the research magnificent-第25章

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arer。　　〃You　see；　sir；〃　he　explained　with　the　faintest　flavour　of　the　confidential　softening　his　mechanical　respect；　〃yesterday；　when　‘er　ladyship　was　‘ere；　sir；　some　one　rang　up　on　the　telephone〃　〃But　you；　Merkle〃　〃Exactly；　sir。　　But　‘er　ladyship　said　‘I'LL　go　to　that；　Merkle；'　and　just　for　a　moment　I　couldn't　exactly　think　‘ow　I　could　manage　it；　sir；　and　there　‘er　ladyship　was；　at　the　telephone。　　What　passed；　sir；　I　couldn't　‘ear。　　I　‘eard　her　say；　‘Any　message？'　　And　I　FANCY；　sir；　I　‘eard　‘er　say；　‘I'm　the　‘ousemaid；'　but　that；　sir；　I　think　must　have　been　a　mistake；　sir。〃　〃Must　have　been；〃　said　Benham。　　〃Certainlymust　have　been。　　And　the　call　you　think　came　from？〃　〃There　again；　sir；　I'm　quite　in　the　dark。　　But　of　course；　sir；　it's　usually　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　sir。　　Just　about　her　time　in　the　afternoon。　　On　an　average；　sir。　。　。　。〃

7

〃I　went　out　of　London　to　think　about　my　life。〃　It　was　manifest　that　Lady　Marayne　did　not　believe　him。　〃Alone？〃　she　asked。　〃Of　course　alone。〃　〃STUFF！〃　said　Lady　Marayne。　She　had　taken　him　into　her　own　little　sitting…room；　she　had　thrown　aside　gloves　and　fan　and　theatre　wrap；　curled　herself　comfortably　into　the　abundantly　cushioned　corner　by　the　fire；　and　proceeded　to　a　mixture　of　cross…examination　and　tirade　that　he　found　it　difficult　to　make　head　against。　　She　was　vibrating　between　distressed　solicitude　and　resentful　anger。　　She　was　infuriated　at　his　going　away　and　deeply　concerned　at　what　could　have　taken　him　away。　　〃I　was　worried；〃　he　said。　　〃London　is　too　crowded　to　think　in。　　I　wanted　to　get　myself　alone。〃　〃And　there　I　was　while　you　were　getting　yourself　alone；　as　you　call　it；　wearing　my　poor　little　brains　out　to　think　of　some　story　to　tell　people。　　I　had　to　stuff　them　up　you　had　a　sprained　knee　at　Chexington；　and　for　all　I　knew　any　of　them　might　have　been　seeing　you　that　morning。　　Besides　what　has　a　boy　like　you　to　worry　about？　It's　all　nonsense；　Poff。〃　She　awaited　his　explanations。　　Benham　looked　for　a　moment　like　his　father。　〃I'm　not　getting　on；　mother；〃　he　said。　　〃I'm　scattering　myself。　　I'm　getting　no　grip。　　I　want　to　get　a　better　hold　upon　life；　or　else　I　do　not　see　what　is　to　keep　ted；　blushed；　and　regretted　it。　〃Mrs。　Skelmersdale；〃　he　said　after　a　little　pause。　〃It's　all　the　same。　　Who　is　she？〃　〃She's　a　woman　I　met　at　a　studio　somewhere；　and　I　went　with　her　to　one　of　those　Dolmetsch　concerts。〃　He　stopped。　Lady　Marayne　considered　him　in　silence　for　a　little　while。　　〃All　men；〃　she　said　at　last；　〃are　alike。　　Husbands；　sons　and　brothers；　they　are　all　alike。　　Sons！　　One　expects　them　to　be　different。　　They　aren't　different。　　Why　should　they　be？　　I　suppose　I　ought　to　be　shocked；　Poff。　　But　I'm　not。　　She　seems　to　be　very　fond　of　you。〃　〃She'sshe's　very　goodin　her　way。　　She's　had　a　difficult　life。　。　。　。〃　〃You　can't　leave　a　man　about　for　a　moment；〃　Lady　Marayne　reflected。　〃Poff；　I　wish　you'd　fetch　me　a　glass　of　water。〃　When　he　returned　she　was　looking　very　fixedly　into　the　fire。　　