she stoops to conquer-第4章

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MARLOW。　　The　girls　like　finery。

HARDCASTLE。　　Which　might　consist　of　about　five　thousand　men；　well　appointed　with　stores；　ammunition；　and　other　implements　of　war。　　Now；　says　the　Duke　of　Marlborough　to　George　Brooks；　that　stood　next　to　himyou　must　have　heard　of　George　BrooksI'll　pawn　my　dukedom；　says　he；　but　I　take　that　garrison　without　spilling　a　drop　of　blood。　　So

MARLOW。　　What；　my　good　friend；　if　you　gave　us　a　glass　of　punch　in　the　mean　time；　it　would　help　us　to　carry　on　the　siege　with　vigour。

HARDCASTLE。　　Punch；　sir！　　（Aside。）　　This　is　the　most　unaccountable　kind　of　modesty　I　ever　met　with。

MARLOW。　　Yes；　sir；　punch。　　A　glass　of　warm　punch；　after　our　journey；　will　be　comfortable。　　This　is　Liberty…hall；　you　know。

HARDCASTLE。　　Here's　a　cup；　sir。

MARLOW。　　（Aside。）　　So　this　fellow；　in　his　Liberty…hall；　will　only　let　us　have　just　what　he　pleases。

HARDCASTLE。　　（Taking　the　cup。）　　I　hope　you'll　find　it　to　your　mind。　　I　have　prepared　it　with　my　own　hands；　and　I　believe　you'll　own　the　ingredients　are　tolerable。　　Will　you　be　so　good　as　to　pledge　me；　sir？　　Here；　Mr。　Marlow；　here　is　to　our　better　acquaintance。　　＇Drinks。＇

MARLOW。　　（Aside。）　　A　very　impudent　fellow　this！　but　he's　a　character；　and　I'll　humour　him　a　little。　　Sir；　my　service　to　you。　　＇Drinks。＇

HASTINGS。　　（Aside。）　　I　see　this　fellow　wants　to　give　us　his　company；　and　forgets　that　he's　an　innkeeper；　before　he　has　learned　to　be　a　gentleman。

MARLOW。　　From　the　excellence　of　your　cup；　my　old　friend；　I　suppose　you　have　a　good　deal　of　business　in　this　part　of　the　country。　　Warm　work；　now　and　then；　at　elections；　I　suppose。

HARDCASTLE。　　No；　sir；　I　have　long　given　that　work　over。　　Since　our　betters　have　hit　upon　the　expedient　of　electing　each　other；　there　is　no　business　〃for　us　that　sell　ale。〃

HASTINGS。　　So；　then；　you　have　no　turn　for　politics；　I　find。

HARDCASTLE。　　Not　in　the　least。　　There　was　a　time；　indeed；　I　fretted　myself　about　the　mistakes　of　government；　like　other　people；　but　finding　myself　every　day　grow　more　angry；　and　the　government　growing　no　better；　I　left　it　to　mend　itself。　　Since　that；　I　no　more　trouble　my　head　about　Hyder　Ally；　or　Ally　Cawn；　than　about　Ally　Croker。　　Sir；　my　service　to　you。

HASTINGS。　　So　that　with　eating　above　stairs；　and　drinking　below；　with　receiving　your　friends　within；　and　amusing　them　without；　you　lead　a　good　pleasant　bustling　life　of　it。

HARDCASTLE。　　I　do　stir　about　a　great　deal；　that's　certain。　　Half　the　differences　of　the　parish　are　adjusted　in　this　very　parlour。

MARLOW。　　（After　drinking。）　　And　you　have　an　argument　in　your　cup；　old　gentleman；　better　than　any　in　Westminster…hall。


HARDCASTLE。　　Ay；　young　gentleman；　that；　and　a　little　philosophy。

MARLOW。　　（Aside。）　　Well；　this　is　the　first　time　I　ever　heard　of　an　innkeeper's　philosophy。

