armadale-第63章

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〃I　might；　of　course；　if　I　had　not　preserved　the　letter；　have
referred　him　to　you；　or　to　the　major's　mother；　with　similar
results。　As　it　is；　the　object　has　been　gained　without　trouble　or
delay。　_I　have　been　proved　not　to　be　myself；_　and　one　of　the　many
dangers　that　threatened　me　at　Thorpe　Ambrose　is　a　danger　blown
over　from　this　moment。　Your　house…maid's　face　may　not　be　a　very
handsome　one；　but　there　is　no　denying　that　it　has　done　us
excellent　service。


〃So　much　for　the　past；　now　for　the　future。　You　shall　hear　how　I
get　on　with　the　people　about　me；　and　you　shall　judge　for　yourself
what　the　chances　are　for　and　against　my　becoming　mistress　of
Thorpe　Ambrose。

〃Let　me　begin　with　young　Armadalebecause　it　is　beginning　with
good　news。　I　have　produced　the　right　impression　on　him　already；
and　Heaven　knows　_that_　is　nothing　to　boast　of！　Any　moderately
good…looking　woman　who　chose　to　take　the　trouble　could　make　him
fall　in　love　with　her。　He　is　a　rattle…pated　young　foolone　of
those　noisy；　rosy；　light…haired；　good…tempered　men　whom　I
particularly　detest。　I　had　a　whole　hour　alone　with　him　in　a　boat；
the　first　day　I　came　here；　and　I　have　made　good　use　of　my　time；　I
can　tell　you；　from　that　day　to　this。　The　only　difficulty　with　him
is　the　difficulty　of　concealing　my　own　feelings；　especially　when
he　turns　my　dislike　of　him　into　downright　hatred　by　sometimes
reminding　me　of　his　mother。　I　really　never　saw　a　man　whom　I　could
use　so　ill；　if　I　had　the　opportunity。　He　will　give　me　the
opportunity；　I　believe；　if　no　accident　happens；　sooner　than　we
calculated　on。　I　have　just　returned　from　a　party　at　the　great
house；　in　celebration　of　the　rent…day　dinner；　and　the　squire's
attentions　to　me；　and　my　modest　reluctance　to　receive　them；　have
already　excited　general　remark。

〃My　pupil；　Miss　Milroy；　comes　ne　xt。　She；　too；　is　rosy　and
foolish；　and；　what　is　more；　awkward　and　squat　and　freckled；　and
ill…tempered　and　ill…dressed。　No　fear　of　_her；_　though　she　hates
me　like　poison；　which　is　a　great　comfort；　for　I　get　rid　of　her
out　of　lesson　time　and　walking　time。　It　is　perfectly　easy　to　see
that　she　has　made　the　most　of　her　opportunities　with　young
Armadale　（opportunities；　by…the…by；　which　we　never　calculated
on）；　and　that　she　has　been　stupid　enough　to　let　him　slip　through
her　fingers。　When　I　tell　you　that　she　is　obliged；　for　the　sake　of
appearances；　to　go　with　her　father　and　me　to　the　little
entertainments　at　Thorpe　Ambrose；　and　to　see　how　young　Armadale
admires　me；　you　will　understand　the　kind　of　place　I　hold　in　her
affections。　She　would　try　me　past　all　endurance　if　I　didn't　see
that　I　aggravate　her　by　keeping　my　temper；　so；　of　course；　I　keep
it。　If　I　do　break　out；　it　will　be　over　our　lessonsnot　over　our
French；　our　grammar；　history；　and　globesbut　over　our　music。　No
words　can　say　how　I　feel　for　her　poor　piano。　Half　the　musical
girls　in　England　ought　to　have　their　fingers　chopped　off　in　the
interests　of　society；　and；　if　I　had　my　way；　Miss　Milroy's　fingers
should　be　executed　first。

〃As　for　the　major；　I　can　hardly　stand　higher　in　his　estimation
than　I　stand　already。　I　am　always　ready　to　make　his　breakfast；
and　his　daughter　is　not。　I　can　always　find　things　for　him　when　he
loses　them；　and　his　daughter　can't。　I　never　yawn　when　he　proses；
and　his　daughter　does。　I　like　the　poor　dear　harmless　old
gentleman；　so　I　won't　say　a　word　more　about　him。

〃Well；　here　is　a　fair　prospect　for　the　future　surely？　My　good
Oldershaw；　there　never　was　a　prospect　yet　without　an　ugly　place
in　it。　_My_　prospect　has　two　ugly　places　in　it。　The　name　of　one
of　them　is　Mrs。　Milroy；　and　the　name　of　the　other　is　Mr。
Midwinter。

