a treatise on parents and children(父母与子女专题研究)-第21章
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it to make a theatrical demonstration of affectionate delight when its
mother returned after an absence： a typical example of the way in which
spurious family sentiment is stoked up。 We are； after all； sociable
animals； and if we are let alone in the matter of our affections； and well
brought up otherwise； we shall not get on any the worse with particular
people because they happen to be our brothers and sisters and cousins。
The danger lies in assuming that we shall get on any better。
The main point to grasp here is that families are not kept together at
present by family feeling but by human feeling。 The family cultivates
sympathy and mutual help and consolation as any other form of kindly
association cultivates them； but the addition of a dictated compulsory
affection as an attribute of near kinship is not only unnecessary； but
positively detrimental； and the alleged tendency of modern social
development to break up the family need alarm nobody。 We cannot
break up the facts of kinship nor eradicate its natural emotional
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consequences。 What we can do and ought to do is to set people free to
behave naturally and to change their behavior as circumstances change。 To
impose on a citizen of London the family duties of a Highland cateran in
the eighteenth century is as absurd as to compel him to carry a claymore
and target instead of an umbrella。 The civilized man has no special use
for cousins； and he may presently find that he has no special use for
brothers and sisters。 The parent seems likely to remain indispensable；
but there is no reason why that natural tie should be made the excuse for
unnatural aggravations of it； as crushing to the parent as they are
oppressive to the child。 The mother and father will not always have to
shoulder the burthen of maintenance which should fall on the Atlas
shoulders of the fatherland and motherland。 Pending such reforms and
emancipations； a shattering break…up of the parental home must remain
one of the normal incidents of marriage。 The parent is left lonely and the
child is not。 Woe to the old if they have no impersonal interests； no
convictions； no public causes to advance； no tastes or hobbies！ It is well
to be a mother but not to be a mother…in…law； and if men were cut off
artificially from intellectual and public interests as women are； the father…
in…law would be as deplorable a figure in popular tradition as the mother…
in…law。
It is not to be wondered at that some people hold that blood
relationship should be kept a secret from the persons related； and that the
happiest condition in this respect is that of the foundling who； if he ever
meets his parents or brothers or sisters； passes them by without knowing
them。 And for such a view there is this to be said： that our family
system does unquestionably take the natural bond between members of the
same family； which； like all natural bonds； is not too tight to be borne； and
superimposes on it a painful burden of forced； inculcated； suggested； and
altogether unnecessary affection and responsibility which we should do
well to get rid of by making relatives as independent of one another as
possible。
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The Fate of the Family
The difficulty of inducing people to talk sensibly about the family is
the same as that which I pointed out in a previous volume as confusing
discussions of marriage。 Marriage is not a single invariable institution：
it changes from civilization to civilization； from religion to religion； from
civil code to civil code； from frontier to frontier。 The family is still more
variable； because the number of persons constituting a family； unlike the
number of persons constituting a marriage； varies from one to twenty：
indeed； when a widower with a family marries a widow with a family； and
the two produce a third family； even that very high number may be
surpassed。 And the conditions may vary between opposite extremes： for
example； in a London or Paris slum every child adds to the burden of
poverty and helps to starve the parents and all the other children； whereas
in a settlement of pioneer colonists every child； from the moment it is big
enough to lend a hand to the family industry； is an investment in which the
only danger is that of temporary over…capitalization。 Then there are the
variations in family sentiment。 Sometimes the family organization is as
frankly political as the organization of an army or an industry： fathers
being no more expected to be sentimental about their children than
colonels about soldiers； or factory owners about their employees； though
the mother may be allowed a little tenderness if her character is weak。
The Roman father was a despot： the Chinese father is an object of
worship： the sentimental modern western father is often a play…fellow
looked to for toys and pocket…money。 The farmer sees his children
constantly： the squire sees them only during the holidays； and not then
oftener than he can help： the tram conductor； when employed by a joint
stock company； sometimes never sees them at all。
Under such circumstances phrases like The Influence of Home Life；
The Family； The Domestic Hearth； and so on； are no more specific than
The Mammals； or The Man In The Street； and the pious generalizations
founded so glibly on them by our sentimental moralists are unworkable。
When households average twelve persons with the sexes about equally
represented； the results may be fairly good。 When they average three the
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results may be very bad indeed； and to lump the two together under the
general term The Family is to confuse the question hopelessly。 The
modern small family is much too stuffy： children 〃brought up at home〃
in it are unfit for society。 But here again circumstances differ。 If the
parents live in what is called a garden suburb； where there is a good deal
of social intercourse； and the family； instead of keeping itself to itself； as
the evil old saying is； and glowering at the neighbors over the blinds of the
long street in which nobody knows his neighbor and everyone wishes to
deceive him as to his income and social importance； is in effect broken up
by school life； by out…of…door habits； and by frank neighborly intercourse
through dances and concerts and theatricals and excursions and the like；
families of four may turn out much less barbarous citizens than families of
ten which attain the Boer ideal of being out of sight of one another's
chimney smoke。
All one can say is； roughly； that the homelier the home； and the more
familiar the family； the worse for everybody concerned。 The family ideal
is a humbug and a nuisance： one might as reasonably talk of the barrack
ideal； or the forecastle ideal； or any other substitution of the machinery of
social organization for the end of it； which must always be the fullest and
most capable life： in short； the most godly life。 And this significant
word reminds us that though the popular conception of heaven includes a
Holy Family； it does not attach to that family the notion of a separate
home； or a private nursery or kitchen or mother…in…law； or anything that
constitutes the family as we know it。 Even blood relationship is
miraculously abstracted from it； and the Father is the father of all children；
the mother the mother of all mothers and babies； and the Son the Son of
Man and the Savior of his brothers： one whose chief utterance on the
subject of the conventional family was an invitation to all of us to leave
our families and follow him； and to leave the dead to bury the dead； and
not debauch ourselves at that gloomy festival the family funeral； with its
sequel of hideous mourning and grief which is either affected or morbid。
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Family Mourning
I do not know how far this detestable custom of mourning is carried in
France； but judging from the appearance of the French people I should say
that a Frenchwoman goes into mourning for her cousins to the seventeenth
degree。 The result is that when I cross the Channel I seem to have
reached a country devastated by war or pestilence。 It is really suffering
only from the family。 Will anyone pretend that England has not the best
of this striking difference？ Yet it is such senseless and unnatural
conventions as this that make us so impatient of what we call family
feeling。 Even apart from its insufferable pretensions； the family needs
hearty discrediting； for there is hardly any vulnerable part of it that could
not be amputated with advantage。
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Art Teaching
By art teaching I hasten to say that I do not mean giving children
lessons in freehand drawing and perspective。 I am simply calling
attention to the fact that fine art is the only teacher except t
