pgw.threemenandamaid-第14章

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　〃Who's　Smith？〃
　〃Mortimer's　bull…dog。　Old　Bennett　is　scared　of　him；　and　wants　him　kept　in　the　stables；　but　Mortimer　insists　on　letting　him　roam　about　the　house。　Well；　they　scrapped　a　goodish　bit　about　that。　And　then　there　was　the　orchestrion。　You　remember　the　orchestrion？〃
　〃I　haven't　been　down　at　Windles　since　I　was　a　kid。〃
　〃That's　right。　I　forgot　that。　Well；　my　pater　had　an　orchestrion　put　in　the　drawing…room。　One　of　these　automatic　things　you　switch　on；　you　know。　Makes　a　devil　of　a　row。　Bennett　can't　stand　it；　and　Mortimer　insists　on　playing　it　all　day。　Well；　they　hotted　up　a　goodish　bit　over　that。〃
　〃Well；　I　don't　see　how　all　this　affects　you。　If　they　want　to　scrap；　why　not　let　them？〃
　〃Yes；　but；　you　see；　the　most　frightful　thing　has　happened。　At　least；　it　hasn't　happened　yet；　but　it　may　any　day。　Bennett's　talking　about　taking　legal　advice　to　see　if　he　can't　induce　Mortimer　to　cheese　it　by　law　as　he　can't　be　stopped　any　other　way。　And　the　deuce　of　it　is；　your　father's　Bennett's　legal　representative　over　in　England；　and　he's　sure　to　go　to　him。〃
　〃Well；　that'll　do　the　pater　a　bit　of　good。　Legal　fees。〃
　Eustace　Hignett　waved　his　arms　despairingly　at　his　cousin's　obtuseness。
　〃But　don't　you　see？　If　Bennett　goes　to　your　father　about　this　binge；　your　father　will　get　onto　the　fact　that　Windles　has　been　let；　and　he'll　nose　about　and　make　enquiries；　and　the　first　thing　that'll　happen　will　be　that　mother　will　get　to　hear　of　it；　and　then　where　shall　I　be？〃
　Sam　pondered。
　〃Yes；　there's　that；〃　he　admitted。
　〃Well；　now　you　see　what　a　hole　I'm　in。〃
　〃Yes；　you　are。　What　are　you　going　to　do　about　it？〃
　〃You're　the　only　person　who　can　help　me。〃
　〃What　can　　I　　do？〃
　〃Why；　your　father　wants　you　to　join　the　firm；　doesn't　he？　Well；　for　goodness　sake；　buck　up　and　join　it。　Don't　waste　a　minute。　Dash　up　to　London　by　the　next　train；　and　sign　on。　Then；　if　Bennett　does　blow　in　for　advice；　you　can　fix　it　somehow　that　he　sees　you　instead　of　your　father；　and　it'll　be　all　right。　You　can　easily　work　it。　Get　the　office…boy　or　somebody　to　tell　Bennett　that　your　father's　engaged；　but　that　you　are　on　the　spot。　He　won't　mind　so　long　as　he　sees　somebody　in　the　firm。〃
　〃But　I　don't　know　anything　about　the　law。　What　shall　I　say　to　him？〃
　〃That's　all　right。　I've　been　studying　it　up　a　bit。　As　far　as　I　can　gather；　this　legal　advice　business　is　quite　simple。　Anything　that　isn't　a　tort　is　a　misdemeanour。　You've　simply　got　to　tell　old　Bennett　that　in　your　opinion　the　whole　thing　looks　jolly　like　a　tort。〃
　〃What's　the　word　again？〃
　〃Tort。〃
　〃What　does　it　mean？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　Probably　nobody　knows。　But　it's　a　safe　card　to　play。　Tort。　Don't　forget　it。〃
　〃Tort。　Right　ho！〃
