the diary of a goose girl-第2章

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wrong　materials；　been　badly　put　together；　and　never　properly
finished　off；　but　〃plain〃　after　all　is　a　relative　word。　　Many　a
plain　girl　has　been　married　for　her　beauty；　and　now　and　then　a
beauty；　falling　under　a　cold　eye；　has　been　thought　plain。

Phoebe　has　her　compensations；　for　she　is　beloved　by；　and
reciprocates　the　passion　of；　the　Woodmancote　carrier；　Woodmucket
being　the　English　manner　of　pronouncing　the　place　of　his　abode。　　If
he　〃carries〃　as　energetically　for　the　great　public　as　he　fetches
for　Phoebe；　then　he　must　be　a　rising　and　a　prosperous　man。　　He
brings　her　daily；　wild　strawberries；　cherries；　birds'　nests；
peacock　feathers；　sea…shells；　green　hazel…nuts；　samples　of　hens'
food；　or　bouquets　of　wilted　field　flowers　tied　together　tightly　and
held　with　a　large；　moist；　loving　hand。　　He　has　fine　curly　hair　of
sandy　hue；　which　forms　an　aureole　on　his　brow；　and　a　reddish　beard；
which　makes　another　inverted　aureole　to　match；　round　his　chin。　　One
cannot　look　at　him；　especially　when　the　sun　shines　through　him；
without　thinking　how　lovely　he　would　be　if　stuffed　and　set　on
wheels；　with　a　little　string　to　drag　him　about。

Phoebe　confided　to　me　that　she　was　on　the　eve　of　loving　the　postman
when　the　carrier　came　across　her　horizon。

〃It　doesn't　do　to　be　too　hysty；　does　it；　miss？〃　she　asked　me　as　we
were　weeding　the　onion　bed。　　〃I　was　to　give　the　postman　his　answer
on　the　Monday　night；　and　it　was　on　the　Monday　morning　that　Mr。
Gladwish　made　his　first　trip　here　as　carrier。　　I　may　say　I　never
wyvered　from　that　moment；　and　no　more　did　he。　　When　I　think　how
near　I　came　to　promising　the　postman　it　gives　me　a　turn。〃　　（I　can
understand　that；　for　I　once　met　the　man　I　nearly　promised　years
before　to　marry；　and　we　both　experienced　such　a　sense　of　relief　at
being　free　instead　of　bound　that　we　came　near　falling　in　love　for
sheer　joy。）

The　last　and　most　important　member　of　the　household　is　the　Square
Baby。　　His　name　is　Albert　Edward；　and　he　is　really　five　years　old
and　no　baby　at　all；　but　his　appearance　on　this　planet　was　in　the
nature　of　a　complete　surprise　to　all　parties　concerned；　and　he　is
spoiled　accordingly。　　He　has　a　square　head　and　jaw；　square
shoulders；　square　hands　and　feet。　　He　is　red　and　white　and　solid
and　stolid　and　slow…witted；　as　the　young　of　his　class　commonly　are；
and　will　make　a　bulwark　of　the　nation　in　course　of　time；　I　should
think；　for　England　has　to　produce　a　few　thousand　such　square　babies
every　year　for　use　in　the　colonies　and　in　the　standing　army。
Albert　Edward　has　already　a　military　gait；　and　when　he　has　acquired
a　habit　of　obedience　at　all　comparable　with　his　power　of　command；
he　will　be　able　to　take　up　the　white　man's　burden　with
distinguished　success。　　Meantime　I　can　never　look　at　him　without
marvelling　how　the　English　climate　can　transmute　bacon　and　eggs；
tea　and　the　solid　household　loaf　into　such　radiant　roses　and　lilies
as　bloom　upon　his　cheeks　and　lips。



CHAPTER　III



July　8th。

Thornycroft　is　by　way　of　being　a　small　poultry　farm。

In　reaching　it　from　Barbury　Green；　you　take　the　first　left…hand
road；　go　till　you　drop；　and　there　you　are。

It　reminds　me　of　my　〃grandmother's　farm　at　Older。〃　　Did　you　know
the　song　when　you　were　a　child？　…


My　grandmother　had　a　very　fine　farm
'Way　down　in　the　fields　of　Older。
With　a　cluck…cluck　here；
And　a　cluck…cluck　there；
Here　and　there　a　cluck…cluck；
Cluck…cluck　here　and　there；
Down　in　the　fields　at　Older。


It　goes　on　for　ever　by　the　simple　subterfuge　of　changing　a　few
words　in　each　verse。


My　grandmother　had　a　very　fine　farm
'Way　down　in　the　fields　of　Older。
With　a　quack…quack　here；
And　a　quack…quack　there；
Here　and　there　a　quack…quack；
Quack…quack　here　and　there；
Down　in　the　fields　at　Older。


