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the mourners�察 �being my wife's friendwell�察 �that gal�察 �though I hedn't�察�
perhaps�察�oughter saylying in that casket�察�fetched all the way from some
A1 establishment in Chicago�察 �filled with flowers and furbelowsdidn't
really seem to be of much account。 Well�察�although my wife's friend�察�and
me a mournerwell�察�now�察�I wasdisappointed and discouraged。;
The Other Man ��in palpably affected sympathy���此 �Sho� �now� ─�
;Yes�察�SIR� �Well�察�you see�察�this yer ondertaker�察�this Wilkins�察�hed a way
of correctin' all thet。 And just by manniperlation。 He worked over the
face of the deceased ontil he perduced what the survivin' relatives called a
look of resignation��you know�察�a sort of smile�察�like。 When he wanted to
put in any extrys�察 �he perduced what he calledhevin' reglar charges for
this kind of worka Christian's hope。;
The Other Man�此 �I want to know。;
;Yes。 Well�察�I admit�察�at times it was a little startlin'。 And I've allers
said ��a little confidentially�� that I had my doubts of its being Scriptoorl�察�or
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sacred�察 �we being�察 �ez you know�察 �worms of the yearth�察 �and I relieved my
mind to our pastor�察 �but he didn't feel like interferin'�察 �ez long ez it was
confined to church membership。 But the other day�察 �when Cy Dunham
diedyou disremember Cy Dunham�拭─�
A long interval of silence。 The Other Man was looking out of the
window�察�and had apparently forgotten his companion completely。 But as
I stretched my head out of the curtain I saw four other heads as eagerly
reached out from other berths to hear the conclusion of the story。 One
head�察 �a female one�察 �instantly disappeared on my looking around�察 �but a
certain tremulousness of her window´curtain showed an unabated interest。
The only two utterly disinterested men were the One Man and the Other
Man。
The Other Man ��detaching himself languidly from the window���此 �Cy
Dunham�拭─�
;Yes�察�Cy never hed hed either convictions or purfessions。 Uster get
drunk and go round with permiscous women。 Sorter like the prodigal
son�察�only a little more so�察�ez fur ez I kin judge from the facks ez stated to
me。 Well�察�Cy one day petered out down at Little Rock�察�and was sent up
yer for interment。 The fammerly�察�being proud´like�察�of course didn't spare
no money on that funeral�察�and it waznow between you and meabout ez
shapely and first´class and prime´mess affair ez I ever saw。 Wilkins hed
put in his extrys。 He hed put onto that prodigal's face the A1 touch��hed
him fixed up with a 'Christian's hope。' Well�察 �it was about the turning´
point�察�for thar waz some of the members and the pastor hisself thought that
the line oughter to be drawn somewhere�察�and thar was some talk at Deacon
Tibbet's about a reg'lar conference meetin' regardin' it。 But it wasn't thet
which made him onpoplar。;
Another silence�察 �no expression nor reflection from the face of the
Other Man of the least desire to know what ultimately settled the
unpopularity of the undertaker。 But from the curtains of the various
berths several eager and one or two even wrathful faces�察�anxious for the
result。
The Other Man ��lazily recurring to the fading topic���此 �Well�察�what made
him onpoplar�拭─�
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The One Man ��quietly���此 �Extrys�察 �I thinkthat is�察 �I suppose�察 �not
knowin'; ��cautiously�� ;all the facts。 When Mrs。 Widdecombe lost her
husband�察�'bout two months ago�察�though she'd been through the valley of
the shadder of death twicethis bein' her third marriage�察�hevin' been John
Barker's widder;
The Other Man ��with an intense expression of interest���此 �No�察 �you're
foolin' me� ─�
The One Man ��solemnly���此 �Ef I was to appear before my Maker to´
morrow�察�yes� �she was the widder of Barker。;
The Other Man�此 �Well�察�I swow。;
The One Man�此 �Well�察 �this Widder Widdecombe�察 �she put up a big
funeral for the deceased。 She hed Wilkins�察�and thet ondertaker just laid
hisself out。 Just spread hisself。 Onfort'natly�察�perhaps fort'natly in the
ways of Providence��one of Widdecombe's old friends�察�a doctor up thar in
Chicago�察�comes down to the funeral。 He goes up with the friends to look
at the deceased�察�smilin' a peaceful sort o' heavinly smile�察�and everybody
sayin' he's gone to meet his reward�察�and this yer friend turns round�察�short
and sudden on the widder settin' in her pew�察�and kinder enjoyin�察�as wimen
will�察�all the compliments paid the corpse�察�and he says�察�says he�此�
;'What did you say your husband died of�察�marm��'
;'Consumption��' she says�察�wiping her eyes�察�poor critter。 'Consumption
