lmb.shardsofhonor-第13章

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rise　as　a　big　stick　to　beat　the　peace　party。　Speaking　as　a　private　person…well；　I　have　not　that　right　while　in　uniform。　Let　it　go。〃
　〃What　invasion？〃　probed　Vorkalloner　hopefully。
　〃With　luck；　none；〃　answered　Vorkosigan；　allowing　himself　to　be　persuaded　to　partial　frankness。　〃One　of　those　was　enough　for　a　lifetime。〃　He　seemed　to　look　inward　on　private；　unpleasant　memories。
　Vorkalloner　plainly　found　this　a　baffling　attitude　from　the　Hero　of　Komarr。　〃It　was　a　great　victory；　sir。　With　very　little　loss　of　life。〃
　〃On　our　side。〃　Vorkosigan　finished　typing　his　report　and　signed　it　off；　then　entered　a　request　for　another　form　and　began　fencing　at　it　with　the　light　pen。
　〃That's　the　idea；　isn't　it？〃
　〃It　depends　on　whether　you　mean　to　stay　or　are　just　passing　through。　A　very　messy　political　legacy　was　left　at　Komarr。　Not　the　sort　of　thing　I　care　to　leave　in　trust　for　the　next　generation。　How　did　we　get　onto　this　subject？〃　He　finished　the　last　form。
　〃Who　were　they　thinking　of　invading？〃　asked　Cordelia　doggedly。
　〃Why　haven't　I　heard　anything　about　it？〃　asked　Vorkalloner。
　〃In　order；　that　is　classified　information；　and　it　is　not　being　discussed　below　the　level　of　the　General　Staff；　the　central　mittee　of　the　two　Councils；　and　the　Emperor。　That　means　this　conversation　is　to　go　no　farther；　Aristede。〃
　Vorkalloner　glanced　at　Cordelia　pointedly。　〃She's　not　on　the　General　Staff。　e　to　think　of　it…〃
　〃Neither　am　I；　anymore；〃　Vorkosigan　conceded。　〃As　for　our　guest；　I've　told　her　nothing　she　couldn't　deduce　for　herself。　As　for　myself；　my　opinion　was　requested　on…certain　aspects。　They　didn't　like　it；　once　they'd　got　it；　but　they　did　ask　for　it。〃　His　smile　was　not　at　all　nice。
　〃Is　that　why　you　were　shipped　out　of　town？〃　asked　Cordelia　perceptively；　feeling　she　was　beginning　to　get　the　hang　of　how　things　were　done　on　Barrayar。　〃So　Lieutenant　mander　Vorkalloner　was　right　about　pulling　guard　duty。　Was　your　opinion　requested　by；　uh；　a　certain　old　friend　of　your　fathers？〃
　〃It　certainly　wasn't　requested　by　the　Council　of　Ministers；〃　said　Vorkosigan；　but　refused　to　be　drawn　any　further；　and　changed　the　subject　firmly。　〃Have　my　men　been　treating　you　properly？〃
　〃Quite　well；　yes。〃
　〃My　surgeon　swears　he　will　release　me　this　afternoon；　if　I　am　good　and　stay　in　bed　this　morning。　May　I　stop　by　your　cabin　to　speak　with　you　privately　later？　There　are　some　things　I　need　to　make　clear。〃
　〃Sure；〃　she　responded；　thinking　the　request　was　phrased　rather　ominously。
　The　surgeon　came　in；　aggrieved。　〃You're　supposed　to　be　resting；　sir。〃　He　glared　pointedly　at　Cordelia　and　Vorkalloner。
　〃Oh；　very　well。　Send　these　off　with　the　next　courier；　Aristede；〃　he　pointed　to　the　screen；　〃along　with　the　verbals　and　the　formal　charges。〃
　The　doctor　herded　them　out；　as　Vorkosigan　began　typing　again。
　She　wandered　around　the　ship　for　the　rest　of　the　morning；　exploring　the　limits　of　her　parole。　Vorkosigan's　ship　was　a　confusing　warren　of　corridors；　sealable　levels；　tubes；　and　narrow　doors　designed；　she　realized　at　last；　to　be　defensible　from　boarding　parties　in　hand…to…hand　bat。　Sergeant　Bothari　kept　pace　with　slow　strides；　looming　silently　as　the　shadow　of　death　at　her　shoulder；　except　when　she　would　begin　to　make　a　turn　into　some　forbidden　door　or　corridor；　when　he　would　halt　abruptly　and　say；　〃No；　ma'am。〃　She　was　not　permitted　to　touch　anything；　though；　as　she　found　when　she　ran　a　hand　casually　over　a　control　panel；　eliciting　another　monotonous　〃No；　ma'am；〃　from　Bothari。　It　made　her　feel　like　a　two…year…old　being　taken　on　a　toddle。
　She　made　one　attempt　to　draw　him　out。
　〃Have　you　served　Captain　Vorkosigan　long？〃　she　inquired　brightly。
　〃Yes；　ma'am。〃
　Silence。　She　tried　again。　〃Do　you　like　him？〃