HASTINGS。　　So　then；　like　an　experienced　general；　you　attack　them　on　every　quarter。　　If　you　find　their　reason　manageable；　you　attack　it　with　your　philosophy；　if　you　find　they　have　no　reason；　you　attack　them　with　this。　　Here's　your　health；　my　philosopher。　　＇Drinks。＇

HARDCASTLE。　　Good；　very　good；　thank　you；　ha！　ha！　　Your　generalship　puts　me　in　mind　of　Prince　Eugene；　when　he　fought　the　Turks　at　the　battle　of　Belgrade。　　You　shall　hear。

MARLOW。　　Instead　of　the　battle　of　Belgrade；　I　believe　it's　almost　time　to　talk　about　supper。　　What　has　your　philosophy　got　in　the　house　for　supper？

HARDCASTLE。　　For　supper；　sir！　　（Aside。）　　Was　ever　such　a　request　to　a　man　in　his　own　house？

MARLOW。　　Yes；　sir；　supper；　sir；　I　begin　to　feel　an　appetite。　　I　shall　make　devilish　work　to…night　in　the　larder；　I　promise　you。

HARDCASTLE。　　（Aside。）　　Such　a　brazen　dog　sure　never　my　eyes　beheld。　　（To　him。）　　Why；　really；　sir；　as　for　supper　I　can't　well　tell。　　My　Dorothy　and　the　cook…maid　settle　these　things　between　them。　　I　leave　these　kind　of　things　entirely　to　them。

MARLOW。　　You　do；　do　you？

HARDCASTLE。　　Entirely。　　By　the　bye；　I　believe　they　are　in　actual　consultation　upon　what's　for　supper　this　moment　in　the　kitchen。

MARLOW。　　Then　I　beg　they'll　admit　me　as　one　of　their　privy　council。　　It's　a　way　I　have　got。　　When　I　travel；　I　always　chose　to　regulate　my　own　supper。　　Let　the　cook　be　called。　　No　offence　I　hope；　sir。

HARDCASTLE。　　O　no；　sir；　none　in　the　least；　yet　I　don't　know　how；　our　Bridget；　the　cook…maid；　is　not　very　communicative　upon　these　occasions。　　Should　we　send　for　her；　she　might　scold　us　all　out　of　the　house。

HASTINGS。　　Let's　see　your　list　of　the　larder　then。　　I　ask　it　as　a　favour。　　I　always　match　my　appetite　to　my　bill　of　fare。

MARLOW。　　（To　HARDCASTLE；　who　looks　at　them　with　surprise。）　　Sir；　he's　very　right；　and　it's　my　way　too。

HARDCASTLE。　　Sir；　you　have　a　right　to　command　here。　　Here；　Roger；　bring　us　the　bill　of　fare　for　to…night's　supper：　I　believe　it's　drawn　outYour　manner；　Mr。　Hastings；　puts　me　in　mind　of　my　uncle；　Colonel　Wallop。　　It　was　a　saying　of　his；　that　no　man　was　sure　of　his　supper　till　he　had　eaten　it。

HASTINGS。　　（Aside。）　　All　upon　the　high　rope！　　His　uncle　a　colonel！　we　shall　soon　hear　of　his　mother　being　a　justice　of　the　peace。　　But　let's　hear　the　bill　of　fare。

MARLOW。　　（Perusing。）　　What's　here？　　For　the　first　course；　for　the　second　course；　for　the　dessert。　　The　devil；　sir；　do　you　think　we　have　brought　down　a　whole　Joiners'　Company；　or　the　corporation　of　Bedford；　to　eat　up　such　a　supper？　　Two　or　three　little　things；　clean　and　comfortable；　will　do。

HASTINGS。　　But　let's　hear　it。

MARLOW。　　（Reading。）　　For　the　first　course；　at　the　top；　a　pig　and　prune　sauce。

HASTINGS。　　Damn　your　pig；　I　say。

MARLOW。　　And　damn　your　prune　sauce；　say　I。

HARDCASTLE。　　And　yet；　gentlemen；　to　men　that　are　hungry；　pig　with　prune　sauce　is　very　good　eating。

