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the   mourners�察    �being   my   wife's   friendwell�察   �that  gal�察 �though    I  hedn't�察�

perhaps�察�oughter saylying in that casket�察�fetched all the way from some 

A1   establishment   in   Chicago�察  �filled   with   flowers   and   furbelowsdidn't 

really seem to be of much account。            Well�察�although my wife's friend�察�and 

me a mournerwell�察�now�察�I wasdisappointed and discouraged。; 

     The Other Man ��in palpably affected sympathy���此 �Sho� �now� ─�

     ;Yes�察�SIR�      �Well�察�you see�察�this yer ondertaker�察�this Wilkins�察�hed a way 

of correctin' all thet。     And just by manniperlation。           He worked over the 

face of the deceased ontil he perduced what the survivin' relatives called a 

look of resignation��you know�察�a sort of smile�察�like。             When he wanted to 

put   in   any  extrys�察  �he   perduced   what   he   calledhevin'   reglar   charges   for 

this kind of worka Christian's hope。; 

     The Other Man�此 �I want to know。; 

     ;Yes。    Well�察�I admit�察�at times it was a little startlin'。         And I've allers 

said ��a little confidentially�� that I had my doubts of its being Scriptoorl�察�or 



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sacred�察 �we   being�察 �ez   you know�察 �worms   of   the   yearth�察  �and   I   relieved   my 

mind   to   our   pastor�察  �but   he   didn't   feel   like   interferin'�察  �ez   long   ez   it   was 

confined   to   church   membership。   But   the   other   day�察  �when   Cy   Dunham 

diedyou disremember Cy Dunham�拭─�

     A  long   interval   of   silence。   The   Other   Man   was   looking   out   of   the 

window�察�and had apparently forgotten his companion completely。                      But as 

I stretched my head out of the curtain I saw four other heads as eagerly 

reached out   from  other   berths   to   hear   the   conclusion   of   the   story。  One 

head�察  �a   female   one�察  �instantly   disappeared   on   my   looking   around�察  �but   a 

certain tremulousness of her window´curtain showed an unabated interest。 

The only two utterly disinterested men were the One Man and the Other 

Man。 

     The Other Man ��detaching himself languidly from the window���此 �Cy 

Dunham�拭─�

     ;Yes�察�Cy never hed hed either convictions or purfessions。                   Uster get 

drunk   and   go   round   with   permiscous   women。         Sorter   like   the   prodigal 

son�察�only a little more so�察�ez fur ez I kin judge from the facks ez stated to 

me。     Well�察�Cy one day petered out down at Little Rock�察�and was sent up 

yer for interment。       The fammerly�察�being proud´like�察�of course didn't spare 

no money on that funeral�察�and it waznow between you and meabout ez 

shapely and first´class and prime´mess affair ez I ever saw。                 Wilkins hed 

put in his extrys。 He hed put onto that prodigal's face the A1 touch��hed 

him   fixed   up   with   a   'Christian's   hope。' Well�察  �it   was   about   the   turning´ 

point�察�for thar waz some of the members and the pastor hisself thought that 

the line oughter to be drawn somewhere�察�and thar was some talk at Deacon 

Tibbet's about a reg'lar conference meetin' regardin' it。              But it wasn't thet 

which made him onpoplar。; 

     Another   silence�察  �no   expression   nor   reflection   from   the   face   of   the 

Other     Man    of   the   least  desire   to  know     what    ultimately    settled   the 

unpopularity   of     the   undertaker。    But    from   the   curtains   of  the   various 

berths several eager and one or two even wrathful faces�察�anxious for the 

result。 

     The Other Man ��lazily recurring to the fading topic���此 �Well�察�what made 

him onpoplar�拭─�



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     The    One    Man     ��quietly���此   �Extrys�察   �I  thinkthat   is�察 �I  suppose�察   �not 

knowin';   ��cautiously��   ;all   the   facts。    When   Mrs。   Widdecombe   lost   her 

husband�察�'bout two months ago�察�though she'd been through the valley of 

the shadder of death twicethis bein' her third marriage�察�hevin' been John 

Barker's widder; 

     The   Other   Man   ��with   an   intense   expression   of   interest���此   �No�察  �you're 

foolin' me� ─�

     The   One   Man   ��solemnly���此   �Ef   I   was   to   appear   before   my  Maker   to´ 

morrow�察�yes� �she was the widder of Barker。; 

     The Other Man�此 �Well�察�I swow。; 

     The   One   Man�此   �Well�察  �this   Widder   Widdecombe�察  �she   put   up   a   big 

funeral for the deceased。         She hed Wilkins�察�and thet ondertaker just laid 

hisself out。     Just spread hisself。       Onfort'natly�察�perhaps fort'natly in the 

ways of Providence��one of Widdecombe's old friends�察�a doctor up thar in 

Chicago�察�comes down to the funeral。             He goes up with the friends to look 

at the deceased�察�smilin' a peaceful sort o' heavinly smile�察�and everybody 

sayin' he's gone to meet his reward�察�and this yer friend turns round�察�short 

and sudden on the widder settin' in her pew�察�and kinder enjoyin�察�as wimen 

will�察�all the compliments paid the corpse�察�and he says�察�says he�此�

     ;'What did you say your husband died of�察�marm��' 

