　KNOW；
fortunately；　there　is　no　necessity　for　alarmI　am　strictly
confidential。〃

And　this　was　what　the　note　contained：


〃You　promised　to　ride　with　me　onceyou　DID　promise；　and　you　never
have。　　Do　please　ride　with　me　to…morrow；　then　you　will　get　what　you
want　for　the　statuette　instead　of　being　so　cross　with　it。　　You　can
have　Dad's　horsehe　has　gone　to　Newmarket　again；　and　I'm　so
lonely。　　Pleaseto…morrow；　at　half…past　twostarting　from　here。
NELL。〃


To　hesitate　in　view　of　those　confidential　eyes　was　not　possible；　it
must　be　'Yes'　or　'No'；　and　if　'No；'　it　would　only　mean　that　she
would　come　in　the　morning　instead。　　So　he　said：

〃Just　say　'All　right！'〃

〃Very　good；　sir。〃　　Then　from　the　door：　〃Mr。　Dromore　will　be　away
till　Saturday；　sir。〃

Now；　why　had　the　fellow　said　that？　　Curious　how　this　desperate
secret　feeling　of　his　own　made　him　see　sinister　meaning　in　this
servant；　in　Oliver's　visit　of　last　nightin　everything。　　It　was
vilethis　suspiciousness！　　He　could　feel；　almost　see；　himself
deteriorating　already；　with　this　furtive　feeling　in　his　soul。　　It
would　soon　be　written　on　his　face！　　But　what　was　the　use　of
troubling？　　What　would　come；　wouldone　way　or　the　other。

And　suddenly　he　remembered　with　a　shock　that　it　was　the　first　of
NovemberSylvia's　birthday！　　He　had　never　before　forgotten　it。　　In
the　disturbance　of　that　discovery　he　was　very　near　to　going　and
pouring　out　to　her　the　whole　story　of　his　feelings。　　A　charming
birthday　present；　that　would　make！　　Taking　his　hat；　instead；　he
dashed　round　to　the　nearest　flower　shop。　　A　Frenchwoman　kept　it。

What　had　she？

What　did　Monsieur　desire？　　〃Des　oeillets　rouges？　　J'en　ai　de　bien
beaux　ce　soir。〃

Nonot　those。　　White　flowers！

〃Une　belle　azalee？〃

Yes；　that　would　doto　be　sent　at　onceat　once！

Next　door　was　a　jeweller's。　　He　had　never　really　known　if　Sylvia
cared　for　jewels；　since　one　day　he　happened　to　remark　that　they
were　vulgar。　　And　feeling　that　he　had　fallen　low　indeed；　to　be
trying　to　atone　with　some　miserable　gewgaw　for　never　having　thought
of　her　all　day；　because　he　had　been　thinking　of　another；　he　went　in
and　bought　the　only　ornament　whose　ingredients　did　not　make　his
gorge　rise；　two　small　pear…shaped　black　pearls；　one　at　each　end　of
a　fine　platinum　chain。　　Coming　out　with　it；　he　noticed　over　the
street；　in　a　clear　sky　fast　deepening　to　indigo；　the　thinnest　slip
of　a　new　moon；　like　a　bright　swallow；　with　wings　bent　back；　flying
towards　the　ground。　　That　meantfine　weather！　　If　it　could　only　be
fine　weather　in　his　heart！　　And　in　order　that　the　azalea　might
arrive　first；　he　walked　up　and　down　the　Square　which　he　and　Oliver
had　patrolled　the　night　before。

When　he　went　in；　Sylvia　was　just　placing　the　white　azalea　in　the
window　of　the　drawing…room；　and　stealing　up　behind　her　he　clasped
the　little　necklet　round　her　throat。　　She　turned　round　and　clung　to
him。　　He　could　feel　that　she　was　greatly　moved。　　And　remorse
stirred　and　stirred　in　him　that　he　was　betraying　her　with　his　kiss。

But；　even　while　he　kissed　her；　he　was　hardening　his　heart。


XI


Next　day；　still　following　the　lead　of　her　words　about　fresh　air　and
his　tired　look；　he　told　her　that　he　was　going　to　ride；　and　did　not
say　with　whom。　　After　applauding　his　resolution；　she　was　silent　for
a　littlethen　asked：

〃Why　don't　you　ride　with　Nell？