a treatise on parents and children(父母与子女专题研究)-第15章
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honestly and accurately； together with the rudiments of law and order；
become necessary conditions of a child's liberty before it can appreciate
the importance of its liberty； or foresee that these accomplishments are
worth acquiring。 Nature has provided for this by evolving the instinct of
docility。 Children are very docile： they have a sound intuition that they
must do what they are told or perish。 And adults have an intuition；
equally sound； that they must take advantage of this docility to teach
children how to live properly or the children will not survive。 The
difficulty is to know where to stop。 To illustrate this； let us consider the
main danger of childish docility and parental officiousness。
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
The Abuse of Docility
Docility may survive as a lazy habit long after it has ceased to be a
beneficial instinct。 If you catch a child when it is young enough to be
instinctively docile； and keep it in a condition of unremitted tutelage under
the nurserymaid； the governess； the preparatory school； the secondary
school； and the university； until it is an adult； you will produce； not a self…
reliant； free； fully matured human being； but a grown…up schoolboy or
schoolgirl； capable of nothing in the way of original or independent action
except outbursts of naughtiness in the women and blackguardism in the
men。 That is exactly what we get at present in our rich and consequently
governing classes： they pass from juvenility to senility without ever
touching maturity except in body。 The classes which cannot afford this
sustained tutelage are notably more self…reliant and grown…up： an office
boy of fifteen is often more of a man than a university student of twenty。
Unfortunately this precocity is disabled by poverty； ignorance； narrowness；
and a hideous power of living without art or love or beauty and being
rather proud of it。 The poor never escape from servitude： their docility
is preserved by their slavery。 And so all become the prey of the greedy；
the selfish； the domineering； the unscrupulous； the predatory。 If here and
there an individual refuses to be docile； ten docile persons will beat him or
lock him up or shoot him or hang him at the bidding of his oppressors and
their own。 The crux of the whole difficulty about parents； schoolmasters；
priests； absolute monarchs； and despots of every sort； is the tendency to
abuse natural docility。 A nation should always be healthily rebellious；
but the king or prime minister has yet to be found who will make trouble
by cultivating that side of the national spirit。 A child should begin to
assert itself early； and shift for itself more and more not only in washing
and dressing itself； but in opinions and conduct； yet as nothing is so
exasperating and so unlovable as an uppish child； it is useless to expect
parents and schoolmasters to inculcate this uppishness。 Such unamiable
precepts as Always contradict an authoritative statement； Always return a
blow； Never lose a chance of a good fight； When you are scolded for a
mistake ask the person who scolds you whether he or she supposes you
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did it on purpose； and follow the question with a blow or an insult or some
other unmistakable expression of resentment； Remember that the progress
of the world depends on your knowing better than your elders； are just as
important as those of The Sermon on the Mount； but no one has yet seen
them written up in letters of gold in a schoolroom or nursery。 The child
is taught to be kind； to be respectful； to be quiet； not to answer back； to be
truthful when its elders want to find out anything from it； to lie when the
truth would shock or hurt its elders； to be above all things obedient； and to
be seen and not heard。 Here we have two sets of precepts； each
warranted to spoil a child hopelessly if the other be omitted。
Unfortunately we do not allow fair play between them。 The rebellious；
intractable； aggressive； selfish set provoke a corrective resistance； and do
not pretend to high moral or religious sanctions； and they are never urged
by grown…up people on young people。 They are therefore more in danger
of neglect or suppression than the other set； which have all the adults； all
the laws； all the religions on their side。 How is the child to be secured its
due share of both bodies of doctrine？
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The Schoolboy and the Homeboy
In practice what happens is that parents notice that boys brought up at
home become mollycoddles； or prigs； or duffers； unable to take care of
themselves。 They see that boys should learn to rough it a little and to
mix with children of their own age。 This is natural enough。 When you
have preached at and punished a boy until he is a moral cripple； you are as
much hampered by him as by a physical cripple； and as you do not intend
to have him on your hands all your life； and are generally rather impatient
for the day when he will earn his own living and leave you to attend to
yourself； you sooner or later begin to talk to him about the need for self…
reliance； learning to think； and so forth； with the result that your victim；
bewildered by your inconsistency； concludes that there is no use trying to
please you； and falls into an attitude of sulky resentment。 Which is an
additional inducement to pack him off to school。
In school； he finds himself in a dual world； under two dispensations。
There is the world of the boys； where the point of honor is to be
untameable； always ready to fight； ruthless in taking the conceit out of
anyone who ventures to give himself airs of superior knowledge or taste；
and generally to take Lucifer for one's model。 And there is the world of
the masters； the world of discipline； submission； diligence； obedience； and
continual and shameless assumption of moral and intellectual authority。
Thus the schoolboy hears both sides； and is so far better off than the
homebred boy who hears only one。 But the two sides are not fairly
presented。 They are presented as good and evil； as vice and virtue； as
villainy and heroism。 The boy feels mean and cowardly when he obeys；
and selfish and rascally when he disobeys。 He looses his moral courage
just as he comes to hate books and languages。 In the end； John Ruskin；
tied so close to his mother's apron…string that he did not escape even when
he went to Oxford； and John Stuart Mill； whose father ought to have been
prosecuted for laying his son's childhood waste with lessons； were
superior； as products of training； to our schoolboys。 They were very
conspicuously superior in moral courage； and though they did not
distinguish themselves at cricket and football； they had quite as much
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physical hardihood as any civilized man needs。 But it is to be observed
that Ruskin's parents were wise people who gave John a full share in their
own life； and put up with his presence both at home and abroad when they
must sometimes have been very weary of him； and Mill； as it happens；
was deliberately educated to challenge all the most sacred institutions of
his country。 The households they were brought up in were no more
average households than a Montessori school is an average school。
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The Comings of Age of Children
All this inculcated adult docility； which wrecks every civilization as it
is wrecking ours； is inhuman and unnatural。 We must reconsider our
institution of the Coming of Age； which is too late for some purposes； and
too early for others。 There should be a series of Coming of Ages for
every individual。 The mammals have their first coming of age when they
are weaned； and it is noteworthy that this rather cruel and selfish operation
on the part of the parent has to be performed resolutely； with claws and
teeth； for your little mammal does not want to be weaned； and yields only
to a pretty rough assertion of the right of the parent to be relieved of the
child as soon as the child is old enough to bear the separation。 The same
thing occurs with children： they hang on to the mother's apron…string and
the father's coat tails as long as they can； often baffling those sensitive
parents who know that children should think for themselves and fend for
themselves； but are too kind to throw them on their own resources with the
ferocity of the domestic cat。 The child should have its first coming of
age when it is weaned； another when it can talk； another when it can walk；
another when it can dress itself without assistance； and when it can read；
write； count money； and pass an examination in going a simple errand
involving a purchase and a journey by rail or other public method of
locomotion； it should have quite a majority。 At present the children of
laborers are soon mobile and able to shift for themselves； whereas it is
possible to find grown…up women in the rich classes who are actually
afraid to take a walk in the streets unattended and unprotected。 It is t