　〃No；　ma'am。〃
　Silence。
　〃Why　not？〃　This　at　least　could　not　have　a　yes…or…no　answer。　For　a　while　she　thought　he　wasn't　going　to　answer　at　all；　but　he　finally　came　up　with；　〃He's　a　Vor。〃
　〃Class　conflict？〃　she　hazarded。
　〃I　don't　like　Vors。〃
　〃I'm　not　a　Vor；〃　she　suggested。
　He　stared　through　her　glumly。　〃You're　like　a　Vor；　Ma'am。〃
　Unnerved；　she　gave　up。
　That　afternoon　she　made　herself　fortable　on　her　narrow　bunk　and　began　to　explore　the　menu　the　library　puter　had　to　offer　her。　She　picked　out　a　vid　with　the　unalarming　grade　school　title　of　〃People　and　Places　of　Barrayar〃　and　punched　it　up。
　Its　narration　was　as　banal　as　the　title　had　promised；　but　the　pictures　were　utterly　fascinating。　It　seemed　a　green；　delicious；　sunlit　world　to　her　Betan　eyes。　People　went　about　without　nose　filters　or　rebreathers；　or　heat　shields　in　the　summer。　The　climate　and　terrain　were　immensely　varied；　and　it　had　real　oceans；　with　moon…raised　tides；　in　contrast　to　the　flat　saline　puddles　that　passed　for　lakes　at　home。
　A　knock　sounded　at　her　door。　〃Enter；〃　she　called；　and　Vorkosigan　appeared　around　it；　greeting　her　with　a　nod。　Odd　hour　of　the　day　for　him　to　be　in　dress　uniform；　she　thought…but　my　word；　he　cleans　up　good。　Nice；　very　nice。　Sergeant　Bothari　acpanied　him；　he　remained　standing　stolidly　outside　the　half…opened　door。　Vorkosigan　walked　around　the　room　for　a　moment　as　if　searching　for　something。　He　finally　emptied　her　lunch　tray　and　used　it　to　prop　the　door　open　a　narrow　crack。　Cordelia　raised　her　eyebrows　at　this。
　〃Is　that　really　necessary？〃
　〃I　think　so。　At　the　current　rate　of　gossip　I'm　bound　to　encounter　some　joke　soon　about　the　privileges　of　rank　that　I　can't　pretend　not　to　hear；　and　I'll　have　to　quash　the　unlucky；　er；　humorist。　I　have　an　aversion　to　closed　doors　anyway。　You　never　know　what's　on　the　other　side。〃
　Cordelia　laughed　outright。　〃It　reminds　me　of　that　old　joke；　where　the　girl　says；　'Let's　not；　and　tell　everybody　we　have。'　〃
　Vorkosigan　grimaced　agreement　and　seated　himself　on　the　bolted…down　swivel　chair　by　the　metal　desk　built　into　the　wall；　and　swung　to　face　her。　He　leaned　back　with　his　legs　stretched　out　before　him；　and　his　face　became　serious。　Cordelia　cocked　her　head；　half…smiling。　He　began　obliquely；　nodding　toward　the　screen　swung　over　her　bed。　〃What　have　you　been　viewing？〃
　〃Barrayaran　geography。　It's　a　beautiful　place。　Have　you　ever　been　to　the　oceans？〃
　〃When　I　was　a　small　boy；　my　mother　used　to　take　me　to　Bonsanklar　every　summer。　It　was　a　sort　of　upper…class　resort　town　with　a　lot　of　virgin　forest　backing　up　to　the　mountains　behind　it。　My　father　was　away　mostly；　at　the　capital　or　with　his　corps。　Midsummer's　Day　was　the　old　Emperor's　birthday；　and　they　used　to　have　the　most　fantastic　fireworks…at　least；　they　seemed　so　to　me　at　the　time…out　over　the　ocean。　The　whole　town　would　turn　out　on　the　esplanade；　nobody　even　armed。　No　duels　were　permitted　on　the　Emperor's　birthday；　and　I　was　allowed　to　run　all　over　the　place　freely。〃　He　looked　at　the　floor；　beyond　the　toes　of　his　boots。　〃I　haven't　been　back　there　for　years。　I　should　like　to　take　you　there　someday；　for　the　Midsummer's　festival；　should　the　opportunity　present　itself。〃
　〃I'd　like　that　very　much。　Will　your　ship　be　returning　to　Barrayar　soon？〃
　〃Not　for　some　time；　I'm　afraid。　You're　in　for　a　long　period　as　a　prisoner。　But　when　we　return；　in　view　of　the　escape　of　your　ship；　there　should　be　no　reason　to　continue　your　internment。　You　should　be　freed　to　present　yourself　at　the　Betan　embassy；　and　go　home。　If　you　wish。〃
　〃If　I　wish！〃　She　laughed　a　little；　uncertainly；　and　sat　back　against　her　hard　pillow。　He　was　watching　her　face　intently。　His　posture　was　a　fair　simulation　of　a　man　at　his　ease；　but　one　boot　was　tapping　unconsciously。　His　eye　fell　on　it；　he　frowned；　and　it　stopped。　〃Why　shouldn't　I　wish？〃
