the daisy chain, or aspirations-第92章

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into　the　same　hole；　while　Mary　dressed　Flora；　packed；　flew　about；　and
was　useful。

As　they　came　downstairs；　Ethel　found　that　Flora　was　trembling　from
head　to　foot；　and　leaning　on　her；　Dr。　May　stood　at　the　foot　of　the
stairs；　and　folded　his　daughter　in　a　long　embrace；　Flora　gave　herself
up　to　it　as　if　she　would　never　bear　to　leave　it。　　Did　a　flash　come
over　her　then；　what　the　father　was；　whom　she　had　held　cheaply？　what
was　the　worth　of　that　for　which　she　had　exchanged　such　a　home？　　She
spoke　not　a　word；　she　only　clung　tightlyif　her　heart　failed　herit
was　too　late。　　〃Bless　you！　my　child！〃　he　said　at　last。　　〃Only　be　what
your　mother　was！〃

A　coming　tread　warned　them　to　part。　　There　was　a　tray　of　luncheon　for
the　two　who　were　about　to　depart；　and　the　great　snow…white　cake　was
waiting　for　Flora　to　cut　it。　　She　smiled；　accomplished　that　feat
steadily；　and　Norman　continuing　the　operation；　Aubrey　guided　Gertrude
in　handing　round　the　slices。　　George　did　full　justice　thereto；　as
well　as　to　the　more　solid　viands。　　Flora　could　taste　nothing；　but　she
contrived　to　smile　and　say　it　was　too　early。　　She　was　in　haste　to
have　it　over　now；　and；　as　soon　as　George　had　finished；　she　rose　up；
still　composed　and　resolved；　the　last　kisses　were　givenGertrude　was
lifted　up　to　her；　after　she　was　in　the　carriage　for　the　very　last；
when　George　proposed　to　run　away　with　her　also；　whereupon　Daisy
kicked　and　screamed；　and　was　taken　back　in　haste。　　The　door　was　shut；
and　they　drove　off；　bound　for　the　Continent；　and　then　Mary；　as　if　the
contingency　of　losing　Flora　had　only　for　the　first　time　occurred　to
her　as　the　consequence　of　the　wedding；　broke　out　into　a　piteous　fit
of　sobbingrather　too　unrestrained；　considering　her　fourteen　years。

Poor　Mary；　she　was　a　very　child　still！　　They　pulled　her　into　the
study；　out　of　the　way　of　Mr。　Rivers；　and　Meta　had　no　sooner　said　how
Flora　would　soon　come　home　and　live　at　the　Grange；　and　talked　of　the
grand　school…feast　to　which　she　was　at　once　going　to　take　her
friends；　than　the　round　rosy　face　drew　out　of　its　melancholy　puckers
into　smiles；　as　Mary　began　to　tell　the　delight　caused　by　the
invitations　which　she　had　conveyed。　　That　was　to　be　a　feast　indeed
all　the　Abbotstoke　childrenall　Flora's　class　at　Stoneborough；　and
as　many　Cocksmoor　scholars　as　could　walk　so　far；　were　to　dine　on
Christmas　fare；　at　one　o'clock；　at　the　Grange；　and　Meta　was　in　haste
to　be　at　home　to　superintend　the　feast。

Mary；　Blanche；　and　Aubrey；　went　with　her；　under　the　keeping　of　Miss
Bracy；　the　boys　were　to　follow。　　She　had　hoped　for　Ethel；　but　on
looking　at　her；　ceased　her　coaxing　importunity。

〃I　see；〃　she　said　kindly；　〃even　schoolchildren　will　not　be　so　good
for　you　as　peace。〃

〃Thank　you；〃　said　Ethel；　〃I　should　like　to　be　quiet　till　the　evening；
if　you　will　let　me　off。　　It　is　very　kind　in　you。〃

〃I　ought　to　know　how　to　pity　you；〃　said　Meta；　〃I　who　have　gained　what
you　have　lost。〃

〃I　want　to　think　too；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃It　is　the　beginning　to　me　of　a
new　life；　and　I　have　not　been　able　to　look　at　it　yet。〃

〃Besides；　Margaret　will　want　you。　　Poor　Margarethas　it　been　very
trying　to　her？〃

〃I　fear　so；　but　I　shall　keep　out　of　her　way；　and　leave　her　to　a　quiet
afternoon　with　Richard。　　It　will　be　the　greatest　treat　to　those　two
to　be　together。〃