〃Put　it　down；〃　she　said；　〃anywhere。　　Poff！　is　this　Mrs。　Helter…Skelter　a　discreet　sort　of　woman？　　Do　you　like　her？〃　　She　asked　a　few　additional　particulars　and　Benham　made　his　grudging　admission　of　facts。　　〃What　I　still　don't　understand；　Poff；　is　why　you　have　been　away。〃　〃I　went　away；〃　said　Benham；　〃because　I　want　to　clear　things　up。〃　〃But　why？　　Is　there　some　one　else？〃　〃No。〃　〃You　went　alone？　　All　the　time？〃　〃I've　told　you　I　went　alone。　　Do　you　think　I　tell　you　lies；　mother？〃　〃Everybody　tells　lies　somehow；〃　said　Lady　Marayne。　　〃Easy　lies　or　stiff　ones。　　Don't　FLOURISH；　Poff。　　D？〃　〃It　was　unexpected。　。　。　。〃　〃STUFF！〃　said　Lady　Marayne　for　a　second　time。　　〃Well；〃　she　said；　〃well。　　Your　Mrs。　Fly…by…Night；oh　it　doesn't　matter！whatever　she　calls　herself；　must　look　after　herself。　　I　can't　do　anything　for　her。　　I'm　not　supposed　even　to　know　about　her。　　I　daresay　she'll　find　her　consolations。　　I　suppose　you　want　to　go　out　of　London　and　get　away　from　it　all。　　I　can　help　you　there；　perhaps。　　I'm　tired　of　London　too。　　It's　been　a　tiresome　season。　　Oh！　tiresome　and　disappointing！　　I　want　to　go　over　to　Ireland　and　travel　about　a　little。　　The　Pothercareys　want　us　to　come。　　They've　asked　us　twice。　。　。　。〃　Benham　braced　himself　to　face　fresh　difficulties。　　It　was　amazing　how　different　the　world　could　look　from　his　mother's　little　parlour　and　from　the　crest　of　the　North　Downs。　〃But　I　want　to　start　round　the　world；〃　he　cried　with　a　note　of　acute　distress。　　〃I　want　to　go　to　Egypt　and　India　and　see　what　is　happening　in　the　East；　all　this　wonderful　waking　up　of　the　East；　I　know　nothing　of　the　way　the　world　is　going　。　。　。〃　〃India！〃　cried　Lady　Marayne。　　〃The　East。　　Poff；　what　is　the　MATTER　with　you？　　Has　something　happenedsomething　else？　　Have　you　been　having　a　love　affair？　a　REAL　love　affair？〃　〃Oh；　DAMN　love　affairs！〃　cried　Benham。　　〃Mother！I'm　sorry；　mother！　But　don't　you　see　there's　other　things　in　the　world　for　a　man　than　having　a　good　time　and　making　love。　　I'm　for　something　else　than　that。　　You've　given　me　the　splendidest　time　。　。　。〃　〃I　see；〃　cried　Lady　Marayne；　〃I　see。　　I've　bored　you。　　I　might　have　known　I　should　have　bored　you。〃　〃You've　NOT　bored　me！〃　cried　Benham。　He　threw　himself　on　the　rug　at　her　feet。　　〃Oh；　mother！〃　he　said；　〃little；　dear；　gallant　mother；　don't　make　life　too　hard　for　me。　I've　got　to　do　my　job；　I've　got　to　find　my　job。〃　〃I've　bored　you；〃　she　wept。　Suddenly　she　was　weeping　with　all　the　unconcealed　distressing　grief　of　a　disappointed　child。　　She　put　her　pretty　be…ringed　little　hands　in　front　of　her　face　and　recited　the　accumulation　of　her　woes。　〃I've　done　all　I　can　for　you；　planned　for　you；　given　all　my　time　for　you　and　I've　BORED　you。〃　〃Mother！〃　〃Don't　come　near　me；　Poff！　　Don't　TOUCH　me！　　All　my　plans。　　All　my　ambitions。　　Friendsevery　one。　　You　don't　know　all　I've　given　up　for　you。　。　。　。〃　He　had　never　seen　his　mother　weep　before。　　Her　self…abandonment　amazed　him。　　Her　words　were　distorted　by　her　tears。　　It　was　the　most　terrible　and　distressing　of　crises。　。　。　。　〃Go　away　from　me！　　How　can　you　help　me？　　All　I've　done　has　been　a　failure！　　Failure！　　Failure！〃

