the dark flower-第26章

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for　the　sake　of　a　faith　in　her　that　was　lost　already；　could　be　but
folly。　　If　she　seemed　bad　and　false　to　him；　there　was　no　longer
reason　to　pretend　to　be　otherwise。　　No　longer　would　she；　in　the
words　of　the　old　song：'sit　and　sighpulling　bracken；　pulling
bracken。'　　No　more　would　she　starve　for　want　of　love；　and　watch　the
nights　throb　and　ache；　as　last　night　had　throbbed　and　ached；　with
the　passion　that　she　might　not　satisfy。

And　while　she　was　dressing　she　wondered　why　she　did　not　look　tired。
To　get　out　quickly！　　To　send　her　lover　word　at　once　to　hasten　to
her　while　it　was　safethat　she　might　tell　him　she　was　coming　to
him　out　of　prison！　　She　would　telegraph　for　him　to　come　that
evening　with　a　boat；　opposite　the　tall　poplar。　　She　and　her　Aunt
and　Uncle　were　to　go　to　dinner　at　the　Rectory；　but　she　would　plead
headache　at　the　last　minute。　　When　the　Ercotts　had　gone　she　would
slip　out；　and　he　and　she　would　row　over　to　the　wood；　and　be
together　for　two　hours　of　happiness。　　And　they　must　make　a　clear
plan；　toofor　to…morrow　they　would　begin　their　life　together。　　But
it　would　not　be　safe　to　send　that　message　from　the　village；　she
must　go　down　and　over　the　bridge　to　the　post…office　on　the　other
side；　where　they　did　not　know　her。　　It　was　too　late　now　before
breakfast。　　Better　after；　when　she　could　slip　away；　knowing　for
certain　that　her　husband　had　gone。　　It　would　still　not　be　too　late
for　her　telegramLennan　never　left　his　rooms　till　the　midday　post
which　brought　her　letters。

She　finished　dressing；　and　knowing　that　she　must　show　no　trace　of
her　excitement；　sat　quite　still　for　several　minutes；　forcing
herself　into　languor。　　Then　she　went　down。　　Her　husband　had
breakfasted　and　gone。　　At　everything　she　did；　and　every　word　she
spoke；　she　was　now　smiling　with　a　sort　of　wonder；　as　if　she　were
watching　a　self；　that　she　had　abandoned　like　an　old　garment；
perform　for　her　amusement。　　It　even　gave　her　no　feeling　of　remorse
to　think　she　was　going　to　do　what　would　be　so　painful　to　the　good
Colonel。　　He　was　dear　to　herbut　it　did　not　matter。　　She　was　past
all　that。　　Nothing　matterednothing　in　the　world！　　It　amused　her
to　believe　that　her　Uncle　and　Aunt　misread　her　last　night's　walk　in
the　dark　garden；　misread　her　languor　and　serenity。　　And　at　the
first　moment　possible　she　flew　out；　and　slipped　away　under　cover　of
the　yew…trees　towards　the　river。　　Passing　the　spot　where　her
husband　had　dragged　her　down　to　him　on　her　knees　in　the　grass；　she
felt　a　sort　of　surprise　that　she　could　ever　have　been　so　terrified。
What　was　he？　　The　pastnothing！　　And　she　flew　on。　　She　noted
carefully　the　river　bank　opposite　the　tall　poplar。　　It　would　be
quite　easy　to　get　down　from　there　into　a　boat。　　But　they　would　not
stay　in　that　dark　backwater。　　They　would　go　over　to　the　far　side
into　those　woods　from　which　last　night　the　moon　had　risen；　those
woods　from　which　the　pigeons　mocked　her　every　morning；　those　woods
so　full　of　summer。　　Coming　back；　no　one　would　see　her　landing；　for
it　would　be　pitch　dark　in　the　backwater。　　And；　while　she　hurried；
she　looked　back　across　her　shoulder；　marking　where　the　water；
entering；　ceased　to　be　bright。　　A　dragon…fly　brushed　her　cheek；　she
saw　it　vanish　where　the　sunlight　failed。　　How　suddenly　its　happy
flight　was　quenched　in　that　dark　shade；　as　a　candle　flame　blown
out。　　The　tree　growth　there　was　too　thickthe　queer　stumps　and
snags　had　uncanny　shapes；　as　of　monstrous　creatures；　whose　eyes
seemed　to　peer　out　at　you。　　She　shivered。　　She　had　seen　those
monsters　with　their　peering　eyes　somewhere。　　Ah！　　In　her　dream　at
Monte　Carlo　of　that　bull…face　staring　from　the　banks；　while　she
drifted　by；　unable　to　cry　out。　　No！　　The　backwater　was　not　a　happy
placethey　would　not　stay　there　a　single　minute。　　And　more　swiftly
than　ever　she　flew　on　along　the　path。　　Soon　she　had　crossed　the
bridge；　sent　off　her　message；　and　returned。　　But　there　were　ten
hours　to　get　through　before　eight　o'clock；　and　she　did　not　hurry
now。　　She　wanted　this　day　of　summer　to　herself　alone；　a　day　of
dreaming　till　he　came；　this　day　for　which　all　her　life　till　now　had
been　shaping　herthe　day　of　love。　　Fate　was　very　wonderful！　　If
she　had　ever　loved　before；　if　she　had　known　joy　in　her　marriage
she　could　never　have　been　feeling　what　she　was　feeling　now；　what
she　well　knew　she　would　never　feel　again。　　She　crossed　a　new…mown
hayfield；　and　finding　a　bank；　threw　herself　down　on　her　back　among
its　uncut　grasses。　　Far　away　at　the　other　end　men　were　scything。
It　was　all　very　beautifulthe　soft　clouds　floating；　the　clover…
stalks　pushing　themselves　against　her　palms；　and　stems　of　the　tall
couch　grass　cool　to　her　cheeks；　little　blue　butterflies；　a　lark；
invisible；　the　scent　of　the　ripe　hay；　and　the　gold…fairy　arrows　of
the　sun　on　her　face　and　limbs。　　To　grow　and　reach　the　hour　of
summer；　all　must　do　that！　　That　was　the　meaning　of　Life！　　She　had
no　more　doubts　and　fears。　　She　had　no　more　dread；　no　bitterness；
and　no　remorse　for　what　she　was　going　to　do。　　She　was　doing　it
because　she　must。　。　。　。　　As　well　might　grass　stay　its　ripening
because　it　shall　be　cut　down！　　She　had；　instead；　a　sense　of
something　blessed　and　uplifting。　　Whatever　Power　had　made　her
heart；　had　placed　within　it　this　love。　　Whatever　it　was；　whoever　it
was；　could　not　be　angry　with　her！

