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          Ballad�此�To A Little Maid ´ By A 

                                Policeman 



     Come with me�察�little maid�察�Nay�察�shrink not�察�thus afraid ´ I'll harm thee 

not� �Fly not�察  �my love�察  �from  me   ´ I   have a home for   thee ´ A fairy  grot�察�

Where mortal eye Can rarely pry�察�There shall thy dwelling be� �

    List to me�察�while I tell The pleasures of that cell�察�Oh�察�little maid� �What 

though   its   couch   be   rude�察  �Homely   the   only   food   Within   its   shade�拭  �No 

thought of care Can enter there�察�No vulgar swain intrude� �

     Come   with   me�察  �little   maid�察  �Come   to   the   rocky  shade   I   love   to   sing�察�

Live with us�察�maiden rare   ´ Come�察�for we   ;want; thee there�察�Thou   elfin 

thing�察�To work thy spell�察�In some cool cell In stately Pentonville� �



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                 Ballad�此�John And Freddy 



     JOHN      courted    lovely   MARY       ANN�察    �So   likewise    did  his   brother�察�

FREDDY。 FRED was a very soft young man�察�While JOHN�察�though quick�察�

was most unsteady。 

     FRED   was   a   graceful   kind   of   youth�察  �But   JOHN   was   very   much   the 

strongest。 ;Oh�察�dance away�察─�said she�察 �in truth�察�I'll marry him who dances 

longest。; 

     JOHN tries the maiden's taste to strike With gay�察�grotesque�察�outrageous 

dresses�察   �And     dances    comically�察   �like  CLODOCHE           AND     Co。�察  �at  the 

Princess's。 

     But FREDDY tries another style�察�He knows some graceful steps and 

does   'em   ´   A   breathing   Poem   ´   Woman's   smile   ´   A   man   all   poesy   and 

buzzem。 

     Now   FREDDY'S   operatic   PAS   ´   Now   JOHNNY'S   hornpipe   seems 

entrapping�此�Now FREDDY'S graceful ENTRECHATS ´ Now JOHNNY'S 

skilful ;cellar´flapping。; 

     For   many   hours   ´   for   many  days   ´   For   many   weeks   performed   each 

brother�察  �For   each   was   active   in   his   ways�察�And   neither   would   give   in   to 

t'other。 

     After   a   month   of   this�察  �they   say   ��The   maid   was   getting   bored   and 

moody�� A  wandering   curate passed that   way And talked   a lot   of goody´ 

goody。 

     ;Oh   my�察─  �said   he�察  �with   solemn   frown�察   �I   tremble   for   each   dancing 

FRATER�察�Like unregenerated clown And harlequin at some the´ayter。; 

     He showed that men�察�in dancing�察�do Both impiously and absurdly�察�And 

proved his proposition true�察�With Firstly�察�Secondly�察�and Thirdly。 

     For   months   both   JOHN   and   FREDDY  danced�察  �The   curate's   protests 

little heeding�察�For months the curate's words enhanced The sinfulness of 

their proceeding。 

     At   length   they  bowed   to   Nature's   rule   ´ Their   steps   grew  feeble   and 

unsteady�察�Till   FREDDY  fainted on a   stool�察�And   JOHNNY on the   top of 

FREDDY。 



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     ;Decide� ─�quoth they�察 �let him be named�察�Who henceforth as his wife 

may rank you。; ;I've changed my views�察─�the maiden said�察 �I only marry 

curates�察�thank you� ─�

     Says   FREDDY�察   �Here   is   goings   on�   �To   bust   myself   with   rage   I'm 

ready。;   ;I'll   be   a   curate� ─  �whispers   JOHN   ´   ;And   I�察─  �exclaimed   poetic 

FREDDY。 

    But while they read for it�察�these chaps�察�The curate booked the maiden 

bonny ´ And when she's buried him�察�perhaps�察�She'll marry FREDERICK 

or JOHNNY。 



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           Ballad�此�Sir Guy The Crusader 



     Sir   GUY  was   a   doughty   crusader�察�A  muscular   knight�察  �Ever   ready   to 

fight�察�A very determined invader�察�And DICKEY DE LION'S delight。 

     LENORE was a Saracen maiden�察�Brunette�察�statuesque�察�The reverse of 

grotesque�察  �Her   pa   was   a   bagman   from Aden�察  �Her   mother   she   played   in 

burlesque。 

     A CORYPHEE�察�pretty and loyal�察�In amber and red The ballet she led�察�

Her mother performed at the Royal�察�LENORE at the Saracen's Head。 

     Of face and of figure majestic�察�She dazzled the cits ´ Ecstaticised pits�察�

´ Her troubles were only domestic�察�But drove her half out of her wits。 

     Her    father   incessantly    lashed   her�察 �On    water   and   bread    She   was 

grudgingly fed�察�Whenever her father he thrashed her Her mother sat down 

on her head。 

     GUY saw her�察�and loved her�察�with reason�察�For beauty so bright Sent 

him mad with delight�察�He purchased a stall for the season�察�And sat in it 

every night。 

     His views were exceedingly proper�察�He wanted to wed�察�So he called at 

her shed And saw her progenitor whop her ´ Her mother sit down on her 

head。 

     ;So    pretty�察─ �said   he�察  �and   so   trusting�   �You   brute   of  a  dad�察  �You 

unprincipled   cad�察  �Your   conduct   is   really   disgusting�察  �Come�察  �come�察  �now 

admit it's too bad� �

     ;You're a turbaned old Turk�察�and malignant ´ Your daughter LENORE 

I intensely adore�察�And I cannot help feeling indignant�察�A fact that I hinted 

before�察�

     ;To see a fond father employing A deuce of a knout For to bang her 

about�察�To a sensitive lover's annoying。; Said the bagman�察 �Crusader�察�get 

out。; 