　〃Well；　then；　e　along　and　pack　your　things。　There's　a　train　to　London　in　about　an　hour。〃
　They　walked　back　to　the　hotel。　Sam　gulped　once　or　twice。
　〃Oh；　by　the　way；〃　he　said；　〃Erhow　iserMiss　Bennett？〃
　〃Oh；　she's　all　right。〃　Eustace　Hignett　hummed　a　gay　air。　Sam's　ready　acquiescence　in　his　scheme　had　relieved　his　apprehensive　mind。
　〃Going　strong？〃　said　Sam；　after　a　pause。
　〃Oh；　absolutely。　We're　quite　good　friends　again　now。　No　use　being　in　the　same　house　and　not　being　on　speaking　terms。　It's　rummy　how　the　passage　of　time　sort　of　changes　a　fellow's　point　of　view。　Why；　when　she　told　me　about　her　engagement；　I　congratulated　her　as　cheerfully　as　dammit！　And　only　a　few　weeks　ago。。。。〃
　〃Her　engagement！〃　exclaimed　Sam；　leaping　like　a　stricken　blanc…mange。　〃Her　en…gug…gug…gagement！〃
　〃To　Bream　Mortimer；　you　know；〃　said　Eustace　Hignett。　〃She　got　engaged　to　him　the　day　before　yesterday。〃　
　
　CHAPTER　NINE
　
　The　offices　of　the　old…established　firm　of　Marlowe；　Thorpe；　Prescott；　Winslow　and　Appleby　are　in　Ridgeway's　Inn；　not　far　from　Fleet　Street。　If　you　are　a　millionaire　beset　by　blackmailers　or　anyone　else　to　whose　fort　the　best　legal　advice　is　essential；　and　have　decided　to　put　your　affairs　in　the　hands　of　the　ablest　and　discreetest　firm　in　London；　you　proceed　through　a　dark　and　grimy　entry　and　up　a　dark　and　grimy　flight　of　stairs；　and；　having　felt　your　way　along　a　dark　and　grimy　passage；　you　e　at　length　to　a　dark　and　grimy　door。　There　is　plenty　of　dirt　in　other　parts　of　Ridgeway's　Inn；　but　nowhere　is　it　so　plentiful；　so　rich　in　alluvial　deposits；　as　on　the　exterior　of　the　offices　of　Marlowe；　Thorpe；　Prescott；　Winslow　and　Appleby。　As　you　tap　on　the　topmost　of　the　geological　strata　concealing　the　ground…glass　of　the　door；　a　sense　of　relief　and　security　floods　your　being。　For　in　London　grubbiness　is　the　gauge　of　a　lawyer's　respectability。
　The　brass　plate；　let　into　the　woodwork　of　this　door；　is　misleading。　Reading　it；　you　get　the　impression　that　on　the　other　side　quite　a　covey　of　lawyers　await　your　arrival。　The　name　of　the　firm　leads　you　to　suppose　that　there　will　be　barely　standing…room　in　the　office。　You　picture　Thorpe　jostling　you　aside　as　he　makes　for　Prescott　to　discuss　with　him　the　latest　case　of　demurrer；　and　Winslow　and　Appleby　treading　on　your　toes；　deep　in　conversation　on　replevin。　But　these　legal　firms　dwindle。　The　years　go　by　and　take　their　toll；　snatching　away　here　a　Prescott；　there　an　Appleby；　till　before　you　know　where　you　are；　you　are　down　to　your　last　lawyer。　The　only　surviving　member　of　the　firm　of　Marlowe；　Thorpewhat　I　said　beforewas；　at　the　time　with　which　this　story　deals；　Sir　Mallaby　Marlowe；　son　of　the　original　founder　of　the　firm　and　father　of　the　celebrated　black…faced　edian；　Samuel　of　that　ilk；　and　the　outer　office；　where　callers　were　received　and　parked　till　Sir　Mallaby　could　find　time　for　them；　was　occupied　by　a　single　clerk。