A　wild　bee　settled　on　her　arm；　and　she　held　it　up　between　her　and
the　sun；　so　that　she　might　enjoy　its　dusky　glamour。　　It　would　not
sting　hernot　to…day！　　The　little　blue　butterflies；　too；　kept
alighting　on　her；　who　lay　there　so　still。　　And　the　love…songs　of
the　wood…pigeons　never　ceased；　nor　the　faint　swish　of　scything。

At　last　she　rose　to　make　her　way　home。　　A　telegram　had　come　saying
simply：　〃Yes。〃　　She　read　it　with　an　unmoved　face；　having　resorted
again　to　her　mask　of　languor。　　Toward　tea…time　she　confessed　to
headache；　and　said　she　would　lie　down。　　Up　there　in　her　room　she
spent　those　three　hours　writingwriting　as　best　she　could　all　she
had　passed　through　in　thought　and　feeling；　before　making　her
decision。　　It　seemed　to　her　that　she　owed　it　to　herself　to　tell　her
lover　how　she　had　come　to　what　she　had　never　thought　to　come　to。
She　put　what　she　had　written　in　an　envelope　and　sealed　it。　　She
would　give　it　to　him；　that　he　might　read　and　understand；　when　she
had　shown　him　with　all　of　her　how　she　loved　him。　　It　would　pass　the
time　for　him；　until　to…morrowuntil　they　set　out　on　their　new　life
together。　　For　to…night　they　would　make　their　plans；　and　to…morrow
start。

At　half…past　seven　she　sent　word　that　her　headache　was　too　bad　to
allow　her　to　go　out。　　This　brought　a　visit　from　Mrs。　Ercott：　The
Colonel　and　she　were　so　distressed；　but　perhaps　Olive　was　wise　not
to　exert　herself！　　And　presently　the　Colonel　himself　spoke；
lugubriously　through　the　door：　Not　well　enough　to　come？　　No　fun
without　her！　　But　she　mustn't　on　any　account　strain　herself！　　No；
no！

Her　heart　smote　her　at　that。　　He　was　always　so　good　to　her。

At　last；　watching　from　the　corridor；　she　saw　them　sally　forth　down
the　drivethe　Colonel　a　little　in　advance；　carrying　his　wife's
evening　shoes。　　How　nice　he　lookedwith　his　brown　face；　and　his
grey　moustache；　so　upright；　and　concerned　with　what　he　had　in　hand！