〃Mrs。　Milroy　first。　Before　I　had　been　five　minutes　in　the
cottage；　on　the　day　of　my　arrival；　what　do　you　think　she　did？　She
sent　downstairs　and　asked　to　see　me。　The　message　startled　me　a
little；　after　hearing　from　the　old　lady；　in　London；　that　her
daughter…in…law　was　too　great　a　sufferer　to　see　anybody；　but；　of
course；　when　I　got　her　message；　I　had　no　choice　but　to　go　up
stairs　to　the　sick…room。　I　found　her　bedridden　with　an　incurable
spinal　complaint；　and　a　really　horrible　object　to　look　at；　but
with　all　her　wits　about　her；　and；　if　I　am　not　greatly　mistaken；
as　deceitful　a　woman；　with　as　vile　a　temper；　as　you　could　find
anywhere　in　all　your　long　experience。　Her　excessive　politeness；
and　her　keeping　her　own　face　in　the　shade　of　the　bed…curtains
while　she　contrived　to　keep　mine　in　the　light；　put　me　on　my　guard
the　moment　I　entered　the　room。　We　were　more　than　half　an　hour
together；　without　my　stepping　into　any　one　of　the　many　clever
little　traps　she　laid　for　me。　The　only　mystery　in　her　behavior；
which　I　failed　to　see　through　at　the　time；　was　her　perpetually
asking　me　to　bring　her　things　（things　she　evidently　did　not　want）
from　different　parts　of　the　room。

〃Since　then　events　have　enlightened　me。　My　first　suspicions　were
raised　by　overhearing　some　of　the　servants'　gossip；　and　I　have
been　confirmed　in　my　opinion　by　the　conduct　of　Mrs。　Milroy's
nurse。

〃On　the　few　occasions　when　I　have　happened　to　be　alone　with　the
major；　the　nurse　has　also　happened　to　want　something　of　her
master；　and　has　invariably　forgotten　to　announce　her　appearance
by　knocking；　at　the　door。　Do　you　understand　now　why　Mrs。　Milroy
sent　for　me　the　moment　I　got　into　the　house；　and　what　she　wanted
when　she　kept　me　going　backward　and　forward；　first　for　one　thing
and　then　for　another？　There　is　hardly　an　attractive　light　in
which　my　face　and　figure　can　be　seen；　in　which　that　woman's
jealous　eyes　have　not　studied　them　already。　I　am　no　longer
puzzled　to　know　why　the　father　and　daughter　started；　and　looked
at　each　other；　when　I　was　first　presented　to　them；　or　why　the
servants　still　stare　at　me　with　a　mischievous　expectation　in
their　eyes　when　I　ring　the　bell　and　ask　them　to　do　anything。　It
is　useless　to　disguise　the　truth；　Mother　Oldershaw；　between　you
and　me。　When　I　went　upstairs　into　that　sickroom；　I　marched
blindfold　into　the　clutches　of　a　jealous　woman。　If　Mrs。　Milroy
_can_　turn　me　out　of　the　house；　Mrs。　Milroy　_will；_　and；　morning
and　night；　she　has　nothing　else　to　do　in　that　bed　prison　of　hers
but　to　find　out　the　way。

〃In　this　awkward　position；　my　own　cautious　conduct　is　admirably
seconded　by　the　dear　old　major's　perfect　insensibility。　His
wife's　jealousy　of　him　is　as　monstrous　a　delusion　as　any　that
could　be　found　in　a　mad…house；　it　is　the　growth　of　her　own　vile
temper；　under　the　aggravation　of　an　incurable　illness。　The　poor
man　hasn't　a　thought　beyond　his　mechanical　pursuits；　and　I　don't
believe　he　knows　at　this　moment　whether　I　am　a　handsome　woman　or
not。　With　this　chance　to　help　me；　I　may　hope　to　set　the　nurse's
intrusions　and　the　mistress's　contrivances　at　defiancefor　a
time；　at　any　rate。　But　you　know　what　a　jealous　woman　is；　and　I
think　I　know　what　Mrs。　Milroy　is；　and　I　own　I　shall　breathe　more
freely　on　the　day　when　young　Armadale　opens　his　foolish　lips　to
some　purpose；　and　sets　the　major　advertising　for　a　new　governess。

〃Armadale's　name　reminds　me　of　Armadale's　friend。　There　is　more
danger　threatening　in　that　quarter；　and；　what　is　worse；　I　don't
feel　half　as　well　armed　beforehand　against　Mr。　Midwinter　as　I　do
against　Mrs。　Milroy。