This　is　followed　by　the　gobble…gobble；　moo…moo；　baa…baa；　etc。；　as
long　as　the　laureate's　imagination　and　the　infant's　breath　hold
good。　　The　tune　is　pretty；　and　I　do　not　know；　or　did　not；　when　I
was　young；　a　more　fascinating　lyric。

Thornycroft　House　must　have　belonged　to　a　country　gentleman　once
upon　a　time；　or　to　more　than　one；　men　who　built　on　a　bit　here　and
there　once　in　a　hundred　years；　until　finally　we　have　this
charmingly　irregular　and　dilapidated　whole。　　You　go　up　three　steps
into　Mrs。　Heaven's　room；　down　two　into　mine；　while　Phoebe's　is　up
in　a　sort　of　turret　with　long；　narrow　lattices　opening　into　the
creepers。　　There　are　crooked　little　stair…cases；　passages　that
branch　off　into　other　passages　and　lead　nowhere　in　particular；　I
can't　think　of　a　better　house　in　which　to　play　hide　and　seek　on　a
wet　day。　　In　front；　what　was　once；　doubtless；　a　green；　is　cut　up
into　greens；　to　wit；　a　vegetable　garden；　where　the　onions；　turnips；
and　potatoes　grow　cosily　up　to　the　very　door…sill；　the　utilitarian
aspect　of　it　all　being　varied　by　some　scarlet…runners　and　a
scattering　of　poppies　on　either　side　of　the　path。

The　Belgian　hares　have　their　habitation　in　a　corner　fifty　feet
distant；　one　large　enclosure　for　poultry　lies　just　outside　the
sweetbrier　hedge；　the　others；　with　all　the　houses　and　coops；　are　in
the　meadow　at　the　back；　where　also　our　tumbler　pigeons　are　kept。

Phoebe　attends　to　the　poultry；　it　is　her　department。　　Mr。　Heaven
has　neither　the　force　nor　the　finesse　required；　and　the　gentle
reader　who　thinks　these　qualities　unneeded　in　so　humble　a　calling
has　only　to　spend　a　few　days　at　Thornycroft　to　be　convinced。　　Mrs。
Heaven　would　be　of　use；　but　she　is　dressing　the　Square　Baby　in　the
morning　and　putting　him　to　bed　at　night　just　at　the　hours　when　the
feathered　young　things　are　undergoing　the　same　operation。

A　Goose　Girl；　like　a　poet；　is　sometimes　born；　sometimes　otherwise。
I　am　of　the　born　variety。　　No　training　was　necessary；　I　put　my　head
on　my　pillow　as　a　complicated　product　of　modern　civilisation　on　a
Tuesday　night；　and　on　a　Wednesday　morning　I　awoke　as　a　Goose　Girl。

My　destiny　slumbered　during　the　day；　but　at　eight　o'clock　I　heard　a
terrific　squawking　in　the　direction　of　the　duck…ponds；　and；
aimlessly　drifting　in　that　direction；　I　came　upon　Phoebe　trying　to
induce　ducks　and　drakes；　geese　and　ganders；　to　retire　for　the
night。　　They　have　to　be　driven　into　enclosures　behind　fences　of
wire　netting；　fastened　into　little　rat…proof　boxes；　or　shut　into
separate　coops；　so　as　to　be　safe　from　their　natural　enemies；　the
rats　and　foxes；　which；　obeying；　I　suppose；　the　law　of　supply　and
demand；　abound　in　this　neighbourhood。　　The　old　ganders　are　allowed
their　liberty；　being　of　such　age；　discretion；　sagacity；　and
pugnacity　that　they　can　be　trusted　to　fight　their　own　battles。

The　intelligence　of　hens；　though　modest；　is　of　such　an　order　that
it　prompts　them　to　go　to　bed　at　a　virtuous　hour　of　their　own
accord；　but　ducks　and　geese　have　to　be　materially　assisted；　or　I
believe　they　would　roam　till　morning。　　Never　did　small　boy　detest
and　resist　being　carried　off　to　his　nursery　as　these　dullards；
young　and　old；　detest　and　resist　being　driven　to　theirs。　　Whether
they　suffer　from　insomnia；　or　nightmare；　or　whether　they　simply
prefer　the　sweet　air　of　liberty　（and　death）　to　the　odour　of
captivity　and　the　coop；　I　have　no　means　of　knowing。

Phoebe　stood　by　one　of　the　duck…ponds；　a　long　pole　in　her　hand；　and
a　helpless　expression　in　that　doughlike　countenance　of　hers；　where
aimless　contours　and　features　unite　to　make　a　kind　of　facial　blur。
（What　does　the　carrier　see　in　it？）　　The　pole　was　not　long　enough　to
reach　the　ducks；　and　Phoebe's　method　lacked　spirit　and　adroitness；
so　that　it　was　natural；　perhaps；　that　they　refused　to　leave　the
water；　the　evening　being　warm；　with　an　uncommon　fine　sunset。