MARLOW。　　At　the　bottom；　a　calf's　tongue　and　brains。

HASTINGS。　　Let　your　brains　be　knocked　out；　my　good　sir；　I　don't　like　them。

MARLOW。　　Or　you　may　clap　them　on　a　plate　by　themselves。　　I　do。

HARDCASTLE。　　（Aside。）　　Their　impudence　confounds　me。　　（To　them。）　　Gentlemen；　you　are　my　guests；　make　what　alterations　you　please。　　Is　there　anything　else　you　wish　to　retrench　or　alter；　gentlemen？

MARLOW。　　Item；　a　pork　pie；　a　boiled　rabbit　and　sausages；　a　Florentine；　a　shaking　pudding；　and　a　dish　of　tifftafftaffety　cream。

HASTINGS。　　Confound　your　made　dishes；　I　shall　be　as　much　at　a　loss　in　this　house　as　at　a　green　and　yellow　dinner　at　the　French　ambassador's　table。　　I'm　for　plain　eating。

HARDCASTLE。　　I'm　sorry；　gentlemen；　that　I　have　nothing　you　like；　but　if　there　be　anything　you　have　a　particular　fancy　to

MARLOW。　　Why；　really；　sir；　your　bill　of　fare　is　so　exquisite；　that　any　one　part　of　it　is　full　as　good　as　another。　　Send　us　what　you　please。　　So　much　for　supper。　　And　now　to　see　that　our　beds　are　aired；　and　properly　taken　care　of。

HARDCASTLE。　　I　entreat　you'll　leave　that　to　me。　　You　shall　not　stir　a　step。

MARLOW。　　Leave　that　to　you！　　I　protest；　sir；　you　must　excuse　me；　I　always　look　to　these　things　myself。

HARDCASTLE。　　I　must　insist；　sir；　you'll　make　yourself　easy　on　that　head。

MARLOW。　　You　see　I'm　resolved　on　it。　　（Aside。）　　A　very　troublesome　fellow　this；　as　I　ever　met　with。

HARDCASTLE。　　Well；　sir；　I'm　resolved　at　least　to　attend　you。　　（Aside。）　　This　may　be　modem　modesty；　but　I　never　saw　anything　look　so　like　old…fashioned　impudence。　　＇Exeunt　MARLOW　and　HARDCASTLE。＇

HASTINGS。　　（Alone。）　　So　I　find　this　fellow's　civilities　begin　to　grow　troublesome。　　But　who　can　be　angry　at　those　assiduities　which　are　meant　to　please　him？　　Ha！　what　do　I　see？　　Miss　Neville；　by　all　that's　happy！


Enter　MISS　NEVILLE。


MISS　NEVILLE。　　My　dear　Hastings！　　To　what　unexpected　good　fortune；　to　what　accident；　am　I　to　ascribe　this　happy　meeting？

HASTINGS。　　Rather　let　me　ask　the　same　question；　as　I　could　never　have　hoped　to　meet　my　dearest　Constance　at　an　inn。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　An　inn！　sure　you　mistake：　my　aunt；　my　guardian；　lives　here。　　What　could　induce　you　to　think　this　house　an　inn？

HASTINGS。　　My　friend；　Mr。　Marlow；　with　whom　I　came　down；　and　I；　have　been　sent　here　as　to　an　inn；　I　assure　you。　　A　young　fellow；　whom　we　accidentally　met　at　a　house　hard　by；　directed　us　hither。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　Certainly　it　must　be　one　of　my　hopeful　cousin's　tricks；　of　whom　you　have　heard　me　talk　so　often；　ha！　ha！　ha！

HASTINGS。　　He　whom　your　aunt　intends　for　you？　he　of　whom　I　have　such　just　apprehensions？

