the idle thoughts of an idle fellow[1].(一个浪子的随想)-第22章
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lump of seaweed。 The Fates are never favorable to the poor wretch。 If he
does by any chance reach the door in proper condition； she has gone out
with her cousin and won't be back till late。
How a young lover made ridiculous by the gawkiness of modern
costume must envy the picturesque gallants of seventy years ago！ Look at
them （on the Christmas cards）； with their curly hair and natty hats； their
well…shaped legs incased in smalls； their dainty Hessian boots； their
ruffling frills； their canes and dangling seals。 No wonder the little maiden
in the big poke…bonnet and the light…blue sash casts down her eyes and is
completely won。 Men could win hearts in clothes like that。 But what can
you expect from baggy trousers and a monkeyjacket？
Clothes have more effect upon us than we imagine。 Our deportment
depends upon our dress。 Make a man get into seedy； worn…out rags； and he
will skulk along with his head hanging down； like a man going out to fetch
his own supper beer。 But deck out the same article in gorgeous raiment
and fine linen； and he will strut down the main thoroughfare； swinging his
cane and looking at the girls as perky as a bantam cock。
Clothes alter our very nature。 A man could not help being fierce and
daring with a plume in his bonnet； a dagger in his belt； and a lot of puffy
white things all down his sleeves。 But in an ulster he wants to get behind a
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
lamp…post and call police。
I am quite ready to admit that you can find sterling merit； honest worth；
deep affection； and all such like virtues of the roast…beef…and…plum…
pudding school as much； and perhaps more； under broadcloth and tweed
as ever existed beneath silk and velvet； but the spirit of that knightly
chivalry that 〃rode a tilt for lady's love〃 and 〃fought for lady's smiles〃
needs the clatter of steel and the rustle of plumes to summon it from its
grave between the dusty folds of tapestry and underneath the musty leaves
of moldering chronicles。
The world must be getting old； I think； it dresses so very soberly now。
We have been through the infant period of humanity； when we used to run
about with nothing on but a long； loose robe； and liked to have our feet
bare。 And then came the rough； barbaric age； the boyhood of our race。 We
didn't care what we wore then； but thought it nice to tattoo ourselves all
over； and we never did our hair。 And after that the world grew into a young
man and became foppish。 It decked itself in flowing curls and scarlet
doublets； and went courting； and bragging； and bouncingmaking a brave
show。
But all those merry； foolish days of youth are gone； and we are very
sober； very solemnand very stupid； some saynow。 The world is a grave；
middle…aged gentleman in this nineteenth century； and would be shocked
to see itself with a bit of finery on。 So it dresses in black coats and trousers；
and black hats； and black boots； and； dear me； it is such a very respectable
gentlemanto think it could ever have gone gadding about as a troubadour
or a knight…errant； dressed in all those fancy colors！ Ah； well！ we are more
sensible in this age。
Or at least we think ourselves so。 It is a general theory nowadays that
sense and dullness go together。
Goodness is another quality that always goes with blackness。 Very
good people indeed； you will notice； dress altogether in black； even to
gloves and neckties； and they will probably take to black shirts before long。
Medium goods indulge in light trousers on week…days； and some of them
even go so far as to wear fancy waistcoats。 On the other hand； people who
care nothing for a future state go about in light suits； and there have been
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
known wretches so abandoned as to wear a white hat。 Such people；
however； are never spoken of in genteel society； and perhaps I ought not to
have referred to them here。
By the way； talking of light suits； have you ever noticed how people
stare at you the first time you go out in a new light suit They do not notice
it so much afterward。 The population of London have got accustomed to it
by the third time you wear it。 I say 〃you；〃 because I am not speaking from
my own experience。 I do not wear such things at all myself。 As I said； only
sinful people do so。
I wish； though； it were not so； and that one could be good； and
respectable； and sensible without making one's self a guy。 I look in the
glass sometimes at my two long； cylindrical bags （so picturesquely rugged
about the knees）； my stand…up collar and billycock hat； and wonder what
right I have to go about making God's world hideous。 Then wild and
wicked thoughts come into my heart。 I don't want to be good and
respectable。 （I never can be sensible； I'm told； so that don't matter。） I want