　When　Sam；　reaching　the　office　after　his　journey；　opened　the　door；　this　clerk；　John　Peters　by　name；　was　seated　on　a　high　stool；　holding　in　one　hand　a　half…eaten　sausage；　in　the　other　an　extraordinary　large　and　powerful　revolver。　At　the　sight　of　Sam　he　laid　down　both　engines　of　destruction　and　beamed。　He　was　not　a　particularly　successful　beamer；　being　hampered　by　a　cast　in　one　eye　which　gave　him　a　truculent　and　sinister　look；　but　those　who　knew　him　knew　that　he　had　a　heart　of　gold　and　were　not　intimidated　by　his　repellent　face。　Between　Sam　and　himself　there　had　always　existed　terms　of　cordiality；　starting　from　the　time　when　the　former　was　a　small　boy；　and　it　had　been　Jno。　Peters'　mission　to　take　him　now　to　the　Zoo；　now　to　the　train　back　to　school。
　〃Why；　Mr。　Samuel！〃
　〃Hullo；　Peters！〃
　〃We　were　expecting　you　back　a　week　ago。　So　you　got　back　safe？〃
　〃Safe？　Why；　of　course；〃
　Peters　shook　his　head。
　〃I　confess　that；　when　there　was　this　delay　in　your　ing　here；　I　sometimes　feared　something　might　have　happened　to　you。　I　recall　mentioning　it　to　the　young　lady　who　recently　did　me　the　honour　to　promise　to　bee　my　wife。〃
　〃Ocean　liners　aren't　often　wrecked　nowadays。〃
　〃I　was　thinking　more　of　the　brawls　on　shore。　America's　a　dangerous　country。　But　perhaps　you　were　not　in　touch　with　the　underworld？〃
　〃I　don't　think　I　was。〃
　〃Ah！〃　said　Jno。　Peters；　significantly。
　He　took　up　the　revolver；　gave　it　a　fond　and　almost　paternal　look；　and　replaced　it　on　the　desk。
　〃What　on　earth　are　you　doing　with　that　thing？〃　asked　Sam。
　Mr。　Peters　lowered　his　voice。
　〃I'm　going　to　America　myself　in　a　few　days'　time；　Mr。　Samuel。　It's　my　annual　holiday；　and　the　guvnor's　sending　me　over　with　papers　in　connection　with　The　People　　v。　　Schultz　and　Bowen。　It's　a　big　case　over　there。　A　client　of　ours　is　mixed　up　in　it；　an　American　gentleman。　I　am　to　take　these　important　papers　to　his　legal　representative　in　New　York。　So　I　thought　it　best　to　be　prepared。〃
　The　first　smile　that　he　had　permitted　himself　in　nearly　two　weeks　flitted　across　Sam's　face。
　〃What　on　earth　sort　of　place　do　you　think　New　York　is？〃　he　asked。　〃It's　safer　than　London。〃
　〃Ah；　but　what　about　the　underworld？　I've　seen　these　American　films　that　they　send　over　here；　Mr。　Samuel。　Every　Saturday　night　regular　I　take　my　young　lady　to　a　cinema；　and；　I　tell　you；　they　teach　you　something。　Did　you　ever　see　'Wolves　of　the　Bowery'？　There　was　a　man　in　that　in　just　my　position；　carrying　important　papers；　and　what　they　didn't　try　to　do　to　him！　No；　I'm　taking　no　chances；　Mr。　Samuel！〃
　〃I　should　have　said　you　were；　lugging　that　thing　about　with　you。〃
　Mr。　Peters　seemed　wounded。