MISS　NEVILLE。　　You　have　nothing　to　fear　from　him；　I　assure　you。　　You'd　adore　him；　if　you　knew　how　heartily　he　despises　me。　　My　aunt　knows　it　too；　and　has　undertaken　to　court　me　for　him；　and　actually　begins　to　think　she　has　made　a　conquest。

HASTINGS。　　Thou　dear　dissembler！　　You　must　know；　my　Constance；　I　have　just　seized　this　happy　opportunity　of　my　friend's　visit　here　to　get　admittance　into　the　family。　　The　horses　that　carried　us　down　are　now　fatigued　with　their　journey；　but　they'll　soon　be　refreshed；　and　then；　if　my　dearest　girl　will　trust　in　her　faithful　Hastings；　we　shall　soon　be　landed　in　France；　where　even　among　slaves　the　laws　of　marriage　are　respected。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　I　have　often　told　you；　that　though　ready　to　obey　you；　I　yet　should　leave　my　little　fortune　behind　with　reluctance。　　The　greatest　part　of　it　was　left　me　by　my　uncle；　the　India　director；　and　chiefly　consists　in　jewels。　　I　have　been　for　some　time　persuading　my　aunt　to　let　me　wear　them。　　I　fancy　I'm　very　near　succeeding。　　The　instant　they　are　put　into　my　possession；　you　shall　find　me　ready　to　make　them　and　myself　yours。

HASTINGS。　　Perish　the　baubles！　　Your　person　is　all　I　desire。　　In　the　mean　time；　my　friend　Marlow　must　not　be　let　into　his　mistake。　　I　know　the　strange　reserve　of　his　temper　is　such；　that　if　abruptly　informed　of　it；　he　would　instantly　quit　the　house　before　our　plan　was　ripe　for　execution。

MISS　NEVILLE。　　But　how　shall　we　keep　him　in　the　deception？　　Miss　Hardcastle　is　just　returned　from　walking；　what　if　we　still　continue　to　deceive　him？This；　this　way＇They　confer。＇


Enter　MARLOW。


MARLOW。　　The　assiduities　of　these　good　people　teaze　me　beyond　bearing。　　My　host　seems　to　think　it　ill　manners　to　leave　me　alone；　and　so　he　claps　not　only　himself；　but　his　old…fashioned　wife；　on　my　back。　　They　talk　of　coming　to　sup　with　us　too；　and　then；　I　suppose；　we　are　to　run　the　gantlet　through　all　the　rest　of　the　family。What　have　we　got　here？

HASTINGS。　　My　dear　Charles！　　Let　me　congratulate　you！The　most　fortunate　accident！Who　do　you　think　is　just　alighted？

MARLOW。　　Cannot　guess。

HASTINGS。　　Our　mistresses；　boy；　Miss　Hardcastle　and　Miss　Neville。　　Give　me　leave　to　introduce　Miss　Constance　Neville　to　your　acquaintance。　　Happening　to　dine　in　the　neighbourhood；　they　called　on　their　return　to　take　fresh　horses　here。　　Miss　Hardcastle　has　just　stept　into　the　next　room；　and　will　be　back　in　an　instant。　　Wasn't　it　lucky？　　eh！

MARLOW。　　（Aside。）　　I　have　been　mortified　enough　of　all　conscience；　and　here　comes　something　to　complete　my　embarrassment。

HASTINGS。　　Well；　but　wasn't　it　the　most　fortunate　thing　in　the　world？

MARLOW。　　Oh！　yes。　　Very　fortunatea　most　joyful　encounterBut　our　dresses；　George；　you　know　are　in　disorderWhat　if　we　should　postpone　the　happiness　till　to…morrow？To…morrow　at　her　own　houseIt　will　be　every　bit　as　convenientand　rather　more　respectfulTo…morrow　let　it　be。　　＇Offering　to　go。＇

MISS　NEVILLE。　　By　no　means；　sir。　　You