There　was　no　languor　in　her　now。　　She　had　dressed　in　white；　and　now
she　took　a　blue　silk　cloak　with　a　hood；　and　caught　up　the　flower
that　had　so　miraculously　survived　last　night's　wearing　and　pinned
it　at　her　breast。　　Then　making　sure　no　servant　was　about；　she
slipped　downstairs　and　out。　　It　was　just　eight；　and　the　sun　still
glistened　on　the　dove…cot。　　She　kept　away　from　that　lest　the　birds
should　come　fluttering　about　her；　and　betray　her　by　cooing。　　When
she　had　nearly　reached　the　tow…path；　she　stopped　affrighted。
Surely　something　had　moved；　something　heavy；　with　a　sound　of　broken
branches。　　Was　it　the　memory　of　last　night　come　on　her　again；　or；
indeed；　someone　there？　　She　walked　back　a　few　steps。　　Foolish
alarm！　　In　the　meadow　beyond　a　cow　was　brushing　against　the　hedge。
And；　stealing　along　the　grass；　out　on　to　the　tow…path；　she　went
swiftly　towards　the　poplar。


XIX


A　hundred　times　in　these　days　of　her　absence　Lennan　had　been　on　the
point　of　going　down；　against　her　orders；　just　to　pass　the　house；
just　to　feel　himself　within　reach；　to　catch　a　glimpse　of　her；
perhaps；　from　afar。　　If　his　body　haunted　London；　his　spirit　had
passed　down　on　to　that　river　where　he　had　drifted　once　already；
reconnoitring。　　A　hundred　timesby　day　in　fancy；　and　by　night　in
dreamspulling　himself　along　by　the　boughs；　he　stole　down　that　dim
backwater；　till　the　dark　yews　and　the　white　dove…cot　came　into
view。

For　he　thought　now　only　of　fulfilment。　　She　was　wasting　cruelly
away！　　Why　should　he　leave　her　where　she　was？　　Leave　her　to　profane
herself　and　all　womanhood　in　the　arms　of　a　man　she　hated？

And　on　that　day　of　mid…June；　when　he　received　her　telegram；　it　was
as　if　he　had　been　handed　the　key　of　Paradise。

Would　shecould　she　mean　to　come　away　with　him　that　very　night？
He　would　prepare　for　that　at　all　events。　　He　had　so　often　in　mind
faced　this　crisis　in　his　affairs；　that　now　it　only　meant
translating　into　action　what　had　been　carefully　thought　out。　　He
packed；　supplied　himself　liberally　with　money；　and　wrote　a　long
letter　to　his　guardian。　　It　would　hurt　the　old　manGordy　was　over
seventy　nowbut　that　could　not　be　helped。　　He　would　not　post　it
till　he　knew　for　certain。

After　telling　how　it　had　all　come　about；　he　went　on　thus：　〃I　know
that　to　many　people；　and　perhaps　to　you；　Gordy；　it　will　seem　very
wrong；　but　it　does　not　to　me；　and　that　is　the　simple　truth。
Everybody　has　his　own　views　on　such　things；　I　suppose；　and　as　I
would　noton　my　honour；　Gordyever　have　held　or　wished　to　hold；
or　ever　will　hold　in　marriage　or　out　of　marriage；　any　woman　who
does　not　love　me；　so　I　do　not　think　it　is　acting　as　I　would　resent
others　acting　towards　me；　to　take　away　from　such　unhappiness　this
lady　for　whom　I　would　die　at　any　minute。　　I　do　not　mean　to　say　that
pity　has　anything　to　do　with　itI　thought　so　at　first；　but　I　know
now　that　it　is　all　swallowed　up　in　the　most　mighty　feeling　I　have
ever　had　or　ever　shall　have。　　I　am　not　a　bit　afraid　of　conscience。
If　God　is　Universal　Truth；　He　cannot　look　hardly　upon　us　for　being
true　to　ourselves。　　And　as　to　people；　we　shall　just　hold　up　our
heads；　I　think　that　they　generally　take　you　at　your　own　valuation。
But；　anyway；　Society　does　not　much　matter。　　We　shan't　want　those
who　don't　want　usyou　may　be　sure。　　I　hope　he　will　divorce　her
quicklythere　is　nobody　much　to　be　hurt　by　that　except　you　and
Cis；　but　if　he　doesn'tit　can't　be　helped。　　I　don't　think　she　has
anything；　but　with　my　six　hundred；　and　what　I　can　make；　even　if　we
have　to　live　abroad；　we　shall　be　all　right　for　money。　　You　have
been　awfully　good　to　me　always；　Gordy；　and　I　am　very　grieved　to
hurt　you；　and　still　more　sorry　if　you　think　I　am　being　ungrateful；
but　when　one　feels　as　I　dobody　and　soul　and　spiritthere　isn't
any　question；　there　wouldn't　be　if　death　itself　stood　in　the　way。
If　you　receive　this；　we　shall　be　gone　together；　I　will　write　to　you
from　wherever　we　pitch　our　tent；　and；　of　course；　I　shall　write　to
Cicely。　　But　will　you　please　tell　Mrs。　Doone　and　Sylvia