〃Very　well；　I　will　carry　off　the　children；　and　leave　the　house
quiet。〃

And　quiet　it　was　in　another　hourGertrude　walking　with　the　nurses；
Dr。　May　gone　to　his　patients；　and　all　the　rest　at　Abbotstoke；　except
Richard　and　Margaret　downstairs；　and　Ethel；　who；　while　arranging　her
properties　in　her　new　room；　had　full　leisure　to　lay　out　before
herself　the　duties　that　had　devolved　on　her　and　to　grapple　with　them。
She　recalled　the　many　counsels　that　she　had　received　from　Flora；　and
they　sounded　so　bewildering　that　she　wished　it　had　been　Conic
sections；　and　then　she　looked　at　a　Hebrew　grammar　that　Norman　had
given　her；　and　gave　a　sigh　as　she　slipped　it　into　the　shelf　of　the
seldom　used。　　She　looked　about　the　room；　cleared　out　the　last　piece
of　brown　paper；　and　burned　the　last　torn　envelope；　that　no　relic　of
packing　and　change　might　distress　Margaret's　eyes　for　order；　then
feeling　at　once　desolate　and　intrusive；　she　sat　down　in　Flora's
fireside　chair；　opened　her　desk；　and　took　out　her　last　time…table。
She　looked　at　it　for　some　minutes；　laid　it　aside；　and　rising；　knelt
down。　　Again　seating　herself；　she　resumed　her　paper；　took　a　blank
one；　ruled　it；　and　wrote　her　rules　for　each　hour　of　each　day　in　the
week。　　That　first　hour　after　breakfast；　when　hitherto　she　had　been
free；　was　one　sacrifice；　it　must　go　now；　to　ordering　dinner；　seeing
after　stores；　watching　over　the　children's　clothes；　and　the　other
nondescripts；　which；　happily　for　her；　Flora　had　already　reduced　to
method。　　The　other　loss　was　the　spare　time　between　the　walk　and　tea；
she　must　not　spend　that　in　her　own　room　now；　or　there　would　be　no　one
to　sit　with　Margaret；　or　keep　the　little　ones　from　being　troublesome
to　her。　　Ethel　had　often　had　to　give　up　this　space　before；　when　Flora
went　out　in　the　evening；　and　she　had　seldom　felt　otherwise　than
annoyed。　　Give　it　up　for　good！　that　was　the　cure　for　temper；　but　it
had　been　valuable　as　something　of　her　own。　　She　would　have　been
thankful　could　she　have　hoped　to　keep　regularly　to　her　own　rules；　but
that　she　knew　was　utterly　improbableboys；　holidays；　callers；
engagements；　Dr。　May；　would　all　conspire　to　turn　half　her　days　upside
down；　and　Cocksmoor　itself　must　often　depend　not　only　on　the　weather；
but　on　home　doings。　　Two　or　three　notes　she　wrote　at　the　foot　of　her
paper。


　　'N。　B。　　These　are　a　standardnot　a　bed　of　Procrustes。
　　　MUSTSTo　be　first　consulted。Mayslast。　　Ethel　May's
　　　　　　　　　　last　of　all。
　　　　　　　　　　If　I　cannot　do　everythingomit　the　self…chosen。
　　　MEM　　Neither　hurry　when　it　depends　on　myself；
　　　　　　　　　　nor　fidget　when　it　depends　on　others。
　　　Keep　a　book　going　to　pacify　myself。'


Her　rules　drawn　up；　Ethel　knelt　once　more。　　Then　she　drew　a　long
sigh；　and　wondered　where　Flora　was；　and　next；　as　she　was　fairly
fagged；　mind　and　body；　she　threw　herself　back　in　the　armchair；　took
up　a　railway　novel　that　Hector　had　brought　home；　and　which　they　had
hidden　from　the　children；　and　repaired　herself　with　the　luxury　of　an
idle　reading。

Margaret　and　Richard　likewise　spent　a　peaceful；　though　pensive
afternoon。　　Margaret　had　portions　of　letters　from　Alan　to　read　to
him；　and　a　consultation　to　hold。　　The　hope　of　her　full　recovery　had
so　melted　away；　that　she　had；　in　every　letter；　striven　to　prepare　Mr。
Ernescliffe　for　the　disappointment；　and　each　that　she　received　in
return　was　so　sanguine　and　affectionate；　that　the　very　fondness　was
as　much　grief　as　joy。　　She　could　not　believe　that　he　took　in　the　true
state　of　the　case；　or　was　prepared　to　perceive　that　she　could　never
be　his　wife；　and　she　wanted　Richard　to　write　one　of　his　clear；
dispassionate　statements；　such　as　carried　full　conviction；　and　to
help　to　put　a　final　end　to　the　engagement。

〃But　why；〃　said　Richard〃why　should　you　wish　to　distress　him？〃

〃Because　I　cannot　bear　that　he　should　be　deceived；　and　should　feed　on
false　hopes。　　Do　you　think　it　right；　Richard？〃

〃I　will　write　to　him；　if　you　like；〃　said　Richard；　〃but　I　think　he
must　pretty　well　know　the　truth　from　all　the　letters　to　Harry　and　to
himself。〃