　〃Oh；　I　understand　the　mechanism　perfectly；　and　I　am　being　a　very　fair　shot。　I　take　my　little　bite　of　food　in　here　early　and　go　and　practice　at　the　Rupert　Street　Rifle　Range　during　my　lunch　hour。　You'd　be　surprised　how　quickly　one　picks　it　up。　When　I　get　home　at　night　I　try　how　quick　I　can　draw。　You　have　to　draw　like　a　flash　of　lightning；　Mr。　Samuel。　If　you'd　ever　seen　a　film　called　'Two…Gun…Thomas'　you'd　realise　that。　You　haven't　time　to　be　loitering　about。〃
　〃I　haven't；〃　agreed　Sam。　〃Is　my　father　in？　I'd　like　to　see　him　if　he's　not　busy。〃
　Mr。　Peters；　recalled　to　his　professional　duties；　shed　his　sinister　front　like　a　garment。　He　picked　up　a　speaking　tube　and　blew　down　it。
　〃Mr。　Samuel　to　see　you；　Mr。　Mallaby。　Yes；　sir；　very　good。　Will　you　go　right　in；　Mr。　Samuel？〃
　Sam　proceeded　to　the　inner　office；　and　found　his　father　dictating　into　the　attentive　ear　of　Miss　Milliken；　his　elderly　and　respectable　stenographer；　replies　to　his　morning　mail。
　The　grime　which　encrusted　the　lawyer's　professional　stamping　ground　did　not　extend　to　his　person。　Sir　Mallaby　Marlowe　was　a　dapper　little　man；　with　a　round；　cheerful　face　and　a　bright　eye。　His　morning　coat　had　been　cut　by　London's　best　tailor；　and　his　trousers　perfectly　creased　by　a　sedulous　valet。　A　pink　carnation　in　his　buttonhole　matched　his　healthy　plexion。　His　golf　handicap　was　twelve。　His　sister；　Mrs。　Horace　Hignett；　considered　him　worldly。
　〃Dear　Sirs：　We　are　in　receipt　of　your　favour　and　in　reply　beg　to　state　that　nothing　will　induce　us　。。。　will　induce　us　。。。　where　did　I　put　that　letter？　Ah！　。。。　nothing　will　induce　us　。。。　oh；　tell　'em　to　go　to　blazes；　Miss　Milliken。〃
　〃Very　well；　Sir　Mallaby。〃
　〃That's　that。　Ready？　Messrs。　Brigney；　Goole　and　Butterworth。　What　infernal　names　these　people　have。　Sirs；　on　behalf　of　our　client　。。。　oh；　hullo；　Sam！〃
　〃Good　morning；　father。〃
　〃Take　a　seat。　I'm　busy；　but　I'll　be　finished　in　a　moment。　Where　was　I；　Miss　Milliken？〃
　〃On　behalf　of　our　client。。。。〃
　〃Oh；　yes。　On　behalf　of　our　client；　Mr。　Wibblesley　Eggshaw。。。。　Where　these　people　get　their　names　I'm　hanged　if　I　know。　Your　poor　mother　wanted　to　call　you　Hyacinth；　Sam。　You　may　not　know　it；　but　in　the　'nineties；　when　you　were　born；　children　were　frequently　christened　Hyacinth。　Well；　I　saved　you　from　that。〃
　His　attention　was　now　diverted　to　his　son；　Sir　Mallaby　seemed　to　remember　that　the　latter　had　just　returned　from　a　long　journey；　and　that　he　had　not　seen　him　for　many　weeks。　He　inspected　him　with　interest。
　〃Very　glad　to　see　you're　back；　Sam。　So　you　didn't　win？〃
　〃No；　I　got　beaten　in　the　semi…finals。〃
　〃American　amateurs　are　a　very　hot　lot：　the　best　ones。　I　suppose　you　were　weak　on　the　greens；　I　warned　you　about　that。　You'll　have　to　rub　up　your　putting　before　next　year。〃
　At　the　idea　that　any　mundane　pursuit　as　practising　putting　could　appeal　to　his　broken　spirit　now；　Sam　uttered　a　bitter　laugh。　It　was　as　if　Dante　had　remended　some　lost　soul　in　the　Inferno　to　occupy　his　mind　by　knitting　jumpers。
　〃Well；　you　seem　to　be　in　gr