gallopin' consumption。'
;'Consumption be dd��' sez he�察�bein' a profane kind of Chicago doctor�察�
and not bein' ever under conviction。 'Thet man died of strychnine。
Look at thet face。 Look at thet contortion of them fashal muscles。
Thet's strychnine。 Thet's risers Sardonikus' ��thet's what he said�察�he was
always sorter profane��。
;'Why�察 �doctor��' says the widder�察 �'thetthet is his last smile。 It's a
Christian's resignation。'
;'Thet be blowed�察�don't tell me��' sez he。 'Hell is full of thet kind of
resignation。 It's pizon。 And I'll' Why�察�dern my skin�察�yes we are�察�yes�察�
it's Joliet。 Wall�察�now�察�who'd hey thought we'd been nigh onto an hour。;
Two or three anxious passengers from their berths�此 �Say�察 �look yer�察�
stranger� �Old man� �What became of;
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But the One Man and the Other Man had vanished。
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DRIFT FROM TWO SHORES
MORNING ON THE AVENUE
NOTES BY AN EARLY RISER。
I have always been an early riser。 The popular legend that ;Early to
bed and early to rise�察─ �invariably and rhythmically resulted in
healthfulness�察 �opulence�察 �and wisdom�察 �I beg here to solemnly protest
against。 As an ;unhealthy; man�察�as an ;unwealthy; man�察�and doubtless
by virtue of this protest an ;unwise; man�察�I am�察�I think�察�a glaring example
of the untruth of the proposition。
For instance�察 �it is my misfortune�察 �as an early riser�察 �to live upon a
certain fashionable avenue�察�where the practice of early rising is confined
exclusively to domestics。 Consequently�察�when I issue forth on this broad�察�
beautiful thoroughfare at six A。 M。�察�I cannot help thinking that I am�察�to a
certain extent�察�desecrating its traditional customs。
I have more than once detected the milkman winking at the maid with
a diabolical suggestion that I was returning from a carouse�察 �and
Roundsman 9999 has once or twice followed me a block or two with the
evident impression that I was a burglar returning from a successful
evening out。 Nevertheless�察�these various indiscretions have brought me
into contact with a kind of character and phenomena whose existence I
might otherwise have doubted。
First�察�let me speak of a large class of working´people whose presence
is�察�I think�察�unknown to many of those gentlemen who are in the habit of
legislating or writing about them。 A majority of these early risers in the
neighborhood of which I may call my ;beat; carry with them
unmistakable evidences of the American type。 I have seen so little of that
foreign element that is popularly supposed to be the real working class of
the great metropolis�察 �that I have often been inclined to doubt statistics。
The ground that my morning rambles cover extends from Twenty´third
Street to Washington Park�察�and laterally from Sixth Avenue to Broadway。
The early rising artisans that I meet here�察 �crossing three avenues�察 �the
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milkmen�察 �the truck´drivers�察 �the workman�察 �even the occasional tramp�察�
wherever they may come from or go to�察�or what their real habitat may be�察�
´are invariably Americans。 I give it as an honest record�察 �whatever its
significance or insignificance may be�察 �that during the last year�察 �between
the hours of six and eight A。 M。�察 �in and about the locality I have
mentioned�察�I have met with but two unmistakable foreigners�察�an Irishman
and a German。 Perhaps it may be necessary to add to this statement that
the people I have met at those early hours I have never seen at any other
time in the same locality。
As to their quality�察�the artisans were always cleanly dressed�察�intelligent�察�
and respectful。 I remember�察�however�察�one morning�察�when the ice storm
of the preceding night had made the sidewalks glistening�察 �smiling and
impassable�察�to have journeyed down the middle of Twelfth Street with a
mechanic so sooty as to absolutely leave a legible track in the snowy
pathway。 He was the fireman attending the engine in a noted
manufactory�察 �and in our brief conversation he told me many facts
regarding his profession which I fear interested me more than the after´
dinner speeches of some distinguished gentlemen I had heard the
preceding night。 I remember that he spoke of his engine as ;she�察─ �and
related certain circumstances regarding her inconsistency�察�her aberrations�察�
her pettishnesses�察 �that seemed to justify the feminine gender。 I have a
grateful recollection of him as being one who introduced me to a
restaurant where chicory�察�thinly disguised as coffee�察�was served with bread
at five