〃It　would　be　so　much　better　for　him　to　settle　his　mind　at　once；〃　said
Margaret。

〃Perhaps　he　would　not　think　so〃

There　was　a　pause；　while　Margaret　saw　that　her　brother　was　thinking。
At　last　he　said；　〃Margaret；　will　you　pardon　me？　　I　do　think　that　this
is　a　little　restlessness。　　The　truth　has　not　been　kept　from　him；　and
I　do　not　see　that　we　are　called　to　force　it　on　him。　　He　is　sensible
and　reasonable；　and　will　know　how　to　judge　when　he　comes　home。〃

〃It　was　to　try　to　save　him　the　pang；〃　murmured　Margaret。

〃Yes；　but　it　will　be　worse　far　away　than　near。　　I　do　not　mean　that　we
should　conceal　the　fact；　but　you　have　no　right　to　give　him　up　before
he　comes　home。　　The　whole　engagement　was　for　the　time　of　his　voyage。〃

〃Then　you　think　I　ought　not　to　break　it　off　before　his　return？〃

〃Certainly　not。〃

〃It　will　be　pain　sparedunless　it　should　be　worse　by　and　by。〃

〃I　do　not　suppose　we　ought　to　look　to　by　and　by；〃　said　Richard。

〃How　so？〃

〃Do　the　clearly　right　thing　for　the　present；　I　mean；〃　he　said；
〃without　anxiety　for　the　rest。　　How　do　weany　of　usknow　what　may
be　the　case　in　another　year？〃

〃Do　not　flatter　me　with　hopes；〃　said　Margaret；　sadly　smiling；　〃I　have
had　too　many　of　them。〃

〃No；〃　said　Richard；　〃I　do　not　think　you　will　ever　get　well。　　But　so
much　may　happen〃

〃I　had　rather　have　my　mind　made　up　once　for　all；　and　resign　myself；〃
said　Margaret。

〃His　will　is　sometimes　that　we　should　be　uncertain；〃　said　Richard。

〃And　that　is　the　most　trying；〃　said　Margaret。

〃Just　so〃　and　he　paused　tenderly。

〃I　feel　how　much　has　been　right；〃　said　Margaret。　　〃This　wedding　has
brought　my　real　character　before　me。　　I　feel　what　I　should　have　been。
You　have　no　notion　how　excited　and　elated　I　can　get　about　a　little
bit　of　dress　out　of　the　common　way　for　myself　or　others；〃　said　she；
smiling；　〃and　then　all　the　external　show　and　things　belonging　to
stationI　naturally　care　much　more　for　them　than　even　Flora　does。
Ethel　would　bear　all　those　things　as　if　they　did　not　existI　could
not。〃

〃They　would　be　a　temptation？〃

〃They　would　once　have　been。　　Yes；　they　would　now；〃　said　Margaret。
〃And　government；　and　management；　and　influenceyou　would　not　guess
what　dreams　I　used　to　waste　on　them；　and　now　here　am　I　set　aside　from
it　all；　good　for　nothing　but　for　all　you　dear　ones　to　be　kind　to。〃

〃They　would　not　say　so；〃　said　Richard　kindly。

〃Not　say　it；　but　I　feel　it。　　Papa　and　Ethel　are　all　the　world　to　each
otherRichard；　I　may　say　it　to　you。　　There　has　been　only　one　thing
more　hard　to　bear　than　thatdon't　suppose　there　was　a　moment's
neglect　or　disregard；　but　when　first　I　understood　that　Ethel　could　be
more　to　him　than　I；　then　I　could　not　always　feel　rightly。　　It　was　the
punishment　for　always　wanting　to　be　first。〃

〃My　father　would　be　grieved　that　you　had　the　notion。　　You　should　not
keep　it。〃

〃He　does　not　know　it　is　so；〃　said　Margaret；　〃I　am　his　first　care；　I
fear；　his　second　grief；　but　it　is　not　in　the　nature　of　things　that
Ethel　should　not　be　more　his　comfort　and　companion。　　Oh！　I　am　glad　it
was　not　she　who　married！　　What　shall　we　do　when　she　goes？〃

This　came　from　Margaret's　heart；　so　as　to　show　that　if　there　had　once
been　a　jealous　pang　of　mortification；　it　had　been　healed　by
overflowing；　unselfish　affection　and　humility。

They　went　off　to　praise　Ethel；　and　thence　to　praise　Norman；　and　the
elder　brother　and　sister；　who　might　have　had　some　jealousy　of　the
superiority　of　their　juniors；　spent　a　good　happy　hour　in　dwelling　on
the　shining　qualities　they　loved　so　heartily。

And　Richard　was　drawn　into　talking　of　his　own　deeper　thoughts；　and
Margaret　had　again　the　comfort　of　clerical　counseland　now　from　her
own　most　dear　brother！　　So　they　sat　till　darkness　closed　in；　when
Ethel　came　down；　bringing　Gertrude　and　her　great　favour；　very　full　of
chatter；　only　not　quite　sure　whether　she　had　been　bride；　bride's…
maid；　or　b