　〃I　thought；　perhaps；　when　we　arrive　on　Barrayar；　and　you　are　free；　you　might　consider　staying。〃
　〃To　visit…where　you　said；　Bonsanklar；　and　so　on？　I　don't　know　how　much　leave　I'll　have；　but…sure；　I　like　to　see　new　places。　I'd　like　to　see　your　planet。〃
　〃Not　a　visit。　Permanently。　As…as　Lady　Vorkosigan。〃　His　face　brightened　with　a　wry　smile。　〃I'm　making　a　hash　of　this。　I　promise；　I'll　never　think　of　Betans　as　cowards　again。　I　swear　your　customs　take　more　bravery　than　the　most　suicidal　of　our　boys'　contests　of　skill。〃
　She　let　her　breath　trickle　out　through　pursed　lips。　〃You　don't…deal　in　small　change；　do　you？〃　She　wondered　where　the　phrase　about　hearts　leaping　up　came　from。　It　felt　far　more　like　the　bottom　dropping　out　of　her　stomach。　Her　consciousness　of　her　own　body　shot　up　with　a　lurch；　she　was　already　overwhelmingly　conscious　of　his。
　He　shook　his　head。　〃That's　not　what　I　want；　for　you；　with　you。　You　should　have　the　best。　I'm　hardly　that；　you　must　know　by　now。　But　at　least　I　can　offer　you　the　best　that　I　have。　Dear　C…mander；　am　I　too　sudden；　by　Betan　standards？　I've　been　waiting　for　days；　for　the　right　opportunity；　but　there　never　seemed　to　be　one。〃
　〃Days！　How　long　have　you　been　thinking　along　these　lines？〃
　〃It　first　occurred　to　me　when　I　saw　you　in　the　ravine。〃
　〃What；　throwing　up　in　the　mud？〃　He　grinned　at　that。　〃With　great　posure。　By　the　time　we　finished　burying　your　officer；　I　knew。〃
　She　rubbed　her　lips。　〃Anybody　ever　tell　you　you're　a　lunatic？〃
　〃Not　in　this　context。〃
　〃I…you've　confused　me。〃
　〃Not　offended　you？〃
　〃No；　of　course　not。〃
　He　relaxed　just　slightly。　〃You　needn't　say　yes　or　no　right　now；　of　course。　It　will　be　months　before　we're　home。　But　I　didn't　want　you　to　think…it　makes　things　awkward；　your　being　a　prisoner。　I　didn't　want　you　to　think　I　was　offering　you　an　insult。〃
　〃Not　at　all；〃　she　said　faintly。
　〃There　are　some　other　things　I　should　tell　you；〃　he　went　on；　his　attention　seemingly　caught　by　his　boots　again。　〃It　wouldn't　be　an　easy　life。　I　have　been　thinking；　since　I　met　you；　that　a　career　cleaning　up　after　the　failures　of　politics；　as　you　phrased　it；　might　not　be　the　highest　honor　after　all。　Maybe　I　should　be　trying　to　prevent　the　failures　at　their　source。　It　would　be　more　dangerous　than　soldiering…chances　of　betrayal；　false　charges；　assassination；　maybe　exile；　poverty；　death。　Evil　promises　with　bad　men　for　a　little　good　result；　and　that　not　guaranteed。　Not　a　good　life；　but　if　one　had　children…better　me　than　them。〃
　〃You　sure　know　how　to　show　a　girl　a　good　time；〃　she　said　helplessly；　rubbing　her　chin　and　smiling。
　Vorkosigan　looked　up；　uncertain　of　his　hope。
　〃How　does　one　set　about　a　political　career；　on　Barrayar？〃　she　asked；　feeling　her　way。　〃I　presume　you're　thinking　of　following　in　your　grandfather　Prince　Xav's　steps；　but　without　the　advantage　of　being　an　Imperial　prince；　how　do　you　get　an　office？〃
　〃Three　ways。　Imperial　appointment；　inheritance；　and　rising　through　the　ranks。　The　Council　of　Ministers　gets　its　best　men　through　the　last　method。　It's　their　great　strength；　but　closed　to　me。　The　Council　of　Counts；　by　inheritance。　That's　my　surest　route；　but　it　waits　on　my　father's　death。　It　can　just　go　on　waiting。　It's　a　moribund　body　anyway；　afflicted　with　the　narrowest　conservatism；　and　stuffed　with　old　relics　only　concerned　with　protecting　their　privileges。　I'm　not　sure　anything　can　be　done　with　the　Counts　in　the　long　run。　Perhaps　they　should　finally　be　allowed　to　dodder　over　the　brink　of　extinction。　Don't　quote　that；〃　he　added　as　an　afterthought。
　〃It's　the　weirdest　design　for　a　government。〃
　〃It　wasn't　designed。　It　grew。〃
　〃Maybe　what　you　need　is　a　constitutional　convention。〃
　〃Spoken　like　a