     ;'Consumption��' she says�察�wiping her eyes�察�poor critter。 'Consumption 

gallopin' consumption。' 

     ;'Consumption be dd��' sez he�察�bein' a profane kind of Chicago doctor�察�

and    not   bein'  ever   under    conviction。     'Thet    man    died   of  strychnine。 

Look     at  thet  face。    Look     at  thet  contortion    of  them    fashal   muscles。 

Thet's strychnine。       Thet's risers Sardonikus' ��thet's what he said�察�he was 

always sorter profane��。 

     ;'Why�察    �doctor��'  says   the   widder�察  �'thetthet   is  his  last  smile。  It's  a 

Christian's resignation。' 

     ;'Thet be blowed�察�don't tell me��' sez he。            'Hell is full of thet kind of 

resignation。     It's pizon。    And I'll'    Why�察�dern my skin�察�yes we are�察�yes�察�

it's Joliet。   Wall�察�now�察�who'd hey thought we'd been nigh onto an hour。; 

     Two   or   three   anxious   passengers   from   their   berths�此   �Say�察  �look   yer�察�

stranger�     �Old man�       �What became of; 



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But the One Man and the Other Man had vanished。 



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          MORNING ON THE AVENUE 



         NOTES BY AN EARLY RISER。 



       I have always been an early riser。        The popular legend that ;Early to 

bed     and    early   to   rise�察─  �invariably     and    rhythmically     resulted    in 

healthfulness�察    �opulence�察    �and   wisdom�察   �I  beg   here   to  solemnly     protest 

against。    As an ;unhealthy; man�察�as an ;unwealthy; man�察�and doubtless 

by virtue of this protest an ;unwise; man�察�I am�察�I think�察�a glaring example 

of the untruth of the proposition。 

     For   instance�察  �it   is   my   misfortune�察  �as   an   early   riser�察  �to   live   upon   a 

certain fashionable avenue�察�where the practice of early rising is confined 

exclusively to domestics。        Consequently�察�when I issue forth on this broad�察�

beautiful thoroughfare at six A。 M。�察�I cannot help thinking that I am�察�to a 

certain extent�察�desecrating its traditional customs。 

     I have more than once detected the milkman winking at the maid with 

a    diabolical    suggestion    that   I  was    returning    from    a  carouse�察    �and 

Roundsman 9999 has once or twice followed me a block or two with the 

evident     impression    that   I  was   a  burglar   returning    from   a   successful 

evening out。      Nevertheless�察�these various indiscretions have brought me 

into   contact   with   a   kind   of   character   and   phenomena   whose   existence   I 

might otherwise have doubted。 

     First�察�let me speak of a large class of working´people whose presence 

is�察�I think�察�unknown to many of those gentlemen who are in the habit of 

legislating or writing about them。          A majority of these early risers in the 

neighborhood        of   which     I  may     call  my     ;beat;    carry   with    them 

unmistakable evidences of the American type。 I have seen so little of that 

foreign element that is popularly supposed to be the real working class of 

the   great   metropolis�察  �that   I   have   often   been   inclined   to   doubt   statistics。 

The   ground   that   my   morning   rambles   cover   extends   from   Twenty´third 

Street to Washington Park�察�and laterally from Sixth Avenue to Broadway。 

The   early   rising   artisans   that   I   meet   here�察  �crossing   three   avenues�察  �the 



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milkmen�察  �the   truck´drivers�察  �the   workman�察  �even   the   occasional   tramp�察�

wherever they may come from or go to�察�or what their real habitat may be�察� 

´are   invariably   Americans。        I   give   it   as   an   honest   record�察  �whatever   its 

significance or   insignificance   may  be�察  �that   during   the  last   year�察  �between 

the    hours    of  six   and   eight   A。   M。�察  �in  and    about    the  locality    I  have 

mentioned�察�I have met with but two unmistakable foreigners�察�an Irishman 

and a German。         Perhaps it may be necessary to add to this statement that 

the people I have met at those early hours I have never seen at any other 

time in the same locality。 

     As to their quality�察�the artisans were always cleanly dressed�察�intelligent�察�

and respectful。       I remember�察�however�察�one morning�察�when the ice storm 

of   the   preceding   night   had   made   the   sidewalks   glistening�察  �smiling   and 

impassable�察�to have journeyed down the middle of Twelfth Street with a 

mechanic   so   sooty   as   to   absolutely   leave   a   legible   track   in   the   snowy 

pathway。        He     was     the   fireman     attending     the    engine     in   a  noted 

manufactory�察       �and   in   our   brief   conversation      he    told   me   many     facts 

regarding   his   profession   which   I   fear   interested   me   more   than   the   after´ 

dinner     speeches      of   some     distinguished      gentlemen      I   had   heard     the 

preceding night。        I   remember   that he   spoke   of   his   engine   as   ;she�察─  �and 

related certain circumstances regarding her inconsistency�察�her aberrations�察�

her   pettishnesses�察  �that   seemed   to   justify   the   feminine   gender。      I   have   a 

grateful     recollection     of   him    as  being    one    who    introduced      me    to  a 

restaurant where chicory�察�thinly disguised as coffee�察�was served with bread 

at five 

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