8

That　night　the　silences　of　Finacue　Street　heard　Benham's　voice　again。　　〃I　must　do　my　job；〃　he　was　repeating；　〃I　must　do　my　job。　Anyhow。　。　。　。〃　And　then　after　a　long　pause；　like　a　watchword　and　just　a　little　unsurely：　〃Aristocracy。　。　。　。〃　The　next　day　his　resolution　had　to　bear　the　brunt　of　a　second　ordeal。　　Mrs。　Skelmersdale　behaved　beautifully　and　this　made　everything　tormentingly　touching　and　difficult。　　She　convinced　him　she　was　really　in　love　with　him；　and　indeed　if　he　could　have　seen　his　freshness　and　simplicity　through　her　experienced　eyes　he　would　have　known　there　was　sound　reason　why　she　should　have　found　him　exceptional。　　And　when　his　clumsy　hints　of　compensation　could　no　longer　be　ignored　she　treated　him　with　a　soft　indignation；　a　tender　resentment；　that　left　him　soft　and　tender。　　She　looked　at　him　with　pained　eyes　and　a　quiver　of　the　lips。　　What　did　he　think　she　was？　And　then　a　little　less　credibly；　did　he　think　she　would　have　given　herself　to　him　if　she　hadn't　been　in　love　with　him？　　Perhaps　that　was　not　altogether　true；　but　at　any　rate　it　was　altogether　true　to　her　when　she　said　it；　and　it　was　manifest　that　she　did　not　for　a　moment　intend　him　to　have　the　cheap　consolation　of　giving　her　money。　But；　and　that　seemed　odd　to　Benham；　she　would　not　believe；　just　as　Lady　Marayne　would　not　believe；　that　there　was　not　some　other　woman　in　the　case。　　He　assured　her　and　she　seemed　reassured；　and　then　presently　she　was　back　at　exactly　the　same　question。　　Would　no　woman　ever　understand　the　call　of　Asia；　the　pride　of　duty；　the　desire　for　the　world？　One　sort　of　woman　perhaps。　。　。　。　It　was　odd　that　for　the　first　time　now；　in　the　sunshine　of　Kensington　Gardens；　he　saw　the　little　gossamer　lines　that　tell　that　thirty　years　and　more　have　passed　over　a　face；　a　little　wrinkling　of　the　eyelids；　a　little　hardening　of　the　mouth。　　How　slight　it　is；　how　invisible　it　has　been；　how　suddenly　it　appears！　　And　the　sunshine　of　the　warm　April　afternoon；　heightened　it　may　be　by　her　determined　unmercenary　pose；　betrayed　too　the　faintest　hint　of　shabbiness　in　her　dress。　　He　had　never　noticed　these　shadows　upon　her　or　her　setting　before　and　their　effect　was　to　fill　him　with　a　strange　regretful　tenderness。　。　。　。　Perhaps　men　only　begin　to　love　when　they　cease　to　be　dazzled　and　admire。　　He　had　thought　she　might　reproach　him；　he　had　felt　and　feared　she　might　set　herself　to　stir　his　senses；　and　both　these　expectations　had　been　unjust　to　her　he　saw；　now　that　he　saw　her　beside　him；　a　brave；　rather　ill…advised　and　unlucky　little　struggler；　stung　and　shamed。　　He　forgot　the　particulars　of　that　first　lunch　of　theirs　together　and　he　remembered　his　mother's　second　contemptuous　〃STUFF！〃　Indeed　he　knew　now　it　had　not　been　unexpected。　　Why　hadn't　he　left　this　little　sensitive　soul　and　this　little　sensitive　body　alone？　And　since　he　hadn't　done　so；　what　right　had　he　now　to　back　out　of　their　common　adventure？　　He　felt　a　sudden　wild　impulse　to　marry　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　in　a　mood　between　remorse　and　love　and　self…　immolation；　and　then　a　sunlit　young　woman　with　a　leaping　stride　in　her　paces；　passed　across　his　heavens；　pointing　to　Asia　and　Utopia　and　forbidding　even　another　thought　of　the　banns。　。　。　。　〃You　will　kiss　me　good…bye；　dear；　won't　you？〃　said　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　brimming　over。　　〃You　will　do　that。〃　He　couldn't　keep　his　arm　from　her　little　shoulders。　　And　as　their　lips　touched　he　suddenly　found　himself　weeping　also。　。　。　。　His　spirit　went　limping　from　that　interview。　　She　chose　to　stay　behind　in　her　chair　and　think；　she　said；　and　each　time　he　turned　back　she　was　sitting　in　the　same　attitude　looking　at　him　as　he　receded；　and　she　had　one　hand　on　the　chair　back　and　her　arm　drawn　up　to　it。　　The　third　time　he　waved　his　hat　clumsily；　and　she　started　and　then　answered　with　her　hand。　　Then　the　trees　hid　her。　。　。　。　This　sex　business　was　a　damnable　business。　　If　only　because　it　made　one　hurt　women。　。　。　。　He　had　trampled　on　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　he　had　hurt　and　disappointed　his　mother。　　Was　he　a　brute？　　Was　he　a　cold…blooded　prig？　　What　was　this　aristocracy？　　Was　his　belief　anything　more　than　a　theory？　　Was　he　only　dreaming　of　a　debt　to　the　men　in　the　quarry；　to　the　miners；　to　the　men　in　the　stokeholes；　to　the　drudges　on　the　fields？　　And　while　he　dreamt　he　wounded　and　distressed　real　living　creatures　in　the　sleep…walk　of　his　dreaming。　。　。　。　So　long　as　he　stuck　to　his　dream　he　must　at　any　rate　set　his　face　absolutely　against　the　establishment　of　any　further　relations　with　women。　Unless　they　were　women　of　an　entirely　different　type；　women　hardened　and　tempered；　who　would　understand。

9

So　Benham　was　able　to　convert　the　unfortunate　Mrs。　Skelmersdale　into　a　tender　but　for　a　long　time　an　entirely　painful　memory。　　But　mothers　are　not　so　easily　disposed　of；　and　more　particularly　a　mother　whose　conduct　is　coloured　deeply　by　an　extraordinary　persuasion　of　having　paid　for　her　offspring　twice　over。　　Nolan　was　inexplicable；　he　was；　Benham　understood　quite　clearly；　never　to　be　mentioned　again；　but　somehow　from　the　past　his　shadow　and　his　legacy　cast　a　peculiar　and　perplexing　shadow　of　undefined　obligation　upon　Benham's　outlook。　　His　resolution　to　go　round　the　world　carried　on　his　preparations　rapidly　and　steadily；　but　at　the　sam