to put on lavender…colored tights； with red velvet breeches and a green
doublet slashed with yellow； to have a light…blue silk cloak on my
shoulder； and a black eagle's plume waving from my hat； and a big sword；
and a falcon； and a lance； and a prancing horse； so that I might go about
and gladden the eyes of the people。 Why should we all try to look like ants
crawling over a dust…heap？ Why shouldn't we dress a little gayly？ I am
sure if we did we should be happier。 True； it is a little thing； but we are a
little race； and what is the use of our pretending otherwise and spoiling fun？
Let philosophers get themselves up like old crows if they like。 But let me
be a butterfly。
Women； at all events； ought to dress prettily。 It is their duty。 They are
the flowers of the earth and were meant to show it up。 We abuse them a
good deal； we men； but； goodness knows； the old world would be dull
enough without their dresses and fair faces。 How they brighten up every
place they come into！ What a sunny commotion theyrelations； of course…
make in our dingy bachelor chambers！ and what a delightful litter their
ribbons and laces； and gloves and hats； and parasols and 'kerchiefs make！
It is as if a wandering rainbow had dropped in to pay us a visit。
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It is one of the chief charms of the summer； to my mind； the way our
little maids come out in pretty colors。 I like to see the pink and blue and
white glancing between the trees； dotting the green fields； and flashing
back the sunlight。 You can see the bright colors such a long way off。 There
are four white dresses climbing a hill in front of my window now。 I can
see them distinctly； though it is three miles away。 I thought at first they
were mile…stones out for a lark。 It's so nice to be able to see the darlings a
long way off。 Especially if they happen to be your wife and your mother…
in…law。
Talking of fields and mile…stones reminds me that I want to say； in all
seriousness； a few words about women's boots。 The women of these
islands all wear boots too big for them。 They can never get a boot to fit。
The bootmakers do not keep sizes small enough。
Over and over again have I known women sit down on the top rail of a
stile and declare they could not go a step further because their boots hurt
them so； and it has always been the same complainttoo big。
It is time this state of things was altered。 In the name of the husbands
and fathers of England； I call upon the bootmakers to reform。 Our wives；
our daughters； and our cousins are not to be lamed and tortured with
impunity。 Why cannot 〃narrow twos〃 be kept more in stock？ That is the
size I find most women take。
The waist…band is another item of feminine apparel that is always too
big。 The dressmakers make these things so loose that the hooks and eyes
by which they are fastened burst off； every now and then； with a report
like thunder。
Why women suffer these wrongswhy they do not insist in having
their clothes made small enough for them I cannot conceive。 It can hardly
be that they are disinclined to trouble themselves about matters of mere
dress； for dress is the one subject that they really do think about。 It is the
only topic they ever get thoroughly interested in； and they talk about it all
day long。 If you see two women together； you may bet your bottom dollar
they are discussing their own or their friends' clothes。 You notice a couple
of child…like beings conversing by a window； and you wonder what sweet；
helpful words are falling from their sainted lips。 So you move nearer and
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
then you hear one say：
〃So I took in the waist…band and let out a seam； and it fits beautifully
now。〃
〃Well；〃 says the other； 〃I shall wear my plum…colored body to the
Jones'； with a yellow plastron； and they've got some lovely gloves at
Puttick's； only one and eleven pence。〃
I went for a drive through a part of Derbyshire once with a couple of
ladies。 It was a beautiful bit of country； and they enjoyed themselves
immensely。 They talked dressmaking the whole time。
〃Pretty view； that；〃 I would say； waving my umbrella round。 〃Look at
those blue distant hills！ That little white speck； nestling in the woods； is
Chatsworth； and over there〃
〃Yes； very pretty indeed；〃 one would reply。 〃Well； why not get a yard
of sarsenet？〃
〃What； and leave the skirt exactly as it is？〃
〃Certainly。 What place d'ye call this？〃
Then I would draw their attention to the fresh beauties that kept
sweeping into view； and they would glance round and say 〃charming；〃
〃sweetly pretty；〃 and immediately go off into raptures over each other's
pocket…handkerchiefs； and mourn with one another over the decadence of
cambric frilling。
I believe if two women were cast together upon a desert island； they
wo