〃Everything　about　this　man　is　more　or　less　mysterious；　which　I
don't　like；　to　begin　with。　How　does　he　come　to　be　in　the
confidence　of　the　Somersetshire　clergyman？　How　much　has　that
clergyman　told　him？　How　is　it　that　he　was　so　firmly　persuaded；
when　he　spoke　to　me　in　the　park；　that　I　was　not　the　Miss　Gwilt　of
whom　his　friend　was　in　search？　I　haven't　the　ghost　of　an　answer
to　give　to　any　of　those　three　questions。　I　can't　even　discover
who　he　is；　or　how　he　and　young　Armadale　first　became　acquainted。
I　hate　him。　No；　I　don't；　I　only　want　to　find　out　about　him。　He　is
very　young；　little　and　lean；　and　active　and　dark；　with　bright
black　eyes　which　say　to　me　plainly；　'We　belong　to　a　man　with
brains　in　his　head　and　a　will　of　his　own；　a　man　who　hasn't　always
been　hanging　about　a　country　house；　in　attendance　on　a　fool。'
Yes；　I　am　positively　certain　Mr。　Midwinter　has　done　something　or
suffered　something　in　his　past　life；　young　as　he　is；　and　I　would
give　I　don't　know　what　to　get　at　it。　Don't　resent　my　taking　up　so
much　space　in　my　writing　about　him。　He　has　influence　enough　over
young　Armadale　to　be　a　very　awkward　obstacle　in　my　way；　unless　I
can　secure　his　good　opinion　at　starting。

〃Well；　you　may　ask；　and　what　is　to　prevent　your　securing　his　good
opinion？　I　am　sadly　afraid；　Mother　Oldershaw；　I　have　got　it　on
terms　I　never　bargained　for。　I　am　sadly　afraid　the　man　is　in　love
with　me　already。

〃Don't　toss　your　head　and　say；　'Just　like　her　vanity！'　After　the
horrors　I　have　gone　through；　I　have　no　vanity　left；　and　a　man　who
admires　me　is　a　man　who　makes　me　shudder。　There　was　a　time；　I
ownPooh！　what　am　I　writing？　Sentiment；　I　declare！　Sentiment　to
_you！_　Laugh　away；　my　dear。　As　for　me；　I　neither　laugh　nor　cry；　I
mend　my　pen；　and　get　on　with　mywhat　do　the　men　call　it？my
report。

〃The　only　thing　worth　inquiring　is；　whether　I　am　right　or　wrong
in　my　idea　of　the　impression　I　have　made　on　him。

〃Let　me　see；　I　have　been　four　times　in　his　company。　The　first
time　was　in　the　major's　garden；　where　we　met　unexpectedly；　face
to　face。　He　stood　looking　at　me；　like　a　man　petrified；　without
speaking　a　word。　The　effect　of　my　horrid　red　hair；　perhaps？　Quite
likely；　let　us　lay　it　on　my　hair。　The　second　time　was　in　going
over　the　Thorpe　Ambrose　grounds；　with　young　Armadale　on　one　side
of　me；　and　my　pupil　（in　the　sulks）　on　the　other。　Out　comes　Mr。
Midwinter　to　join　us；　though　he　had　work　to　do　in　the　steward's
office；　which　he　had　never　been　known　to　neglect　on　any　other
occasion。　Laziness；　possibly？　or　an　attachment　to　Miss　Milroy？　I
can't　say；　we　will　lay　it　on　Miss　Milroy；　if　you　like；　I　only
know　he　did　nothing　but　look　at　_me。_　The　third　time　was　at　the
private　interview　in　the　park；　which　I　have　told　you　of　already。
I　never　saw　a　man　so　agitated　at　putting　a　delicate　question　to　a
woman　in　my　life。　But　_that_　might　have　been　only　awkwardness；
and　his　perpetually　looking　back　after　me　when　we　had　parted
might　have　been　only　looking　back　at　the　view。　Lay　it　on　the
view；　by　all　means；　lay　it　on　the　view！　The　fourth　time　was　this
very　evening；　at　the　little　party。　They　made　me　play；　and；　as　the
piano　was　a　good　one；　I　did　my　best。　All　the　company　crowded
round　me；　and　paid　me　their　compliments　（my　charming　pupil　paid
hers；　with　a　face　like　a　cat's　just　before　she　spits）；　except　Mr。
Midwinter。　_He_　waited　till　it　was　time　to　go；　and　then　he　caught
me　alone　for　a　moment　in　the　hall。　There　was　just　time　for　him　to
take　my　hand；　and　say　two　words。　Shall　I　tell　you　_how_　he　took
my　hand；　and　what　his　voice　sounded　like　when　he　spoke？　Quite
needless！　You　have　always　told　me　that　the　late　Mr。　Oldershaw
doted　on　you。　Just　recall　the　first　time　he　took　your　hand；　and
whispered　a　word　or　two　addressed　to　your　private　ear。　To　what
did　you　attribute　his　behavior　that　occasion？　I　have　no　doubt；　if
you　had　been　playing　on　the　piano　in　the　course　of　the　evening；
you　would　have　attributed　it　entirely　to　the　music！

〃No！　you　may　take　my　word　for　it；　the