I　saw　the　situation　at　once　and　ran　to　meet　it　with　a　glow　of
interest　and　anticipation。　　If　there　is　anything　in　the　world　I
enjoy；　it　is　making　somebody　do　something　that　he　doesn't　want　to
do；　and　if；　when　victory　perches　upon　my　banner；　the　somebody　can
be　brought　to　say　that　he　ought　to　have　done　it　without　my　making
him；　that　adds　the　unforgettable　touch　to　pleasure；　though　seldom；
alas！　does　it　happen。　　Then　ensued　the　delightful　and　stimulating
hour　that　has　now　become　a　feature　of　the　day；　an　hour　in　which　the
remembrance　of　the　table…d'hote　dinner　at　the　Hydro；　going　on　at
identically　the　same　time；　only　stirs　me　to　a　keener　joy　and
gratitude。

The　ducks　swim　round　in　circles；　hide　under　the　willows；　and
attempt　to　creep　into　the　rat…holes　in　the　banks；　a　stupidity　so
crass　that　it　merits　instant　death；　which　it　somehow　always
escapes。　　Then　they　come　out　in　couples　and　waddle　under　the　wrong
fence　into　the　lower　meadow；　fly　madly　under　the　tool…house；　pitch
blindly　in　with　the　sitting　hens；　and　out　again　in　short　order；　all
the　time　quacking　and　squawking；　honking　and　hissing　like　a
bewildered　orchestra。　　By　dint　of　splashing　the　water　with　poles；
throwing　pebbles；　beating　the　shrubs　at　the　pond's　edges；　〃shooing〃
frantically　with　our　skirts；　crawling　beneath　bars　to　head　them
off；　and　prodding　them　from　under　bushes　to　urge　them　on；　we
finally　get　the　older　ones　out　of　the　water　and　the　younger　ones
into　some　sort　of　relation　to　their　various　retreats；　but；　owing　to
their　lack　of　geography；　hatred　of　home；　and　general　recalcitrancy；
they　none　of　them　turn　up　in　the　right　place　and　have　to　be　sorted
out。　　We　uncover　the　top　of　the　little　house；　or　the　enclosure　as
it　may　be；　or　reach　in　at　the　door；　and；　seizing　the　struggling
victim；　drag　him　forth　and　take　him　where　he　should　have　had　the
wit　to　go　in　the　first　instance。　　The　weak　ones　get　in　with　the
strong　and　are　in　danger　of　being　trampled；　two　May　goslings　that
look　almost　full…grown　have　run　into　a　house　with　a　brood　of
ducklings　a　week　old。　　There　are　twenty…seven　crowded　into　one
coop；　five　in　another；　nineteen　in　another；　the　gosling　with　one
leg　has　to　come　out；　and　the　duckling　threatened　with　the　gapes；
their　place　is　with　the　〃invaleeds；〃　as　Phoebe　calls　them；　but　they
never　learn　the　location　of　the　hospital；　nor　have　the　slightest
scruple　about　spreading　contagious　diseases。

Finally；　when　we　have　separated　and　sorted　exhaustively；　an
operation　in　which　Phoebe　shows　a　delicacy　of　discrimination　and　a
fearlessness　of　attack　amounting　to　genius；　we　count　the　entire
number　and　find　several　missing。　　Searching　for　their　animate　or
inanimate　bodies；　we　〃scoop〃　one　from　under　the　tool…house；　chance
upon　two　more　who　are　being　harried　and　pecked　by　the　big　geese　in
the　lower　meadow；　and　discover　one　sailing　by　himself　in　solitary
splendour　in　the　middle　of　the　deserted　pond；　a　look　of　evil
triumph　in　his　bead…like　eye。　　Still　we　lack　one　young　duckling；
and　he　at　length　is　found　dead　by　the　hedge。　　A　rat　has　evidently
seized　him　and　choked　him　at　a　single　throttle；　but　in　such　haste
that　he　has　not　had　time　to　carry　away　the　tiny　body。

〃Poor　think！〃　says　Phoebe　tearfully；　〃it　looks　as　if　it　was　'it
with　some　kind　of　a　wepping。　　I　don't　know　whatever　to　do　with　the
rats；　they're　gettin'　that　fearocious！〃

Before　I　was　admitted　into　daily　contact　with　the　living　goose　（my
previous　intercourse　with　him　having　been　carried　on　when　gravy　and
stuffing　obscured　his　true　personality）；　I　thought　him　a　very
Dreyfus　among　fowls；　a　sorely　slandered　bird；　to　whom