     Says GUY�察 �Shall a warrior laden With a big spiky knob�察�Sit in peace 

on   his   cob   While   a   beautiful   Saracen   maiden   Is   whipped   by   a   Saracen 

snob�拭�

     ;To   London   I'll   go   from   my   charmer。;   Which   he   did�察  �with   his   loot 



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��Seven hats and a flute���察�And was nabbed for his Sydenham armour At MR。 

BEN´SAMUEL'S suit。 

     SIR GUY he was lodged in the Compter�察�Her pa�察�in a rage�察�Died ��don't 

know his age���察�His daughter�察�she married the prompter�察�Grew bulky and 

quitted the stage。 



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                            Ballad�此�Haunted 



     Haunted�拭     �Ay�察�in a social way By a body of ghosts in dread array�察�But 

no conventional spectres they ´ Appalling�察�grim�察�and tricky�此�I quail at mine 

as I'd never quail At a fine traditional spectre pale�察�With a turnip head and 

a ghostly wail�察�And a splash of blood on the dickey� �

     Mine are horrible�察�social ghosts�察 � Speeches and women and guests and 

hosts�察�Weddings and morning calls and toasts�察�In every bad variety�此�Ghosts 

who hover about the grave Of all that's manly�察�free�察�and brave�此�You'll find 

their names on the architrave Of that charnel´house�察�Society。 

     Black Monday ´ black as its school´room ink ´ With its dismal boys 

that   snivel   and   think   Of   its   nauseous   messes   to   eat   and   drink�察  �And   its 

frozen tank to wash in。 That was the first that brought me grief�察�And made 

me weep�察  �till   I sought   relief In   an   emblematical handkerchief�察�To   choke 

such baby bosh in。 

     First and worst in the grim array´ Ghosts of ghosts that have gone their 

way�察   �Which     I  wouldn't   revive   for  a  single   day   For  all  the  wealth   of 

PLUTUS ´ Are the horrible ghosts that school´days scared�此�If the classical 

ghost that BRUTUS dared Was the ghost of his ;Caesar; unprepared�察�I'm 

sure I pity BRUTUS。 

     I pass to critical seventeen�察�The ghost of that terrible wedding scene�察�

When an elderly Colonel stole my Queen�察�And woke my dream of heaven。 

No schoolgirl   decked   in her  nurse´room  curls Was   my  gushing   innocent 

Queen of Pearls�察�If she wasn't a girl of a thousand girls�察�She was one of 

forty´seven� �

     I see the ghost of my first cigar�察�Of the thence´arising family jar ´ Of 

my maiden brief ��I was at the Bar�察�And I called the Judge ;Your wushup� ┌� 

Of    reckless    days   and    reckless   nights�察  �With    wrenched´off      knockers�察�

extinguished lights�察�Unholy songs and tipsy fights�察�Which I strove in vain 

to hush up。 

     Ghosts of fraudulent joint´stock banks�察�Ghosts of ;copy�察�declined with 

thanks�察─�Of novels returned in endless ranks�察�And thousands more�察�I suffer。 

The only line to fitly grace My humble tomb�察�when I've run my race�察�Is�察�



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;Reader�察�this is the resting´place Of an unsuccessful duffer。; 

     I've fought them all�察�these ghosts of mine�察�But the weapons I've used 

are   sighs   and   brine�察�And   now   that   I'm   nearly   forty´nine�察  �Old   age   is   my 

chiefest bogy�察�For my hair is thinning away at the crown�察�And the silver 

fights with the worn´out brown�察�And a general verdict sets me down As an 

irreclaimable fogy。 



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             Ballad�此�The Bishop And The 

                                 'Busman 



    It was a Bishop bold�察�And London was his see�察�He was short and stout 

and round about And zealous as could be。 

    It   also   was   a   Jew�察  �Who   drove   a   Putney   'bus   ´   For   flesh   of   swine 

however fine He did not care a cuss。 

    His    name     was   HASH      BAZ     BEN�察   �And     JEDEDIAH       too�察  �And 

SOLOMON and ZABULON ´ This 'bus´directing Jew。 

    The Bishop said�察�said he�察 �I'll see what I can do To Christianise and 

make you wise�察�You poor benighted Jew。; 

     So every blessed day That 'bus he rode outside�察�From Fulham  town�察�

both up and down�察�And loudly thus he cried�此�

     ;His    name    is   HASH      BAZ    BEN�察    �And    JEDEDIAH        too�察  �And 

SOLOMON and ZABULON ´ This 'bus´directing Jew。; 

    At   first   the   'busman   smiled�察  �And   rather   liked   the   fun   ´   He   merely 

smiled�察�that Hebrew child�察�And said�察 �Eccentric one� ─�

    And   gay   young   dogs   would   wait   To   see   the   'bus   go   by   ��These   gay 

young dogs�察�in striking togs���察�To hear the Bishop cry�此�

     ;Observe his grisly beard�察�His race it clearly shows�察�He sticks no fork 

in ham or pork ´ Observe�察�my friends�察�his nose。 

     ;His    name    is   HASH      BAZ    BEN�察    �And    JEDEDIAH        too�察  �And 

SOLOMON and ZABULON ´ This 'bus´directing Jew。; 

    But though at first amused�察�Yet after seven years�察�This Hebrew child 

got rather riled�察�And melted into tears。 

    He really almost feared To leave his poor abode�察�His nose�察�and name�察�

and beard became A byword on that road。 

    At length he swore an oath�察�The reason he would know ´ ;I'll call and 

see why ever he Does persecute me so� ─�

    The   good   old   Bishop   sat   On   his   ancestral   chair�察 �The   'busman   came�察�

sent up his name�察�And laid his griev

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